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The Changing

The Changing

Contest Finalist!
This Blog is in the LEGO Minecraft Cave Hanger Contest which is now Complete!
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avatar Buzzers11
Level 16 : Journeyman Architect
16
Swing after swing, chip after chip, Steve continued to pick away at the ore, until... something strange happened.

The mismatched trio watched on as before their eyes, with one final blow, the ore began to glow brighter than 1000 glowstone blocks ever could.

The spider and the zombie exulted, their plan had worked! For years they had waited for their hero to arrive.

Hearing the triumphant cry Steve turned and let out a shout as he realised what had been behind him, but after a brief moment he realised something; the pair were not attacking, if anything they were retreating!

An aura began to surround them, and Steve watched on as the skeleton and the spider began to rise up into the air, first inches and then metres.

What he saw then was beyond anything he could have imagined, they were... changing.

Green flesh turned pale, the spider began malting hair and changing shape, becoming... no...

These creatures, these cave dwellers, could they be... human? Steve thought.

As the glow subsided the pair sank to the ground and cried, ‘It’s finally over! You WERE the one that we had been waiting for!’

‘What just happened?’ Steve inquired.

‘250 years ago, we entered this cave as adventurers, like you!’ Explained one of the men.

‘When we found that rock it turned us into those creatures, since then we have been in isolation, but now we are free. We owe our lives to you, Steve, we are eternally in your debt.’

-FIN-



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Punctuation : 09/13/2015 8:15:40 pmSep 13th, 2015

A few punctuation changes to smooth the flow of the piece
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Comments : 29

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  • OliverFrenchie
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 70
  • Legendary Scribe
  • October 10, 2015, 1:02 am
I recognise that Steve in the thumbnail from somewhere..
  • Buzzers11
  • Level 16
  • Journeyman Architect
  • October 10, 2015, 7:30 am
Hey! I found it in a collection of steve rig photos a while back, can't remember where...
  • GrayRemnant
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 23, 2015, 2:02 pm
I like it.  Though, I think some more structure (I.E. paragraphs) would definitely suit this story better.
  • Buzzers11
  • Level 16
  • Journeyman Architect
  • September 26, 2015, 3:34 pm
Hey man, thaks for the feedback!
I'm working on that side of things as we speak, dealing with formating etc.






Looking forward to seeing your entry!
  • GrayRemnant
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 26, 2015, 6:43 pm
Thanks, buddy!  I've got a trailer for it up on Youtube, if you care to check it out.  ;)
  • CHorse
  • Level 35
  • Artisan Fish
  • September 8, 2015, 3:58 pm
Umm... Ok?
Wasn't it a zombie? I know it had to be onyl 250 characters or so, but it was a bit brief. You took 4 paragraphs going all like 
Steve duz dis epicness!!!
Then ti's all kind of like this:
Oh yeah, thanks!

