127
(The following story has had some events reordered and drastically fictionalized, however all events are based on true occurrences of the year.)
January
Loki looked in the mirror. The reflection was wrong, unnatural. The person on the other side was someone else.
“Brother!” Thor barged into the room.
“Yes? What is it?” Loki demanded, twirling around.
“They’re here.”
Loki bounded down the stairs, Rolmond was here, with his son Gedul. They were Valkyries and lifelong friends. They were there to stay the week, explore Asgard and maybe the 9 worlds, and have fun. Thor was right behind, almost as eager to meet the new guests.
“Ah, Thor, Loki! My two boys, so nice to see you again!” Rolmand spoke boisterously, flapping his hands in the air. Gedul shyly waved around.
“Do sit, can I get you a drink? We have some fine mead in the cellar,” Thor inquired, motioning to the stairs.
“That would be most magnificent! We shall share the mead in the name of Odin, yes?” Rolmond demanded. Loki nodded in agreement. When Thor returned, the bottle was quickly snatched away by Rolmond. He then poured a large amount into his and Gedul’s glass, before handing the liquor back to Thor. Loki felt odd about giving the drink to a child, but said nothing. The day soon ended, everyone drunkenly stumbled their ways to bed.
The next day started fairly similar. Loki’s reflection was still wrong, but that issue was quickly dismissed. Thor was already up, he was in the kitchen making eggs and toast.
“Ah yes, eggs! The most important food for young men like you and your brother!” Rolmond’s booming voice shook the house. Loki took up a spot next to Gedul on the couch. He was playing a dice game, and doing quite well at it.
“You have some good talent there,” Loki softly spoke, while petting Fenrir.
“Thanks,” Gedul murmured back, clearly distracted. The two got along well together, they always had. They were both quiet and shared interest in similar things, and they had known each other all their lives. Gedul beat the game easily, he often did. Thor emerged from the kitchen, holding steaming platters of food. Loki poked around at it, not very interested in eating.
“You know what my old gran used to say, right? ‘Happiness makes the world go round.’ I disagree! A good plate of eggs and mead do the trick, yes” Rolmond laughed. “That being said, it ain’t going too well for the folks in Niflheim, a large chunk is on fire. Not too happy about that, ya know?”
“I have a concern,” Loki stated.
“Yes? What is it?” Rolmond boasted. Thor shook his head, almost like he knew something. He had been quite odd this entire visit.
“I don’t think Gedul should be drinking this much, he’s quite young. It can’t be good for him,” Loki continued. After hearing that, Rolmond went red in the face and Gedul looked on the verge of tears.
“I cannot believe it! I thought you were brought up better than that, sir! I will have to take up word with Odin about your behaviour. Despicable! You disgust me, Loki!” Rolmond threw his food on the floor. Loki sat there, shocked. Thor put his head in his palms, before trying to calm down Rolmond.
“Unbelievable! Come on, Gedul! We’re leaving!” Rolmond dragged Gedul out, leaving Loki and Thor distraught by what happened. But they both knew that was the end of their friendships.
February
Loki sat in a chair, writing. Not much had happened in February, nothing more then a few odd occurrences that no one really seemed to know who to blame for. Rumors had it a new plague had been discovered in Alfheim. The wrongness of the mirror had increased, but nothing else. Fenrir, Thor’s pet wolf, was getting old and not the same as he used to be.
Loki had started to get an idea of what was wrong with the reflection, but it was still shrouded in mystery.
Thor barged in once again, he had a habit of doing that.
“Brother, are you alright? You have not left your room in days!” He stated, while sliding Loki some toast. He hardly got a response.
“Look, I know things are hard at the moment. But you must remember, Rolmond was not your fault.” Thor played with Loki’s hair.
“You keep saying that but it’s not true! I was the one who said what I did, got the whole thing started!” Loki screamed, fists pounding onto the desk.
“It was bound to happen sooner or later, I just wish it wasn’t now,” Thor said sadly before leaving.
March
The virus in Alfheim had spread drastically, now infecting a third of the population. It had also spread to other worlds, with elves, dwarves, and humans all passing the blame amongst themselves. Odin had declared mandatory masks when traveling, and put restrictions on moving throughout the nine worlds. Maybe less people would die from Ratatoskr for a while, that mischievous squirrel. If people wore masks and stayed home for a few weeks, it would just blow over.
In other news, Loki had discovered what was wrong with the mirror, it was indeed the reflection. Changing appearance to what felt right, her reflection seemed more natural, what it was supposed to be. That was the nice thing about shapeshifting, anything was possible.
