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Dating Advice from Someone who Never Dated Anyone!

Skeltal's Avatar Skeltal11/22/15 12:05 am
12/9/2015 4:42 am
Aequotis's Avatar Aequotis
Alright

So,I'm trying to test this out.

As it has been made clear by my title,I have absolutely no experience dating anyone.

HOWEVER

That does not stop me from giving you advice.


So ask away,and watch me try to explain something I know nothing about!






DISCLAIMER: If my advice causes the side effects of,but not limited to:

-Spontaneous Combustion
-Not getting a date
-Projectile Diarrhea-ing
-Explosive Vomiting

Then I am not held responsible
Posted by Skeltal's Avatar
Skeltal
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
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1
12/09/2015 4:42 am
Level 73 : Legendary Pig
Aequotis
Aequotis's Avatar
Napoleon assembled one of the greatest armies to take Russia and lost it due to ego, underestimation of the weather, conditions and guerrilla tactics shown by cossacks...

Albeit that doesn't have anything to do with relationships on a physical basis as such m8
1
12/08/2015 10:12 pm
Level 45 : Master Dragonborn
Ninniy
Ninniy's Avatar
Hello, this isn't a question, but a story.

Anyone out here having any issues with heartbreak? Breakups? I have a tale for you.

Once, long ago, in 1812, the Russians were retreating from Moscow after the Battle of Borodino. This was the single deadliest day of the Napoleonic Wars. Both armies were exhausted. It was awful.

And so it was done. Evacuation. They were told to bring as much food as possible, and so, they did. Most of the people were out.

Napoleon charged into the city after some hestitation. Upon entering the city, the soldiers encountered dead silence. The silence slowly influenced the soldiers, who eventually started feeling a strange flood of emotion. Fear. Silence. Death? Napoleon, however, felt victory. "They left; they feared me. They feared my army."

Or so he thought.

Napoleon stood at the palace of the tsars, the Russians' holy land. Pride swept through his brain. He won! Strolling out of the door, he suddenly saw what was truly occurring here. A raging inferno. The churches, the houses. They were all stuck in a hurricane of fire. Russia set their own capital on fire. The Russians burned it all.

Within an hour the whole city was on fire, a sea of fire, waves rising sky-high, spreading desolation and horror throughout. The air over the city was a burning mass, spitting embers in all directions, and the firestorm was still growing.

Did I mention that it was winter? A Russian winter. 5 degrees Fahrenheit is the average temperature for winter up there. Do you see now?

The army flooded the evacuation routes, fearing for the worst. Death followed both choices. Freeze or burn.

The French army, stranded in a winter of ice hell, freezing to death, starving to death. Upon their leave, Napoleon looked back at that land, Russia. He would try to forget the bloody horror of Borodino, the wall of fire in Moscow, and his own starving soldiers dying in the snow… he would try, but he could not forget.

http://www.abcgallery.com/list/2002july01.html


Now, I'm not sure how this can help your situation, but I think that was a cool story and I wanted to share it.
1
12/08/2015 9:28 pm
Level 34 : Artisan Pixel Puncher
alan
alan's Avatar
Can i date a girl 2 yrs older then me????????????? i ned tu knuw pluseaa
1
12/08/2015 8:59 pm
Level 73 : Legendary Pig
Aequotis
Aequotis's Avatar
Hi I'm Dave, I'm a tea-oholic and I'm from Bobland.

I'm in love with a wee turnip named Mildred who's one thrasher of a lass, do I ask her out to veggie night?

I mean, she may not be shallot, but she's certainly not a good sprout of annoyance aye.

Danke for listening.

*Jumps out of the window*
1
12/08/2015 8:42 pm
Level 44 : Master Nerd
Ree_
Ree_'s Avatar
How do i get girls to flock to me (I already tried axe)
1
12/08/2015 8:59 pm
Level 19 : Journeyman Network
irritatedCat
irritatedCat's Avatar
Old Spice. What are you, a peasant?
1
12/08/2015 6:47 pm
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
bump
1
12/05/2015 11:53 am
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
bump
1
11/24/2015 3:23 pm
Level 33 : Artisan Creeper Hugger
Friendly Ghost
Friendly Ghost's Avatar
What would you do if your date is from 1890?
1
11/24/2015 12:36 am
Level 1 : New Miner
WOR
WOR's Avatar
should i ask her to make me a sandwich
1
11/24/2015 11:42 am
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
If it's just a simple PB&J do it yourself,it's legit 2 ingredients

If it's like one of those horribly elaborate ham sandwiches,then it's best to just ask anyone to do it for you.
1
11/23/2015 11:02 pm
Level 23 : Expert Crab
Morneite
Morneite's Avatar
how do u get someone to stop liking another person?
1
11/24/2015 11:43 am
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
Wait until the person is hanging out with the person that likes him/her,then say something like

"Hey,remember when you ate your boogers/pissed yourself or something like that"

or


Just straight up pants the person (pull their pants down and then make a run for it)
1
11/25/2015 6:47 am
Level 23 : Expert Crab
Morneite
Morneite's Avatar
thank
1
11/23/2015 10:56 pm
Level 42 : Master Pixel Painter
JozyP
JozyP's Avatar
Why is it that you have mever had a date? Is it because you never tried or is it because everytime you tried to have a date
you failed?
Should these people take your advice?
1
11/24/2015 2:01 pm
Level 19 : Journeyman Network
irritatedCat
irritatedCat's Avatar
You see children, this is what they call "a joke thread"
That means it's not supposed to be taken "seriously"
*ooooohhhh*
1
11/24/2015 5:37 pm
Level 42 : Master Pixel Painter
JozyP
JozyP's Avatar
To those who are limited only what they know and can't think for themselves, this is a "Joke Post" which is typically written on a "Joke Thread".

