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The Secrets Of The Minecraftia Universe- Revealed

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avatar SoarynTheEagle
Level 34 : Artisan Unicorn
105
BEHOLD THE ANSWERS OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Many have been trying to answer the many secrets of the minecraftia universe. But none know the truth! Only I know the real secrets, and I am going to reveal them to you!


Why do creepers explode?
Because creepers have a disorder that makes them really scared of social interaction. So when they get near to Steve they explode because they think he's going to talk to them.

Why are creepers afraid of ocelots?
Because ocelots secretly have the ability to talk. Creepers know that so they're scared of talking to them because of their disorder.

Why are Endermen hostile when you look at them?
Because on the inside Enderman are Asian and in Asian culture it is disrespectful to look someone in the eye.
How did the world of Minecraft come to be?
Well obviously it's randomly generated by the program of Minecraft. Duh.
Who is Steve?
Steve is you in thirty years when you're addicted to a drug that hasn't been discovered just yet.
Why can you cure Villager Zombies and not Normal Zombies?
Because of their head shape. Zombies don't have the proper head shape to process the correct cure.
Who built the strongholds and what is their purpose?
A long time ago in the world of minecraft an ancient team of builders banded together to defeat the evil leader of the Asian enderman. But they didn't have enough enderpearls to complete the portal and thus they were doomed to a long eternal suffering life in the nether. Or y'know, it was naturally generated by the game.
What are the Villagers?
They're villagers. What else would they be?
Why do creepers drop records only when slain by a skeleton?
Because creeper's hearts are linked to their brains. If they're scared then they won't drop the records when they die. Since skeletons can't talk creepers feel comfortable around them.
How do enchantments work?
You see, enchantment points are your SWAG. Steve keeps it in his inter-dimensional pockets until he has to enchant something. Then he takes it out and places it on the enchantment table which then absorbs his SWAG and converts it into equally SWAGGY enchantment. Except bane of arthropods. That one's not SWAGGY at all.
Why won't you get slime-balls from bigger slimes?
Because big slimes have no balls.
Why do Melon and Pumpkin seeds come from mine-shafts?
Because the same ancient creators of the strongholds put them there.
Why are endermen harmed by water?
Because water has SWAG and enderman cannot come into contract with SWAG.
Why do skeletons/zombies etc. burn in daylight?
BECAUSE THEY ARE SATANIC! NEVER TRUST THE UNDEAD. KILL THEM ALL WITH FIRE AND LET THEM BURN IN THE FIERY DEPTHS OF THE NETHER!
What is soul sand?
The ground up internal organs of Steve's 10,000,000 children.
Does minecraft have a god?
Yes, the dark lord Herobrine rules over it with an iron thumb.
How many blocks are there in minecraft?
As many as minecraft generates.
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
This has nothing to do with minecraft. Why are you asking this?
What is the end?
It's where you're going to stay for the rest of your life.

Know that all of this was intended to be humorous and I wasn't trying to offend anybody. I'd been seeing a lot of these minecraft answers blogs and I thought "What if I were to make a funny one?" and so I did. I hope you liked it.


