I didn’t think it could happen again . . .

After Paril and Cyprezz fixed the time vortex on page 7 of the ‘Recently Updated’ page, we undoubtably dodged a bullet.  The universe was at the precipice of disaster, almost swallowed by a demon penguin army.  It should have been over and done with, but now it seems that I was wrong.

The occultation has returned, but this time it’s much worse.  Page 2 of the ‘Recently Updated’ page is now caught in the quantum time vortex.  It seems our worst fears have been realized. The problem is now ten-trillion times worse.



If this trend continues, the quantum loophole will soon consume Page 1, and if that happens we’ll surely face a disastrous calamity the likes of which we’ve never seen.



Thousands of years ago, the first page of the ‘Recently Updated’ page was created for the sole purpose of defending the universe from the vicious penguin demigods.  The leaders of the evil penguin army, Lipra and Zeprycz, were poised to consume all our diamonds, while leaving the world in ruinous decay.



The penguins were ultimately defeated, and their leaders were thought to be destroyed with them.  But now it has become glaringly obvious that Lipra and Zeprycz have returned to exact their revenge on us!

. . .

Wait a minute. Lipra and Zeprycz . . . Paril and Cyprezz . . . GOOD GOD, THEY’RE ANAGRAMS!!!

It’s worse than I feared.  After the great penguin war, Lipra and Zeprycz must have shape-shifted and infiltrated our society under the guise of our very protectors!  It’s like a twist in an M. Night Shyamalan film!!!  No, not the crappy twist from ‘The Happening’.  That’s just stupid.  I’m talking full-blown, Bruce-Willis-was-dead-all-along, mind-blowing, twistacularness!



Ladies and gentlemen, it’s been a pleasure to know you all these years, but it seems that our time has come.  Soon legions of furry penguins will descend upon us and force their horrifying way of life upon us.  That’s right, get ready for an obligatory diet of fish and nothing else!



People will be slaves, lower on the socioeconomic scale than Walruses and Polar Bears.  Every house will be filled with 500 cubic gallons of chilled salt water, and the only channel on television will be Nat Geo Wild.  Luckily, the penguins might be merciful enough to let us watch hockey.  I think the penguins are Pittsburgh fans (for obvious reasons).



The climate will turn cold, and all the- Wait a minute.  That’s it!  I know how we can beat the penguin holocaust!  We need to increase global warming!  :D



Quickly everybody, go out and buy gas-guzzling cars.  No more carpooling; be as wasteful as physically possible.  If you live in an area with windmills or solar panels, take to the streets with sledgehammers and destroy them immediately!



In order to save the planet we so dearly care about we must drill, frack, and burn our way to freedom!  Hell, let’s set off some nukes while we’re at it.  I’m sure they produce greenhouse gasses.

Take that, penguin overlords!  Let’s just see you thrive in a radioactive desert wasteland!

Hopefully, the real Paril and Cyprezz will solve this problem before we all kill ourselves.  Hopefully . . .

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Crisis averted!  This morning the Earth's atmosphere started on fire and the oceans all evaporated.  Aparently, global warming has gotten so bad, the penguins no longer wish to inhabit Earth.  Instead, they've chosen to just live on Pluto, which is much more suitable for them.

We did it!  Our planet is saved!  Good job, guys!  :D

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Part I - The PMC Apocalypse is Nigh!

Part II - The PMC Apocalypse Returns!