Within the man, there is kindness. Within the shadow of the man, there is cruelty. In
the mind of the man lies true human nature-the urge to expand, explore, and
conquer. In the depths of the mind of the man, there are animal instincts. The
urge to kill, to prey on, and to survive by all means.


Within the wolf, there is loyalty. Within the shadow of the wolf, there is a painful
abandonment. In the wolf is the urge to protect, the defense. In the shadow?
Offense. In their mind is a need to
live, regardless of who must pay, unless the payer of the price they care
about. In the corner of that same mind is a disregard for who must pay. In the
corner, a strong soul is worth an infinite number of weaker ones.


There are two forces fighting inside of you-the wolf and the man. Within those forces
are more fighting-the shadow and the light. The man inside you will fight that
battle constantly until it finds balance, if ever. The wolf? Well, that’s
simpler.



My earliest memories are quite foggy and difficult to recall, but I shall try to
the absolute extent of my ability to remember.


When I was a mere pup, there were six of us. Four girls-Fox Ear, Eagle Eye, Squirrel
Tail, and, the weakest of them, Soft Rock. My only brother’s name was Shadow,
and I was simply Wolf.


Only me and my brother would survive.



I’ll make it quick, to save you from getting too attached-Fox Ear was killed by a
fox when she went exploring for the first time, Eagle Eye got caught within the
crooked talons of a bird, Squirrel Tail died of ingestion, and Soft Rock got
crushed to death when our den collapsed.


By then it became obvious to me that our names described our fate within a
reasonable margin of error.


When I was a bit older, Den Mother, our life giver, started going out for longer and
longer periods of time, me and Shadow playing endlessly, chasing each other.


It was a rather warm day when she didn’t come back.


An hour longer than usual had passed and yet there was no sign of Den Mother. Naïve
and foolish me and my brother continued to play, until the moment that would
change our life occurred with a shock like that of leaping into a wretchedly freezing-cold
rushing river.


We heard a quick, tense bark, followed by another. At this point, our hairs began
to stand on edge-wolves rarely bark.


Then two more.


Finally, BANG.


In fear we ran together, knowing we mustn’t leave the other’s side if we planned
to survive. We raced away from the hunters, one who cried out in guilt for
murdering a supposed lone wolf who turned out to be a parent, the others
screaming while running after us. “Get ‘em! Come on, Jack! GET THEM!!”

Our short, stubby legs were quite incapable of running fast enough to flee. As they
began gaining on us, panic overtook me, and I leaped into a rushing body of
water. It dragged me under, me rising again just to be brutally pulled down
toward the muddy bottom. The water choked me, filth filling my nostrils and
ears, my lungs practically screaming. Every time I surfaced I gasped, but I was
pulled under so quick I ended up inhaling dirty water.


It took me a while to fight my way out, but I eventually wound up back on dry-well,
semi-dry land.


The realization that Shadow wasn’t with me choked me more than any water could.


I was too young to hunt and barely old enough to eat undigested meat, but I tried my
hardest to survive, following packs at a distance, feeding off their leftovers.
I became an expert at scavenging-eat here, dart away, eat more, hear the stranger
wolves approaching, sprint against the wind so they don’t follow your scent.


Heartbreak, I discovered, is an inescapable sadness. It’s when you lose your last chance to
be with someone. I was just merely surviving, the spirit of the wolf burning
inside of me. Sometimes I felt lower than normal, but I always found that there
was at least an ember in the ashes which would relight the flame with the help
of some kindling.


And with that said I survived, harsh days after even harsher days, until I was
mostly grown.


The day was colder than average, chilling me to the bone. I had just finished my
share of an elk corpse when I heard a creature approaching rapidly. The wind was
still that day, so I ran diagonally away from the sound when my leg became
trapped in a tangle of vines.


A bear appeared out of the dense wood, sniffed the air, rose to stand on two legs
as though a man, and roared a bestial roar.


