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"The Shallow Sun"

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avatar An Intelligent Moron
Level 54 : Grandmaster Skinner
The Shallow Sun is the project I am currently working on. As I'm too lazy to work on the second chapter today and to edit the first, have an (admittedly terrible) first chapter.
The Shallow Sun

Secrets. They’re something that we don’t understand, something we fear. A secret can be anything, rarely good.

A secret is something that shouldn’t be shared with those we don’t trust.
It’s something that is shared in the dark, under hushed whispers.
Alejandro’s secret was shared with the former, and Dove’s with the latter.
The beginning of this story starts with Alejandro. He was letting the rain flatten his black hair, the curls non-existent in the heavy water. He stood on his doorstep, having been kicked out for back talking his familia.
Not that he spoke aloud, of course. He hated Papa for his extraordinary ability to read minds across the world.
Closing his eyes, Alejandro turned to face the lawn. The moon was glowing through the clouds, a light in the neverending darkness. A gentle smile grew on his face as he let the moonlight shine on his skin.
Alejandro had always been the most hopeful and kind-spirited Helion. Everyone came to him to bless them - they didn’t know he wasn’t like the rest of his familia.
He was the black sheep of the Helion family. They all had something special within them, awakening and getting stronger with the power of prayer. As mentioned earlier, Papa had a telepathic connection with all of humanity.
Mama was blessed with the Midas’ touch. She could turn anything golden, including the coal hearts of evil persons.
Veronica and Emmanuel both shared an earthen gaze. When the two merely glanced at a plant, they willed it to grow twice, thrice its original size and perfume.
Alejandro wished he shared the earthen touch, but while in the womb, his sister and brother had adopted the birthright of Helion magic.
Triplets were unheard of in a sorcerer's familia, which Alejandro felt as if he could associate it with his mortal mind and body.
The manor was glowing with kitchen lights as Mama and Emmanuel yelled at each other.
Dove’s car engine rumbled as the storm grew above him.
He drove past abandoned farm after abandoned farm. The countryside of Texas and New Mexico was barren, with the only living creatures being dehydrated animals.
Dove had always been the most hostile of the Ciar family. He didn’t particularly enjoy being sent halfway across the world for a damn blessing. Did his mum and da really believe in magic?
Whatever, it doesn’t matter. His family could believe what they wanted, he didn’t care. He was sent all the way to Scotland to wherever the hell this is for a prayer. There was nothing left to care about anymore.
Alejandro stepped onto the lush green grass, staring at the road. Not that he expected a visitor - well, he was hoping that Carrie Bass would show up. After all, she must’ve known that he had a massive crush on her.
No, that was impossible. She barely acknowledged his existence.
Sitting on the concrete pathway, Alejandro gazed at the road with a sigh.
He listened to Mama’s yells erupting from the kitchen, as Emmanuel had fallen silent from the shame of thieving Mama’s freshly baked tortillas.
Alejandro craned his head to watch the manor’s lights flicker off, signaling bedtime. He’d be sleeping outside by the looks of it.
Leaning against a pillar, a loud sigh escaped his lips. Crossing his arms, he closed his eyes and waited for sleep to come. Not that it would; insomniacs didn’t work like that.
It was because of this that Alejandro ended up chasing a stray dog out of the way of a light blue ‘78 Datsun 280z.
Dove stared out the window in disbelief. Did that seriously just happen? Did that kid seriously just jump in front of the car?
Leaping from the Datsun, Dove ran to see if the kid had survived; he wasn’t in the mood to be charged with homicide.
Rounding the corner, Dove bent down to see a boy holding a small dog.
“Estas loco!” the boy yelled. Dove could see that the boy had many injuries, including dislocated shoulders and ankles.
“What?” asked Dove, as he was from Scotland and spoke no Spanish whatsoever.
“You’re insane!” the boy snarled. “You could’ve killed Deedee!”
Dove looked at the tiny dog. That must be Deedee.
“You’re worried about the dog?”
“Yes, you idiot! If you had hit Deedee, I’d be throwing you in Mama’s golden closet!”
“Okay… but you look like you’re about to faint.”
“My cousin can help me.”
“Is your cousin a doctor?”
“No, she’s a Helion!”
Dove froze and cursed.
Alejandro blinked rapidly, distracting himself from the pain wracking his body.
Red, smooth hair slightly covered his sharp features, and bright green eyes accented the many freckles spread across his too pale face.
There’s something off about him, Alejandro could tell. Whatever it was, he feared it.
“Well, is your cousin here?” the boy asked. He spoke with a heavy accent from somewhere around Europe.
“No, she arrives tomorrow.”
“You can’t wait until tomorrow,” the boy said. He began to bend down to help Alejandro up when the dog started growling. Both boys flinched.
Alejandro couldn’t help but enjoy the startled look on the boy’s face, so he said, “She must be growling at the chupacabra over there.”
The boy spun around to where Alejandro was pointing. “The what?”
“It’s lurking in the woods; you can’t see it because you aren’t from around here.”
The pale boy shook his head. “I don’t believe you.”
