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What goes through your mind when faced with life-threatening illness and surgery.

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avatar Saberscorpsr
Level 7 : Apprentice Architect
It was in Jan this year I was diagnosed with a brain tumor. A big bad nasty that had a 40%-60% rate of successful surgery.
The purpose of this blog is to explain to people how you might react, so you can help others cope with this problem.

NOTE: The full status of my tumor is unknown at the moment, but 95% was said to be removed. I am currently in recovery with a lot of restrictions - but I am fine.

My story is this:

I was given a month to live, but only three weeks until permanent damage would kick in. Blindness, seziures, further medical issues and death.

For those of you doing Biology; a pituitary tumor, underneath the brain, hemorraged from the inside and rapidly expanding, putting pressure on blood vessels to the brain and on my optic nerve, sending me blind. It was through this blindness it was discovered.

I'll put it all in stages for you. (Very much like the stages of grief)

1. Denial.

This is the worst phase of it all. You feel fine. You feel perfectly healthy, but something inside you is wrong. It may not be affecting you on the outside, or in a very minor way in which you can overlook, but you're find right? People come to you and are concerned for you, telling you that they are there for you, but you say 'I'll be fine'.

You confidence in yourself seems like your biggest ally at this point. It's no big deal right?

2. Progressive acceptance.

Close family keep offering their help. But you're fine remember?

Maybe you're not. But you could surely pull through. I won't google what I have, that way I won't freak out.

Oh, someone told me a percentage. Hey, can't be that bad eh? 50% chance success? That's like flipping a coin. That's nothing.

That percentage claws at your mind for days.

3. The hit.

You begin to call close friends and tell them what's going on. You could be by yourself or have a parent there with you. Each phone call becomes harder and harder for you, because everyone else on the other end is freaking out.

Then you call that ONE person. This person was my girlfriend.

A wave of emotion hits you at once. You were a strong tough guy? Not anymore.

4. Telling everyone. (Facebook etc.)

Hey, time to let everyone know. Not just close friends.

enjoy the attention and help from others. And as the numbers grow of
people commenting on your status, you realise more people are affected
than you think.

5. Fear

You could lose everything. But you wouldn't be alive to think about it? I could live out my past few days doing what I want. I've lived a good life.

But what have I left behind? What about that book I was going to read? That Minecraft Project I've been working? My LEGO model I said I'd get around to finishing? I'm nowhere near home now. I've had to move off to someone where else for treatment. I'll never get to do those things again.

I won't be able to remake friendships with certain people. I'll never have that coffee with my best friend. What am I leaving behind?

5. Understanding your condition.

You now know what you have, and can openly talk to people about it. You can explain your conditions to them, and everything seems okay - but all you want to do is talk about something else. Go away. Stop asking me how I am, you're the fifth person today. Shh.

The percentages don't look so scary anymore. You could pull through with this. Optimism, yay!

I know now I can't do any of activity A or B, but I'm not going to let those around me not be affected by that. The thought of going to a pool to watch my friends swim whereas I cannot doesn't phase me. I don't care if I can't do it, I just want to see my friends have fun.

6. Pre-medication/Surgery

I got this. I can do this. Yes Mum, Dad, Everyone, I'll be fine.

7. Post-Surgery.

This is what you wouldn't expect. You know that hit? Well it's back. It's not a hit of joy or relief it's over.

It's Terror. Absolute horror. Nothing chills your bones more.

You're alive. You made it. You never really did leave the denial stage.

But you just went through the most horrendous moment of your life, where your life was in someone else's hands.

And there wasn't a damn thing you could do about it. That's the worst part.

8. Recovery.

No, this battle isn't over. You have months of recovery ahead of you. Pills. Drugs. Checkups. And sometimes, follow-up surgeries (I had three).

Now it's time to finish those things you said you were going to do but never got around to.

Today, surgery was your eye-opener. You wasted all day sitting indoors playing Call of Duty or Halo, soley to make your character level up. All of a sudden, you hate those games. You want to give back. You want to make something and let others enjoy it.

Some people aren't as lucky as I am to come out of surgery on the other end. I hope that all of you reading this can truly understand what it is like, and if you know someone going through the same thing - even if it is your partner or best friend, one of the best things you can do is to pretend like it isn't there, and go do something you both enjoy.

But lastly, make a Minecraft world and share it, write a book, draw something, just make something, and leave your mark. That's the most important thing of all.

Comments : 31

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I haven't ever been close to dieing but my mom did last month

God destroys everything you thought you knew, and uproot your life, and
then he just throw you back down again. What you have to remember is,
recovery isn't a simple matter of 1, 2, 3. You have to keep believing
you'll be fine.  It's hard and I hope you make it through


goodluck with lego thingamabob
  • Saberscorpsr
  • Level 7
  • Apprentice Architect
  • May 28, 2014, 11:45 pm
Sorry to hear what has been happening to your family.

It reminds you how vulnerable you really are (I have had perfect health, don't drink and no drugs - plus no previous hospital history up until this point).

