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Artisan Elf
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    • adi0514
      November 17, 2018, 6:52 pm to Public
      a few weeks ago, this was the only song i listened to. i had a lot of time on the trip i was on so i just listened to it on repeat constantly. until i believed it. i believed it so strongly that it’s literally all i thought about and wanted, ignoring the truth that i’m loved and supported. but i no longer believe this song, or even listen to it.
      seriously. love changes things. i no longer consider suicide because of it. i can’t just leave them alone here. i’m going to stay because i love them. because they need me, and i need them.

      this song may not help you or maybe it will. but please don’t let it affect you the way it affected me.
      if you’re in a bad place, please please don’t consider suicide. it’s not the way out. it’s not an aesthetic, it’s not funny, it’s not a way to get more attention. i admit, in the past i used it as a way to get attention, or blend in, or even as an aesthetic. i regret it. because it’s actually become hard for me. it’s none of those things. it’s real and serious and dangerous, not a joke, not a trend either. if you know anyone who struggles with it, or notice small signs, please tell someone. anyone. i still regret not saying something earlier.

      and, them, you know who you are,
      i love you <3
    • adi0514
      November 17, 2018, 6:39 pm to Public
      but would that mean the roots are being dug out by someone on my side or someone against me?
    • adi0514
      November 17, 2018, 6:12 pm to Public
      or maybe that’s why i’m hurting. the roots are just being dug out slowly
    • adi0514
      November 17, 2018, 6:03 pm to Public
      i don’t ever see this sadness leaving. it’s like a tree whose roots are so deep that to dig them out you’d have to hurt me.
    • adi0514
      November 17, 2018, 5:03 pm to Public
      aaand the hardness of reality returns
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  • tonight i need you to stay

    previously known as oldpine_

    it’s so hard not being able to talk to someone who you treasure above everyone else. someone you think about literally every moment, asleep or awake, thinking or dreaming. someone where every morning you wake up and immediately wonder what they’re up to. and if they’ve thought of you recently. or if they just distract themselves from you. because that’s what you try to do. but it fails. it fails so badly because you just end up thinking about them more, when the next time you’ll see them, if you’ll even see them again. if you’ll ever be in their safe arms again. if you’ll ever be able to look into their amazing eyes and say ‘i love you.’ but you don’t know. you don’t know if you’ll ever see them again. at any moment someone could snap their fingers and poof, your best friend is gone. but you never told them that one last time. you never held them in your arms and said ‘i love you’ that one last time. you never got to tell them how much you treasured them, how much you actually meant that ‘i love you.’ and you’ll never know if they heard the ‘goodnight’ you whispered to them, every night at 10:00. or the song you sang them every time you could, whether or not your ukulele was nearby. or the countless letters you wrote, whether they were just mentioned in it or the entire page was about them. because at any moment, any second, poof. they’re gone.




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