WARNING! THE MAIN CHARACTER IN THIS STORY IS REDNECK/HILLBILLY. PLENTY OF OFFENSIVE LANGUAGE (Censored of Course)





Hey there newcomer! Io m here to tell ya the true story about all this crap. First off, them creepers dono t look fer friends, they blow sh*t up and look ato cha through yer windows at night! I was havin a personal moment wito my wife and they come up to the god da*n window! And another thing, HUGS MY A*S!


Wello ¦ my past huh? Hmmm. Well I grew up on the western side of Minecraftia, I moved to the center when I turned 43 days old, Us humans o ere age faster than them dumb Creepers. Anyways, the center was where all the action was; No choppino trees and adding on to the family house (which looked like sh*t), No milking cows and harvesting wheat.


Anyways, I met my wife at a bar in the city, she was a purty young thing like me, at the time I was working mines fer money, I made a mistake and broke rule 54 o Never dig Right below youo , I fell into a colony of them Creepers and they started to rush me. The company I worked for gave me one of them enchanted iron swords, I pulled it out and it started a chain reaction. I got out in time o fore the first exploded, me and my buddies had gone to the bar to celebrate.


Me and my wife got married 30 days later, we moved to east Minecraftia, next to the ocean. Directly north there was reported creeper killins and we dino t want none oo that crap so we moved down south a bit more. Eventually the folks livin up there got tired of it so they decided to take o em all out. I dec- HEY! YOU THERE! CREEPER! GET OFF MY LAWN!!!! Yeah I know were on the top of a hill but ito s still my LAND!! Ill give you to the count of 3 before I blow yer gad da*n HEAD OFF!!! 1! 2! 3! See? Now heo s dead. Whyo d I shoot o Im? Cause o e da*n near PI*SED me off! Anyways, I decided to join them and o revolto , as them fancy people called it.


They made me go in the first team to infiltrate their stronghold, it was too easy, dumb a*s skeleton archer couldno t hit me. Before we had even attacked the stronghold we went ano killed a bunch of, uh, watcha call em? Endermen? But yeah, we needed their eyes to open a portal to their base. I swear to god, at the end I couldno t of laughed harder.
Yeah I guess im heartless towards mobs, but I dono give a flying fu*k. Hey Chuck! This hereo s my friend chuck, heo s the fake interviewer that killed them repopulatino creepers. Waito ¦ what are you both staring at? Huh? OH SH*T! MY HOUSE! WHERE THE HELL DID MY FU*KING HOUSE GO?! DA*M CREEPERS RUIN'D MY LIFE!