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The White-eyed Creature - Herobrine Mythos Blog Contest Entry

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avatar Gabysaurus
Level 39 : Artisan Warrior
280
“The world is your oyster” is what I was told prior to going on this 6 months long journey to the undiscovered world known as “Minecraft”. I thought it would be a fun adventure where I would find myself and learn new things about my world. I have never been so wrong.

For the first three weeks, things were going great! I had a nice little shack set up make out of freshly cut spruce wood. I had just started a nice wheat and potato farm and I had met some of the locals, who unfortunately didn’t seem to speak the same language as me, but I’m sure if they did they would have warned me to get out while I could. It wasn’t until I went mining a little too deep that I ran into trouble.

It was the start of my fourth week, and I decided that I wanted to go mining deeper than I had before to see what goodies I could find in the deep down mantle of the earth. It took me almost a whole day to get down there, but once I did, I was amazed by what I had found. It seemed to have been an abandoned mineshaft of sorts. It was pretty beaten up and was missing a lot of tracks so I had to walk, but I was surprised with how many minerals were still left in the perfectly formed walls.

So I began to mine. And mine and mine and mine until I couldn’t find any more iron or coal in the walls. I thought I had seen the last of what this place had to offer when I stumbled upon a chest. Yes you heard me, a fully formed, undamaged chest. I walked over to it with caution and opened it up carefully. Inside, diamonds. Five of them to be exact. I couldn’t have been a happier man! I felt so adventurous! I felt like I was Lara Craft, the great tomb raider and archaeologist! I took out the diamonds quickly and started to head back up to the cave entrance.

As I was getting to the top, I saw what looked like a figure of a man-like creature with glowing white eyes standing in the way. I was about 30 meters from it so I couldn’t make it out clearly but just as I was going to start going closer, the sound of an approaching spider behind me caught me off guard and before I had time to think, I spun around and mashed it in the head with my iron sword. I turned back around to where the figure was, but it was gone.

After that things got a little weird. I felt like there was a strange presents around me sometimes and a few of my farm animals started disappearing. It had started with the chickens, but by week six, all of my cows were gone too. I set out into a snowy taiga biome to find myself some protection. Wolves.

Equipped with thirty-seven bones, I marched my way to the closes taiga, where I found a pack of wolves. After feeding them all but one of my bones, I had the pack on my side. We started the journey back to my house when suddenly, my wolves turned and ran in the opposite direction. Angry and confused, I followed them until I couldn’t sprint anymore. I didn’t understand what had spooked them so hard because I didn’t see a thing. Not even a zombie. Perhaps they had sensed something I couldn’t? Only time could tell.

I finally made it back to my house, without wolves and without time because the sun was just about to set and I could see the approaching mob army. I ran into my house and got into bed hoping to just sleep the night away.

I was awoken by three zombies slamming on my door and a spider on my roof, something that’d never happened to me before. I grabbed my new diamond sword and escaped out the underground pathway I had made. I came up behind them and took them all out, followed by the spider. Just as I thought I was done, I felt that weird force again, like someone was watching me. I turned around and on a tree in the distance, I could see those glowing white eyes again, but nothing else. I can’t say that it didn’t scare the living nether out of me, but I tried to stay composed and confront the creature.

As I got closer, I could feel the force stronger on me. It felt like I was being pulled down into the ground, as if I was an ice cube melting into sand on a hot summer day. I soon realized that it was the white-eyed creature that was doing this to me. I gathered what energy I had left, and booked it back to my house and got into bed, a cold sweat running down my forehead. I was scared and out of energy. I fell asleep the second I closed my eyes.

I woke up in the morning and it was as if nothing had happened. Like nothing was wrong. I was greeted by the sounds of barking wolves and sunshine in my face. I almost felt as if I had dreamed the whole thing. I started becoming confused and unsure what was reality and was fiction. I thought that maybe I was starting to lose my mind after being practically isolated from civilization for so long. I decide I was time for a walk. I grabbed some of my valuables, including my sword and the three remaining diamonds and went on my way, bringing two of the five wolves I had. I walked and walked until I could walk no longer and decided it was time to head back. As we got within one hundred blocks of the house, the two wolves I had brought with me ran towards the house at full force, growling and barking. As I got closer to my house, I could see huge flames coming from it. I ran over and tried to put out the fire as my two wolves ran around looking for the other three. The fire was too big and I was unable to put it out so I grabbed what I could from inside and ran out. I watched as my house slowly burned to the ground. I was standing there, scared for my life.

