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Doorless Sorrows | A Different Perspective & Sequel to "I 'Hate' You" | TheSilentWind

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avatar TheSilentWind
Level 42 : Master Enderdragon
I woke up in an odd room. I was on a plain white bed. The room surrounding me was quite dimly lit. If I could correctly identify what the wall was made of, I would probably say scratched up old wood. The only source of light was the moonlight coming from a small window in the corner. The window was barred. There was not a single door. This looked like an abandon hospital room, just like I’ve seen in the movies. I wondered where I was. How did I get here? I tried to get up, but I felt a strange weakness in my legs when I tried to move them. My vision faded from the edges, forming a vignette. Everything became blurry, as though I was drunk. I was not, or at least that was what I remembered. I did not feel my face as I touched my cheeks. I fell back to my bed- or someone’s bed. Was I dead?

Where did you go? Oh right, you left me last week. Was I supposed to cry? Did I already drain myself of all pains and sorrows? Was I dead so soon? Was I dying? Was I going to join you soon? Was this a sign that we will soon be reunited?

Then I saw you in front of me as I looked to my front. Where did you come from? I could not get up. I could not speak. I could only breathe, even then, I couldn’t feel my breathing- so at least I thought I was breathing. You were reflecting light from the moon, perhaps more than it could offer. Or was this you emitting the light? Were you calling me on an adventure?

“Leave,” you whispered in a subtly dark voice.

You sounded different, as you sounded too calm to be you.

“Don’t ask questions,” you said, “leave.”

Were you reading my mind? Did you know what I was thinking? Why couldn’t I ask you questions then? Did you know something that I didn’t know about?

I slowly regained control of my arms and hands as I wiggled my fingers. I held my arm out in an attempt to reach you. You backed away without any moving parts of your body. Did you just glide back? Was I going crazy?

… I still couldn’t speak. If I could, I would ask you,

Did you want to take me along and end my emotional pain? Oh, I have forgiven you before you spoke a word. You couldn’t speak a word, and you were probably like me right now, only in more physical pain.

No, somehow, I didn’t feel emotional pain either. I didn’t feel anything. You sounded and acted creepily, but I couldn’t feel anything for you. I did not feel the undying love nor the expected uneasiness right here right now. I wondered if I still love you. Probably, but if so, why couldn’t I feel anything for you anymore? Did you want to take me along?

“No,” you finally said, in a firm yet quiet whisper.

You almost seemed godly to me. When you were standing there, I felt fearless, even though you sounded anything but reassuring or normal. If anything, you sounded creepy. Your mysterious ways confused me, but I did not feel uneasy or creeped out. After all those years, did you not want to say more? Speak to me. This was your chance. I would never get mad at you, I promise.

You remained silent.

I “hate” you, as always.

The vignette in my vision darkened more and more. My vision was fading away. Was I going to be taken away with you? Still, I loved you more than the amount of pain we both had to go through in our lives. To this day, I would love to go back to your arms once more, even though I didn’t feel the love for you in this very moment. Years of waiting, I never got over it. And now, was I awaiting my time to run out, too? Would your arms still be warm when your hands touch mine? You were cold the last time I kissed you and held your hand. You were lifeless, but you were not loveless.

I felt my body float as I could finally move entirely. Somehow, I teleported to you. You were not here. You faded as I was about to touch you. Your voice, too, disappeared.

My vision darkened until I felt nothing but coldness coursing through my entire body. I tried to cry, but I couldn’t. I didn’t feel like crying, but I wanted to drain myself of sorrow. I was already empty. No more to drain.

* * *

I wake up in my bed and look around me. Everything seems perfectly normal now. You are still gone. Was that just a dream? I swiftly open my drawer and take out my locket necklace of you. You gave this to me long ago. I still hold it close to my heart. And I suppose you don’t want me to go with you; it is not my time, yet.

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