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New story idea: THE SYSTEM

Flappo's Avatar Flappo12/4/16 10:05 am
12/5/2016 2:28 pm
Flappo's Avatar Flappo
Hello everyone!
I'm working on writing a new story but I need a lot of help with it regarding to art/animating and music.

Contact me if you're interested or want to help me with this!
Skype: pascalvginkel
Discord: Mr. Midnight#3785

SPOILERS AHEAD!!
This is a very simplified version to explain a bit how this universe/story works.
Click to reveal
It's the year 2165.
About 120 years ago, humans made robots with AI's being able to think just like humans do.
So robots live amongst humans in peace.
About 80 years ago, humans created animals, which they now call beasts.
They lived amongst humans in peace for a long time, until Germany tried it another time.

In the year 2165 Germany almost completed world domination with only Russia left.
Literally very little place was being bombed, and it's normal for people, because that's been happening for the past 8 years.
Germany didn't like the ''beasts'' so started a lawsuit, which they won.
So Germany banned all beasts from earth, literally sending them into space with hypermodern spacecrafts.
Ofcourse, those got bombed by the Russians and some crashed into parts of Germany or otherwise called America.

In the year 2167, a hero wakes up from that crash... And that's just the start..


Main topics in the story:
Racism, discrimination, sexism, religion, fascism, corruption, brainwashing, WWIII, propaganda, army/war, nucleair weapons, outer space, the internet, (AI) technology, and way
more.

Please note that: this isn't meant as sci-fi. Humans didn't develop much in technology except for stuff like: transportation, AI/entertainment, army/weapons and industry. Oh and even tho I wrote ''outer space'' up there, humans never went to another planet, so it's not a Star Wars-like story.

Feedback is always appreciated!

Thanks for reading.
Posted by Flappo's Avatar
Flappo
Level 15 : Journeyman Network
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1
12/04/2016 11:27 pm
Level 15 : Journeyman Network
Flappo
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skygame12x
MrrMidnightThey're on 2 legs just like humans, they speak like humans, and all that. But animals, like foxes and cats. Just like it's a new species of human with fur.

By the way you describe it, it sounds like werewolves, but not just wolves. It reminds me of Chewbacca and the Talking Beasts from Narnia.

Well... I never said there wont be werewolves. ;p
1
12/04/2016 8:56 pm
Level 51 : Grandmaster Batman
Cid_of_Lufenia
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This story sounds kind of interesting and I think that if done well this can be a pretty good story

I would like to see how it turns out and if I can help in any way you should let me know.
1
12/04/2016 11:27 pm
Level 15 : Journeyman Network
Flappo
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Thank you!
If you want to help me regarding to art or music you can contact me on Skype or Discord!
1
12/04/2016 6:34 pm
Level 21 : Expert Architect
skygame12x
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MrrMidnightThey're on 2 legs just like humans, they speak like humans, and all that. But animals, like foxes and cats. Just like it's a new species of human with fur.

By the way you describe it, it sounds like werewolves, but not just wolves. It reminds me of Chewbacca and the Talking Beasts from Narnia.
1
12/04/2016 4:56 pm
Level 74 : Legendary Pixel Painter
Anxiety Opossum
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MrrMidnight

EDIT: actually wait, the OP's thing said that they were just robots with human level thinking, which is just hyperdeveloped AI, so IDK what's even happening anymore.

Exactly.
The only thing is that they are so developed that they even ''learned emotions'' so humans gave them actual human rights. That's why they (The AI's) live together with humans in peace, like the AI's are a different species.

Interestingly enough, I'm actually working n a story that has something similar, but it's an alternate universe (one of many in the series) where the planet if far more technologically advanced, and everyone was transferred to "cores" that function like a brain, and are able to be placed into robotic bodies, allowing them to live far longer, and feel no pain. (IDK why I posted this, I just thought it was interesting how similar these were)
1
12/04/2016 4:37 pm
Level 25 : Expert Scribe
MissWriter
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Hello MrrMidnight,

I had a few questions about your project. Is this ultimately going to be an animated film that you're making a trailer for...? Or this like a book trailer/project trailer showing the written story?

I would reccomend doing the trailer last, regardless. As you said earlier, if the rest of the story is different, this may change, especially with the feedback that others have provided here, if you decide to use it.

As to everyone's commentary, I would say that your explanation does indicate that this story is rooted in cliches from the science fiction genre--which could just mean that the explanation doesn't capture the larger story you had in mind. This seems likely, based on the number of people misinterpreting it.

If you aren't a fan of science fiction and hadn't intended for those elements to come across, then I strongly suggest you read books/stories in that genre. If nothing else, it could give you ideas on what not to do.

Hope that helps!


____
EDIT: I posted this before the edits to the story explanation were made.
1
12/04/2016 11:25 pm
Level 15 : Journeyman Network
Flappo
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I will first make it a written story with picture visualization and if it gets enough attention I will try to make some kind of amature movie out of it.
1
12/05/2016 2:22 pm
Level 25 : Expert Scribe
MissWriter
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Cool! I'd read that. Definitely a fan of interesting mediums.

Also, if you want others help you and you're serious about this project, you may want to consider setting up some kind of protections for yourself/them.

If it ends up that four different people are sending you music, art, video, etc., but then three of them end up stopping about half-way and stop talking to you--the project grinds to a halt. Or maybe two of them decide that what they're making is theirs, not yours, and they go off and copy your project with their art, etc. Something like this always happens, I find.

