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Worst joke you ever heard?

xXSPMCXx's Avatar xXSPMCXx10/12/14 11:00 am
1 emeralds 1.4k 47
10/24/2014 8:48 am
Calm_Hawk's Avatar Calm_Hawk
You heard me.
What was the worst joke you ever heard? (this includes puns as well)
when you tell the joke at the end put this:

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Posted by xXSPMCXx's Avatar
xXSPMCXx
Level 10 : Journeyman Architect
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1
10/24/2014 8:43 am
Level 17 : Journeyman Engineer
Quanto__
Quanto__'s Avatar
I've heard some pretty dirty jokes. But what isn't a joke. One of my friends decided to try to "demonstrate" ... certain things ... (you educated people should know what I mean) with a Cuprisun straw at lunch, right in front of one of the girls.
1
10/24/2014 8:48 am
Level 38 : Artisan Modder
Calm_Hawk
Calm_Hawk's Avatar
how old are you?
1
10/24/2014 7:52 am
Level 13 : Journeyman Explorer
Nyxtir
Nyxtir's Avatar
The stupidest ones I've heard probably wouldn't be appropriate, so I'll just say this:

Did you hear about the guy who got his whole left side cut off?
He's all right now.

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1
10/24/2014 3:03 am
Level 3 : Apprentice Network
dummyaccount
dummyaccount's Avatar
Surprised no ones done this one:
What did the beaver say to the tree?
It's been nice gnawing you!

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1
10/24/2014 2:13 am
Level 19 : Journeyman Dragonborn
iedfisjifjwseizjfuse
iedfisjifjwseizjfuse's Avatar
u wot m8
1
10/24/2014 2:06 am
Level 51 : Grandmaster Ladybug
McJackson3180
McJackson3180's Avatar
worst jokes as in dark humor/antijokes or just not funny jokes?
1
10/24/2014 1:57 am
Level 32 : Artisan Toast
_Hellcat_
_Hellcat_'s Avatar
Joke 1 :
Knock Knock
Who's There?
(First Name Here)
(First Name Here) who?
(Full Name Here)

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Joke 2:
What's green with yellow wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels!

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1
10/13/2014 1:26 am
Level 31 : Artisan Toast
GG50
GG50's Avatar
inb4 ban

What's the difference between a pile of dead children and a Bugatti?
I don't have a Bugatti in my garage.

What do you call a man with no arms or legs outside your front door?
Mat

Why did Helen Keller's dog run away?
You would too, if your name was "mmmmph"

While wheeling my girlfriend into an elevator, I motioned to a group of girls across the way. "I bet you wish you had legs as nice as them." Apparently, that's an insensitive thing to say to a disabled person.

What was the boy going to say to his dad when he got back from buying smokes?
I don't know, he's been waiting for several years now.

What did John Wilkes Booth's co-conspirators say on the night of the assassination?
"Break a leg!"

My neighbor's kid won't stop screaming.
I'm starting to think I should give him back.

Life is like a box of chocolates.
Fat people finish it sooner.

You wanna know the worst part about eating vegetables?
Their wheelchairs.

It's sad to think Sandy Hook Elementary ordered books, but all they got were magazines.

"One man's trash is another man's treasure" is a great quote.
Probably not the best way to tell you're kid they're adopted, though.

I saw a black fellow running down the street with a T.V. and I thought "I hope that isn't mine"
So I ran back home to check. Nope, mine was still there, shining my shoes.

I met an old Jewish fellow the other day.
Apparently, "How was camp" was not an appropriate question.

What's black and white, and red all over?
Ferguson Missouri.

I met my mom the other day.
"I think you'd look better with your hair back" is apparently an insensitive thing to say to a cancer patient.


That's all folks. Remember, black humor is best humor. Jokes so dark, they only count as 3/5 of actual jokes.

















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1
10/13/2014 1:08 am
Level 40 : Master Dolphin
dolphinsarecool3
dolphinsarecool3's Avatar
Knock knock
Who's there?
Interrupting starfish
Interrupting starfi- *gets hand in face*

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1
10/13/2014 1:00 am
Level 34 : Artisan Dragon
Find Them Creepers
Find Them Creepers's Avatar
Someone playing a priest rush deck in hearthstone

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1
10/13/2014 12:51 am
Level 8 : Apprentice Artist
WhaleOfLife
WhaleOfLife's Avatar
Click to reveal

Click to reveal

Click to reveal

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1
10/12/2014 11:58 pm
Level 53 : Grandmaster Artist
MomoiroKohi
MomoiroKohi's Avatar
Knock Knock
Who's there
Who the F--- do you think I am? You heard me speak!

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1
10/12/2014 11:55 pm
Level 21 : Expert Cake
sky270
sky270's Avatar
Wanna hear a joke?

King stole a coke
1
10/12/2014 11:32 pm
Level 5 : Apprentice Explorer
minecraft-maniac10
minecraft-maniac10's Avatar
When you realize it wasn't a fart...

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1
10/12/2014 10:58 pm
Level 28 : Expert Pirate
HassanPCMR
HassanPCMR's Avatar
1. Why do abcdefghijklmopqrstuvwxy & z hate hanging out with the letter n? Because n always has to be the center of attention.

2. The time traveler was still hungry after his last bite, so he went back four seconds.

3. What do you call an unpredictable, out of control photographer? A loose Canon.

4. Deeply exhaling indicates a negative mood – at least that’s what sighentists say.

5. What did Lil Jon do when the hardware store employee tried to sell him a lightbulb? Turned down 4 Watt.

6. What do you call crystal clear urine? 1080pee.

7.Time flies when you throw your obnoxious alarm clock across the room.

8. Accidentally broke my Irish friend’s Pixar movie. He wasn’t amused, but he did say “You cracked me Up.”

9. Did you hear about the sensitive burglar? He takes things personally.

10. How do you impress a baker when you’re taking his daughter on a date? Bring her flours.

11. A stinky man walks into a bar. Unfortunately it isn’t of soap.

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credit goes to http://thoughtcatalog.com/christopher-h ... -of-humor/ for all of this corny cheesy goodness.
1
10/12/2014 10:37 pm
Level 36 : Artisan Procrastinator
VoxelBlox
VoxelBlox's Avatar
Dont call me a racist but...

What do you call a black person flying a plane?
Click to reveal
A pilot, what da heck did you think?!? Racist

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A dyslexic man walks into a bra
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Why'd the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot on the other side.
Knock knock, who's there. . .
Click to reveal
The chicken

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1
10/12/2014 10:30 pm
Level 38 : Artisan Modder
Calm_Hawk
Calm_Hawk's Avatar
Guy: Ask me if I am a truck.
Other guy: are you a truck?
NOOOOOOOOO!
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1
10/12/2014 10:27 pm
Level 1 : New Crafter
CallMeBungie
CallMeBungie's Avatar
Knock Knock...

Who is there?

Door...

Door Who?

Dooraw The Explora

*Gun Shot*
1
10/12/2014 10:24 pm
Level 35 : Artisan Narwhal
MineOut
MineOut's Avatar
ayyyyy lmao
1
10/12/2014 10:22 pm
Level 46 : Master Button Pusher
Leeberator
Leeberator's Avatar
1
10/12/2014 4:04 pm
Level 69 : High Grandmaster Fisherman
Aegeah
Aegeah's Avatar
Ugh, you wouldn't beleaf mine.

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1
10/12/2014 11:51 pm
Level 12 : Journeyman Engineer
jjcyalater
jjcyalater's Avatar
I think you mean bayleef

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1
10/12/2014 4:01 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Cowboy
Star
Star's Avatar
Star is cool.

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1
10/12/2014 3:44 pm
Level 12 : Journeyman Birb
SneakyLunatic69
SneakyLunatic69's Avatar
GG50inb4 ban
How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.


That's awful! LOL
1
10/12/2014 3:24 pm
Level 27 : Expert Mage
The Silver Paladin
The Silver Paladin's Avatar
Most of mine are racist.
but: I Found this on Youtube! Referencing SSB4, Kid Icarus, and Sakurai

>"didn't want to over represent his own series"
>dark pit

Guess he got over it.
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1
10/12/2014 3:19 pm
Level 47 : Master Cowboy
Chron
Chron's Avatar
Offensive Chansey

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1
10/12/2014 3:14 pm
Level 31 : Artisan Dragonborn
WTFshady
WTFshady's Avatar
Pre-built PCs

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1
10/12/2014 3:02 pm
Level 1 : New Explorer
blitzjustice
blitzjustice's Avatar
Worst joke ever heard? A Deaf guy.

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1
10/12/2014 2:56 pm
Level 31 : Artisan Toast
GG50
GG50's Avatar
inb4 ban

What did the boy with no limbs get for Christmas?
Cancer.

Why did Sally drop her ice cream?
She was hit by a drunk driver.

How do you get a clown off a swing?
An axe.

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?
Depends how hard you throw them.

What do you call a dog with no legs?
Doesn't matter, he's not gonna come anyway.

Why do Timmy's parents keep calling him?
Timmy was killed in an accident last year and his parents are so stricken with grief they have been unable to realize that he is dead.

What's blue and wriggles around in a corner?
A baby with a plastic bag over its head.

Whats green and sits still in the corner?
Same baby several months later.