“And why no- oh!” rearing back, Alejandro cried out. The dog leaped from his arms to press its nose against his cheek.
The boy jumped into action, lifting Alejandro and putting him in the back of the Datsun. The dog joined them.
“This is a kidnapping!” Alejandro said, but he knew the boy’s intent. “Where are you taking me?”
“Making sure you don’t die, moron,” said the boy. His accent was growing thicker and harder to understand.
“Speak slower!” said Alejandro with a glare at the driver’s seat. The dog whined in agreement. “I can’t understand you.”
It was silent for a long, long time until Alejandro realized the boy was concentrating on driving - he wasn’t very good at it, and he seemed new to the concept of it.
And that was how a Scot and a Mexican wounded up on the side of the road after the car had warned them about a flat tire with its limping.
The boy cursed, jumping out and kicking the vintage car and leaving a print on the blue paint.
Alejandro rolled down the window and said, “Abusing it won’t get you anywhere.”
“Ok Juan, what do you suggest?” the boy snapped with an offensive tone.
“First of all, that’s not my name. Second, call someone,” Alejandro retorted.
“Do you have a phone?”
“And you don’t?”
“I’m not rich.”
“Well, neither am I. Let’s just wait for help. Get back in.”
“You can’t wait. You need a hospital. Just look at yourself!”
“I’ll be fine. You know what? Just help me walk back to my house. My cousin will be there tomorrow, and she can help.”
“Absolutely not,” the boy said, getting in the car and slamming the door shut. Alejandro flinched. “I’m taking you to a hotel. I know the basics of medical care.”
That frightened Alejandro more than anything else.
Something about the boy intrigued Dove. Was it the Helion’s family history? Or was it just how… chill the boy was being? Whatever it was, it scared Dove.
He had been working on the car engine for about a half hour when it finally turned back on, growling in the way cars do. Out of the corner of his eye, he watched the boy flinch at the sudden noise. Not so chill after all. “So. Which brother are you?” he asked. He didn’t know any names, only that there were three siblings in the Helion family.
“Alejandro,” the boy replied. He had begun to fidget with his hands.
“Aright Alej, - can I call you Alej? - we’re ready to go.”
Dove crawled into the driver’s seat, glancing at Alejandro. “Is something wrong?”
“What? No. I just need to be back home by noon tomorrow, and I don’t know how I’ll explain… this,” he gestured to himself and his injuries. “My family will be on my tail all day long, and possibly even further.”
“I’m sorry to hear that, and I’m sorry that I hit you,” said Dove, leaning back with his arms crossed over his chest.
“Don’t apologize. I’m sure that it was an accident - you almost hit Deedee, and she’s small enough that you probably didn’t see her.”
No more words were exchanged as they drove along I 10. No other cars accompanied them as they traveled through miles and miles of the Chihuahuan Desert.
There was something peaceful about the way the tumbleweeds flew across the road, the cacti acting as the dandelions in city sidewalks.
The night air was chilly, giving a sense of mystery and of magic.
The sands were a black sea, the waves of rough sand churning against the stars.
It was beautiful, Dove thought. It was beautiful how these tiny particles could add up to dunes upon dunes of glistening sand.
Oh, what a contrast it was from the rugged cliff sides up by Aberdeenshire and the Isle of Skye. Yes, they were beautiful, but nothing compared to the sand cliffs up by El Paso, Texas.
Dove smiled to himself, cranking up the radio to some classic tunes from the 60s, brought to you by Sandie Sparrow.
He felt Alejandro’s eyes on him as he turned the car into an old motel parking lot. It was probably the music that Alejandro was judging.
Turning off the car, he climbed out to help Alejandro up.
The dog followed, patiently waiting outside for the boys to finish checking in.
Afterward, they settled in room A120, with beige walls, two twin beds and an antique feel to it.
Dove set his bags on the floor and Alejandro on one of the beds.
“I still don’t see why I can’t just return home and wait until morning,” Alejandro complained.
“Because I’m not going to get charged with murder. If you don’t get any medical attention tonight, you’ll be dead by morning,” said Dove, keeping his cool.
Alejandro didn’t respond, and Dove brought out his medicine kit from one of the bags.
Alejandro opened his eyes to the moonlight being filtered by the sheer, yellow curtains. It cast a green glow into the small room.
When he sat up, he had to catch himself from falling back down. His left arm throbbed.
Using caution, he stepped down. He was able to stand, which he thought was good.
Glancing at the sleeping Scot’s still form, Alejandro began to pick his way over to the bags.
He still didn’t know the boy’s name, and hopefully, he had a driver’s license. Or some form of ID.
Ah, there it was-
“Instead of sneaking around my stuff, you could just ask for my name,” the voice startled Alejandro, who abruptly stood.
“Oh. Right,” said Alejandro, smiling sheepishly. “And… what is your name?”
“Dove Ciar. I wasn’t going to tell you unless you wanted to know,” he said with a shrug.
“Okay, Dove,” Alejandro sat on the edge of Dove’s bed, reaching over to grab the remote and switched on the television. “So…”
“It’s three in the morning, go back to sleep,” said Dove.
“Can’t. I only slept for a few hours because of pain,” Alejandro said. “I mean, I’ll be quiet if you want me to.”