April
Loki sat at her desk, without motivation to do anything. She felt guilty for making Rolmond so angry, and she wasn’t sure what to do about it. Thor had either moved on or was mad at her, so she couldn’t see why she should talk to him about it. She had acquired an emerald green dagger, and was now slowly dragging it across her arm. It felt oddly comforting, an escape from everything.
May
Gazing out her window, Loki noticed the large crowd that had formed around Odin’s palace. They were protesting, but she couldn’t see what for. Fenrir had nosed his way beside her, earning himself some pats. Odin’s mandatory masks were being thrown in the air, with almost no one wearing one. Of all the nine worlds, why did she have to live here? The rainbow bridge had been disabled due to a planet wide quarantine. Adopting her expected form, she wandered down the stairs in search of Thor. It didn’t take long, he too was peering out in concern at the crowds below.
“Ah, brother!” Thor declared, still facing out the window. “The people seem restless today, I think they believe the virus has been faked,” he continued. His shoes squeaked on the golden floor as he turned around to face Loki. “It’s madness out there! Simply mad- uh, what happened to your arm?” he asked. Loki looked down at her arm, which was all scratched up.
“Um, nothing,” she said as she hid it behind her back. Thor raised an eyebrow, not believing that one bit.
“You are still upset by Rolmond, are you not?” he asked. Loki stared down at the floor in response.
“I knew it was going to happen at some point, to be honest, I had just hoped it would be at some other point,” he continued. The crowds outside grew even louder, more claustrophobic.
“Perhaps you should start seeing someone to try and help you get over it,” Thor said inquisitively.
“No, I don’t want to,” Loki responded.
“Very well, I will find someone and set a visit for next week,” Thor smiled at her. “Oh, also! A new mutated ghoul came from Hel, according to the news they’ve been disrupting a lot of the native wildlife. Just thought you would find that interesting,” he finished, before leaving the room.
June
Loki sat on her bed, her small dagger in hand. It was taking all she had not to cut into her arm again. Her own mind was against her, it seemed. Voices from various objects had started talking to her, telling her to harm herself. The strongest one came from a stuffed animal on her short black bookshelf. It had suggested things like jumping out the window, or slitting her wrists. She flopped over in bed, crying. Today had been one of the worst days yet, and it felt like there was no one to turn to. The weekly meetings Thor had put her in seemed to help at times, yet other days were like this. She had left several online friend groups as Odin and Frigg felt they were unsafe, and she didn’t want to talk to him or Thor about anything as they thought she was getting better. As the week went on, more and more thoughts about dying went through her mind. All she seemed to have left was Fenrir, he was the only one she felt understood her.
July
“Thor! Loki! Would you two come down here please?” Odin called from downstairs. When they both arrived he motioned for them to sit on the couch.
“Fenrir is getting old and unwell. He is not who he was a couple years ago, I believe he has forgotten who we are as well. Frigg and I have decided we need to put him to sleep. We know this is heartbreaking news, so we are here if you have any questions,” he told them. Loki was unable to form words, he just stared sadly at Fenrir.
“Now to help with all this, we have invited Ryllae over. She hasn’t been doing well either, but she agreed to come over. She will be here shortly,” Frigg told everyone. They continued talking, Thor, Odin, and Frigg, but Loki heard none of it. All of their voices merged into background noise as she sat and pet Fenrir. He didn’t react to it how he used to, it seemed alien to him. Ryllae arrived at some point, but she was unsure when. Hours merged into minutes as she stayed by Fenrir’s side, giving him all the attention she could. All too soon the end of the day arrived, and as Ryllae comforted her, she hugged Fenrir for the last time. The next morning, he was no more.
August
Loki sat, watching the TV. It was a distraction from other thoughts, but there was nothing good to watch. Everyone had been rather silent the past few weeks, keeping to themselves and not saying much. Thor joined her on the velvet couch, still unaware of who she was. He beckoned for the remote, which he used to turn on the news. The reporter was caught mid-story about a disagreement between the fire giants and the ice giants. The ice giants were protesting against the fire giants for claims of unneeded violence.
“It sure seems like everything is going wrong this year,” Thor stated. Loki nodded sadly in agreement.
September
The palace, despite being large and comfortable, felt quite small after not leaving for months. It was worth it, though. With all the riots going on outside against masks and violence, it wasn’t safe to go anywhere. Since the loss of Fenrir, she hadn’t felt like living very much. She had thought many times of good ways to die, but on the up side, she was no longer cutting into her arm. Those weekly meetings had to have been good for something. She could hear Frigg downstairs, on the phone. Before long, she and Thor were being called again. Putting back on her disguise, she wandered back down the stairs.