After the fire settled, my two wolves found one of the wolves, nearly dead from the fire, but there was still no sign of the other two. I helped the injured wolf up and I gathered some of the crops that weren’t harmed by the fire and set out to go find my first base of operations. The base I had made in the base of a mountain when I first got here.

It was about a half a day’s walk from the now burnt house but we made it before sunset. There was still a bed and a chest with some old materials in there. I set up the stuff I had rescued from my house and helped my injured wolf onto the bed. I stayed up with him all night nursing him back into health. By morning, he was fully recovered and we went outside to try and gather some more resources in order to rebuild a bigger and better house.

After a full day of gathering cobble stone, oak and birch wood, it was time to head to sleep. I had a hard time falling asleep still thinking about the man with the glowing white eyes. I also wondered what had happened to my missing wolves, if they were alive somewhere suffering.

Right before dawn, I was awoken by the growling of two of my wolves. I got out of bed to find them both growling intensely at the third wolf that was injured from the fire. I looked over at the third wolf and noticed something off about him. He had a black collar, even though when I got all the wolves, I coloured their collars blue. I tried to calm down my two other wolves but they weren’t letting down. I opened the door and the third wolf ran out into the forest. As soon as he left, the two other wolves stopped growling and looked at me. I didn’t know what to think. What happened to my wolf? Why did his collar change colour? Why were my two other wolves growling at him? I figured there was nothing I could do about it now and I started on building my new house.

Three days later my house was finally complete. It was a two story wooden house and a cobble basement and an attic. I moved all my stuff into the house and started getting to work on making a new mine.

Two weeks went by with no weird or strange activity until one afternoon, I was out exploring with my wolves when we came across the same village where I had met the natives, except it was different. All the natives were gone, the houses looked as if they had been set on fire and all the farms were completely destroyed. I didn’t know what to think. I was half way through my journey and I was starting to think it was time to call it quits a little early.

I ran as fast as I could home, but it seemed that someone had beat me there. I was about thirty meters from my house when I saw him… IT. The man with the white eyes. He was looking directly at him. I walked slowly towards him and I suddenly realized something strange about this creature. He looked EXACTLY like me, except his eyes were white and glowing. By him, three wolves, MY three wolves. The ones that had gone missing. They all now had black collars and their eyes were also glowing white. I didn’t know what to do. I froze.

The creature started running towards me. Suddenly a rush of Adrenalin hit me and I started running towards it as well. I pulled out my sword and blocked with it as the man struck me with his fist. The power behind his punch was so strong, it threw me back about five feet. As I got up I noticed my two wolves being attacked by this creatures 3 wolves. I got up and swung my sword at him. In a single slash, he hit my sword with his arm and it broke the sword into a million pieces. My diamond sword, smashed to bits by this creatures fists.

I panicked, I didn’t know what to do. In the process of the fight, my other diamonds had gone flying out of my backpack and onto the ground. As I got up, I didn’t have time to do anything except grab them and run. And run I did. I ran and ran until I reached what seemed like the end of the world. I ran until I could no longer feel the weakening presence of the white-eyed creature. I managed to find some paper and some ink and wrote this letter to whoever finds it. If you’re reading this message. TURN BACK. DO NOT COME TO MINECRAFT! I might still be alive somewhere, or it might be too late for me, either way, you need to turn around and go back home. This land is not safe, I see that now. I’m putting this letter into a bottle and throwing it out to see. Please take this home with you and share my story so that everyone knows to never come here again.

And now, I bid you farewell, my future is unknown to me and I don’t know if this letter will ever be found by anyone but I have hope, something I’m going to need a lot of if im going to survive out here, against the white-eyed man.



-Steve
Tags

1
06/15/2016 7:06 pm
Level 31 : Artisan Lego Builder
SnowyOxygen
It's alright, but lacking in a lot of areas. The plot makes sense, and I couldn't find any contradictions which is good. But it's very simple and cliché. The [See something in the distance - > Weird stuff happen - > climax at the end] is a very typical horror plot, especially with herobrine. Try searching for a plot that is more original, maybe herobrine has a name and is actually just an introvert trying to meet people?

Furthermore, when concerning the writing style it is lacking in substance. There are too many phrases that are just dull and lacking in literary style. For example: "So I began to mine, and mine and mine and mine" could be changed to "And so, with endless resources awaiting the stroke of my pick, I mined feverishly until the veins of the earth were dried up." or "This land is not safe, I see that now" could be changed to "[...] as I've now come to the grim realization that this land is cursed with a frightful peril."

There are also several mistakes and strange phrasing to be seen throughout the blog. Including "I thought it would be a fun adventure where I find myself" which should be "I thought that where I found myself would entail a fun adventure." ; "Inside, diamonds" which should be "[...] and inside, there were diamonds" ; "Lara CRAFT"?? ; "presents" which should be "presence" etc.