Making a kind of contract that lays out all these scenarios, including what to do when people can't agree on something, at least helps you weed out people who are reluctant to sign/promise you any stuff.
1
12/05/2016 2:28 pm
Level 15 : Journeyman Network
Flappo
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Well, I'm very serious about this. I'm willing to dedicate a lot of time into it. But a contract seems a bit too complicated for me so I would rather just work with trusted people instead so I know it's safe for sure.
Also, I'm still open for suggestions to make it a more unique story.
1
12/04/2016 4:06 pm
Level 36 : Artisan Pokemon
JediJerboa
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Ok, that last bit on the robots sounded like Overwatch. Also, I'd like to point out that you haven't connected the problems with the AI to the beast issue. Also, there's a lot that sci-if hasn't done, but it's best that you discover it for yourself rather than me spoiling it for you.
1
12/04/2016 4:08 pm
Level 15 : Journeyman Network
Flappo
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I never played Overwatch.. :/
And I have some special plans for the AI's later in the story, so I don't wanna connect them now.

I also updated the thread a bit. I hope it's more clear now.
1
12/04/2016 3:58 pm
Level 15 : Journeyman Network
Flappo
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plus, when it comes down to it everything in scifi has basically already been done anyways, so I guess the only thing you can really do is put your own spin on it :/

Thanks for noting that.
In my opinion, it's not exactly about the story itself, but how it's made.
Why is Star Wars so popular? Because it's so incredibly well made.
1
12/04/2016 3:50 pm
Level 15 : Journeyman Network
Flappo
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EDIT: actually wait, the OP's thing said that they were just robots with human level thinking, which is just hyperdeveloped AI, so IDK what's even happening anymore.

Exactly.
The only thing is that they are so developed that they even ''learned emotions'' so humans gave them actual human rights. That's why they (The AI's) live together with humans in peace, like the AI's are a different species.
1
12/04/2016 1:45 pm
Level 36 : Artisan Pokemon
JediJerboa
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The thing is, if a robot can feel emotion and think like a human, that is considered a cyborg. And I'm referring to Mary Shelley's monster, not the one you see in movies. The one from the book could read, speak, and act as a normal human does. The only difference was that he looked different, and that caused problems, and so they called him a beast. And again, solving the beast problem with diplomacy is not very interesting, and humans tend to resort to violence when they hate something enough.
1
12/04/2016 2:06 pm
Level 74 : Legendary Pixel Painter
Anxiety Opossum
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1
12/04/2016 2:15 pm
Level 36 : Artisan Pokemon
JediJerboa
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Oops. My bad. Maybe artificial human is a better word. But no matter what you call it, it's still a very cliched element. I blame I, Robot by Isaac Asimov.
1
12/04/2016 3:24 pm
Level 74 : Legendary Pixel Painter
Anxiety Opossum
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Still, I wouldn't say it's super cliched

plus, when it comes down to it everything in scifi has basically already been done anyways, so I guess the only thing you can really do is put your own spin on it :/

EDIT: actually wait, the OP's thing said that they were just robots with human level thinking, which is just hyperdeveloped AI, so IDK what's even happening anymore.
1
12/04/2016 1:22 pm
Level 36 : Artisan Pokemon
JediJerboa
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I have to agree, this is science fiction. Cyborgs are probably one of the most cliched elements of sci-if, and creating beasts is straight out of Mary Shelley's horror/sci-fi novel, Frankenstein. Lawsuits between countries doesn't grab the reader's attention, so I suggest changing it to something a bit darker. Plus, you could do something better with the beasts, like creating monster hunts where prowess is gained through the monsters that he or she kills. The point I'm trying to make is that sci-fi is not a bad topic, but it takes a lot more to be original these days. If you'd like, take a look at the sci-fi thread I made for inspiration. However, I must warn you to not take any the ideas for your own, but I only say this as a precaution. Good luck in your writing!
1
12/04/2016 1:29 pm
Level 15 : Journeyman Network
Flappo
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I think you misunderstood the story.
There are no cyborgs, humans stay humans, AI's (robots) are just complete robots.
The ''beasts'' are in no way like Frankenstein.
They're on 2 legs just like humans, they speak like humans, and all that. But animals, like foxes and cats. Just like it's a new species of human with fur.
It's not a lawsuit between countries, since there are almost no countries left anyways. But between all ''beast'' haters (they were called beasts by Germany because they hate them, not because they're beastly.) and all ''beasts''.

I think this trailer was kind of a bad thing to do because the rest of the story is REALLY different. I might replace it soon.
1
12/04/2016 1:11 pm
Level 15 : Journeyman Network
Flappo
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Silvania Studios
MrrMidnightAnd it's not sci-fi, this is meant to be: ''This earth in the future.''


...That is sci-fi.
Sci-fi = science fiction - IE, fiction which has science-y elements (For example advanced technology (AI), aliens, etc... your story is like 100% sci-fi.)

Well, it's not meant to be. And I'm not focusing on the AI's or technology in the story.
But still, if it is sci-fi then, what's the cliche stuff here?
1
12/04/2016 12:50 pm
Level 88 : Elite Modder
Fureniku
Fureniku's Avatar
MrrMidnightAnd it's not sci-fi, this is meant to be: ''This earth in the future.''


...That is sci-fi.
Sci-fi = science fiction - IE, fiction which has science-y elements (For example advanced technology (AI), aliens, etc... your story is like 100% sci-fi.)
1
12/04/2016 12:06 pm
Level 39 : Artisan Fish
CHorse
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MEh. Not very creative, seems to rely on several cliches developing in the sci-fi genre.
1
12/04/2016 12:36 pm
Level 15 : Journeyman Network
Flappo
Flappo's Avatar
Which cliches? And it's not sci-fi, this is meant to be: ''This earth in the future.''
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