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Craft Theory: Why Minecraft Is All Squares

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avatar Diamonddozen
Level 52 : Grandmaster Baconator
Hello Diamond Miners, and welcome to another Craft Theory: I haven’t come up with a slogan yet.

Last week’s Craft Theory was a success in my opinion. I rarely get anything over ten diamonds. I was given a suggestion last week that I really liked. Why is the world made out of squares? There are simple reasons that I believe are wrong. So that means there are also complicated reasons, which I think are right.

What Mojang Tells Us

Mojang is telling us that Notch was simply trying to recreate the 16-bit era of gaming. At first glance, the idea seems okay. The regular array of a Minecraft block clearly has a 16 x 16 pixel pallet. However if you look at any game that actually came from a 16-bit and you will see that it doesn’t all look like Minecraft does. Here’s a scene from Super Mario Bros. 3:


Okay let’s look at this situation. There a few blocks in here. The stage itself is a block. Plus there is the question bock and the two other blocks by the turtle. Those are the ONLY blocks. Mario, the piranha plant, the goomba, and the turtle all have a different shape. There are even circles in an 8-bit game.


Above you see Mike Tyson’s Punch Out for the NES. Mike Tyson, Maro, and even the lifeless fans all have circles. What I’m saying is that the level itself is square so when you are walking on the ground, I suppose it’s somewhat plausible. However, there is no reason that Steve or any of the mobs should be squares.

What Other People Tell Us

Other people’s theories are that squares are much easier to make, because all of its three dimensions are at ninety degree angles. This definitely could be the reason and it SHOULD be the reason.

Another theory is that Steve was in a coma and a team of scientists and doctors changed his reality so that his mind wouldn’t explode when he woke up. No offense, but…really? No, I’m going to be offensive here. That just doesn’t make sense. Is that even possible to change someone’s point of view, physically? I say physically, because it is possible to change someone’s point of view mentally. It’s just a matter of persuasion. However, that’s off topic.

My Theory

Notch has a terrible childhood. Now before you click out of the blog let me shine some light on this situation. Back in the 1950’s a psychologist by the name of Donald Hebb did an experiment a few test subjects. He placed these people in an isolated chamber and examined them for what was supposed to be 42 days. Within a matter of four days all the test subjects began to experience extreme hallucinations such as the room filling with dogs and being hit by imaginary pellets from an imaginary rocket ship. What does this have to with Notch’s childhood you may ask? Simple, Notch was obviously neglected by his parents. They left him in insolation, and he most likely didn’t have many friends. He spent years of loneliness and it has been proven that lonely people will start to believe that inanimate objects have emotions and they feel that it cares for them. So he began to fixate towards these cubes. He fell in love with them. He wanted to learn more. He started drawing them, studying them, and ultimately creating a game about them.

So Minecraft isn’t actually an adventure game at all. It’s all about the cube. The first line of Minecraft’s description on minecraft.net is “Minecraft is a game about breaking and placing blocks”. It doesn’t start by saying something like “Minecraft is a game about having an adventure with fighting skeletons, slaying zombies, and trying to stay away from these weird green things that blow up”. They start to talk about fighting monsters AFTER the fact. This means that the game is about the cube (you already said that).

I feel sorry for you Notch, I really do. Or do I? Your loneliness turned you into a millionaire. It pays to be a nerd ladies and gentlemen. It pays to be a nerd.

Another theory I have is that Notch had a terrible time with something that was square (possibly his soul). Using a tool you can attack squares. This shows his possible hatred towards squares. For instance I hate apples for obvious reasons. And I always want to destroy them. Another example is my hatred for cake, that’s why I eat obsessive amounts of it (yep…that’s why). That’s a short theory, but it’s possible.

That is all I have to say for today. Thank you for reading. By the way I do have a little bit of a schedule. Mondays you will see Craft Theory and Fridays you will see Vs. All other blogs are fair game.

Do you have a comment about today’s theory? Or perhaps you have a theory of your own. Or, if all else fails, maybe you have a suggestion for another episode of Craft Theory. If any of these post down there in the comment section.

01/10/2014 9:13 pm
Level 22 : Expert Pirate
That thing about Daniel Hebb was in the "Portal's Companion Cube Has A Dark Secret" episode of Game Theory :D
01/06/2014 11:41 pm
Level 16 : Journeyman Mage
minecraft is blocks (id like to see someone make minecraft out of circles :P)
01/06/2014 6:21 pm
Level 54 : Grandmaster Programmer
Well, I've tried to make a 3d java game, and trust me. CUBES ARE SO MUCH EASIER THAN ANYTHING ELSE.
01/06/2014 6:02 pm
Level 36 : Artisan Ninja
2 Things; I agree.. why is it cubes why no circles Minecrafter: Don't Swear sorry for saying the ci word?
2. Your skin is here
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