1
Jokes!
Tjtheunicorn11
GG50
Tell Your Best Joke Below!
Create an account or sign in to comment.
67
1
inb4 ban
How do you get a clown off a swing?
An axe.
What did sarah drop her ice cream?
She was ran over by a drunk driver.
What's blue, and squirms around in a corner?
A baby with a plastic bag stuck over its head.
What's green, and sits motionless in a corner?
Same baby a few weeks later.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
An axe.
What did sarah drop her ice cream?
She was ran over by a drunk driver.
What's blue, and squirms around in a corner?
A baby with a plastic bag stuck over its head.
What's green, and sits motionless in a corner?
Same baby a few weeks later.
1
Ur jokes are so dark, but srsly this is HILARIOUS
1
Dark humor is best humor.
1
Digging this one back, had lots of attention before, and its so fun to read these! BUMP
1
All of my jokes are waaayyy too offensive. I am tempted to post them, but I can't so :c
1
Bing Bang Bump.
1
Yo mama's so ugly she tried to enter an ugly contest, but they said "Sorry, no professionals"...
1
Yo mama is so bad
So when she laughs She dies. -.-
So when she laughs She dies. -.-
1
Bump......
1
Oh, here's a random joke
"The noob the reads PMC posts."
(crafted movie reference)
"The noob the reads PMC posts."
(crafted movie reference)
1
Why did the Koala fall down the tree?
Batman threw a fridge at it
Why did the second koala fall down the tree?
It was stapled to the first one
Why did the third koala fall down the tree?
It thought it was a game.
Batman threw a fridge at it
Why did the second koala fall down the tree?
It was stapled to the first one
Why did the third koala fall down the tree?
It thought it was a game.
1
-yeahno-
1
Jaxtrm_A child walks up to his mother and asks,
"Mom, why did you name me Raindrop?"
"Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born!"
The child is satisfied, and walks back.
The child's brother walks up and asks his mother the same question.
"Because a leaf fell on your head when you were born!"
The child, content with his answer, walks back away.
The other children's sibling walks in, and says,
"Brsaghiacvnmceboo!"
"What's that, Anvil?"
Hahahaha!
1
Yo mama so fat,
I took a picture last year..its still printing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yo mama so stupid,
She asked for a price check at the dollar store
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yo mama so ugly,
She put the boogie man out of business
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yo mama like a drum,
Anyone can bang her
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yo momma's so fat,
when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way
I took a picture last year..its still printing
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yo mama so stupid,
She asked for a price check at the dollar store
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yo mama so ugly,
She put the boogie man out of business
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yo mama like a drum,
Anyone can bang her
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Yo momma's so fat,
when God said, "Let there be light," he asked your mother to move out of the way
1
epicmcminer19Click to revealIt's because he was blocked!
Get it? Blocked? IT'S MINECRAFT!
lol!
1
Your Mom is so poor, that she used a ring pop for her wedding ring!
(Then ate it...)
(Then ate it...)
1
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
Don't know why, but this one is really funny at 3:00 in the morning.
Don't know why, but this one is really funny at 3:00 in the morning.
1
-snip-
1
A cat died of Natural causes and went to Heaven. An angel asked, "What do you want in Heaven. The cat replied, "I lived with a poor family my whole life, and slept on a wood floor". The angel gave the cat a very comfy bed.
A couple days later 6 mice came into heaven, they said to the Angel, "Our whole lives we've been running away from cats and dogs". So, the Angel gave the mice Rollerksates so they didn't have to run.
A few days later the Angel went to check on the cat and asked, "How do you like your time in Heaven?" The cat replied, "I like it very much, especially those Meals-On-Wheels you've been sending be!"
A couple days later 6 mice came into heaven, they said to the Angel, "Our whole lives we've been running away from cats and dogs". So, the Angel gave the mice Rollerksates so they didn't have to run.
A few days later the Angel went to check on the cat and asked, "How do you like your time in Heaven?" The cat replied, "I like it very much, especially those Meals-On-Wheels you've been sending be!"
1
Yo mama so STuPID
That she bought tickets to -
XBOX LIVE
You mama so fat -
That when she turns around -
Its her birthday!
(So I hide behind her)
That she bought tickets to -
XBOX LIVE
You mama so fat -
That when she turns around -
Its her birthday!
(So I hide behind her)
1
Yo momma so stupid i told her that her birthday was "Right around the corner"
So she went looking for it.
So she went looking for it.
1
Yo mamma so fat she has her own gravitational pull
Made that one up the other day. I used it on my sibling.
Made that one up the other day. I used it on my sibling.
1
When you walk into the bathroom, you're American. When you walk out of the bathroom, you're American. What are you in the bathroom?
Click to reveal
European!
1
hahahahaha see what ya did there
1
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A RIP OFF.
A RIP OFF.
1
LOL THIS. You won the internet.
1
That one made me laugh
1
There are 5 people in a plane.
The pilot, Britney Spears, an artist, a preacher, and a kid.
First the artist grabs a parachute, jumps out of the plane and says "I want to show the world about art!"
Next a preacher grabs a parachute, jumps out and says "I want to show the world about God!"
Next Britney Spears grabs a backpack, jumps out and says "I want to show the world about music!"
The pilot and the kid are then left on the plane.
The pilot asks the kid, "Why didn't you jump?"
"Britney Spears took my backpack," he said.
The pilot, Britney Spears, an artist, a preacher, and a kid.
First the artist grabs a parachute, jumps out of the plane and says "I want to show the world about art!"
Next a preacher grabs a parachute, jumps out and says "I want to show the world about God!"
