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Wall Post by Felll

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  • Felll
    August 1, 2020, 3:49 pm to Public
    [Warning. Super sappy message ahead. I would love it if you read it anyways (or my TLDR) because this is the most important story of my life <3]


    On July 20th, 2016, a little over four years ago, I received a message from a new subscriber. My skinning "career" was starting to pick up and I was getting lots of messages from all sorts of people, asking about trades, requests, commissions, etc. This message wasn't asking for anything in particular, just a cute hello and offer to make a skin for ME (a sweet offer I hadn't received in such a way before).


    We didn't talk for six months, but in January I got another message from the quirky little guy, in which he invited me to a Discord server. I didn't have discord at the time but attempting to keep up with the times- made one to use in lieu of skype (what all us old people used back in the day). Things get a bit fuzzy because I can't easily access the messages we had (unlike the earlier ones on here through PM), but I remember talking a bit more and playing Minecraft with a few of his friends. He was sweet, but the relationship we had was very surface level, I took time out of my day to do this with several subscribers and it was fun, but I didn't really consider any of them "close friends".


    After a few months of talking very little, conversation dwindled and contact stopped once again. Fast forward a year this time (it is now around March 2018), I got another message from him (through Discord this time), a comment about my profile picture, Zero Two, a character many of you probably know from the anime Darling in the Franxx. We connected through our love of anime (super cringy, I know, but I am a big weeaboo and love talking about it) and began a much closer friendship than before.


    Although I'm not really sure what connected us so intensely compared to all our times together in the past, I could tell that we had both matured a lot in the past year. We were both in need of a friendship like this after struggling with our own stuff by ourselves. We played mostly Minecraft together, and a little bit of CS (I was really bad though) and would call for hours and hours on end. As the epic gamers my subscribers and friends are, I am sure you can relate.


    He was my best friend now, the person who I would look forward to seeing and talking to whenever we weren't together. I definitely had a big crush on him (uh oh gross and sappy time) but there was no way you could convince younger Felice to tell him that because gosh darn, no matter how much I wanted to believe he could like me back I was scared I would lose my best friend. Of course, the only reason I am writing all of this is because he DID like me back (I'm sorry I sound like a dumb 12-year-old) and we started dating July 2018.


    Before we began dating we had actually been planning a trip to see each other. The two of us only lived around 500 miles apart (I from Northern California, he from Southern California) which isn't that far compared to other long-distance relationships. I was going to see Dan and Phil live in Los Angelos in August, and we would be so close it would be a crime not to meet my best friend.


    I am a lot more charismatic and confident online, as my social anxiety only seems to kick in when I'm talking to people in real life, and meeting him was definitely the craziest and most nerve-wracking thing I had ever done (and I had gone to Australia alone, with just a small group of students when I was 12-years-old). I remember as soon as he opened the door I hugged him more tightly than I had ever before, repeating a phrase over and over again (I think it was "Oh my gosh"?). I couldn't make eye contact with my own BOYFRIEND for the first two hours as our parents met and we just kind of sat awkwardly on a couch together. Eventually, I could look at his face and we went out (with my worried mother) to a few places.


    When we got back to his house that night I cried a lot, he had band practice the next day and I was going back up after that, so I wouldn't be able to see him until who knew how long. I sobbed with my mom on the way back to our hotel (I was and still am a big cry baby) and solemnly accepted our fate. To my surprise, when I got home, he told me that his practice had been canceled and that we would be able to see one another the next day. I wasn't sure if I totally believed that it was really canceled, but I was too excited to care.


    We had our first date the next day, if driving up the mountains and looking out on a ridge counts as a date, and held on to every last minute we had with each other. Eventually, I had to leave him that afternoon, and I cried some more, then went to see Dan and Phil in Downtown Los Angelos. I remember driving home with my mom down the highway, sobbing to Panic! At the Disco, like a true 16-year-old would.


    Over the next few months, I would develop a rhythm of taking a plane down to see him every one or two months and spending a weekend together. The rest is probably boring relationship stuff that most of you probably don't care about (not that you have cared much about any of this so far). I went through a lot of personal stuff that first year, losing my grandfather to cancer and my step-mother to suicide, which triggered a trainwreck of mental health disorders, but gosh, I am so glad I had my boyfriend to hold my hand through it all.


    I stopped posting on here when I had all that stuff happening which I am sorry for but was probably bound to happen as I grew older less interested in Minecraft as a whole. It's been about a week since our two year anniversary (what the heck?!) and I wanted to post something on here (I didn't mean for it to be this long though, oops).


    Online and long-distance relationships are hard. I was super lucky to have a supportive family willing to send me on a plane to see my boyfriend they barely knew and I know most people don't have that. Don't deny yourself happiness just because the person you love/like lives hundreds or even thousands of miles away. There are so many success stories out there, of people like me and my boyfriend, who find the perseverance within themselves to keep fighting for the relationship they treasure and the home they wish to build together someday.


    On the 9th of August, Sean (my lovely boyfriend) and I will be closing the gap. I just graduated high school and will be attending college in Southern California, and LIVING with my boyfriend. I am not a risk-taker but he is so important to me, I would push my boundaries till they broke for my boyfriend. Things will be insane and super different, especially in this new world we live in, but gosh darn, LOVE really does make the world go round and I can't wait to wake up and see his real face every single day.


    I mostly wanted to share my story with you all, but I also hope to inspire even just one of you. Take that risk, don’t let the chance slip away. The idea may be scary but the outcome could just be the best thing to ever happen and if it’s not, that’s okay too! Remember to keep trying, hold your head high, and be brave. Listen to both your heart and your head, they are vital in all decisions, but if one is truly holding you back from something you know in your gut is right, it’s okay to push past that thought or feeling. Thank you so much for reading all, or just skimming through this message of mine. I believe in you. Go for it gamers :)

    TLDR; I met my boyfriend of two years on this website. Whether it be a relationship or just a small leap, taking that risk could be the best thing to ever happen. My boyfriend and I are celebrating two years of unconditional love, and I hope that our story can show you that anything is possible if (no offense to planetminecraft) two dumb kids can meet HERE and find ourselves deeply in love and full of happiness, moving in with one another and ready to start a crazy new chapter in life together.
    You are viewing a single comment. Click here to view all comments.
    ChatieTheDragon said 2020-08-01 17:08:41
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    Oh what a beautiful story!!
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