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An Interview With CoolArmyDude

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avatar Sergeant Sarcasm
Level 48 : Master Lumberjack
“Start by bustin whatz necessary; then do whatz possible; n' suddenly you is bustin tha impossible.” ~Francis of tha Assisi

This is a very important interview to me, as it is with a very important man with very important people after him. I cannot disclose his true name, but at his request, he will be known as "CoolArmyDude" throughout the interview. Sorry to any of those with the real IGN of CoolArmyDude, but this was his special request and is not regarding to you.

Fair warning, this interview has some decently lengthy parts to it. If I were to include all of this wise man's knowledge of the universe, I would have written a textbook. 

  1. How did you discover Planet Minecraft?

    My friends and I were looking for a place to discuss the game and even post our builds we’ve been working on. I was especially excited to find Planet Minecraft, as it seemed to already have a sprawling community and very user friendly. The illusion shattered after a couple minutes browsing. My love for Minecraft shattered as well shortly after. I am no longer in contact with those friends.

  2. That seems harsh, what are you up to now?

    I enrolled at my community college majoring in art after digging up some old crayon sketches from around when I was eleven. It was about fourteen months ago. Currently I am studying to become either an art teacher or a critic (because I cannot draw), so as supplementary training I critically observe the lovely projects of Planet Minecraft.

  3. Has Minecraft impacted your life in any way?

    MC influenced me in far more ways than what my own parents or teachers have done. The most important part of my life from Minecraft is without a doubt my girlfriend, Haruka. How we met was like fate. Bored of vanilla Minecraft, I decided to install a series of mods to spice up the worn down, mundane gameplay. As I wandered down a cave looking for iron, I found a lonely girl wearing a creeper hoodie, sitting against the cold wall, glaring at me. I offered her a piece of my bread, and after some hesitation she finally accepted it. She shyly looked up at me, and said thank you. There was something about her that wouldn’t let me take her eyes off her. I didn’t want to lose this feeling, whatever it was. So, I extended my hand towards her. Her hands were cold from being in this cave, but were small and soft. Without saying a word we ventured on into the darkness together, her grip never leaving mine.

  4. That seems pretty lame, fam. But who am I to judge? Anyway, I’ve heard you grew up living in the hood. How was that like?

    Growing up my older brother, Jayshawn Lee (stylized J-$hawn “Swag MunLee”), was a third generation original gangster (OG). By the time the early 2000s rolled around, the “gangsta lyfe” had become mild compared to that of the 1980s and 1990s. A popular theory is that gangsta rap had died down and replaced with white boys trying to get in the rap scene (shout out to Beastie Boys). Anyway, Jayshawn tried to revive the spirit of gangsters in our hood, Crestwood Luxury Heights. Jayshawn was my idol. Even though he wouldn’t let me in on the Nerf drive-bys and candy hustling, he’d let me watch him. It was like job shadowing, if you will. After the first time Jayshawn got caught by the police and sent to juvenile detention, Jayshawn turned away from the gangsta lyfe. He started studying, going to church, and even did community service. Because of this, Crestwood no longer had a representative for the Future Gangsters of America seminar that year. All of Jayshawn’s gangster friends followed his example and they eventually graduated high school in the top fifteen, with Jayshawn valedictorian of course. They are all happily married. I’m happy for them.

  5. Sounds like a tough life. How did you cope with the pains in your life?

    My parents bought me a lot of Power Ranger action figures to busy myself with whenever they fought downstairs. This early love for figures led me to purchasing Japanese figurines.

  6. We should share a blunt some time, this stuff is pretty loud homes. This is more of a thought question, but how much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?

    Most people would answer with a random number off the top of their head, where the more mathematically inclined would go answer with a proper equation and answer, but whenever I am presented with, in my humble opinion, such a thought provoking
    inquiry, I like to believe that the willpower of the woodchuck alone holds infinite potential to chuck as many wood as he so desires. When I was a boy visiting my grandpap’s summer cottage in the Appalachians, I explored through the woods and came across a woodchuck. For a moment I was in awe of one of God’s beautiful creations, but when I quietly approached it with my brand new hunting knife to casually pet it, I noticed that it was already dead with a bullet hole straight through its head and its brand new Kindle Fire reading tablet. I dropped my knife in disgust, but it accidentally embedded into the corpse. Before I could go gather firewood to roast this thing, I heard a rustling in the bushes. A seven foot cloaked hunter appeared with an illegal automatic firing super soaker in one hand, and a freshly baked empanada in the other. He was probably chinese because when he saw me about to jack his kill, he threw down his empanada (from what I could tell, it was probably chicken inside) and said, “NECESITO UN PAPEL Y LAPIZ” and came charging at me. He loaded his slingshot and fired a pork empanada straight at me, but I swiftly dodged it and cut the barrel of his gun. . All action immediately halted as the plastic tube hit the ground. Tears streamed down his face.

    “N-nani…. sore…?” he silently whimpered. He was collecting his tears into a neon green capsule until it was full, and he suddenly had a wide grin on his face, showing off his horrid overbite. He grabbed a water soaker magnum from the back of his back, and loaded the green capsule. He swiftly pointed the gun at me and yelled, “GOTCHU NOW FAM!” and shot. The empanadas I was choking on deflected the shot, and I coughed out the undercooked baked Spanish goods, grabbed the dead woodchuck, ran far away enough from the hunter’s pistol range. Before fleeing, I faced him, made guns with my hands, placed them on my hips like a cowboy, and said, “Gets!” and ran off. I hung the woodchuck on my grandfather’s mantle back at the cottage. Upon further inspection, the woodchuck was not actually a woodchuck, but a cut piece of log. After multiple failed attempts at making log empanadas, I soon realized that the log had been hollowed and filled with cannabis leaves. No wonder baking never felt so loud that day. I could have used the log as fuel for the fire (I decided to use my mixtape instead) but I decided to establish a national tree and logging taxidermy business with my grandfather. So to answer your question, yes, I do believe that the world needs another great Space Race to provide incentive to advance in technological development.

  7. A nice lengthy response with a meaningful answer, I like it. But I have one last question, and it is the most important one of all. Rocky road, or mint chocolate chip?

    Obviously mint chocolate chip is the superior flavor. No doubt in my mind.

  8. Personally I’m a fan of rocky road, because it is the food of the gods and only plebeians would stoop so low to have such a trashy flavor. But can we at least agree that pistachio is the absolute worst flavor?

    Due to a steaming cow feces bath I once did while on a vacation to northern Cambodia, I am quite tolerant to the crappy taste of people like you, so I will accept your opinion. God yes, pistachio’s existence tries to trick you into thinking it’s mint while it’s not. It’s like your parents purchasing bagels with raisins stuffed in them, and when you think you’ve successfully extracted all the raisins, your mouth is greeted with the traumatizing taste of dried grape and nightmares. Pistachio is much like that cow feces bath; you never realize what you’ve gotten into once you’ve actually done it, and yes, I did swallow some.

    Hope you enjoyed the interview


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  • IXAnakinXI
  • Level 40
  • Master Architect
  • November 30, 2015, 4:17 pm
Sponsored by corn flakes? xD
That was his idea, he was hoping he'd get free cereal from Kelloggs.

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