Not sure if you understand, but they didn't explain as thoroughly as I'd hoped they would. If I make you feel bad, don't worry, I'm a criticizer, so you aren't the only one.
I'm a worse critic than you. Like, way worse.
  • CHorse
  • Level 35
  • Artisan Fish
  • September 10, 2015, 12:51 pm
Well then go ahead, I'm not stopping you.
I'm just saying I'm a criticizer. And plus if I do try to criticize, I always end up getting certain rights suspended from me by a moderator. Considering how many times moderators have done this(Only a few times, but they did certain things that weren't pleasent.), I don't think I'd like to annoy them again. I'll probably be banned from here.
  • CongoCarl
  • Level 19
  • Journeyman Cowboy
  • September 10, 2015, 1:43 pm
I think you mean "critic," not "criticizer."
  • CHorse
  • Level 35
  • Artisan Fish
  • September 11, 2015, 12:20 pm
Nope, critics are extremely sensitive. I just like to criticize random crap; and in some of those cases, they literally are crap.
  • Buzzers11
  • Level 16
  • Journeyman Architect
  • September 9, 2015, 1:36 pm
Hey CHorse, someone else noticed the skeleton too haha so will work on that.
And yeah this is just a first draft really, so will be sure to balance everything out, but thanks for your feeback.
Being critical is just about the best I could ask for!
  • CHorse
  • Level 35
  • Artisan Fish
  • September 10, 2015, 12:54 pm
:D
Yay!!! I like your attitude. Did this before and usually I got in trouble with about fifty other guys for simply pointing out the obvious. Thanks for the acceptance!!!
:D
(Even more :D)
if you dont want to get in trouble you could be a bit nicer... Like saying how they could improve instead of saying it "Jerk-like" xD
  • CHorse
  • Level 35
  • Artisan Fish
  • September 13, 2015, 9:55 am
Nicer? This is as nice as it gets. Pointing out the obvious is pretty nice. You want mean? Cuz I can contact you with people that make you feel like crap. 
And I'm just here to criticize, and I've said what he needs to improve on.
So . . . what am I doing wrong?
Im just saying what you could do to avoid having 50 other people getting pissed off at you.
  • CHorse
  • Level 35
  • Artisan Fish
  • September 13, 2015, 3:07 pm
Meh, the only reason I care is if I accidently flame someone. Then things tend to happen and I always somehow wind up getting punished by 15 different people. One of which is the moderators, which are the only guys who punish me justly.
However, let them be p***** off at me. I don't give a darn crap. Let them be. If that's how they feel about me then so be it!
  • Buzzers11
  • Level 16
  • Journeyman Architect
  • September 10, 2015, 2:27 pm
Ahahah, well if people don't point out what could be improved, i'm never going to get any better, so it's nice to have people helping me to make this the best that it can be! :D (noooo you've infected me with your smiley faces)
  • CHorse
  • Level 35
  • Artisan Fish
  • September 11, 2015, 12:26 pm
Well, I'm glad you didn't take this as offensive as the other guys.
(cringing)
But now I'm gonna infect you with these awesomerestester smiley faces!!!

ツ ツ ツ ツ ツ ツ ツ ツ ツ ツ ツ ツ ツ
  • Buzzers11
  • Level 16
  • Journeyman Architect
  • September 12, 2015, 4:48 am
Oh gawwwdddd
  • CHorse
  • Level 35
  • Artisan Fish
  • September 13, 2015, 9:58 am
Oh YES!
☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺☺
It was a zombie and a spider, not a skeleton and a spider. You'd better correct it, it could take away from your score. (No offense, just helping) Otherwise great! :D
  • Buzzers11
  • Level 16
  • Journeyman Architect
  • September 9, 2015, 1:35 pm
Ah that's a good spot, thanks so much!!! That could have been a disaster haha, will change it up a bit soon.
Ok
  • Sam
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 7, 2015, 9:33 pm
Awesome story dude! 

Really love the concept!! One thing that stuck out to me was a couple comma splices/run on sentences. 

For example:
"Hearing the triumphant cry, Steve turned, and let out a shout as he realised what had been behind him, but after a brief moment, he realised something, the pair were not attacking, if anything they were retreating! "

What you could do to improve this is just split it up into 2-3 sentences instead of trying to cram the whole thought into one. 

Re-read your story keeping the concept of comma splices in mind because if anything that was the only thing that popped up a few times throughout and really stuck out to me. 

Regardless, I think you use some awesome diction and I really like the begining where you use some repetition. To me, the use of the repetition helps to display how tedious the task at hand really is to Steve. 

Good job man!
be my writing teacher pls
  • Buzzers11
  • Level 16
  • Journeyman Architect
  • September 8, 2015, 6:38 am
Thanks so much! Can see what you mean and will keep working on this as the competition progresses, glad you liked it :)

Best of luck for the contest !
  • Sam
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 56
  • Grandmaster Senpai
  • September 8, 2015, 3:58 pm
You too dude
  • BIO
  • Site Moderator
  • Level 46
  • Master Gent
  • September 7, 2015, 6:31 pm
Dern, that's pretty deep
  • Buzzers11
  • Level 16
  • Journeyman Architect
  • September 7, 2015, 6:33 pm
Haha, hopefully that's a good thing, wanted to do something different

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