Stubbs1
Hello PMC.
Usually I don't take this kind of stuff to the internet as I don't like to talk about my personal life, and truth be told: I won't be giving out many details about this, so I apolegize if this is a little unclear.
To make it short: I'm being bullied at school, not just by one student but by a big part of the school. As it is a small school everyone knows everyone, and I've been singled out as being the "Ugly one" (That's my nickname at the school), or just different than everyone else.
Now here's what I want to ask: If you've been in a situation, or know someone who has, what did you / they do to kind of mend the pain since I'm forced to be here?
Any answer helps.
Usually I don't take this kind of stuff to the internet as I don't like to talk about my personal life, and truth be told: I won't be giving out many details about this, so I apolegize if this is a little unclear.
To make it short: I'm being bullied at school, not just by one student but by a big part of the school. As it is a small school everyone knows everyone, and I've been singled out as being the "Ugly one" (That's my nickname at the school), or just different than everyone else.
Now here's what I want to ask: If you've been in a situation, or know someone who has, what did you / they do to kind of mend the pain since I'm forced to be here?
Any answer helps.
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17
2
You should tell a teacher and/or your parents, and just simply ignore the bullies. They will eventually stop. (this might work buuuut ive never been bullied so idk sorry if this is not helpful)
1
I already told my music teacher and he gave me a key to the Music rooms at our school, so now I can go there and practice with my friend Thomas (Who is actually good at music) and we can have fun there :D
2
personally for me, telling a teacher never stopped it. (could be different for you though)
best thing to do is ignore them, they're a waste of your time, for me that kind of shut them all down lol.
just push through it until you finish school because then that stuff really won't matter anymore, plus usually after highschool most people don't keep in touch and you probably won't really know them anymore.
keeping a positive mindset is the most important part though. :-)
best thing to do is ignore them, they're a waste of your time, for me that kind of shut them all down lol.
just push through it until you finish school because then that stuff really won't matter anymore, plus usually after highschool most people don't keep in touch and you probably won't really know them anymore.
keeping a positive mindset is the most important part though. :-)
2
I tried taking your advice to school today and I know you said "ignore them" but I left a note telling them that they're wasting their time with a smiley face, and while they did notice I then took your advice to just ignore them (even though they were following me) and it seems to have bothered them quite a lot.
So thanks. I really hope that this "keep ignoreing" stuff will work.
And about the teacher. I already told my Music teacher as he's the only one I really trust, and he's given me a key to our music rooms and I can go there when I don't want to talk to others :p
So thanks. I really hope that this "keep ignoreing" stuff will work.
And about the teacher. I already told my Music teacher as he's the only one I really trust, and he's given me a key to our music rooms and I can go there when I don't want to talk to others :p
1
Ignore them. Its what I do.
1
It also seems to be working. Even over this short period of time, the bullying hasn't really worn off, but people seem to be noticing that it "doesn't bother me" even though it actually does.
1
So did I help at all....?
2
Do tell a teacher, but, next time they bully you, say something like
"You're calling me the ugly one, have you looked at yourself, that behaviour is pretty ugly"
*MAKE SURE TO STILL KEEP IT KIND, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE THE BULLY HERE
OR:
"I Don't care what you say, nothing you're gonna do is going to irritate me"
This one is a bit harder to do, but if you keep doing it they'll eventually ignore you
"You're calling me the ugly one, have you looked at yourself, that behaviour is pretty ugly"
*MAKE SURE TO STILL KEEP IT KIND, YOU DON'T WANT TO BE THE BULLY HERE
OR:
"I Don't care what you say, nothing you're gonna do is going to irritate me"
This one is a bit harder to do, but if you keep doing it they'll eventually ignore you
2
But that's kind of what they want.
If I respond to them that only fuels the fire.
If I respond to them that only fuels the fire.
2
They want a strong reaction, if you respond to them as though you pity them or simply without showing any strong emotion, and then just ignore them after that, that's what will get to them. Respond once with something like what PlayaXD suggested, and then act like they don't exist. I know it's easier said than done, but give it the best try you can :)
2
Oh gosh, if I start I'll just spew out my bad advice. . .
I know it may sound a bit..babyish. But tell an adult who you trust(A close teacher, a family friend, or a family member that would listen..), tell them to talk to a higher-ranking adult (Vice Principal, Principal, etc...) who could most likely punish those picking on you (Detention, suspension..)