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2 Update Logs

Update #2 : 01/03/2014 1:48:40 amJan 3rd, 2014

Changed a letter of the title to be a capital.
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1
01/27/2014 6:39 am
Level 15 : Journeyman Cake
nemurihime72
The Endermen part is racist. And I'm Asian too, and it's not that disrespectful to look at another in the eye. Staring is.
1
01/24/2014 8:37 pm
Level 15 : Journeyman Architect
_Skyler
O MFG HOW THE HECK DO YOU DO THIS HOW CAN YOU MAKE ME LAUGH HOW CAN YOU MAKE THIS FUNNY sir you are AWESOME
1
01/24/2014 3:00 pm
Level 21 : Expert Archer
pokerrymon
I think I might be a creeper, minus the explosion
1
01/23/2014 10:23 am
Level 7 : Apprentice Network
Ammisen
that soulsand question... lmao about the answer, but why have we never seen a woman with steve?
1
01/23/2014 7:35 pm
Level 35 : Artisan Ranger
Makuta00
That is a good point. Since Beta, Mojang took out the damage sounds(oOoh!) and replace them with a smack/cracking sound. This was to let the player know his/her character was neither man nor woman, but a non reproducing being in Minecraft. Animals in mine craft also do not have different sexes, as all cows have utters and horns, all chickens can lay eggs but have the head feathers, that all pigs look the same...well maybe there isn't a good distinction between male/female pigs but THEY ARE ASEXUAL(in a way.
1
01/24/2014 9:31 am
Level 7 : Apprentice Network
Ammisen
never actually thougt about that...but that probaly becuse my IQ is around -50 :3
1
01/15/2014 11:10 pm
Level 38 : Artisan Scribe
Jetra
This submission has been temporarily disabled until satisfactory changes are made. Don't abuse the update log. It is meant for major updates to the submission, not to simply bump your submission. Click the Request Reactivation link to agree that you will no longer abuse the update logs. Be warned that further update log abuse will result in the deletion of your submission. Thank you.
Submission Rules
1
01/24/2014 10:57 am
Level 35 : Artisan Ranger
Makuta00
What was the violation?
1
01/15/2014 7:15 pm
Level 30 : Artisan Dragon
zEnder749
Hoping no one's offended by this?
Well, that failed.
MY BRETHREN AREN'T ASIAN!!!
1
01/12/2014 9:15 pm
Level 8 : Apprentice Archer
Chetcat
Soaryn be careful using update logs, neither of the ones you used in this were legitimate. Changing images or minor changes such as capitalization aren't legitimate reasons for an update log. Don't want to see anything of yours get flagged, you're a good blogger.
1
01/11/2014 6:24 am
Level 15 : Journeyman Miner
z3rx20
This sucks
1
01/06/2014 9:19 am
Level 51 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
Thedanyman
Hehe, some of these I thought were pretty funny. Though the one about the soul sand...that was disturbing considering I just got done watching one of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies.
1
01/06/2014 6:36 am
Level 18 : Journeyman Mountaineer
Styx_
How does this have 54 diamonds?
1
01/05/2014 6:03 pm
Level 1 : New Miner
99Attack
This was really dumb, why did you take the time to write this?
1
01/05/2014 6:09 pm
Level 34 : Artisan Unicorn
SoarynTheEagle
Because it was fun and I enjoyed it. If you don't like it then that really sucks for you.
1
01/05/2014 10:04 am
Level 16 : Journeyman Scribe
_Enderbear99_
I didn't get anything so along with that I didn't laugh.
1
01/05/2014 10:00 am
Level 16 : Journeyman Scribe
_Enderbear99_
Why are endermen harmed by water?Because water has SWAG and enderman cannot come into contract with SWAG.
WRONG!They cant go in water because their skin is sensitive :)
Endermen are asian thingy
Also WRONG: Endermen hate eye contact so in a simple manor they eat the person's head off to solve the problem.
You may ask. How come they dont kill other hostile mobs? they dont have eyes to stare into the enderman's
1
01/05/2014 8:50 pm
Level 34 : Artisan Unicorn
TheOcelotSpawner
it was soputo be a funny blog
1
01/05/2014 1:14 am
Level 6 : Apprentice Network
SwiftFX
best blog i have eva read xD
1
01/04/2014 10:46 pm
Level 41 : Master Artist
Ender_Eely
This..was jsut beatiful.
1
01/04/2014 10:13 pm
Level 36 : Artisan uwu
VoidPanda
"How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?This has nothing to do with minecraft. Why are you asking this?"