Stay strong man.
  • Crescendo
  • Contest Judge
  • Level 74
  • Legendary Bunny
  • May 26, 2014, 11:51 am
You poor thing </3 I hope you recover fully (I'm sure you will!). Nobody should ever have to go through such horrible things but I guess stuff happens~ Stay strong! ^.^
  • MatteoB
  • Level 14
  • Journeyman Architect
  • May 26, 2014, 9:53 am
From someone with both brain tumors and childhood leukemia, I know where you are coming from. I'm glad you made it and if you wanna talk I'm here.
  • sewa101
  • Level 66
  • High Grandmaster Narwhal
  • May 26, 2014, 6:14 am
This was touching, thank you for sharing this with us.
  • HostX9
  • Level 34
  • Artisan Architect
  • May 25, 2014, 4:24 pm
Thank you for sharing your story, it was very touching. I wish more people could write such blogs but like you said not everyone is as lucky as you are to make it out alive.

Thank again for your time to writ this really nice blog!
  • nalyr00
  • Level 14
  • Journeyman Warrior
  • May 25, 2014, 2:05 pm
That sucks man. Get well soon, glad your okay.
  • akashi
  • Site Moderator
  • Level 41
  • Master Grump
  • May 25, 2014, 11:53 am
I'm glad you made it through. Thanks for sharing this.
  • Aoki
  • Level 11
  • Journeyman Toast
  • May 25, 2014, 9:07 am
Oh my god, good luck! *good luck hug* Be strong, ok?
I'm leaving one hell of a mark in this world before I die. That's my promise.

It's good that you are beating the tumor. Interesting blog to read. It's good that the experience, as bad as it must have been, turned you in a direction towards doing things that you won't regret when you do die (hopefully much, much, much later. ex. 50-70 years, depending on your age.) instead of making you fear the future.

Hope that any surgeries and check ups (if there are any left) go well.
  • Catquake
  • Level 19
  • Journeyman Artist
  • May 25, 2014, 7:24 am
;( This is so upsetting. Poor u. Good luck.
  • bladexey
  • Level 24
  • Expert Caveman
  • May 24, 2014, 11:15 pm
Great blog, dude.
  • Kefka
  • Level 86
  • Elite War Lord
  • May 24, 2014, 10:29 pm
Very interesting read, thank you for sharing
  • Dirt Blocks
  • Level 19
  • Journeyman Cake
  • May 24, 2014, 7:45 pm
  • Awsumn00b
  • Level 2
  • Apprentice Miner
  • May 24, 2014, 12:40 pm
My uncle had one. I never really visited him a lot but my mum noticed a change.
  • Saberscorpsr
  • Level 7
  • Apprentice Architect
  • May 24, 2014, 6:00 pm
Unfortunately, it's an unavoidable change. No matter how strong you are, something changes when brushed with something like this.
My grandmother died of exactly the same thing last month. I'm glad you didn't come to the same end that she did. I was diagnosed with lung cancer when I was 5. Somehow, I was able to live. No one can really explain it, but it was a blessing. There was many a thing to come, but I pulled through. I'm fine now, I have my friends around me, and I live a wonderful life. While I'm not as strong, or as physically fit, or as athletically abled as I used to be before I was diagnosed, I have a perfect life. Sometimes these things happen, and they screw everything up. They destroy everything you thought you knew, and uproot your life, and then they just throw you back down again. What you have to remember is, recovery isn't a simple matter of 1, 2, 3. You have to keep believing you'll be fine. Stay strong.
  • Saberscorpsr
  • Level 7
  • Apprentice Architect
  • May 24, 2014, 5:59 pm
Good to hear life is going well with you.

At the moment I have to get used to all these new restrictions I have, which ultimately sucks, and I find out if I have to be on pills for the rest of my life in two weeks, so hopefully that doesn't make things worse.

But boy, the transition from being able to do everything to almost nothing really sucks. Cheers for your support man.
I know the feeling, and thanks. I know it seems horribly depressing right now, it did for me too, but it gets better. It just becomes part of reality, and eventually, it's like nothing ever happened.
  • lobie10
  • Level 8
  • Apprentice Artist
  • May 24, 2014, 8:13 am
Yikes. That bad, huh? o.o
  • Saberscorpsr
  • Level 7
  • Apprentice Architect
  • May 24, 2014, 6:01 pm
Yeah, these are thoughts that I had going through it all.

The most surprising thing was the giant mental breakdown AFTER the whole thing was dealt with.

Some people may experience it differently, but this is what I had.
  • IceBolt36
  • Level 21
  • Expert Modder
  • May 24, 2014, 9:56 pm
Guys Like You Make Me Happy Keep On Fighting Buddie :)
  • Lucariocios
  • Level 32
  • Artisan Pokemon
  • May 25, 2014, 2:02 pm
Why all capital letters for every word?
  • ManOnTheM00ns
  • Level 60
  • High Grandmaster Senpai
  • May 24, 2014, 7:19 am
Very amazing article, congratulations on the so far successful surgery, and keep fighting :)
  • Saberscorpsr
  • Level 7
  • Apprentice Architect
  • May 24, 2014, 6:03 pm
Definately plan to.
  • Level 63
  • High Grandmaster Soldier
  • May 24, 2014, 6:27 am
Wow. This is truly touching, especially from someone (You) who has gone through this, it's so, just, uh, well, it's the definition of inspiration.
Not trying to be rude, but I don't understand what this could inspire someone to do? Could you clarify what exactly this inspires?
Lol dude you seem very nice :P
  • bigf
  • Level 15
  • Journeyman Hunter
  • May 24, 2014, 1:03 am
Oh my god the inspirationz

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