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The Remnants of You | TheSilentWind

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avatar TheSilentWind
Level 43 : Master Enderdragon
132
“Bye, Miver. I’ll always love you. Come back to me soon, okay?”

  “Of course. I’ll always love you too, Vidia,” you smile with your eyes slightly glistening. I can see that you are holding in tears. “I promise that I will be back. Remember what I have taught you. You’re a brave girl. Don’t listen to their lies.”

  I feel like crying, but I force myself to hold it in. You’re about to board the plane, and when you leave my sight, I don’t know how long it will take before I’ll get to see you again. Months…? Years…? But I promised not to cry when you announced the situation, as that would be very selfish of me. I hope you come back in time and we can still go to the same college together.

  I remember what you said to me. I sit on the benches, trying to smile at you as you wave at me until you finally board the plane.

  “Hey, Vidia. I have to tell you something. I’m going to have to go back to Wales to care for my mom. She has been suffering from intense depression, and it has unfortunately worsened recently. You know how it is, my dad passed away when I was four… She doesn’t have anyone else she trusts or has anyone to go to, for that matter. I need to go help her. I’m really sorry, but I have to leave for a while,” you said in a gentle voice.

  “What do you mean?" I had almost burst into tears. I knew back then that you won't be back for a while.

  “I trust that you know,” you only looked at me with a smile. “Perhaps this is just a test. This is a test to see how much you have grown. It’s time for you to be an independent girl! I believe that you’re ready! I’ll never stop loving you, Vidia.”

  “Answer me though. You still never gave me a proper answer. Why did you have the patience to put up with me and still continue to have that patience to this day?”

  “That, you will understand when the time comes. When you understand, you will lend a hand to be there for others in need too. True love, of any kind, even true friends, means to be there for each other. You’re genuine and kind, someone who didn’t deserve to have to go through those things in life. Remember that, Vidia,” you held me tight in your arms. That memory is still ever so vivid.

  I stay silent for a minute, wondering how to feel. I take a deep breath and walk out of the airport as the snow falls. This moment feels slow, just like in the movies. I can feel my hands slowly freeze in agony, but I like that agony in some unexplainable way. I feel warm on the inside despite the coldness on the outside, but I guess I have to go home. I enjoy this moment, in a way. The cold keeps me from having to end up bursting into tears and disappointing you.

  I go home feeling alone and sad. When will be the next time I’ll see you?

  Be back in two years… Be back in time for graduation. I go up to the mirror and look into my own eyes. I had no courage to do this before I have met you. How am I supposed to see my own worth if those who are supposed to love me don’t? Even my sister ran away from home. Partially, I bet it’s my parents, but I also feel like my depression made it worse for her.

  I still question why you had the patience to heal me or put up with my pain. You kept on giving me the same answer, but sometimes, it still doesn’t make any sense to me.

  I can’t even text you to see how you are doing. You had to save up just for living, education, and your mother, so you couldn’t even afford a cellphone. What a brave son you are. Had I realized this moment sooner, I should’ve not quit my job so soon so that you can have a device to communicate with too. Maybe I’ll get you one when you come back. You haven’t even left for a day, and I’m already missing you so much.

  I will call your home phone tomorrow, first thing in the morning. Meanwhile, I guess I’ll just get some rest, or at least try to.

* * *

  It’s the morning. The sun is out shining, and I couldn’t get much sleep. I kept on drifting in and out of sleep last night. I immediately take out my phone to call you. I stand there nervously as I wait for you to pick up. I look outside at the glistening ice. The sun wouldn't melt it. It’s much too cold outside, I thought as a distraction. I glance back at my phone, still dialing.

  You haven’t picked up once. You should be home by now… There is an unsettling feeling in my chest. I keep on ending the call just to frantically try again and again as if that makes a difference somehow. After about 14 attempts, you still haven’t picked up. You would never do that though… Maybe you’re just busy? Maybe you’re just asleep? Maybe the flight took longer than expected?

  I finally give up with a bitter taste left behind. The lingering worry radiates within my heart and all throughout within me. You are too far away. I can’t reach you. I physically can’t reach you.

  Then, I get an incoming call. A wave of nausea come over me as my heart beats increasingly fast. I take a seat on my bed clutching my phone with my sweaty hand.

  I look at the caller, and it’s not you. Andrew, it reads. I have no memory of adding someone named Andrew. I pick up anyway in the desperate plea for answers, perhaps he knows something.

  “H-hello?” I try to speak, but my tongue feels like it’s being rubber-banded.

  “You’re Vidia. Right?” asks a crying young man’s voice.

  “Yes.” I can't even bother to ask how he knows me.