That's really all I have, and I would bring up what I did with me & my brothers.."Bullies". But I don't want to talk about myself in a situation where I'm tryina' help you X-X
I know it may sound a bit..babyish. But tell an adult who you trust(A close teacher, a family friend, or a family member that would listen..), tell them to talk to a higher-ranking adult (Vice Principal, Principal, etc...) who could most likely punish those picking on you (Detention, suspension..)
That's really all I have, and I would bring up what I did with me & my brothers.."Bullies". But I don't want to talk about myself in a situation where I'm tryina' help you X-X
2
Thanks. I've already gotten contact to a teacher about it from taking StarSaffire's advice.
4
First of all.. late reaction, I sometimes respond right away but yours was something I had to think about. I'm really sorry to hear all this and I think it's a good thing that you decided to come forward with this. Maybe talking can help.
So, my main question here is: what do you perceive as bullying? Sorry if I'm addressing topics you don't want to talk about in such detail but I'm honestly trying to understand what exactly it is we're dealing with here. There is a difference between people calling you names or them physically assaulting you. Both could easily be described as bullying but I'd describe the latter as plain out harassment if not assault.
Then there's also the possibility (note: I am NOT saying that this is so, I simply don't know and I'm trying to go over the options) that people behave in a way which you consider insulting (or worse) while they may not even realize that they're hurting you. I kind of doubt this scenario but I had to include it.
Alas, what to do..
Talk to a teacher? I'm not too sure to be honest...
Now, this may not be a popular response but assuming we're talking about bullying in the way where some punks apparently feel better ("superior") to you and will express that every moment they can then I don't think teachers are going to help. Because by doing so and getting them to intervene you're basically also showing that the whole thing actually affects you. And that can sometimes work against you.
Which is basically what most bullies thrive on: dominance and control.
During my school years I also had to cope with some bullies but it didn't really last very long because I defied them. As in ignored 'm. They usually pick on you because you stand out in some way. So I tried to blend in just a little bit more, but not enough to go out of my ways.
My preferred day at school at that time: Come in, don't talk to people, follow lessons, go home. Homework, and then my own personal time.
What I started doing: Come in, chat a bit, follow lessons, chat a bit, try to detect people having issues with lessons, offer (some!) help, go home. Homework & personal time.
So one time I found my bicycle tires slashed and it was made quite obvious who had done that. By that time I had also made some more friends and decided I was not going to cave in. SO, uhm, I "did" something and I don't think this is good advice at all but boy did it help me out...
Sorry for a bit of a ramble, I stil hope you can put this to some use.
For the record: I'm talking about my childhood here, now 30 or so years ago. Some things were probably different back then.
So, my main question here is: what do you perceive as bullying? Sorry if I'm addressing topics you don't want to talk about in such detail but I'm honestly trying to understand what exactly it is we're dealing with here. There is a difference between people calling you names or them physically assaulting you. Both could easily be described as bullying but I'd describe the latter as plain out harassment if not assault.
Then there's also the possibility (note: I am NOT saying that this is so, I simply don't know and I'm trying to go over the options) that people behave in a way which you consider insulting (or worse) while they may not even realize that they're hurting you. I kind of doubt this scenario but I had to include it.
Alas, what to do..
Talk to a teacher? I'm not too sure to be honest...
Now, this may not be a popular response but assuming we're talking about bullying in the way where some punks apparently feel better ("superior") to you and will express that every moment they can then I don't think teachers are going to help. Because by doing so and getting them to intervene you're basically also showing that the whole thing actually affects you. And that can sometimes work against you.
Which is basically what most bullies thrive on: dominance and control.
During my school years I also had to cope with some bullies but it didn't really last very long because I defied them. As in ignored 'm. They usually pick on you because you stand out in some way. So I tried to blend in just a little bit more, but not enough to go out of my ways.
My preferred day at school at that time: Come in, don't talk to people, follow lessons, go home. Homework, and then my own personal time.
What I started doing: Come in, chat a bit, follow lessons, chat a bit, try to detect people having issues with lessons, offer (some!) help, go home. Homework & personal time.
So one time I found my bicycle tires slashed and it was made quite obvious who had done that. By that time I had also made some more friends and decided I was not going to cave in. SO, uhm, I "did" something and I don't think this is good advice at all but boy did it help me out...
bad advice
Of course I complained to a teacher about my tires and that I had an idea who did it but it didn't really help too much. So the next week I learned that a random other teacher (it was a rather big school) parked their bicycle in the same parking area as mine. So I slashed their tires, and started spreading the rumor that my bully did it in, but a very subtle way. And it caught on, even escalated.
