1

Judge This Song I Wrote

-WaffleKing-'s Avatar -WaffleKing-4/9/16 3:08 pm
1 emeralds 1.2k 35
5/5/2016 1:52 pm
anonpmc52215's Avatar anonpmc52215
Hello everyone. I'm beginning to learn the guitar and I have decided to begin writing songs. This is the first time I've ever gone about writing a completely original song, but all my life I've been making up verses and changing lyrics to songs which I like.

This song is called "End Of The Line". I imagine it as a guitar led song with a funk-infused sound. Let me know what you think and how I can improve the song.

=============
[Verse 1]

You keep saying that we need a little distance,
but you were never really one for commitment,
And all this time, you keep insisting,
that I'm the reason our love is missing.
But you wanna keep living like that,
acting like I'm economy, you're first class.
Saying you'll be the one who will get the last laugh,
No, no...

You keep saying that I've given up on you,
but you've haven't given me a reason not to,
And all this time I've not known what I wanted,
but this time I think I've got it,
And now I've got something to say,
I wish you luck finding your heart one day,
but I think it's time that we went our seperate ways,
Yeah...

[Pre Chorus]
We both knew this day would come, but we never knew how soon,
I'd never knew I'd be overrun, by the heartache caused by you,
but when it's time to say goodbye, you keep saying you were a fool?
Probably the first thing you said that's completely true..

[Chorus]
'Cause you're not my boss,
I'm not your slave,
You've had your fun,
you've had your way,
because you thought that everything was fine.

But I won't live another day,
thinking that you'll keep me safe,
Yeah, I think it time that you realized,
we've reached the end of the line.

We've reached the end of the line...
Yeah...


[Verse 2]

So now I walk the streets alone,
no house to call a home,
no power in my cellphone.
Telling me I can change my mind,
don't hold your breath and don't waste my time.
I haven't been gone that long,
you got another man and you've moved on,
I hope he realizes who you really are,
and he'll change his mind.

[Pre Chorus]
We both knew this day would come, but we never knew how soon,
I'd never knew I'd be overrun, by the heartache caused by you,
but when it's time to say goodbye, you keep saying you were a fool?
Probably the first thing you said that's completely true..

[Chorus]
'Cause you're not my boss,
I'm not your slave,
You've had your fun,
you've had your way,
because you thought that everything was fine.

But I won't live another day,
thinking that you'll keep me safe,
Yeah, I think it time that you realized,
we've reached the end of the line.

We've reached the end of the line...
Yeah...

[BRIDGE]
You'd set me on fire, you have a soul of barbed wire,
lust is your only desire, it never is enough.
You're screaming in the driveway, saying you'll beat me black and blue,
And that I'll never meet anyone like you... WELL I HOPE SO TOO!

[Chorus]
'Cause you're not my boss,
I'm not your slave,
You've had your fun,
you've had your way,
because you thought that everything was fine.

But I won't live another day,
thinking that you'll keep me safe,
Yeah, I think it time that you realized,
we've reached the end of the line.

We've reached the end of the line...
(I hope so, I hope so, I hope so too)
That I'll never find anyone better than you,
(Yeah, Yeah, Yeah)

(I hope, I hope, I hope what you're saying is true)
(I hope, I hope, I hope what you're saying is true)
(I hope, I hope, I hope what you're saying is true)
(That I, will never, meet someone like you)
Posted by -WaffleKing-'s Avatar
-WaffleKing-
Level 40 : Master Electrician
138

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35

1
05/05/2016 1:52 pm
Level 27 : Expert Miner
anonpmc52215
anonpmc52215's Avatar
[deleted]
1
05/02/2016 4:51 pm
Level 1 : New Crafter
Mud_Puppy
Mud_Puppy's Avatar
Well it makes a pop song.
1
05/05/2016 12:56 pm
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
Is that good or bad?
1
05/02/2016 3:37 pm
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
I will have a new song made for you guys soon.
1
04/10/2016 12:48 pm
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
Thanks for the feedback guys. I'm going to completely rewrite this song until I can make it up to scratch. In the meantime, I would like more people to comment on what they think so far (the more the better).
1
04/10/2016 9:07 am
Level 59 : Grandmaster Meme
CroatiaTheMan
CroatiaTheMan's Avatar
Wow pretty epic song, I wish I'd come up with that and sing that to my girlfriend,smh.
1
04/10/2016 9:11 am
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
You have my permission. Go in for the kill.
1
04/10/2016 9:40 am
Level 59 : Grandmaster Meme
CroatiaTheMan
CroatiaTheMan's Avatar
Lol I hope the get the chance, thanks
1
04/10/2016 7:31 am
Level 2 : Apprentice Miner
Amazon
Amazon's Avatar
I'd listen to this day and night if this was an actual song! 10/10 keep up the good work!
1
04/10/2016 8:24 am
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
Thank you for the kind words. Hopefully I will be able to turn this song into a reality.
1
04/10/2016 6:25 am
Level 2 : Apprentice Explorer
newkdv
newkdv's Avatar
I googled the lyrics to see if you stole this song and was making a joke. Good song.

