Minecraft Blogs / Story

~Hahnu Do Tuzahrol~ Pt.2 ~poem (Ended im so sorry)

  • 226 views, 2 today
  • 3
  • 1
  • 10
SpowzyThePoet's Avatar SpowzyThePoet
Level 43 : Master Mlem Mlem Bat
186
Seeing a large crystal castle out in the distance,
higher than any skyscraper I've seen in the real world.
Getting closer each step, I jumped over the large fence,*whoosh*
seeing animals force to work on farms, the cubs being bored.

A panda general came up to me with his human ride, in my mind i refused,
"What are you doing here in my king's land!", he says in a low tone.
"I think i've been brought from another world.", I say, confused,
"You're the one to save us all!", he says, he then calls the king on the phone.*ring..ring..ring*

"He's here, the one who will save us all!", he says with glee,
"Who are you?", I said, still having a confused face.
"I'm sorry but I think I'm not the one you want.", I say,
"Come let me show you something.", he says, pulling out a key.*clang,clang,clang*

Bringing me to a hole in the ground,
we both jump in,*thump*,looking at ancient drawings on the wall.
A bits of rocks from the ceiling continue to crumble and fall,
telling me the story, while the rocks hit the ground, creating small sound.*crackle*

I started to get the concept of why I was here in thus place,
questions spiral in my head with confusion.
"Can you save us all?", he says with exhilaration,
"Yes ill help only if I can go back to my world.", I say walking back on the trace.

should i do onamonapias (sound effects) more often? put a comment below, let me know what you think.

VOTE HERE FOR THE POEM YOU WANT TO SEE ME WRITE
OR SUGGEST A POEM TO ME BY MESSENGING ME ^_^ I WILL READ IT
Tags

1 Update Logs

Update #1 : by SpowzyThePoet 08/19/2015 11:37:55 pmAug 19th, 2015

i just dont think ill make an ending good enough so ill be ending it for now ;3; i guess it did seem like it ended cause its been a while since i made this one

Create an account or sign in to comment.

1
08/20/2015 8:13 pm
Level 70 : Legendary Vampire
Beverly
Beverly's Avatar
This story is wonderful, although the sound effects are a bit unusual. I have not seen them done often in stories. I might suggest doing them a little less often. :) But other than that, the story is great. I like the rhyming aspect on some of the lines though, that adds interest and individuality.
1
08/20/2015 9:13 pm
Level 43 : Master Mlem Mlem Bat
SpowzyThePoet
SpowzyThePoet's Avatar
thank you so much (im definatly taking out the onamonapias out of the poem) but as of now it'll be a while til i start posting another. be sure to hang on tight for some more poems coming your way =^-^= i love pmc, so much opinions and suggestions really help, thats why i post my poems on here for other to enjoy and judge.
1
08/20/2015 9:16 pm
Level 70 : Legendary Vampire
Beverly
Beverly's Avatar
I love poems, I'll hang on tight :3

PMC is awesome. Constructive criticism is wonderful too <3 And I really enjoyed your poem!
1
08/15/2015 3:03 pm
Level 18 : Journeyman Network
UNDERTALE_CREW
UNDERTALE_CREW's Avatar
DERPDERPDERPDERPDERPDERPDERPDERPDERPDERPDERP
1
08/15/2015 10:25 am
Level 18 : Journeyman Network
UNDERTALE_CREW
UNDERTALE_CREW's Avatar
Derp
1
08/15/2015 2:29 pm
Level 43 : Master Mlem Mlem Bat
SpowzyThePoet
SpowzyThePoet's Avatar
Derp de Derp
1
08/14/2015 10:20 pm
Level 18 : Journeyman Network
UNDERTALE_CREW
UNDERTALE_CREW's Avatar
Ok, it just looked kind of wierd
1
08/14/2015 10:21 pm
Level 43 : Master Mlem Mlem Bat
SpowzyThePoet
SpowzyThePoet's Avatar
hehe :3
1
08/14/2015 10:03 pm
Level 18 : Journeyman Network
UNDERTALE_CREW
UNDERTALE_CREW's Avatar
I say do them less often
1
08/14/2015 10:19 pm
Level 43 : Master Mlem Mlem Bat
SpowzyThePoet
SpowzyThePoet's Avatar
alrighty ^_^ that was a firsty using onamonapias :I
Planet Minecraft

Website

© 2010 - 2024
www.planetminecraft.com

Welcome