“Now, boys, I have some more bad news,” Frigg opened up. “Ryllae, our friend who visited a couple months ago, has passed away. It’s been confirmed it was not the virus, but we aren’t sure what yet,” she continued. It ended the same way it did with Fenrir, her and Odin telling Loki and Thor they were there if they had any questions. Loki felt mad, mad at the world, but mostly herself. This year has gone so poorly. She was good friends with Ryllae, and with her gone she wasn’t sure what to do. After that news she went back upstairs, tears in her eyes. Grabbing her knife she cut into her arm out of anger and frustration. This year has been the cause of so many friends lost, it wasn’t fair. Rolmond and Gedul, Fenrir, and now Ryllae. She cried herself to sleep with that one thought on her mind, how it wasn’t fair.
October
It felt nice to appear how she felt. She was not a boy, despite what people expected of her. Looking in the mirror, Loki removed her disguise and changed shape into the person she felt she was supposed to be. Suddenly, Thor barged in.
“Brother! I saw the funniest thing, and I wanna- uh” he motioned at her with confusion.
“Yes?” she asked.
“What’s with… this?” He waved at her.
“This is me, much like you are you,” She stated firmly.
“Does Odin know?” He asked her.
“Not yet,” She shrugged. “I was going to mention something later. Don’t forget, you are the one who barged in here before I was prepared.”
“Fair enough, I support whoever you want to be, and so will Odin and Frigg I think,” Thor smiled kindly at her.
“What was it you were coming in here for?” She inquired, moving around the room to adjust some flowers.
“I forgot what it was, I am sure it will get back to me,” He said as he left the room.
November
“Hey, Odin, Frigg?” Loki called from upstairs.
“Yes, my child?” Frigg returned a holler.
“Can I meet you in the central room?” she asked.
“If you would like,” came the reply. Loki walked downstairs, where she found Frigg awaiting her.
“This is me now,” she stated as she waved at herself. Frigg glanced up, before smiling at her.
“If that is what you would like, it’s of no matter to Odin or I. You can be whoever you want,” she told her. Loki smiled at her, before sitting on the couch and giving her a large hug. With everything else going on this year, this was a nice acceptance. Just one good thing was enough for now, Loki thought as she smiled. Dark thoughts still plagued her mind, but this wasn’t one of them any longer.
Things that have happened this year that were mentioned in the story, not all in order:
- Australia on fire
- Loss of 7 good friends (represented by Rolmond and Gedul)
- I start experiencing depression
- I find out I am a transgender girl
- Covid19
- I start cutting myself
- Protests against various aspects of Covid19, from masks to not believing the virus exists
- murder hornets (represented by ghouls)
- I start feeling suicidal at times. Not always, only occasionally but that is still continuing
- Loss of my dog Blake (represented by Fenrir)
- Racial war (represented by giants)
- Loss of my neighbor and friend (represented by Ryllae)
- I get accidentally outed as transgender to my sibling
- I tell my parents about me being transgender
January
Loki looked in the mirror. The reflection was wrong, unnatural. The person on the other side was someone else.
“Brother!” Thor barged into the room.
“Yes? What is it?” Loki demanded, twirling around.
“They’re here.”
Loki bounded down the stairs, Rolmond was here, with his son Gedul. They were Valkyries and lifelong friends. They were there to stay the week, explore Asgard and maybe the 9 worlds, and have fun. Thor was right behind, almost as eager to meet the new guests.
“Ah, Thor, Loki! My two boys, so nice to see you again!” Rolmand spoke boisterously, flapping his hands in the air. Gedul shyly waved around.
“Do sit, can I get you a drink? We have some fine mead in the cellar,” Thor inquired, motioning to the stairs.
“That would be most magnificent! We shall share the mead in the name of Odin, yes?” Rolmond demanded. Loki nodded in agreement. When Thor returned, the bottle was quickly snatched away by Rolmond. He then poured a large amount into his and Gedul’s glass, before handing the liquor back to Thor. Loki felt odd about giving the drink to a child, but said nothing. The day soon ended, everyone drunkenly stumbled their ways to bed.
The next day started fairly similar. Loki’s reflection was still wrong, but that issue was quickly dismissed. Thor was already up, he was in the kitchen making eggs and toast.