  “I’m Andrew from two years ago. I know we’ve never called each other again or communicated… B-but… remember when I came to America to visit Miver? I… also met you that day. Yes, I’m that guy with the purple hair. Let’s… get to the point. Well… You are the only other person… that…” he softly sobs, then he takes a deep breath. “Well… I need to tell you something…”

  “Y-yes…?” I can feel my face flash hot and my ears ring.

  “Yesterday… well, when he arrived at his mother’s house, his mom… set their house on fire… He has told you about her depression, right…? Everything was burned… There was a badly burned e-empty bottle… of… l-lighter fluid in his mother’s singed corpse’s right hand. Y-you’re… th-the only person I can tell this to. I just want to inform you that. I know you are very important to him. He talked about you a lot even when I picked him up from the airport… Take care of yourself.

  “Miver… Miver… unfortunately did not survive the incident. We couldn’t even identify his body… I- 'm sorry.”

  He hangs up before anyone says anything more.

  Well… Now I remember… him… Andrew, your cousin. He's the only family member that you have to lean on. I recall you talking about him from time to time.

  It almost feels like I’m watching a movie… Everything was burned. Those three words ring in my head over and over. What does he mean everything? What happened to your promise though? You promised I will get to spend time with you again. What do you mean you left? What do you mean you won’t come back?

  I then feel nothing but numbness. I don’t feel like crying. I don’t feel angry, sad, or lonely. For some reason, I just feel like being silent. How am I supposed to feel…? Should I cry…? Should I be mad? “Never” is a long time, but from the moment you left, I’ve kind of already felt like you’ll never be back.

  I look outside, where a few gloomy clouds have entered the sky. The sun is still half shining. The ice and snow have not changed one bit. I almost want to make myself cry, just so maybe I’ll feel something. Does this numbness mean I somehow stopped loving you? No, I hear an immediate answer from myself. I know I love you, but I- I just don’t know what I’m supposed to do or say.

  I lie on my bed and close my eyes for a bit. When I open my eyes, it seems quite dark outside. I look over to my clock; it’s merely just about noon. It’s gloomy and about to snow. A violent knock comes suddenly at my door and startles me. That shock feels like something has changed as if it has snapped some part of me awake, but I still feel like I’m in a half-dream state.

  I open the door, not knowing what to expect.

  “VIDIA!” yells my mom. She looks drunk.

  “Mom…?”

  “Why are you so upset? Is it your stupid boyfriend again? I told you to leave him.”

  “M-mom… I-” how am I supposed to answer. Why would I tell her that he’s gone…? I haven’t spoken to her much since last year’s argument before she started drinking so violently. Before that, she was smoking, which was bad, but now… speaking to her almost seems impossible.

  “ANSWER ME!” she yells.

  I jump. There is a moment of realization and shock again, but this time, it is stronger. Finally, I feel awake to reality within that very moment. That happened so fast…

  Gone doesn’t mean you will return any more. Gone means you're never coming back, and there aren’t any physical remnants left behind of you, only memories… I… don’t know how to feel. Then, a painful lump slowly accretes in my throat.

  “I-”

  “VIDIA! Answer me, stupid kid. VIDIA!"

  “I- I don’t know, okay? I don’t…” staring into her eyes filled with years of accreted hate and resentment, I finally burst into tears. It feels like that was the last blow to shatter me.

  I slam the door shut enraged and depressed. I lock it and run onto my bed crying.

  In a way, it feels good that I can finally get out my emotions. At the same time, I feel like it’ll never end. The little bits of relief that I could hang onto only continues so long as I continue to cry, and as soon as I stop, pain comes flooding back.

  I’m not sure why I’m crying, as odd as that is. Perhaps it is losing you… Perhaps it is because of my mother. Perhaps it’s both. I don’t know, and I don’t know if I really want to know.

  What about our planned future? What about our dreams? What about the fact that I have yet to give you anything for your years of love and patience? What am I supposed to say? You’re gone. Your traces are gone. I can never feel your presence again. These thoughts only make me cry more. At that moment, it feels bitterly satisfying. It’s the feeling that I can perhaps free all my emotions trapped in me. It’s the feeling that I can at least hang onto these memories and tears, perhaps. I almost just want to long to my own sadness. I just want to long to comfort of some sort right now. There are no more physical remnants of you. You were my only happy memory too, and I would do anything to return that to you, in any way however you want.

  What about your promise though? What about the unanswered questions? That feeling of missing you I felt last night will never be satisfied… and I’m still only in high school. I miss you so much, and I wish to join you somehow, just so I can hug you once more, or at least, feel your presence once more.

  I don’t recall any happy moments in my childhood. It was only you who have ever given me any hope. It was only you who showed me that I had any worth. I want to return that. I’m grateful, forever grateful. The more I think… the more hopeless that feels. Maybe I’ll just join you… I just want your hugs again. I just want your warmth. Please… Come back… Come back… You promised…

  As if that would do anything though…

  I grasp my chest in some forms of agony. This isn’t fiction, and I don’t know how to accept that. Even when I realize that this is the reality, I still wish this is merely a nightmare.

