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The Tale Of the Lost Steve - Herobrine Mythos Blog Contest

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avatar lalalu
Level 32 : Artisan Architect
51

Tale Of the Lost Steve



The rain poured down Heavily on Steve's crudely built wooden shack throughout the night. He lay in his wool bed, eyes closed but still wide awake. He could hear the moans and squeals of the dastardly night-creatures just outside his poorly built wooden door. For Steve, sleep did not come easy, especially in a land you've never been before. Steve opened his eyes and sighed. "I can’t sleep, I need answers." He stood up, dawned his leather cap and stone sword and pushed open the door and ran the night.


After several minutes, Steve heard a rustling in a nearby bush, and a split second later, a massive spider, Much larger than the ones back home, leaped from the nearby shrub and biting Steve in the side.. Steve reacting almost as fast, readies his sword, and cuts the Evil creature almost in half. “Man, if the spiders are that big, “i don’t want to find out what lives in the caves around here.” Steve says, with a sigh of relief. As he rests briefly on a nearby rock, he notices a faint shimmer, almost purple in color. Unable to explain what he saw, he readies himself to move on, but catches a glimpse of a white glowing something. Steve blinks, but shortly after it gone, unable to explain what he saw, he continues on.


Steve traveled for what seemed like hours, by now, killing almost fifteen spiders, making steve feel like an expert on the matter. However, Steve had been traveling for a decent amount of time now, and still, answers, seem as far away as ever. “Okay, I need to regroup this isn’t working.” He says, frustrated. Just as Steve turned around, he notices a figure in the distance, but as he tries to focus in, it vanishes.


Certain of the something he saw this time, steve readies his sword, frantically searching the nearby surrounding, swinging at every sound in the night.In a Flash his vision goes blank, and he is greeted by the brief image of a man, identical in height and skintone, that wore the same wardrobe that steve had worn since highschool. From the back of his mind, he hears a voice. “Uselesss...” It hisses. Steve jumps, unsure of what is going on. Just as soon as Steve was ready to fight, he drops his sword, and falls deep asleep.


The next morning steve awakes in his crude wooden shack, with a minor headache and a spider bite on his leg. “Man that was intense, my head hurts” Steve groans. As steve walks to his chest to get a pork chop for breakfast, the same voice from the night before speaks. “Lisssten..” it hisses. Desperate for answers steve replies, “b-but Who.. who are you? Do you know me? Do i know you?” he pleads deeply at the mercy of the voice. Steve waits briefly, but no answers come. “Okay.. okay fine. Your way it is.” Steve closes his eyes and listens deeply. Around him in the nearby surrounding forest, he can hear the chirps of small birds, the mooing from cows in a neighboring fields, the pig outside whom steve was still deciding wether it to be friend or food, and the brief whinny of his horse tied up outside. Steve opens his eyes. “I don’t hear anything.” he sighs in frustration. “Lisssten..” it seethes. “Fine.” steve replies. He closes his eyes once more and again is greeted with the same bird, cow, pig, and horse. However, he hears a small out of place crunch, and then another and another. “Someone is outside!” Steve exclaims. “Maybe they have a place nearby, maybe they know the area, or how i got here.” he imagines. Steve, reaching to the spot where he places his stone sword, he was greeted with emptiness, unfocused steve rushes out the door without realizing the sword was gone.


As he steps outside he manages to hear the steps of this unknown person once more, this time they break into a sprint. As steve begins to make chase, he tries to determine who, or what he is chasing. Running as fast as he could, steve does not seem to be able catch up, nor does he slow down to catch a glimpse afraid to loose them in the upcoming hills. All too sudden, the entity breaks right, dashing behind a hill, and out of sight. “Crap, im gonna loose him” steve mumbles. He comes to sudden stop once reaching the corner, realizing the figure is gone. Apon catching his breath, steve realises he stands in front of a aiencent cave front, adorned with cracked stone, moss and many vines.


Once again, the voice speaks “Anssswers… lie… at the end…” it manages to get out. “Of course they do. Its never easy.” steve replies. Heading steadfast into the cave, Steve attentively anticipates, and largely expects many traps. However upon entering, steve hits a pressure plate, and the mouth of the cave seals shut. “Well so much for that.” steve seethes, as he heads deeper into the cave.


Moments pass, and Steve is now several feet underground, and the way out is all but completely lost. “Man under different circumstances i would have loved to plunder the crap out of this.” he says, slightly impressed with the dungeons design. After several minutes pass,Steve finds himself at a dead end. He approaches a large overhanging cliff, far out of reach. “Man, it would suck falling off that.” He whistles. Drawing near the wall to examine it, he notices a corpse curled up, clutching a stone sword at the base of the wall. Upon further inspection, Steve readily notices that the corpse is wearing clothes identical to those of himself and this unknown figure. He reaches out to take the sword partially to arm himself in an unfamiliar environment and partly to replace his missing sword. As Steve’s hand reaches the hand of the corpse, Steve is instantly greeted by the flash of an image, however, this time, it is presented much clearer. It is Steve, no doubt. However, the eyes are eerie white sockets, as if filled with empty light. Startled, Steve jumps up, stumbles back, activating yet another trap. The floor slides open and Steve looses his footing and falls back. He reaches out desperately trying to grab anything to negate his fall, but the walls he feels are cold and smooth with nothing to grab. Steve passes the mouth of the pit, and plummets to his seemingly familiar death.
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  • Knightsunder
  • Level 57
  • Grandmaster Cyborg
  • June 2, 2016, 6:59 pm
Not too shabby, but there isn't much plot to be had. The whole idea you were running with of "looking for answers" ironically carries over just as much to the reader; why is Steve questioning where he is? Why doesn't he know?

Plot holes aside, there were a lot of grammatical mistakes that could be fixed with a proofread or two. "Dawning" is donning, no capitalization of "Heavily", "take the sword partly to arm himself in an unfamiliar environment, and partly to replace his missing sword" are just a few.

I don't think there's much point to knocking your characters, as they're pretty basic in regards to Minecraft anyways. For future reference, though; having your character wise-crack does not automatically add personality to them. It can, of course, but the characters have to have explained motives and a fundamental issue; Steve in your story does indeed have a motive (to find answers), but we as the reader have absolutely no idea why he cares. The most I can assume is that he's kinda bored. It would've been better if you had expanded upon his sudden appearance in the world of Minecraft, and how that affected him.
  • lalalu
  • Level 32
  • Artisan Architect
  • June 3, 2016, 1:16 am
Thank you so much, it's nice to feel like someone actually took the time to read it. :) I am aware of many of the grammical mistakes, I wrote this very late in the morning and should have read it over. I love constructive criticism especially with my writing as it helps me in school too. I appreciate you taking the time to read it and thank you so much for the feedback :)
  • DragonLilly
  • Level 20
  • Expert Dragonborn
  • June 1, 2016, 8:09 am
its good and we in da finalists :D keep up the good work
  • lalalu
  • Level 32
  • Artisan Architect
  • June 1, 2016, 8:17 am
thanks! and you too!
  • WhoIsThis
  • Level 1
  • New Network
  • May 24, 2016, 6:16 am
That is really well written!
  • lalalu
  • Level 32
  • Artisan Architect
  • May 24, 2016, 2:53 pm
thanks so much! its actually a second rendition too, cause the firsttime i wrote it my pc crashed an i lost ALL saved data. T-T
  • devilkid99
  • Level 30
  • Artisan Architect
  • May 23, 2016, 2:25 pm
best of luck in the contest
  • lalalu
  • Level 32
  • Artisan Architect
  • May 24, 2016, 2:53 pm
thank you very much! ^-^

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