The Life And Times Of The Slenderman

The Life and Times of Slender Man

Slender Man was born on June 6, 1986 by the name Timothy Andrews. The pride and joy of Amanda and X'yroch'arth Andrews, he spent his toddler years learning how to crawl, walk, warp between points in space, and granting people amnesia. He joined Kindergarten at the age of 5, and was well known for his finger paintings. They were very well done for such a young boy, and he always signed them with a circle with an X inside.

Things began to get rocky for young Timothy in sixth grade. His body began to grow very tall and lanky, and no matter how much he tried to gain weight, he was always the skinniest kid in class. He was picked on to no end because of this all throughout Middle School. In fact, in one occasion, he was folded up and shoved into a locker, not to be seen again for a whole week.

Things only got worse in High School, as his body began to grow in strange ways. He got even taller than he once was, pimples grew on his ever-morphing face, and tentacles sprouted from his back. He was called many things, including "Freak" "Telephone Poll" "Coat rack" and "Oh God please stop eating my face!" in one occasion when Timothy had a very long day.

On one fateful day, Timothy's identity would be changed forever. He had worn a morphing suit to school, as that was the only thing that would fit his ever growing skinny body, and he was picked on so much for it, he ran home in tears. It was on that rainy day his best friend, Freddy Krueger, tried to cheer him up by saying the following:

"You know, you're not THAT skinny! You're just… Slender! You're a Slender Man!"

And from this day on, Timothy took this name as his own. He would be known as the Slender Man.

About a month after Slender Man graduated High School and every single kid who ever picked on him was found brutally slaughtered, he joined the local college, Marble Hornets University. History was his best subject, as he had learned he could warp through time as easily as he could space.

"Yeah, College was fun," said Slender Man in an interview. "I remember the first time I was invited to a party. I was so excited, ready to party hard… then I learned I was to be the pole in their limbo games."

Let's just say the carpets in that dorm would forever be a tint of red.

After graduating with honors, Slender Man moved on to the music business, where he wrote and performed many great songs such as "The original Lavender Town song" "Circle You" and of course, "Gimmie Twenny Dollas." However, many of his songs were found to either be haunted or cause death, so he was barred from ever singing or writing any songs again. Ever.

"I went through many different jobs," Slender Man told us as he sipped a mug of warm blood, recollecting his past. "Baby sitter… assassin… I was even a lawyer for a few years, but I was fired from that, too. Something about stalking and eating the judges that found my client guilty or something. But anyway, it happened when I was sitting back and watching 'The Ring' and, seven days later, the spirit inside the tape crawled out to talk to me. What he said got me thinking… and I thought of being an actor!"

Getting recognized in Hollywood wasn't easy, however. He never could quite make it in the biz, and the closest he ever came to even being filmed was when he ran into his old college friend, Bakura, filming a movie with his boyfriend Marik. Then, one day, he hit a lucky break.

"I was just sitting at the bar alone, trying to find actors," said Alex Kralie during our interview. "We wanted someone who would strike fear into the hearts of whoever saw it, someone the audience knew would one day hunt them down and eat their face, too. Then, I turned my head to see (Slender Man) ripping a drunkard's organs out and re-arranging them. I knew I had found him."

It turned out Alex was a graduate of Marble Hornets University as well, and he was making a movie named after their old college. Slender Man eagerly accepted, and thus he began acting in the series you see today on YouTube.

Today, Slender Man lives out of a suitcase, traveling from location to location with his friends to film each new installments of the Marble Hornets entries. Gary Freidam, Slender Man's agent, has hinted in our interview with him that once Slender Man has finished with Season 2, he's off to make his own movie, starring none other than himself.

"It's really exciting, knowing so many people wet their beds at the thought of me," laughed Slender Man. "But hey, it's just a movie, right guys? I'm not really standing in that dark corner of your room, waiting for you to fall asleep as I watch you. No, that's my pal Xerophas, destroyer of innocence and devourer of souls! Yeah, if you run into him, you're screwed."

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