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Legend of DRAGO!

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Jaskirat's Avatar Jaskirat
Level 5 : Apprentice Crafter
1
200 years ago....

As he heard the last dying cries of the enderdragon, he suddenly dropped to his knees. "That took a lot of energy it seems, Herobrine, my brother." said the mans companion. "I'll be fine." Herobrine gasped. This, on herobrines part, was an understatement. But the battle he had just fought had infact left him NOT fine, but to a state of nausea and extreme pain. But at least his mission was complete, now he may be accepted into the darklords order. "I beg of you brother! Do not join him! He will destroy everything you hold dear!" Cried herobrines brother, in a pleading voice. "What do you know you fool! Now dont speak so loud or he will hear! He can hear everywhere...." shouted herobrine, his voice tainted with fear and hatred of his brother.

He always thought of notch the lucky one, the one whos power matched the darklords own. "Why did u not help me brother!" said herobrine becoming teary. "i couldve died!" the power in his voice regaining. " I do not want to destroy something as beautiful as the enderdragon..." said notch simply. "i do not support the darklord, it was your mission to kill the enderdragon, not mine." Then suddenly, the sky boomed with lightning, and a man cloaked in a red glow came down from the sky. He was large! Almost as big as the enderdragon! And suddenly, herobrine felt the air grow cold. He was in the presence of the darklord.

"You dare take an enemy of mine with you!" the darklord shouted at herobrine, his voice like the lightning and thunder in the sky. "i did did not me me mean to offend offend you lord!" cried herobrine, his voice truly full of fear. "I do not tolerate mistakes usually...but you are a valuable tool, but my enemy must die...at your hands." the darklord said menacingly.

"WHAT! but he is my bro-" "i dont care what relationship he has with you!" cut in the darklord with anger. Herobrine looked at notch and said "ill tell your family the truth." And as he brought his hand out of his pocket, and as it started to glow red, notches eyes became fearful, and then he collapsed at the feet of herobrine, and as herobrine looked at the darklord, he looked at the lords eyes, and saw his refection, and he saw his eyes. They were red.

Coming soon, chapter 1
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1
10/15/2012 2:00 pm
Level 34 : Artisan Creeper
ABlindSniper115
ABlindSniper115's Avatar
Can I make a suggestion? This should be split up into multiple paragraphs. I haven't read it yet, and the fact that it isn't broken up at all kind of scares some people from reading it. Just giving you a suggestion to improve your writing!
1
10/17/2012 1:51 am
Level 5 : Apprentice Crafter
Jaskirat
Jaskirat's Avatar
ok thnx!
1
10/15/2012 2:03 pm
Level 34 : Artisan Creeper
ABlindSniper115
ABlindSniper115's Avatar
Just read it. It is pretty good! I agree with shadowminded that it has potential.
1
09/10/2012 4:58 am
Level 25 : Expert Dragon
shadowminded
shadowminded's Avatar
This has a lot of potential. All I can say is that it's well written but please do get someone good to go over it for grammar and spelling. You need a good editor :3
1
09/10/2012 5:07 am
Level 5 : Apprentice Crafter
Jaskirat
Jaskirat's Avatar
ok, thnx for the feedback! i am actually usually good with grammar and punctuation but i am tired. ill fix it up soon.
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