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The story of Zhook

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Dagorex
Level 47 : Master Necromancer
83
This is a (rather long) background story i wrote for one of my skins, Zhook, which can be found here.
i entered this skin for the halloween contest, and that is why i have written this story about him.
Any critisism/comments are welcome.
if you like it let me know and i might start writing other stories :D

Zhook, once a noble knight of his village, is now unrecognizable from the vermin he once fought against.
It all started one day within his nvillage, when a new type of monster appeared, a small creature, with humped backs and blue skin. the villagers fought against it with all of their might, but nothing seemed to be able to kill, or even hurt these new monsters. The villagers started to panic, as every night at least 20 of these creatures would invide the village and kill anyone in their path, young or old.
The villagers then turned to the most wise person in the village, the old librarian, and begged him for help. After days of reading through old tomes, he eventually came across something that nmight be able to defeat the evil menace that had came to be known as then traluk, but it came at a cost. Only the most noble of knights could wield the weapon, without getting seduced by its power. Out of everybody within the village, Zhook was chosen for this quest.
For weeks he traveled, seaching for the weapon he had named zaborig, but he could not find it.
Eventually, he came upon a deserted cave system, with minecart tracks and a cart laid down carefully. Suspiciously, he jumped in and it started to move. After what seemed like hours of twists and turns, he came to an opening, and saw a flying being.
The flying being said "I am the allmighty Notch, and i know why you have come Zhook. I bestow upon you the sword of zaborig, and open up a quick way back to your village, as your people are suffering beyond measure."
Once Zhook returned to his home village, he ploughed the sword into the ground, releasing some of the energy of Notch, which turned the traluk mortal, turned their skin a pale green color, made them stand upright and made them blow up if they tried to kill. These creatures came to be known as Creepers. But the power of the sword proved to strong for Zhook, as it whispered into his mind every night.
Eventually, his sanity gone, he ran around the town he had fought so hard to protect, slaughtering everything in his path, and no-one could oppose his might. When the almighty Notch saw what he had become, he cursed Zhook's appearance to reflect his now tainted soul, and removed the sword of zaborig from existence. Zhook is now cursed to walk the land, unable to die, constantly thinking of what he has become and always in search for the fabled sword, to hear its maddening whispers one last time.

Tell me what you think of the story please guys! it is the first one i have wrote and i would like some feedback :D
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corrections : by Dagorex 10/20/2011 4:22:14 pmOct 20th, 2011

i have corrected some spelling errors, and i have removed the letter n which appeared where it was not wanted.

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Syon
01/15/2012 9:15 pm
Level 1 : New Miner
Frigging Fantastic You've got a sub in me
1
Dagorex
01/15/2012 9:28 pm
Level 47 : Master Necromancer
yay thanks :D this is the first story i have ever wrote :D
1
thefungi
11/05/2011 1:46 pm
Level 54 : Grandmaster Pixel Painter
dude this is an amazing story. can you write a story for me like a plot foer this map me and my freind have?
1
Dagorex
11/05/2011 7:34 pm
Level 47 : Master Necromancer
sure i could, just pm me the setting for the story, what it is about and things like that, also how long you want it to be ect ect.

i would be happy to write you a story, and thanks for saying its amazing :D
1
leopard_paw2
10/20/2011 3:52 pm
Level 32 : Artisan Pixel Painter
Wow, I like the picture dude! 1 UP!!!
1
zachueldarkman
10/20/2011 2:14 pm
Level 13 : Journeyman Miner
that picture is a rip of the buster sword. but good story
1
LightTwig
10/20/2011 3:51 pm
Level 61 : High Grandmaster Scapegoat
What are you talking about, that looks nothing like the buster sword.

Anyway I like how you've broken it into paragraphs with indents so I didn't have to read a wall of text. Nice story.

+1
1

Welcome