1
A Story
PolarBearSmall_
Reer123
So I like to write. I'm not the best, or the worst- but I probably suck. I was sitting in my Great Books A class writing a story, and I wanted to share it with someone. Figuring I have no one in real life who cares- why not show it to the online people who cant see my face?
This doesnt have a title, and I'm an amateur. I will accept any good/bad comments below- and any improvisations/stuff. Enjoy
"My body compact in the closet. Still.. Barely any air to breathe from- except for the cracks between the hinges. I attempted to move my head 90 degrees; but all I got was a hanger in my eye. I looked between the door hinges and saw it was dark. Trying not to risk myself, I opened the rusty door. A few squeaks here and there. I took a deep breath- pleasuring the real air around me- it was cool. Of course, it was winter. I walked out, realizing I am in a bedroom- pretty messy, too. Bed sheets were ripped and covered in dirt and blood. Underwear scattered on the floors. It was horrifying. I like things neat and aligned. Looking at the underwear I knew it was a woman. But I looked at my wrist and the description said a man. Am I in the wrong house? I don’t even know how I arrived anyways, so how am I supposed to know?
I walked around the dark room- looking at photographs on the desks by the bed. They were empty- and some were ripped. I turned my head, seeing a dim light down the hall into a room. Then I heard water running. I didn’t know what I was dealing with. Master told me something I couldn’t interpret. He told me, ‘by the light of the moon comes the crescent and the candles.’ For a second- I thought she was another one of them. But then I thought she’s just a crazy old woman taking a shower at 3 in the morning.
I took off my shoes and went on releve. Just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean I don’t know ballet. I’m pretty talented- you should’ve seen me at my recital fourteen years ago. Moving on, I quietly ran-walked down the hall, avoding the squeaks and creaks of the wood floor. I ran into the kitchen, putting my feet back to the normal walking style. If I had to do this, something needed to happen. The only light on was the bathroom light- and that had to be shut off. I opened the back kitchen door, and walked outside. Most normal people have a big power box thing, right? Well this woman was crazy because all I saw was a big switch that said ‘Light’ on it. And it was crooked. I thought If I turned it down, all the lights would go off- so I did. Using my clumsy fingers, I managed to pull down the light without making a sound. I saw the bathroom light go off from the window. Remembering my last mission from master, I walked back inside the house to find a candle on the table- a LIT candle. It wasn’t there before. All I thought was phasmatos but I didn’t think it could happen. With all the dirt arriving in this town- Well, Master’s Town- I knew this woman wasn’t one of the normal. Then it came to my mind that Master told me something about an incantatrix- but it didn’t come to my mind immediately. Considering the gift master’s servants gave me- I couldn’t detect it. But I couldn’t smell it either. I looked around, noting the cutlery jar. I took a knife- (a pretty small one too because master told me I could only use small knives)- and walked to into the hall. I then again noticed lit candles everywhere. I thought I was going insane- but that’s what they do to you. I regained my focus and peeked inside the bathroom door- only enough to find what I needed to. A black woman with yellow eyes and brown hair with golden streaks. The bubbles of the bath were covering her chest and knees. Is that how every woman takes a bath? Anyways, she matched my description perfectly, so I quickly turned away from the door. Then I clenched my fists, put up my black hood, and slammed the door opened WIDELY so she could see me front and clear. She wasn’t in the bathtub anymore. She was standing about 3 feet away- and she wasn’t even wet. She was bare naked- but I could resist the temptation. I was gay anyways, so..
We stared at each other for a moment. I saw rose petals around the tub, but I decided to ignore it. Then she spoke.
“Have you came from the Master? A coward coming to visit me?” She had a french accent- which I found rather sexy. Any person with a French accent is Sexy. I responded. “Master told me you were on his list. You shall not suffer any more from his words.” But what she said next shocked me.
“How can you kill me... If you’re already dead?”
Then I didn’t see anything anymore.
She walked over my body and cast a spell.
“Incendia.. Invisique”
The house burned down while she walked out. I failed master. I failed his duties. Now it is time for him to kill me all over again."
Sorry about grammar errors or anything. Please comment if you want me to post anymore.
This doesnt have a title, and I'm an amateur. I will accept any good/bad comments below- and any improvisations/stuff. Enjoy
"My body compact in the closet. Still.. Barely any air to breathe from- except for the cracks between the hinges. I attempted to move my head 90 degrees; but all I got was a hanger in my eye. I looked between the door hinges and saw it was dark. Trying not to risk myself, I opened the rusty door. A few squeaks here and there. I took a deep breath- pleasuring the real air around me- it was cool. Of course, it was winter. I walked out, realizing I am in a bedroom- pretty messy, too. Bed sheets were ripped and covered in dirt and blood. Underwear scattered on the floors. It was horrifying. I like things neat and aligned. Looking at the underwear I knew it was a woman. But I looked at my wrist and the description said a man. Am I in the wrong house? I don’t even know how I arrived anyways, so how am I supposed to know?