As for improvements, I would say just keep thinking about it and cutting/changing the kinks, and when you feel it's right, start making another .
1
04/10/2016 9:57 am
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
Thanks.
1
04/10/2016 2:20 am
Level 2 : Apprentice Network
Whots
Whots's Avatar
Woah this is great! Goodluck for your future!
1
04/10/2016 5:04 am
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
Thanks!
1
04/10/2016 1:15 am
Level 5 : Apprentice Artist
KirbyDogs
KirbyDogs's Avatar
Man, you are very talented! I would love to see this song finished!
1
04/10/2016 5:14 am
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
Hopefully when I have a better grasp of the guitar (not literally) I can.
1
04/09/2016 10:55 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
Sardonyx's Avatar
I love this song! ^^
1
04/10/2016 5:34 am
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
Cheers. Just trying to work out the actual music for the song.
1
04/09/2016 9:00 pm
Level 45 : Master Theorist
Averli
Averli's Avatar
-WaffleKing-
AesericaWoah, this is awesome! .o. Reeeaalllyyy nice job, mate! c:

I've written a few songs myself. It's really fun and a good way to get your emotions out.


Very nice of you. I would love to hear them.

I've written another full song called "Autumn Breeze", so hopefully I'll post that soon!


Y'welcome! ^-^ I sorta have the music for them in my head, but haven't tried playing it yet, I need to! (I play the piano c: I'd LOVE to learn to play guitar though <33 )

Ooh, cool! Yah, I'd like to hear/read it! =D
1
04/09/2016 7:54 pm
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
I've written another full song called "Autumn Breeze", so hopefully I'll post that soon!
1
04/09/2016 7:02 pm
Level 45 : Master Theorist
Averli
Averli's Avatar
Woah, this is awesome! .o. Reeeaalllyyy nice job, mate! c:

I've written a few songs myself. It's really fun and a good way to get your emotions out.
1
04/09/2016 7:22 pm
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
Very nice of you. I would love to hear them.
1
04/09/2016 4:56 pm
Level 9 : Apprentice Network
SteamFan
SteamFan's Avatar
Not bad!
I prefer Dark rock and roll but this aint bad!
1
04/09/2016 5:15 pm
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
Cheers!
1
04/09/2016 4:35 pm
Level 23 : Expert Dolphin
EmeraldEclipse
EmeraldEclipse's Avatar
Looks pretty good to me! I think your lyrics rhyme well, and it has a story, and at first glance, I'd bet it would be a whole lot better than most of what is playing on the radio now. (Though I realize that isn't saying much)
1
04/09/2016 4:37 pm
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
Haha, that is true. Thanks for the wonderful feedback! I hope to write more songs in the future.
1
04/09/2016 4:13 pm
Level 32 : Artisan Toast
DaSquyd
DaSquyd's Avatar
I think it would help to hear the tune… Try going to http://onlinesequencer.net and exporting it. At least the melody would help.
1
04/09/2016 6:09 pm
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
I would rather give the full song as apposed to a melody which is likely going to be scrapped.
1
04/09/2016 3:41 pm
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
HeroMaid
-WaffleKing-
HeroMaid Practice makes perfect, at the start of my GCSE music lessons i couldn't sing, its been four years and i sang in a concert last week if you can already sing in tune you don't have to worry, practice and get use to singing in front of people is the best way to strengthen up your voice more.


Thanks for all this great advice. I'll definately try to sing more in public. It will help build up confident too.
1
04/09/2016 3:34 pm
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
I'm open to any suggestions for how to improve the song!
1
04/09/2016 3:17 pm
Level 1 : New Miner
FloatyPixel
FloatyPixel's Avatar
Very good, I really like it!
1
04/09/2016 3:19 pm
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
Thanks.
1
04/09/2016 3:16 pm
Level 10 : Journeyman Miner
HeroMaid
HeroMaid's Avatar
Take it from a A level Music student, this looks to be the making of a good song, I will love to see this in the finish, or at least hear the tune behind it, good luck and keep writing
1
04/09/2016 3:19 pm
Level 40 : Master Electrician
-WaffleKing-
-WaffleKing-'s Avatar
In terms of my singing, I can sing in tune and consistently but I don't have the strongest voice, so I may take up classes. I'm hoping to record it one day and post it. Thank you so much for the kind words - they mean more than you thinks!
1
04/09/2016 3:35 pm
Level 10 : Journeyman Miner
HeroMaid
HeroMaid's Avatar
Practice makes perfect, at the start of my GCSE music lessons i couldn't sing, its been four years and i sang in a concert last week if you can already sing in tune you don't have to worry, practice and get use to singing in front of people is the best way to strengthen up your voice more.
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