I knew then my time was running short, and so did the wolf inside me. The bear charged
towards me and swung its paw, aiming to break my spine. The adrenaline rushing
through me made me numb to the pain as it missed, creating a wound on my leg that
would scar me for life. It took me about half a moment to realize that the vine
was broken as well, and I began to run away, the blood oozing from my right
hind leg trailing. The wound was severe enough to slow me down dramatically,
the bear catching up.


I snapped around, moving as though a machine, and killed the bear.


How it died with a mere, quick, weak metallic click of my teeth I will never understand.


Shadow then emerged and began to speak in a ghostly voice. “You have killed in your
own interest. You are no better than I am, brother.”


In a rage, I chased after him as he raced off. As I ran, I saw a human and stopped. It
was a hunter who seemed familiar before it clicked. He was the one who felt
guilty. He had wounds all over his body-bite marks from sharp canines, fangs used
for evil. I stared at him helplessly as Shadow ceased his sprint, turned around
slowly, and trotted towards me.


I suddenly found my voice. “Brother, you have murdered in revenge, I am sure of
it. Hatred fuels you. Your soul is blacker than your fur.”


“You, too, Wolf, have murdered.”


Defensively, I responded, “I killed to survive. The bear was evil, just as you are. It
wanted me dead because, unlike it, I was content. I was hurting, and I still
am, Shadow, but I found solace in the pain. A life without pain is not a life worth
living, and you seek life without any discomfort.”


“Ah, you see, Wolf, giving in to the darkness has freed me. I am no longer chained to
the weight of grief. I am a slave to the fuel and thrill of revenge.”


The man, who I presumed was dead, rose.


“Cease your bickering! I have fought a similar fight. When I and my buddy killed your
mother, I was giving in to the darkness inside of me, the darkness that my partner
in that crime had led me into, hoping to trap me. When I saw you two, helpless
and terrified, the man inside of me broke free from the chains of his shadow.
You two are doomed to fight endlessly. The one of you who wins will be the wolf
who feeds on the spirit of the wolf rather than its shadow.”


Shadow looked at me and sighed. “The man is right in your mind. You’re fed by the wolf.
Our names told us our destiny, just like our sisters. Isn’t it funny?”


“You will suffer endlessly, as I, Wolf, shall continue to feed the wolf inside of me.”


With that Shadow raced off.


In a short time I was with the man, in a small tent near the same river I had almost lost
my life to.



Now, that would’ve been the end of my story, but it taught me a lesson I must share
with the man, right here, right now.


“Man, do you still struggle with the forces inside of you?”


“Yes. The shadow of the man entices me but is evil. The pure man is the perfect
balance, but I cannot reach that, for I am but a man by myself.”


“You must exist in the gray, kind sir.”


Months passed. He fished while I chased squirrels. It was rare he had more than one
meal a day, but them meals he had were good. Half a squirrel I didn’t eat, a few
fish, and greens found in the wood. One day, about a week after that fateful day,
he told me he intended to live in the wild for a bit. “It’s to feed the good
wolf-not you, you feed yourself off squirrels and such-but the good wolf inside
me. I plan to abandon the man for now.”


“Wolf, I have learned the lesson. I am learning how to live with doubt, learning how to
live without, learning how to feed the gray. I know I must win this fight
before black and white takes over.”


Wolves can’t truly cry-or so I thought as salty tears rolled down my face.


“Man…your message is powerful. Spread it. I must now move on to aid others in defeating
the shadow of the man.”


I remembered that day up until now. I am dying. I have lived a long, good life,
and now I have a message I would like to share.


Someday
you’ll be gone


To
the place karma say you belong


It’s
not just you-the world is wrong


It’s hard
to imagine I lasted this long.





Someday
we’ll all be gone


Because
there is another side-


One for
us who were right,


And
one for those who lied.





Tomorrow
I’ll be gone


I can
only hope I’ve been kind.





As this story proves, the good wolf will prevail if you feed it. The shadow of the
wolf will fail in the presence of the good wolf.