*Oooooooohhhhhh*
1
11/24/2015 10:55 pm
Level 19 : Journeyman Network
irritatedCat
irritatedCat's Avatar
Right... you just happened to make pretty sincere posts about it just to spread your joy.
I am (in my opinion) just a little too young to date but I think approach #2 would be the better choice if you were saying it to A Girl. Still really bad advice though.

*insert failed attempted at image here*
1
11/24/2015 2:13 pm
Level 14 : Journeyman Miner
anonpmc1665509
anonpmc1665509's Avatar
[deleted]
1
11/24/2015 10:58 pm
Level 19 : Journeyman Network
irritatedCat
irritatedCat's Avatar
I don't know about you, but thanks to this blog, I have 3 girlfriends!
in fallout 4
1
11/23/2015 11:20 pm
Level 23 : Expert Crab
Morneite
Morneite's Avatar
From the information gathered on this thread, i'd say this thread is a joke. besides, prying never helped nobody
1
11/23/2015 10:28 pm
Level 55 : Grandmaster Dragon
Skitto493
Skitto493's Avatar
If a girl says that I'm the only one that doesn't annoy her... does that mean she likes me?
1
11/23/2015 10:45 pm
Level 1 : New Network
Daemonic
Daemonic's Avatar
It means you're the only person that doesn't annoy her.

Blunt & Simple.
1
11/23/2015 10:27 pm
Level 29 : Expert Ranger
Soybeam
Soybeam's Avatar
This is Planet Minecraft, bruh... Whatever... Do you thing.
1
11/23/2015 9:27 pm
Level 37 : Artisan Cookie
oh_wow333
oh_wow333's Avatar
Do girls have cooties?
1
11/23/2015 10:05 pm
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
Yes.
1
11/23/2015 6:33 pm
Level 6 : Apprentice Miner
Lain
Lain's Avatar
How do I get a girlfriend?





I'm scared to ask her to be my girlfriend
1
11/23/2015 6:59 pm
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
Drop suttle hints

be like

"ayy yo sup mang guess what,one my friendz likes u and he wants to know what chu like in a guy ya know?"

"ya know ya know?"




"nah jk that friend is me be my girlfriend before you tell me how ugly I am"
1
11/23/2015 6:35 pm
Level 69 : High Grandmaster Egyptian
Sumpumpolis
Sumpumpolis's Avatar
not trying's the same as failing. the worst that can happen is she says no and life stays the way it is.
1
11/23/2015 3:21 pm
Level 8 : Apprentice Modder
GrandpaLee
GrandpaLee's Avatar
What happens if someone likes you but you hate their guts
1
11/23/2015 5:38 pm
Level 1 : New Miner
WOR
WOR's Avatar
You could possibly murder them....
1
11/22/2015 2:25 am
Level 26 : Expert Pirate
Han Solo
Han Solo's Avatar
why are you giving dating advice to people if you have never had a relationship?
1
11/22/2015 7:16 am
Level 14 : Journeyman Miner
anonpmc1665509
anonpmc1665509's Avatar
[deleted]
1
11/22/2015 7:48 am
Level 26 : Expert Pirate
Han Solo
Han Solo's Avatar
okie dokie then.
1
11/22/2015 12:57 am
Level 27 : Expert Button Pusher
SkylarsLust
SkylarsLust's Avatar
So mister advice sir
tell me
how do i get over someone who is dead
that i still love?


kappa
1
11/22/2015 12:58 am
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
Therapy,lots and lots of therapy.
1
11/22/2015 1:57 am
Level 27 : Expert Button Pusher
SkylarsLust
SkylarsLust's Avatar
aint happening
1
11/22/2015 12:46 am
Level 19 : Journeyman Modder
guestds
guestds's Avatar
what would you say so you dont accidently get yourself into a date.... i dont want to accidently get myself into a position that i have to say i dont want them to keep creepily following me around thinking i love them.... thatd be like Yandere Simulator but real and nobody dies (i dont think)
1
11/22/2015 12:53 am
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
Just say


"Nuh uh gal/guy get outta here before I knock yo sorry butt down on da ground"

or take the nice approach

"Please leave me alone forever,thanks."
1
11/22/2015 1:01 am
Level 42 : Master Pixel Painter
JozyP
JozyP's Avatar
I am (in my opinion) just a little too young to date but I think approach #2 would be the better choice if you were saying it to A Girl. Still really bad advice though.
1
11/23/2015 3:12 pm
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
YOURE BAD ADVIEC
1
11/22/2015 12:27 am
Level 19 : Journeyman Modder
guestds
guestds's Avatar
i saw this and read FOR not FROM lol but is this a roleplay/having fun type thread?
1
11/22/2015 12:29 am
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
I think you can answer that question by looking at my disclaimer at the bottom of my post.



But yes,it's completely serious and these people think I'm joking,and it has me miffed.
1
11/22/2015 12:42 am
Level 19 : Journeyman Modder
guestds
guestds's Avatar
lol i thought that was your signature glitching lol im thinking up a question
1
11/22/2015 12:16 am
Level 17 : Journeyman Engineer
tz18
tz18's Avatar
What is love?
1
11/22/2015 12:18 am
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
Just tell the baby to not hurt you.
1
11/22/2015 12:29 am
Level 17 : Journeyman Engineer
tz18
tz18's Avatar
Correct.
1
11/22/2015 12:10 am
Level 1 : New Princess
ZepherOwl
ZepherOwl's Avatar
Are you male or female?
1
11/22/2015 12:11 am
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
Trick question,I'm a Skeltal.
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