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Anesthesia of Denial | TheSilentWind

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avatar TheSilentWind
Level 43 : Master Enderdragon
You told me we had so much potential,
And you told me I should be hopeful.
You told me I will feel joyful like never before,
And you told me I should finally open the door.

I waited days, months, and years for your confession.
Time was almost turning into an undying obsession.
Everything appeared to be hinting at your love for me,
And you even said you were waiting to confess explicitly.

Did the confession mean love or did you mean differently?
Was it my misunderstanding or your heartless trickery?
The “joy like never before” turned out to be an antithesis.
Was this the last minute change of heart or it was all along implicit?

I remember when you said you wanted to tell me something,
And I believed that it will be a happy confession,
Until I realized reality was not what I was accepting.
I told myself that you were joking as a way of suppression.

I opened my door and forgot my fears to pursue burning desires;
I was happy until I realized the difficulty of cutting our wires.
Despite my words of dislike and carelessness for you,
Simply cutting our connection was much more painful to do.

At the moment you told me that we had no chance,
The pain had yet to come and I gave a blank glance.
The pain seeped in at the moment denial faded away.
The world drained of light and turned to gray.

The feelings receded but the scars never did.
To this day, I question why and how we couldn’t fit.
The waves crashed onto the shore leaving grains of regret.
Perhaps I played the trickery on myself to not be upset.

Was it you or me who forever shut my door?
No one and nothing could enter my heart anymore.
My fears became too strong for me to get my hopes up again;
The antithesis of the “joy like never before” was too strong back then.

CreditBackground Thumbnail Image Source: https://dg.imgix.net/the-deep-joy-of-self-denial-en/landscape/the-deep-joy-of-self-denial-762d8ccf197d70e059a0100f55d04542.jpg?ts=1513795854&ixlib=rails-3.0.2&auto=format%2Ccompress&fit=min&w=700&h=39

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