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Pirate Jokes

Altraze's Avatar Altraze12/19/14 6:42 pm
1 emeralds 1.1k 15
12/20/2014 3:33 am
Altraze's Avatar Altraze
Read these like a pirate, or I'll have ye walk the plank.


Where is a pirate from?
Click to reveal
Arrkansas

Where does a pirate vacation?
Click to reveal
Arrrgentina

What is a pirate's favorite type of sock?
Click to reveal
Arrrgyle

Arre ye shore you want to carry on?

How does a pirate get to work?
Click to reveal
A Carr

Where does a pirate go to drown his sorrows?
Click to reveal
A Barr

What does a rich pirate smoke?
Click to reveal
A Cigarr

What is the relative distance a pirate can throw?
Click to reveal
Really farr

What instrument does a pirate play?
Click to reveal
A Guitarr


Make sure to post more.
Posted by Altraze's Avatar
Altraze
Level 13 : Journeyman Prince
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1
12/20/2014 3:33 am
Level 13 : Journeyman Prince
Altraze
Altraze's Avatar
Why did the pirate need a wooden leg after the parrty?
Click to reveal
Because he cut footloose.

What do you do after the hook-handed pirate finishes a performance?
Click to reveal
You give them a hand.
1
12/19/2014 11:19 pm
Level 1 : New Miner
TheNH813
TheNH813's Avatar
Why do pirates play Minecraft?
Click to reveal
Because it's free. :lol:
(If you don't get this, think about what I said again)


And now, random assorted jokes I got in a email a while ago. I left the inappropriate ones out. Here they are:

As a child, I was made to walk the plank. Why?
Click to reveal
We couldn't afford a dog.


Why does it take pirates so long to learn the alphabet?
Click to reveal
Because they can spend years at C!


What did the pirate say when his wooden leg got stuck in the freezer?
Click to reveal
Shiver me timbers!


Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
Click to reveal
Because if they flew over the bay, they'd be bagels!


What is a pirate's least favourite vegetable?
Click to reveal
Leeks!


Why is pirating addictive?
Click to reveal
They say once ye lose yer first hand, ye get hooked!


What do you call a pirate with two eyes and two legs?
Click to reveal
Rookie!


Story type jokes below:

Click to reveal
One day, a pirate walked into a bar, with a towel wrapped around his head. The bartender asked why he had done so. The pirate replied it was because he had a bounty on his head.


Click to reveal
On a pirate ship in high seas, the First Mate was on lookout for hazards from the crow's nest. Suddenly, the ship was broadsided by a rogue wave, tossing the Mate from the nest! He crashed through the upper deck and landed square into the Captain's quarters. The Captain, surprised, says "Matey, ye be hurt!?". "Narrrr Cap'n," replied the First Mate, "I've been through hardships before!"


Click to reveal
A pirate walks into a bar and the bartender says, "Hey, I haven't seen you in a while. What happened, you look terrible!" "What do you mean?" the pirate replies, "I'm fine." The bartender says, "But what about that wooden leg? You didn't have that before." "Well," says the pirate, "We were in a battle at sea and a cannon ball hit my leg but the surgeon fixed me up, and I'm fine, really." "Yeah," says the bartender, "But what about that hook? Last time I saw you, you had both hands."
"Well," says the pirate, "We were in another battle and we boarded the enemy ship. I was in a sword fight and my hand was cut off but the surgeon fixed me up with this hook, and I feel great, really." "Oh," says the bartender, "What about that eye patch? Last time you were in here you had both eyes." "Well," says the pirate, "One day when we were at sea, some birds were flying over the ship. I looked up, and one of them shat in my eye." "So?" replied the bartender, "What happened? You couldn't have lost an eye just from some bird shit!" "Well," says the pirate, "I really wasn't used to the hook yet."


Click to reveal
Long ago, when sailing ships ruled the waves, a captain and his crew were in danger of being boarded by a pirate ship. As the crew became frantic, the captain bellowed to his First Mate, "Bring me my red shirt!". The First Mate quickly retrieved the captain's red shirt, which the captain put on and lead the crew to battle the pirate boarding party. Although some casualties occurred among the crew, the pirates were repelled. Later that day, the lookout screamed that there were two pirate vessels sending boarding parties. The crew cowered in fear, but the captain calm as ever bellowed, "Bring me my red shirt!". The battle was on, and once again the Captain and his crew repelled both boarding parties, although this time more casualties occurred. Weary from the battles, the men sat around on deck that night recounting the day's occurrences when an ensign looked to the Captain and asked, "Sir, why did you call for your red shirt before the battle?". The Captain, giving the ensign a look that only a captain can give, exhorted, "If I am wounded in battle, the red shirt does not show the wound and thus, you men will continue to fight unafraid". The men sat in silence marveling at the courage of such a man. As dawn came the next morning, the lookout screamed that there were pirate ships, 10 of them, all with boarding parties on their way. The men became silent and looked to their Captain for his usual command. The Captain, calm as ever, bellowed, "Bring me my brown pants!!
1
12/19/2014 11:19 pm
Level 18 : Journeyman Cowboy
Jex_Infinite
Jex_Infinite's Avatar
These puns are so awful...しね.
1
12/20/2014 3:20 am
Level 13 : Journeyman Prince
Altraze
Altraze's Avatar
My work here is done... or is it?
1
12/19/2014 11:53 pm
Level 13 : Journeyman Archer
Ghei
Ghei's Avatar
Don't you mean ARRRR so awful?
1
12/19/2014 10:48 pm
Level 35 : Artisan Princess
Skeltal
Skeltal's Avatar
why couldn't the kid go to the rated R movie?


it was rated Arrrrrr.
[yt]MhHYjKjB_Sc[/yt]

I put it in there for the OOOOOOOOOOOOOHHH at the end.
1
12/19/2014 10:40 pm
Level 36 : Artisan Blockhead
Woodilicious
Woodilicious's Avatar
(This reply is just so that I can find this thread later)
1
12/19/2014 7:43 pm
Level 13 : Journeyman Prince
Altraze
Altraze's Avatar
How many letters are there in the pirate alphabet?
Click to reveal
9. Aye, Arr, and the 7 seas
1
12/19/2014 7:14 pm
Level 7 : Apprentice Explorer
YourLocalFloridian
YourLocalFloridian's Avatar
....Sea, it works better when you say it out loud
1
12/19/2014 7:05 pm
Level 7 : Apprentice Explorer
YourLocalFloridian
YourLocalFloridian's Avatar
What's a pirate's favorite letter?

Click to reveal
You might think it be R, but his true love be the C!
1
12/19/2014 7:35 pm
Level 2 : Apprentice Architect
Parky_
Parky_'s Avatar
i thought he meant C as in ctrl+c, like copyright piracy... i guess not?
1
12/19/2014 7:07 pm
Level 13 : Journeyman Prince
Altraze
Altraze's Avatar
Is it "C" or "Sea"
1
12/19/2014 7:15 pm
Level 5 : Apprentice Miner
Chriz_KFC
Chriz_KFC's Avatar
I think he means like C for captain... or sea. idk xD
1
12/19/2014 6:56 pm
Level 19 : Journeyman Network
forgot about you
forgot about you's Avatar
...lol
1
12/19/2014 6:45 pm
Level 40 : Master Fish
chuu
chuu's Avatar
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