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Lost in the Darkness: An SU Fan Song (Please give feedback!)

Sardonyx's Avatar Sardonyx10/6/16 8:23 pm
10/29/2016 8:50 am
Stubbs1's Avatar Stubbs1
I haven't sung the song yet, but I have made lyrics and have the music that it goes to (I didn't write the music, but It was made with a free to use generator thing). This is the 1st song lyrics I've written, so don't be too harsh
It is about Lapis when she was fused with Jasper. I know that was a while ago in the show, but I hope you can still enjoy the song ^^

Music (Thanks to Jukedeck!):https://www.jukedeck.com/share/49a5d5abd70592feea74c789b8aa739f6ef527beba344c689bd9a6d60dbbbe6b

Lyrics
Please don’t
Save me
I need
To stay
You are
my friend
I can’t
Just leave
this
Darkness surrounds me
In this prison I’ve made
Please don’t come to free me,
It’s my choice to make
Deep underwater
I chain myself down
Lapis and Jasper
They don’t exist now
Although I do miss you
We must stay apart
Lost in the darkness
I’m Malachite now...

Please give constructive feedback if you would like! ^^
Posted by Sardonyx's Avatar
Sardonyx
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
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15

1
10/29/2016 8:50 am
Level 66 : High Grandmaster Senpai
Stubbs1
Stubbs1's Avatar
From my point of view, it's hard to understand the lyrics when it isn't sung, however the music you've choosen fits the lyrics very well!

Also! I noticed you said this: "I might sing it, but I'm not a very good singer, so it might be kinda cringy haha"

And let me tell you one thing: It does not matter if it ends up being "cringy" as you call it. You can't know how well it will be before you've tried it out, and if it ends up not being as good as you wanted it to, then instead of giving up, contact someone (like me) who knows a bit of singing, and has done it many times before
1
10/28/2016 8:38 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
Sardonyx's Avatar
buuuump!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
1
10/21/2016 8:56 pm
Level 1 : New Miner
MFMelon
MFMelon's Avatar
Hm, I might try to sing this if that's alright? I don't have good voice recording tools but I could give a rough layout of the lyrical presentation!

Or can only females sing it since it's in the perspective of two 'female' gems?
1
10/21/2016 9:17 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
Sardonyx's Avatar
i would love if you could sing it! ^^ Thanks!
1
10/21/2016 8:22 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
Sardonyx's Avatar
I have another song in progress, and I might post it, but I would like some feedback so I can apply it to other songs too
1
10/19/2016 7:11 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
Sardonyx's Avatar
bump!!
1
10/09/2016 2:30 pm
Level 71 : Legendary Alien
sixfootblue
sixfootblue's Avatar
Sardonyx
DonkeyMonkeyFunkyHoly **** i am a SU fan btw i have seen EVERY episode literally EVERY episode even the mini things i love this song you HAVE TO Add words to it in the video soundtrack thing sorry about the first message accidently pressed submit

Me too! I love it so much

I might sing it, but I'm not a very good singer, so it might be kinda cringy haha


If you're not too confident in your singing ability, I'd recommend looking around voice acting/music community sites for potential vocalists. Since you already have the music and lyrics, it might not be too hard to find someone willing to collab.
1
10/09/2016 1:24 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
Sardonyx's Avatar
Bump ^^
1
10/08/2016 7:14 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
Sardonyx's Avatar
Bump! ^^
1
10/07/2016 10:26 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
Sardonyx's Avatar
DonkeyMonkeyFunkyHoly **** i am a SU fan btw i have seen EVERY episode literally EVERY episode even the mini things i love this song you HAVE TO Add words to it in the video soundtrack thing sorry about the first message accidently pressed submit

Me too! I love it so much

I might sing it, but I'm not a very good singer, so it might be kinda cringy haha
1
10/07/2016 9:46 pm
Level 4 : Apprentice Explorer
DonkeyMonkeyFunky
DonkeyMonkeyFunky's Avatar
Holy -snip-, i am a SU fan btw i have seen EVERY episode literally EVERY episode even the mini things i love this song you HAVE TO Add words to it in the video soundtrack thing sorry about the first message accidently pressed submit
1
10/07/2016 9:11 pm
Level 24 : Expert Mage
z_ah
z_ah's Avatar
cool!
1
10/07/2016 9:23 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
Sardonyx's Avatar
Thanks! ^^
1
10/07/2016 9:19 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
Sardonyx's Avatar
Thanks! ^^
1
10/07/2016 7:40 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Sardonyx
Sardonyx's Avatar
Bump! ^^
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