I walked around the dark room- looking at photographs on the desks by the bed. They were empty- and some were ripped. I turned my head, seeing a dim light down the hall into a room. Then I heard water running. I didn’t know what I was dealing with. Master told me something I couldn’t interpret. He told me, ‘by the light of the moon comes the crescent and the candles.’ For a second- I thought she was another one of them. But then I thought she’s just a crazy old woman taking a shower at 3 in the morning.
I took off my shoes and went on releve. Just because I’m a guy doesn’t mean I don’t know ballet. I’m pretty talented- you should’ve seen me at my recital fourteen years ago. Moving on, I quietly ran-walked down the hall, avoding the squeaks and creaks of the wood floor. I ran into the kitchen, putting my feet back to the normal walking style. If I had to do this, something needed to happen. The only light on was the bathroom light- and that had to be shut off. I opened the back kitchen door, and walked outside. Most normal people have a big power box thing, right? Well this woman was crazy because all I saw was a big switch that said ‘Light’ on it. And it was crooked. I thought If I turned it down, all the lights would go off- so I did. Using my clumsy fingers, I managed to pull down the light without making a sound. I saw the bathroom light go off from the window. Remembering my last mission from master, I walked back inside the house to find a candle on the table- a LIT candle. It wasn’t there before. All I thought was phasmatos but I didn’t think it could happen. With all the dirt arriving in this town- Well, Master’s Town- I knew this woman wasn’t one of the normal. Then it came to my mind that Master told me something about an incantatrix- but it didn’t come to my mind immediately. Considering the gift master’s servants gave me- I couldn’t detect it. But I couldn’t smell it either. I looked around, noting the cutlery jar. I took a knife- (a pretty small one too because master told me I could only use small knives)- and walked to into the hall. I then again noticed lit candles everywhere. I thought I was going insane- but that’s what they do to you. I regained my focus and peeked inside the bathroom door- only enough to find what I needed to. A black woman with yellow eyes and brown hair with golden streaks. The bubbles of the bath were covering her chest and knees. Is that how every woman takes a bath? Anyways, she matched my description perfectly, so I quickly turned away from the door. Then I clenched my fists, put up my black hood, and slammed the door opened WIDELY so she could see me front and clear. She wasn’t in the bathtub anymore. She was standing about 3 feet away- and she wasn’t even wet. She was bare naked- but I could resist the temptation. I was gay anyways, so..
We stared at each other for a moment. I saw rose petals around the tub, but I decided to ignore it. Then she spoke.
“Have you came from the Master? A coward coming to visit me?” She had a french accent- which I found rather sexy. Any person with a French accent is Sexy. I responded. “Master told me you were on his list. You shall not suffer any more from his words.” But what she said next shocked me.
“How can you kill me... If you’re already dead?”
Then I didn’t see anything anymore.
She walked over my body and cast a spell.
“Incendia.. Invisique”
The house burned down while she walked out. I failed master. I failed his duties. Now it is time for him to kill me all over again."
Sorry about grammar errors or anything. Please comment if you want me to post anymore.
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Hmm, it seems to be a bit weirdly written.
My body is compact in the closet. ?
It's just small things like that which make me want to read a story, or bin it.
I've been in a closet before and it's actually pretty easy to breath in, even with clothes in your face.
There is no real sense of plot or structure. For one, why does he go outside to turn off the lights? There is no real sense of danger either, like why is he afraid of the woman in the bathroom? Who is master, why is he here, how did he get into the closet, what does he do?
I suppose those questions could be answered by you here, but they need to be included in the story.
It wasn't one of my best reads, try reading a lot more books and expand your vocabulary. Remember this when writing, read over your story. Read it out loud even, you'll spot a lot of inconsistencies or things that don't sound right by doing this.
I don't like delving into family matters but have you tried asking your parents? Or a teacher what there opinion is on your story?
My body compact in the closet.
My body is compact in the closet. ?
It's just small things like that which make me want to read a story, or bin it.
Barely any air to breathe from- except for the cracks between the hinges.Barely any air to breathe from- except for the cracks between the hinges.
I've been in a closet before and it's actually pretty easy to breath in, even with clothes in your face.
There is no real sense of plot or structure. For one, why does he go outside to turn off the lights? There is no real sense of danger either, like why is he afraid of the woman in the bathroom? Who is master, why is he here, how did he get into the closet, what does he do?
I suppose those questions could be answered by you here, but they need to be included in the story.
It wasn't one of my best reads, try reading a lot more books and expand your vocabulary. Remember this when writing, read over your story. Read it out loud even, you'll spot a lot of inconsistencies or things that don't sound right by doing this.
Figuring I have no one in real life who cares
I don't like delving into family matters but have you tried asking your parents? Or a teacher what there opinion is on your story?