Finally, beware of clichés : a non-literary audience will overlook them, but to someone who has read even a few books it just makes it boring. For example: As I've said before, the plot ; "I thought it would be fun, never have I been so wrong" < - that's a phrase that is very cliché. ; "It wasn't until I did this that this happened..." < - both a cliché phrase and plot line.

To summarize, it's a relatively good read, but to someone who reads a good deal of books (not me), I can tell you they will most likely not be pleased. I'll give you a diamond though for a good effort.
1
05/21/2016 12:33 pm
Level 11 : Journeyman Explorer
Lava_Creep
Desc: Its great to read but it's not that interesting, and in the ending it shows what you were reading was a letter that's a cool idea, but how would he be able to write that all in the midst of an encounter with herobrine,
Recommendation:I recommend that you make the last part look like a letter, as for making it interesting use a higher level of vocab to describe the story
Overall: Great read but uninteresting it still has some great story elements 8/10 = 4/5
Comments: Good luck on reaching the finals! But just know I'm your opponent
1
05/21/2016 12:40 pm
Level 39 : Artisan Warrior
Gabysaurus
Well actually, if you could tell, it's all in past tense, which means he's writing the story AFTER all this stuff happened, while he's hiding from herobrine after the last encounter. Notice how he says that after he ran and ran and sound some paper he began to write the letter then, not throughout the whole story.
And well I honestly wasn't planning on taking this too seriously as a contest entry until some friends told me I should so meh lol but thank you for your advice and thanks for the diamond! Best of luck to you in the contest!
1
05/21/2016 12:46 pm
Level 11 : Journeyman Explorer
Lava_Creep
I knew that it was all a letter but I don't think he would have the time to write it after the encounter that's what I was saying
1
05/21/2016 12:52 pm
Level 39 : Artisan Warrior
Gabysaurus
Oh i thought you meant you knew it was a letter but that you thought he was writing it throughout the entire story :P
1
05/19/2016 8:22 pm
Level 1 : New Explorer
TwistedGear
Awweesoooome <3
1
05/19/2016 8:49 pm
Level 39 : Artisan Warrior
Gabysaurus
Thanks ! I hope i get to finals!
1
05/19/2016 8:05 pm
Level 41 : Master Fox
-Mage-
Bloop. Commenting for fun. :3
1
05/19/2016 6:54 pm
Level 40 : Master Architect
Craft
cool
1
05/17/2016 6:33 pm
Level 50 : Grandmaster Pony
Starlight Glimmer
Nice entry Gaby!:)
1
05/16/2016 12:03 pm
Level 27 : Expert Geek
KingYoshiMC
This is a cool blog entry, however my tip would be to use different sizes and fonts, for better presentation and more points :)
1
05/16/2016 12:23 pm
Level 39 : Artisan Warrior
Gabysaurus
I mean the story is suppose to be meant as a letter, rather than like a book where it has epilogue and prologue and all that, but thanks for the suggestion!
1
05/17/2016 6:28 pm
Level 56 : Grandmaster Meme
Faz_
I actually prefer it a uniform size, unless you did a slightly larger title at the top the same size throughout makes this excellent blog clean and organised.
1
05/16/2016 9:16 am
Level 21 : Expert Dragon
Elementdragon0
Your story is great. I loved how you used the wolves to sense Herobrine. It added a lot to the fear aspect. Very good story.
1
05/16/2016 11:45 am
Level 39 : Artisan Warrior
Gabysaurus
Oh thanks! I appreciate that :D
1
05/15/2016 10:53 am
Level 6 : Apprentice Network
karma police
Ohhh!! Very Nice! Diamond For Yaah!!
better dan mine ;v;
1
05/15/2016 12:30 pm
Level 39 : Artisan Warrior
Gabysaurus
ahah thanks but sure its not better than yours
1
05/15/2016 3:24 pm
Level 6 : Apprentice Network
karma police
Its Better Dan Minee xDD Mine Ish Like,Dunno,Liek...No Wordz :I
1
05/14/2016 7:06 pm
Level 22 : Expert Hunter
xpCube
Really cool. But there is only one problem, an inconsistency of using words for pronouncing numbers. "After the fire settled, my two wolves found one of the wolves, nearly
dead from the fire, but there was still no sign of the other 2"
Other than that, it's a great story.
1
05/14/2016 11:44 pm
Level 39 : Artisan Warrior
Gabysaurus
I fixed it to, i think lol thanks
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