This has everything to do with minecraft... ((Its hilarious))

Also, text is big, and I have a feeling villager evolved from squids..
1
01/04/2014 7:45 pm
Level 26 : Expert Hunter
BaconEater512
I've never thought of it that way...
1
01/04/2014 1:44 pm
Level 26 : Expert Architect
greeds
Lol the second to last question is the funniest in my opinion!
1
01/04/2014 7:17 am
Level 31 : Artisan Dragonborn
rockyrock265
THE TRUTH HAS BEEN SPOKEN!
1
01/03/2014 9:41 pm
Level 76 : Legendary Creator
DaHooplerzMan
Villagers are, as Notch once said, "caveman Squidwards."
1
01/03/2014 6:47 pm
Level 26 : Expert Dragon
OVERKILLERMAPMAKER
Wow. You must be a Minecraft master to know everything. If you know everything, why can tree float and sand fall! Awnser that >:D
1
01/03/2014 3:19 pm
Level 5 : Apprentice Network
JerryMouse4ever
IT MAKES SO MUCH SENSE NOW.
1
01/03/2014 2:32 pm
Level 8 : Apprentice Miner
anonpmc1389843
[deleted]
1
01/03/2014 12:35 pm
Level 3 : Apprentice Miner
ChaosGames14
XD more dude thhis is genius
1
01/03/2014 12:23 pm
Level 30 : Artisan Narwhal
bethenna
It was random, but it made me laugh :)
1
01/03/2014 10:05 am
Level 51 : Grandmaster Grump
pistonologist
lol
1
01/03/2014 7:11 am
Level 40 : Master Necromancer
Codename Blue
What about the other gods? Jeb, Notch and Dinnerbone?
1
01/03/2014 5:52 am
Level 57 : Grandmaster Goblin
CraaZzy
Dark Lord Herobrine -,-

Herobrine doesn't exist in MC
1
01/03/2014 6:20 am
Level 34 : Artisan Unicorn
SoarynTheEagle
It's a joke silly.
1
01/02/2014 11:50 pm
Level 24 : Expert Ranger
stonewall380
LOL I'm gonna look at your stuff from now on. =)
1
01/03/2014 12:17 am
Level 34 : Artisan Unicorn
SoarynTheEagle
Thanks. I guess I'm doing pretty good so far.
1
01/03/2014 12:22 pm
Level 24 : Expert Ranger
stonewall380
Yes. =) And I like that first post, but people are really stupid if they can't tell it involves minecraft.
1
01/02/2014 10:50 pm
Level 28 : Expert Unicorn
ImJustAPineapple
I am laughing so hard xD "Steve is you in thirty years when you're addicted to a drug that hasn't been discovered just yet." xD
1
01/03/2014 6:21 am
Level 34 : Artisan Unicorn
SoarynTheEagle
It could happen. I'm sure that when somebody pops LSD they see themselves playing minecraft XD
1
01/03/2014 12:29 pm
Level 28 : Expert Unicorn
ImJustAPineapple
XD
1
01/02/2014 10:26 pm
Level 38 : Artisan Caveman
jakesoboy01
The endermen part seems racist =.= I feel mad.
1
01/02/2014 10:27 pm
Level 38 : Artisan Caveman
jakesoboy01
I mean all the endermen parts =.=
1
01/02/2014 11:13 pm
Level 28 : Expert Mage
Tooper_Man
Racism is when you treat something differently because of someone's race or skin color or mock someone or a whole race in a bad way. So the only racist part would be the part that the Asian endermen attack the player. If it was just written that endermen were alike Asians, and didn't like to be looked at unlike Asians, attacked the player, then it wouldn't be racist. Saoryn, I would change it a little. Just a little like I said would make it better and less offensive, but nice blog anyways.
1
01/02/2014 9:09 pm
Level 17 : Journeyman Network
mercurana
This is funny, like it! The best part was the enchantment :)
1
01/02/2014 9:10 pm
Level 34 : Artisan Unicorn
SoarynTheEagle
Well thanks. I'll admit it's not the most original thing I've done. I'm glad it turned out O.K.
1
01/02/2014 9:29 pm
Level 17 : Journeyman Network
mercurana
It's fine. My newest blog isn't the most original. :)
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