Next Britney Spears grabs a backpack, jumps out and says "I want to show the world about music!"
The pilot and the kid are then left on the plane.
The pilot asks the kid, "Why didn't you jump?"
"Britney Spears took my backpack," he said.
1
Yo momma so fat, she uses the ocean as a kitty pool
1
Why couldn't the Minecraft player cross the road?
Click to reveal
It's because he was blocked!
Get it? Blocked? IT'S MINECRAFT!
Get it? Blocked? IT'S MINECRAFT!
1
Yo mamma so fat when she was pregnant she lost 100 pounds
1
Three gay guys are riding in a car, there's a red light and one said "It will turn green in 5 seconds" He was right. The next day they were in the same car again, they cam to a red light and the other said "It's gonna turn green in 10 seconds." He was right. The next day they were there again, and they got to a red light and the last one said "It's going to turn green in 15 seconds." He was right... When they got home they walked up to the door and pulled on that thing, do you know what that thing is that you twist and the door opens? "A doorknob." GAY GUYS NO EVERYTHING!!!
(Do not take offense if you are. I have no problem just a fun joke)
(Do not take offense if you are. I have no problem just a fun joke)
1
how do you kill a vegan vampire? A STAKE TO THE HEART!
1
Don't you mean steak? :p
1
Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?
Click to reveal
Because the 'P' is silent.
1
Buuump...
1
BUMP
1
What's green and has two wheels? GRASS. I lied about the wheels
1
Bump
1
I don't like being rude, but sometimes... Muahahaa...
You're so stupid you got hit by a parked car!
You're so stupid you climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side!
A child walks up to his mother and asks,
"Mom, why did you name me Raindrop?"
"Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born!"
The child is satisfied, and walks back.
The child's brother walks up and asks his mother the same question.
"Because a leaf fell on your head when you were born!"
The child, content with his answer, walks back away.
The other children's sibling walks in, and says,
"Brsaghiacvnmceboo!"
"What's that, Anvil?"
You're so stupid you got hit by a parked car!
You're so stupid you climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side!
A child walks up to his mother and asks,
"Mom, why did you name me Raindrop?"
"Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born!"
The child is satisfied, and walks back.
The child's brother walks up and asks his mother the same question.
"Because a leaf fell on your head when you were born!"
The child, content with his answer, walks back away.
The other children's sibling walks in, and says,
"Brsaghiacvnmceboo!"
"What's that, Anvil?"
1
OK,
Man #1 walks into a pub and sits down only to order a shot of whiskey. Man #2 walks in and sits next to Man #1 and say "I'll have the usual". Man #2 downs his drink in 1 gulp and flies out the window. Man #1 exclaims "Wow! I'll have what he just had!". Man #1 finishes the drink and jumps out the window only to fall to his death. Man #2 returns through the window and chuckles. The bartender says, "Jeez Superman, you're a dick when you're drunk!"
Hope you like it
Man #1 walks into a pub and sits down only to order a shot of whiskey. Man #2 walks in and sits next to Man #1 and say "I'll have the usual". Man #2 downs his drink in 1 gulp and flies out the window. Man #1 exclaims "Wow! I'll have what he just had!". Man #1 finishes the drink and jumps out the window only to fall to his death. Man #2 returns through the window and chuckles. The bartender says, "Jeez Superman, you're a dick when you're drunk!"
Hope you like it
1
Yo momma so stupid, she threw a rock at the ground and missed
1
three sailors wash up on an island and are captured by savages: one french, one british, and an american
the savages tell the sailors they're going to turn their skin into canoes but will let the sailors choose their death
the frenchman takes a vial of poison and drinks it, saying "viva la france" and dies
the british man takes his handgun and shoots himself "long live the queen"
the american, born and bred in new jersey...
pulls out a pocketknife, says "no screw your damn canoes" and stabs himself repeatedly in the stomach
the savages tell the sailors they're going to turn their skin into canoes but will let the sailors choose their death
the frenchman takes a vial of poison and drinks it, saying "viva la france" and dies
the british man takes his handgun and shoots himself "long live the queen"
the american, born and bred in new jersey...
pulls out a pocketknife, says "no screw your damn canoes" and stabs himself repeatedly in the stomach
1
What's white and can't climb trees? Bill O'Reilly.
1
lol
1
Knock knock!
*who's there*
Doctor!
*Doctor who?*
*who's there*
Doctor!
*Doctor who?*
1
Knock Knock
Who's There
THE DOOR OF COURSE! Unless it's the MAILMAN or the FedEx truck delivering you an Xbox360
Who's There
THE DOOR OF COURSE! Unless it's the MAILMAN or the FedEx truck delivering you an Xbox360
1
Wanna hear a construction joke?
I'm still working on it
I'm still working on it
1
Click to reveal
Before I say this, it is not meant to be rude against Christianity, just a funny joke.
56 people die in a plane crash, they all get sent to heaven.
God says they each get 1 wish since they died so tragically.
The first one wishes he wasn't ugly anymore
The second one wishes she had good looking clothes
They all wished for something that makes them look less ugly.
The last one came up to god and he was laughing his head off.
God asked "what?" and the man said "I wish they were all ugly again"
56 people die in a plane crash, they all get sent to heaven.
God says they each get 1 wish since they died so tragically.
The first one wishes he wasn't ugly anymore
The second one wishes she had good looking clothes
They all wished for something that makes them look less ugly.
The last one came up to god and he was laughing his head off.
God asked "what?" and the man said "I wish they were all ugly again"
Click to reveal
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!'' The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.''
1
Oh, man. That first one is such a troll.
view more replies ( 14 )
