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The story of Herobrine

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great butter's Avatar great butter
Level 12 : Journeyman Architect
4
Once upon a time there was a man named Steve. He was poor and only had a small home. One day Steve went to his friend's house and had some cake. "So Jim," said Steve. "How was your day?" Before Jim could say a word, lightning struck in the forest- hitting 4J studios. Steve said "Jim, What happened?" Jim said "That was lightning, if it hits you, you turn into a zombie..." Steve panicked and hurried to 4J studios only to see notch's brother lying on the floor on fire. Steve knew that this man had been struck by lightning and that he would kill the first person he saw. Unfortunately, He saw Steve first and killed him. The next morning the zombie man, now known as Herobrine, went on a killing spree. He walked into a shop and the shopkeeper said "Steve, is that you?" Suddenly Herobrine lightninged the shopkeeper. And that was his second kill. Then Herobrine came across a mine. The terrified miners ran away and blocked off the entrance to the mine. Soon after the blockage, the miners came back because they thought Herobrine had died of hunger. They went into the mine and nobody was there. 5 minutes after they got to start mining, they heard a terrible sound - it sounded like a zombie, skeleton, and spider all put together to make a horrible screeching sound. Also, one of the other miners found a nether portal so he went in. He searched around and got killed by Herobrine. And now nobody is brave enough to go in the nether, just in case... PS: Hello people this is Great Butter here! Hope you enjoyed this! A diamond and a comment would be appreciated! Also if you have the time please subscribe, Thanks!!!
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1
07/27/2014 5:27 pm
Level 1 : New Explorer
lightningtempest
lightningtempest's Avatar
Um... this needs to go a little slower and as Collins said, it needs more detail. For example, 4J studios- what is it? Why were they there? How did Steve know 4J even got hit by the lightning? It could be really good if you do that- an interesting idea- but for now, it's kinda choppy.. :S
1
08/03/2013 4:20 am
Level 12 : Journeyman Architect
great butter
great butter's Avatar
thanks for the advice i will work on it XD
1
08/02/2013 11:04 pm
Level 2 : Apprentice Miner
Collins key
Collins key's Avatar
Hmmm this is a original one but its kinda fishy it's very original and I like that but needs more detail I don't hate it but thats just a tip :)
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