  No amount of tears truly fixes anything. The room starts to spin, and slowly, my vision fades. I continue crying until my whole body is cold and I run out of energy to cry. I’ll let it hurt until it can’t hurt anymore…

* * *

  “Hello?” I wake up in a dimly lit place. I realize I am the only light source, but I am subtly dim.

  The room is filled with mist and I’m surrounded with a warm feeling. I can’t see anything other than myself. Then, I hear a very familiar voice.

  “Vidia!” shouts a happy, warm, comforting, and familiar voice.

  The voice grows louder.

  “Behind you, Vidia!”

  I turn around. I see an extremely bright aura of light in the shape of a person. This place seemingly has no beginning and no end. Nothing above and nothing below. No time going forward or backward. Only in the space of nowhere? I can’t comprehend it.

  The aura surrounding the figure… feels warm, comforting, and familiar, but I can hardly recognize who or what it is yet. I just know the voice is warm, and with each call, it makes me feel happy and safe.

  The light figure comes closer and puts a hand on me. Despite not knowing what it is, every part of me only wants to embrace it, not resist it. I look up to see the figure’s face. It’s you! Miver!

  “Vidia!”

  You can hear me?

  “Yes, silly Vidia.”

  Do you want to hear my voice?

  “I can hear you perfectly fine from here.”

  Where did you go? A sudden feeling of sadness floods in.

  “Nowhere. I’m here. I’m with you.”

  You look at me, smiling. A feeling of guilt pours in as I remember crying so hard.

  Sorry if I have disappointed you. I know you didn’t want me crying, but I couldn’t resist.

  “I forgive you. It’s not your fault. You are strong, and I know it.”

  I just want your presence. I smile at you brightly and genuinely. You wrap your arms around me, making me glow with your aura.

  “Why is this happening now…? I just wish you could tell me.”

  “This is a test for your life. I know you are ready now. You are ready to go off on your own. I told you I will come back, so I’m here.”

  Don’t let go of me, I somehow scream without using my voice. I wrap my arms around you. You are transparent. You are the light. You are also warm and feel like you somehow. I have not expected that I could ever hug you the same way again.

  “I’ll always love you, Vidia.”

  How can I return everything you have ever done for me?

  “To live a happy life and to stay strong, and-”

  Are you going to leave?

  “No.”

  But what about when I have to leave this place? I just know I can’t stay here forever.

  “Silly Vidia. I am a part of you. You are my only legacy. I have no remnants but you. You are my remnant, Vidia.”

  How can I move on? I don't want to move on, to be honest. I look into your eyes deeply, half bitter but still happy. I just want to continue to hold you like this.

  “If you see someone like you when I first found you, go up to them. Lend a hand to them and be there for them, the same way I was there for you. If there is anything you can do for me, it is that. Be kind and be strong. You’re an independent girl. Remember what I have said to you before.”

  But I just want to hold you, I close my eyes and tears stream down uncontrollably. I’m sorry. I have tried to resist. I just couldn’t do it. I’m sorry, Miver.

  “With time, you will find success. Show someone else that even if life is dark, there will be ways out. Pass on my message. There is hope in life. There is always something beautiful to live for, yes, Vidia, even now.

  “If you join me now, you are destroying the only remnant of me. So do as I’ve said, and I’ll always be proud of you. You are kind-hearted and strong. I love you and forgive you.”

  I lock my eyes with you again. This moment feels so real, but I also feel like I’m slipping off at the same time.

  “You are my remnant. You are my legacy. Now stay strong and enjoy your life.”

  You let go of me and vanish into the distance, with the deep glance into your eyes being a strong memory carved deep into me at last.

  I realize, now I’m imbued with light somehow, and it is no longer just dimly lit. My arms, my legs, my whole body, and my heart. They glow in warmth. I close my eyes and smile. I've got what I wanted: to see you again, to feel your presence again, and to be hugged by you again. Thanks again, Miver.

  When I open my eyes again, I am no longer shaking and cold. You are right. This is a test. I am your remnant. I am your legacy. I understand your response to that question now. Thanks for being such an inspiration. You’ll continue to be an inspiration for me, and perhaps for others too. I love you.

  I get up and walk over to the window. It’s now 2:37 pm and the sun is out shining bright, while the water slowly drips from the ice and snow.

  So I have written out my story with you. Hopefully, it will pass on your legacy to others. Hopefully, it will inspire someone the way you have inspired me.

Total word count for the story: 3121
CreditOriginal Sources of the Pictures Used In The Thumbnail: http://nationalirpartners.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/06/Hand-Reaching-out.png ; https://cdn.pixabay.com/photo/2014/10/16/20/00/woman-491623__340.jpg ; Sims 4 screenshot that I took
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