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The Mansion In Another Place (Contest Entry) - Sound Readthrough Now Included!

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Zatharel
Level 43 : Master Sweetheart
371












JUKEBOX:
Search "King Krule" or "Jerkcurb" on Spotify/Youtube. Hit shuffle. You're welcome.
Credit:proofreads by cool people

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  • JediJerboa
  • Level 27
  • Expert Pokemon
  • January 2, 2018, 10:04 am
Reminds me of "And Then There Were None" by Agatha Christie, especially with the poem. It reminds me of the "Ten Little Soldier Boys" poem within the book, which really freaked me out as a kid. Thank you for re-igniting my childhood fear, as it really adds to the creepy factor for me personally. :)
  • Zatharel
  • Level 43
  • Master Sweetheart
  • January 2, 2018, 11:09 am
It's very much inspired by it. I'm glad someone noticed.

The original draft of it was a bit different and was A LOT like ATTWN. Mostly it was about 6 people (including the narrator, but not known until later in the story) getting inside the mansion and being killed one by one. Later revealed that the narrator is in fact the killer.

I'm glad I re-did it haha.
  • candle_
  • Retired Moderator
  • Level 34
  • Artisan Botanist
  • December 2, 2017, 4:27 pm
Keep forgetting to comment, but I really like the dead money sort of vibes the whole event gives off ^^
  • Zatharel
  • Level 43
  • Master Sweetheart
  • December 2, 2017, 11:29 pm
Does it?

It was originally supposed to be something similar to And Then There Were None. I actually had a lot of it written very early on in the contest but restarted from scratch and then things took a slightly more mystical turn into the twilight zone, lol.
  • Ninja_cat_
  • Level 1
  • New Miner
  • November 28, 2017, 2:02 pm
That was very cool :). The story is good.
  • Zatharel
  • Level 43
  • Master Sweetheart
  • November 29, 2017, 1:32 am
(:
  • jessy999
  • Level 30
  • Artisan Fox
  • November 27, 2017, 10:20 am
hey the idea with the text you read from me ;P
  • Zatharel
  • Level 43
  • Master Sweetheart
  • November 28, 2017, 12:49 am
I mean... I've been doing read-throughs for the last 3 contests...
  • jessy999
  • Level 30
  • Artisan Fox
  • November 28, 2017, 5:03 am
No, I do not think it's that bad
I think it is also very well spoken ^^
Well that was weird... yet very captivating.
Smart not to tell us the "horrible deed" of the protagonist. Lets the reader fill in the gaps, while leaving room for empathy towards the guy. And then the whole trip to the mansion is just this amazing metaphor for the guilt that haunts the character, through which you can actually feel his remorse. And then the ending brings everything together.I love everything about this! Starting to fear for my place in this contest... x)
  • Zatharel
  • Level 43
  • Master Sweetheart
  • November 27, 2017, 2:15 am
Glad you enjoyed it (:
ew
  • Zatharel
  • Level 43
  • Master Sweetheart
  • November 26, 2017, 4:35 am
oh :(

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