This is Willy, the white pointer.

He was havin' a swim through his majestic kelp-forest, when all of a sudden, there shined a shiny demon... in the middle of the forest...

AND HE SAID: "PLAYYYY THE BEST SOOOOONG IN THE WORLD, OR I'LL EAT YOUR SOUL!".

Well Willy the white, he looked confused, AND HE SAID: "Blub".

Because white pointers can't play music, unfortunately. As much as I'd like to see a trained jawful boy shredding a guitar, let's be real, it's not gonna happen...

So the demon ate Willy's soul, and went on a killing-spree by some puny island called "Amity Island". He ended up getting pwned by some lousy copper with an oxygen-tank.

The demon gulped up Willy's soul afterwards, and said; "Look bazzer, we'll giz ya deal. You come with me to hell, and we'll have ya put back together, bit by bit, and enhance yous". Willy carefully thought about it, and then bit the demon, because this is the only way he could respond to the question.

Both were teleported back to hell, were Willy was enhanced into a demon cyber-shark, destined to kill every tourist and fisherman around any lovely looking beach or dock. Now equipped with a super-computer, a demon that whispers racist jokes into his ear, a hellfire bazooka and a stereo, Willy was ready to conquer the world.

He was brought back to earth. He quickly made an account on every scientific database site, claiming himself to be a professor with a PhD in A.I., hiring other aspiring students and experts on the area to work for him, in creating the ultimate A.I.

But it was all a trick, to start enhancing his own army of cyber-sharks. In the year of 2214, Shark-NET caused the world's greatest nations to engage in nuclear war, destroying almost all of humanity. Those who survived where taken by the cyber-sharks, and sent to prison camps. There, they would be forced to drink piña coladas, and talk smack about sharks, right before they would have to walk straight into a rubber-pool filled with sharks. A CONSTANT. EATING. FRENZY. OF FILTHY TOURISTS.

THIS YEAR, A MAN BY THE NAME; "BON JOHNNER" WILL BE BORN, AND HE IS THE ONLY HOPE FOR THE HUMAN-RACE TO ENDURE THE POST-SHARK_NET WORLD. A SHARK WILL BE SENT BACK IN TIME, TO SHARK-ATTACK HIM ON A BEACH ON THE BAHAMAS 12 YEARS FROM NOW.


COMING TO CINEMAS THIS DECEMBER:

T H E
C A R C H A R I N A T O R




And in other news, this is what a Cyber-Shark listens to all day while butchering tourists: