A pop culture controversy in a condensed title!

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avatar Garbagemancer
Level 17 : Journeyman Goblin
Start out with false sentiments. Say how you're sorry with what you will say following this courteous introductary paragraph. Give them the idea that you didn't strictly plan this to happen but you're so angry that your outcry must be heard now! Try to have them believe you don't normally act or think like this (at least publicly), just so they can feel extra sympathy that you're so angry you lose control of your temper over said pop culture topic.

Vaguely reference an event that may or may not have happened. Do it in a manner that
"enunciates everything one party said"
"and another"
"and another"

Use strong wording to remind people that this is wrong on the collective moral scale. Support the ability of one party's right to... what were they doing again? Doesn't matter, Support them anyway because your feelings were hurt by someone else's choices for gathering attention. Remind people how the other parties replied were inappropriate for the situation. The one you are defending can never be wrong.

Mention how this has been an ongoing problem and that your "Minority" should be treated equally. (Ignore base facts about actual minorities as this might dampen your steam engine.) Say how you should expect better of people because we all do this wonderful thing together. Remind people how community is important.

Give them a TL;DR, people love TL;DR's.

Vaguely summarise what you'd just written, but only the juicy bits. Restate your topic sentence.

Give them an award for taking the time out of their "Busy schedules" to read your piece.

Finish with a gif that properly represents the emotion you want people to associate you with as you post this blog.


Remember to stay up-to-date in the comments in case anyone has anything to say contrary to your beliefs so you can remind them of how their opinion is wrong.
CreditTom Hiddleston
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