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Restless Soul (Mystery in the Mansion - Blog Contest)

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avatar AviationWolf
Level 38 : Artisan Ranger
32
It was a cold, dim day in the Forest of restless souls, a desolate, lifeless forest. Where you are only guided by a crude, dusty trail. Where the only sound that could be heard was that of the leafless trees in the breeze rubbing together. The deeper you got the denser and dark it became. Two German tourists, Matthias and Hanz read a sign stating; this forest is known for its paranormal occurrences. This forest grew over a mass grave and has a strong and sometimes violent presence. Enter at your own risk. Matthias looks at Hanz and calmly says to him "Man, I'm not sure I want to enter." Hanz with a stern look on his face says "Grow up Matthias, do you actually believe all this paranormal malarkey?" Matthias shrugs and says "I guess not."

They then enter the forest, as they hike towards the forest; the temperature drastically falls down from 5 Celsius to -5. Matthias notices a decomposing corpse to his right, Matthias then screams. "WHAT IS IT!!!" shouts Hanz. A shocked Matthias trembles and violently shivers. quietly Matthias says "look." Hanz then looks to ground and sees the rotten, maggot infested corpse. He then starts to vomit, Matthias faints. It takes them 10 minutes to come round; they eventually get back on track.

"Hanz, I think we should find shelter soon," it was getting late. Hanz says "agreed". After what seemed to be an eternity, they come across a peculiar sight, an old abandoned Mansion! Matthias points it out "Hanz, look it’s a derelict mansion. I think we should stay there." Hanz then nods at Matthias. They quickly sprint to the Mansion, when they reach the entrance they notice some sort of a monument that reads; On the night of the 12th June, 1924. A psychopathic asylum escapee dressed in a police outfit wielding a Thompson Submachine Gun. Came to the Jefferson family mansion. He then massacred the family and buried their bodies in the surrounding forest. They creep into the derelict mansion to discover what used to be a grand stair case that has fell into disrepair. "Hanz, let's go upstairs." whispered Matthias. They then walk to the grand staircase and start to climb. Suddenly, the planks break and something grabs a hold of Matthias's leg. "Hanz, help me!" shouts Matthias as the arm pulls Matthias down. Hanz looks at Matthias with pure terror on his face, he then runs away. "No Hanz! where are you going!?" Matthias was now chest deep in the hole. Hanz runs to the grand bedroom and locks the door. "Please god, leave me alone, please, please, please." Prays a frightened Hanz. He starts to weep. Knock! Knock! something was banging on the door. Hanz then starts to weep uncontrollably "no, no, no, no, no, this can't be happening!" says a distressed Hanz. Crash! the door falls down. Hanz can’t believe his friend is levitating, all he can focus on is Matthias’s milky white eyes "Hanz, why did you leave me?" says a possessed Matthias. "Sorry, I didn't mean to leave you. I..I..I was scared. I could could couldn't help help help yyyou" replies Hanz. "You will suffer for what you did." says Matthias. He grabs Hanz by the leg and drags him out of the room. "No! no! no! no!" shouts Hanz as he is dragged away.

In 1974, two German tourists entered the woods at Stoney Creek Township in New Jersey. Only one was found. A police search was organized. In June 1975, they discover one of the tourists Matthias Beckenbauer, 37 standing over the decomposing corpse of Hanz Goldberg, 39 at the former Jeffersons family mansion. They put Matthias is a mental hospital in Nuremberg while he was on trial. His condition: insanity. He was charged with murder and is currently serving a life sentence at Landsberg Prison.
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3 Update Logs

Update #3 : 11/13/2017 5:23:47 amNov 13th, 2017

Added more description to the forest at the beginning.
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9 replies

1
11/12/2017 7:58 am
Level 31 : Artisan Skinner
KatKit
This is pretty good! All I would ask is that you give it a weaker start, and add more to the setting before adding in the character's diolouge.
1
11/11/2017 1:10 pm
Level 34 : Artisan Vampire
Mikufan06
sorry i was busy with homework but i like it
1
11/11/2017 3:26 am
Level 38 : Artisan Ranger
AviationWolf
yeah, I really only planned for it to be psychological horror sort of like the Babadook.
by the way, thanks for the advice!
1
11/10/2017 6:09 pm
Level 32 : Artisan Wolf Whisperer
GoggleD0GG
You could’ve made them eat the corpse and make us feel extra creeped out! Or you could make a story as boring as mine ._.
1
11/10/2017 8:34 am
Level 38 : Artisan Ranger
AviationWolf
C'mon! why hasn't anybody given a diamond or favourite?
I recommend you to tell your subscribers or your subscriptions
to have a read.
1
11/09/2017 2:30 am
Level 38 : Artisan Ranger
AviationWolf
Thanks! *Blushes*
1
11/08/2017 9:20 pm
Level 24 : Expert Dragonborn
DragonLilly
Pretty good, you've got a great plot. I do suggest to revise the grammar and fix some other mistakes but besides that its very good! Keep up the good work ;D
1
11/09/2017 8:33 am
Level 38 : Artisan Ranger
AviationWolf
I have improved it. Have a read if you want.
1
11/08/2017 12:19 pm
Level 33 : Artisan Bunny
Totocchio
'Matthias'
You named your main character after a YouTuber. Diamond for you!! xD

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