“You don't sleep well either, do you?” Dove asked. Alejandro nodded, turning down the volume on the television. “Glad to know I'm not alone in this.”

Alejandro turned around and saw Dove's silhouette looking at him. He noted the wild hair and broad shoulders and thought that Dove looked like a lumberjack.

This whole night was an interesting experience. Alejandro didn't even know this guy's name until five minutes ago, and he felt… safe. He trusted this stranger, and he didn't know why.

The television was discussing an event that had happened in Mexico last week. The newscasters were speaking in Spanish.

A hurricane was forming in the Gulf, the newscaster on the left said. It was large, and Texas might be experiencing some heavy rainfall.

“You should seriously try to sleep; it’ll help you out in the long run,” Dove said.

“Nah, I can go days without sleep,” Alejandro grinned.

“That’s a recipe for insanity,” Dove sighed.


The room was glowing a dark orange by the time Dove was awake; El Paso sunrises, he guessed. He sat up, glimpsing Alejandro curled up on the edge of the mattress. So much for getting a room with two full-sized beds.

His movements were slow and quiet as to not wake Alejandro.

He shivered; the room was cold, and the thermostat read 58. Dove narrowed his eyes, calculating the temperature in Celsius. 14.

Dove sighed. Just because he was Scottish didn’t mean he loved the cold. That was one reason he was glad to have visited the United States; it was warmer here, especially in the South.

He set his bare feet down onto the freezing carpet. Padding to his bags, he took out a white t-shirt that had a hood, red flannel, and blue jeans. He’d be wearing his black sneakers, as those were the only pair he had brought with him.

He stepped over the bags to the bathroom, taking care of his hygiene while he was there.

The foggy reflection in the mirror revealed that no amount of hot water could flatten the bright red hair, but Dove attempted anyway. Using tap water, he brushed the mess with his fingers, to no avail.

Giving up, Dove went out and began packing. He’d be taking Alejandro to a hospital today to get proper treatment.

Alejandro stirred in his sleep. Dove glanced up right before the boy fell off.

“¡Mierda!” he cried out, flailing his arms. He gasped and sat upright, holding his left arm.

Dove held back a smirk, feigning concern. “You okay there?”

Alejandro glared back. “I’m fine, no thanks to you.”

Dove stood, extending his arm to Alejandro, who stood without touching him.

Alejandro’s eyes surveyed the area. “Why did the room turn orange?”

Dove furrowed his eyebrows. “It’s not normally like this?”
“Not this dark, no,” said Alejandro. He sounded agitated.

Dove stepped towards the curtains, peering out of them. He froze.

The world staring back at him was mountainous, church spires poking the sky. Lighting bolts zapped through the bright orange clouds, and a pink sun’s rays shined through, setting fire to a black forest.

Dove’s mouth gaped open. Alejandro appeared aside him.

Fine, I admit it, the paragraphs are wonky and I had to center align it for it to make sense.

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  • connorrr
  • Level 35
  • Artisan Taco
  • December 9, 2018, 1:17 pm
:OOO this is really good!!! you better not kill them, ive gotten attached to them
oh no™
  • nugnug635
  • Level 1
  • New Explorer
  • December 9, 2018, 10:26 am
this is gorgeous! one word of advice is that you don't have to start a new paragraph for every couple sentences, though - you only start one when the subject changes like if the story changes location or for when people are speaking to eachother
Yeah, this was actually hand-written and I was just typing it quickly into the document. It's unedited, and since this is the first draft I'm just going to let it be c:
  • eluusive
  • Level 19
  • Journeyman Robot
  • December 6, 2018, 12:27 pm
you have a true talent for writing, this is so good :O
alejandro is adorable btw
aaahh, ty!

you're not gonna think he's adorable in,,,, chapter number idk yet

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