She called me 'ugly' until she found out how much money I made.
Now, she calls me 'ugly' and 'poor'.

Why weren't Kyle's parents able to come back from their vacation?
They contracted Ebola and where placed under quarantine where they died several days later.

Where was JFK during his assassination?
All over his wife.

That's all folks. Remember: Black humor is best. Jokes so dark, they only count as 3/5 of actual jokes.








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1
10/12/2014 3:18 pm
Level 20 : Expert Toast
Tumblr_Cat
Tumblr_Cat's Avatar
i feel awful since i laughed at all of them
1
10/12/2014 2:39 pm
Level 43 : Master Spider Rider
SpiderMatty
SpiderMatty's Avatar
A man eats a apple
The other guy says thats 9000 years old
the man says you suck
the other guy faints and dents his car

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1
10/12/2014 2:33 pm
Level 55 : Grandmaster Dragon
Skitto493
Skitto493's Avatar
Other Person: Now, type what you think is the right thing to do.

Me:what you think is the right thing to do.

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1
10/12/2014 2:29 pm
Level 26 : Expert Unicorn
Leeanne
Leeanne's Avatar
This is an actual joke I told my IRL friends.

Me: Hey! Your shoe's untied!

Me: BETTER GO TIE IT!!!!! HAHAHAHAHHAA
And more laughing hystericaly.(Which made everyone else laugh)

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1
10/12/2014 11:55 am
Level 3 : Apprentice Explorer
epicman1248
epicman1248's Avatar
why did the chicken cross the road is the most oldest and repeated joke
1
10/12/2014 11:50 am
Level 34 : Artisan Dragon
Find Them Creepers
Find Them Creepers's Avatar
SkyDoesMinecraft

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1
10/12/2014 11:58 am
Level 52 : Grandmaster Dragonborn
luigi_vampa
luigi_vampa's Avatar
hahaha

Edit: Sorry, shouldn't laugh. Supposed to be bad jokes right.
1
10/12/2014 11:56 am
Level 20 : Expert Toast
Tumblr_Cat
Tumblr_Cat's Avatar
fanboys are gonna get you, i'm sorry, i'm so so sorry...
1
10/12/2014 11:42 am
Level 18 : Journeyman Scribe
TheLadyAesthetic
TheLadyAesthetic's Avatar
Person: What do you see?
Little Mexican girl: See?
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1
10/12/2014 11:41 am
Level 36 : Artisan Prince
n8mo
n8mo's Avatar
Taxes.

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1
10/12/2014 11:37 am
Level 69 : High Grandmaster Meme
VeryMadCrafter
VeryMadCrafter's Avatar
What is a minecraft?
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1
10/12/2014 11:28 am
Level 36 : Artisan Narwhal
JakaCraft
JakaCraft's Avatar
knock knock fart
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1
10/12/2014 11:28 am
Level 9 : Apprentice Narwhal
lobberhead
lobberhead's Avatar
Apple.

Surely thats a good joke?
1
10/12/2014 3:29 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Cowboy
Star
Star's Avatar
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☜(゚ヮ゚☜) EYYYYYYYYY

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1
10/12/2014 11:15 am
Level 10 : Journeyman Architect
xXSPMCXx
xXSPMCXx's Avatar
okok my turn.
BRACE YOURSELFS

Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. It's impossible to put down.
It's not that the man did not know how to juggle, he just didn't have the balls to do it. I used to be a banker but I lost interest.
I'm glad I know sign language, it's pretty handy.
Did you hear about the guy who got hit in the head with a can of soda? He was lucky it was a soft drink.
I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
What is the difference between a nicely dressed man on a tricycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle? A tire.
PS.
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PPS. I TOTALLY DID NOT RIP OFF FROM http://www.punoftheday.com/cgi-bin/disppuns.pl?ord=F AT ALLLLL WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT.
1
10/12/2014 11:12 am
Level 10 : Journeyman Miner
PrimeRobot
PrimeRobot's Avatar
Its a Knock Knock Joke
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1
10/12/2014 11:09 am
Level 3 : Apprentice Network
bepis
bepis's Avatar
A man walks into a bar
He says ouch.
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1
10/12/2014 11:07 am
Level 14 : Journeyman Goblin
-TheGrimCreeper-
-TheGrimCreeper-'s Avatar
According to scientists, the funniest joke in the world is:

Two guys out hiking
One falls down. The other guy calls 911
'Help me help me I think my friend is dead!'
The lady on the other end says ' Okay, calm down. First we need to make sure he's actually dead.' There's a bit of silence, then you here a sound like and axe hitting a watermelon.
They guy gets back on the phone. 'Okay. What's next?'

It just goes to show there are some things you shouldn't leave to scientists.

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