So here we were: the bully, some teachers and me in the same room and their question to me: did I really saw him slash the tires. It was a defining moment for me because that was pretty much the beginning when I started really playing with words and context and stuff.
I didn't lie. Technically. But I sure as heck knew what I was doing, and it wasn't very nice but... So I basically said that: "I'm not sure anymore, you're putting too much stress on me. When my tires got slashed by that <censored> no one cared and now this?". knowing exactly what I was doing. But yes, it was important and all. So then I said: "I'm sure it had to be him, who else slashed tires in the past month?".
I was sure it had to be him I never said it actually was him though.
Bottom line: most bullies thrive on control, control and power over you. If you can turn that around then that might sent out a strong enough signal to make them stop.
The only problem: there is no "one size fits all" solution here. It can easily backfire or worse: catch on and suddenly you'll be the bully, maybe without realizing it.
Even so... most people who got bullied ended it by standing up for themselves in a way which the bully could no longer deny.
So here we were: the bully, some teachers and me in the same room and their question to me: did I really saw him slash the tires. It was a defining moment for me because that was pretty much the beginning when I started really playing with words and context and stuff.
I didn't lie. Technically. But I sure as heck knew what I was doing, and it wasn't very nice but... So I basically said that: "I'm not sure anymore, you're putting too much stress on me. When my tires got slashed by that <censored> no one cared and now this?". knowing exactly what I was doing. But yes, it was important and all. So then I said: "I'm sure it had to be him, who else slashed tires in the past month?".
I was sure it had to be him I never said it actually was him though.
Bottom line: most bullies thrive on control, control and power over you. If you can turn that around then that might sent out a strong enough signal to make them stop.
The only problem: there is no "one size fits all" solution here. It can easily backfire or worse: catch on and suddenly you'll be the bully, maybe without realizing it.
Even so... most people who got bullied ended it by standing up for themselves in a way which the bully could no longer deny.
Sorry for a bit of a ramble, I stil hope you can put this to some use.
For the record: I'm talking about my childhood here, now 30 or so years ago. Some things were probably different back then.
3
Thanks for the advice, but three problems:
1) To answer your question, then by your definition it would be considered harassment due to me not looking like others, and never really following orders, and I'm not willing to become part of the mass. The simplified version of why is this: thought control at home.
2) I already talked to a teacher, and while he can't do much he's given me a key to the computer rooms where other students aren't allowed to be. I usually sit in there and relax by playing Minecraft or watching YouTube.
3) I am aware why this big group are after me. As I said before: I am different compared to them as I don't really fall under any group at school. I know that they are using me as sort of a stomping ground to kind of push themselves up - By that I mean: They always outdo me, or try to outdo me. Problem is: Unlike them I do my best to understand them instead of attacking them and becoming a bully myself.
Still I'll thank you for your advice, and for your story, but I'll have to find another way around this and if I can I'll do my best to learn more about them and why they do what they do.
1) To answer your question, then by your definition it would be considered harassment due to me not looking like others, and never really following orders, and I'm not willing to become part of the mass. The simplified version of why is this: thought control at home.
2) I already talked to a teacher, and while he can't do much he's given me a key to the computer rooms where other students aren't allowed to be. I usually sit in there and relax by playing Minecraft or watching YouTube.
3) I am aware why this big group are after me. As I said before: I am different compared to them as I don't really fall under any group at school. I know that they are using me as sort of a stomping ground to kind of push themselves up - By that I mean: They always outdo me, or try to outdo me. Problem is: Unlike them I do my best to understand them instead of attacking them and becoming a bully myself.
Still I'll thank you for your advice, and for your story, but I'll have to find another way around this and if I can I'll do my best to learn more about them and why they do what they do.
2
One way or the other wishing you all the best buddy! Happy to hear that you at least managed to avoid most of the problems.
5
Wow! That saddens me, I'd like to first ask about the teachers at your school, are you close to any of them? I know sometimes it helps to talk to someone. I also know that even though many schools have a "tolerate no bully" policy, at times teachers do turn a blind eye to what is going on. I do work at a school, so I do not only hear stories, but also see where teachers appear to be too busy when something does happen. If you'd like to talk, I'm here, you can message me. Of course this is in a view point of an adult, so my answers may not be good for a person in school, because I do realize there is always more to the story of things you've already tried, and things that have not worked. I wish you luck, and I actually do know someone that has been through alot of bullying(they are out of school now), if you want I can get you in contact with him for advice.
2
Thanks, I'll try and scope out a teacher I feel safe with, and this person you know, maybe you could talk to him and send some advice my way? Then I would be really happy :)