“Ah yes, eggs! The most important food for young men like you and your brother!” Rolmond’s booming voice shook the house. Loki took up a spot next to Gedul on the couch. He was playing a dice game, and doing quite well at it.
“You have some good talent there,” Loki softly spoke, while petting Fenrir.
“Thanks,” Gedul murmured back, clearly distracted. The two got along well together, they always had. They were both quiet and shared interest in similar things, and they had known each other all their lives. Gedul beat the game easily, he often did. Thor emerged from the kitchen, holding steaming platters of food. Loki poked around at it, not very interested in eating.
“You know what my old gran used to say, right? ‘Happiness makes the world go round.’ I disagree! A good plate of eggs and mead do the trick, yes” Rolmond laughed. “That being said, it ain’t going too well for the folks in Niflheim, a large chunk is on fire. Not too happy about that, ya know?”
“I have a concern,” Loki stated.
“Yes? What is it?” Rolmond boasted. Thor shook his head, almost like he knew something. He had been quite odd this entire visit.
“I don’t think Gedul should be drinking this much, he’s quite young. It can’t be good for him,” Loki continued. After hearing that, Rolmond went red in the face and Gedul looked on the verge of tears.
“I cannot believe it! I thought you were brought up better than that, sir! I will have to take up word with Odin about your behaviour. Despicable! You disgust me, Loki!” Rolmond threw his food on the floor. Loki sat there, shocked. Thor put his head in his palms, before trying to calm down Rolmond.
“Unbelievable! Come on, Gedul! We’re leaving!” Rolmond dragged Gedul out, leaving Loki and Thor distraught by what happened. But they both knew that was the end of their friendships.
February
Loki sat in a chair, writing. Not much had happened in February, nothing more then a few odd occurrences that no one really seemed to know who to blame for. Rumors had it a new plague had been discovered in Alfheim. The wrongness of the mirror had increased, but nothing else. Fenrir, Thor’s pet wolf, was getting old and not the same as he used to be.
Loki had started to get an idea of what was wrong with the reflection, but it was still shrouded in mystery.
Thor barged in once again, he had a habit of doing that.
“Brother, are you alright? You have not left your room in days!” He stated, while sliding Loki some toast. He hardly got a response.
“Look, I know things are hard at the moment. But you must remember, Rolmond was not your fault.” Thor played with Loki’s hair.
“You keep saying that but it’s not true! I was the one who said what I did, got the whole thing started!” Loki screamed, fists pounding onto the desk.
“It was bound to happen sooner or later, I just wish it wasn’t now,” Thor said sadly before leaving.
March
The virus in Alfheim had spread drastically, now infecting a third of the population. It had also spread to other worlds, with elves, dwarves, and humans all passing the blame amongst themselves. Odin had declared mandatory masks when traveling, and put restrictions on moving throughout the nine worlds. Maybe less people would die from Ratatoskr for a while, that mischievous squirrel. If people wore masks and stayed home for a few weeks, it would just blow over.
In other news, Loki had discovered what was wrong with the mirror, it was indeed the reflection. Changing appearance to what felt right, her reflection seemed more natural, what it was supposed to be. That was the nice thing about shapeshifting, anything was possible.
April
Loki sat at her desk, without motivation to do anything. She felt guilty for making Rolmond so angry, and she wasn’t sure what to do about it. Thor had either moved on or was mad at her, so she couldn’t see why she should talk to him about it. She had acquired an emerald green dagger, and was now slowly dragging it across her arm. It felt oddly comforting, an escape from everything.
May
Gazing out her window, Loki noticed the large crowd that had formed around Odin’s palace. They were protesting, but she couldn’t see what for. Fenrir had nosed his way beside her, earning himself some pats. Odin’s mandatory masks were being thrown in the air, with almost no one wearing one. Of all the nine worlds, why did she have to live here? The rainbow bridge had been disabled due to a planet wide quarantine. Adopting her expected form, she wandered down the stairs in search of Thor. It didn’t take long, he too was peering out in concern at the crowds below.
“Ah, brother!” Thor declared, still facing out the window. “The people seem restless today, I think they believe the virus has been faked,” he continued. His shoes squeaked on the golden floor as he turned around to face Loki. “It’s madness out there! Simply mad- uh, what happened to your arm?” he asked. Loki looked down at her arm, which was all scratched up.
“Um, nothing,” she said as she hid it behind her back. Thor raised an eyebrow, not believing that one bit.
“You are still upset by Rolmond, are you not?” he asked. Loki stared down at the floor in response.
“I knew it was going to happen at some point, to be honest, I had just hoped it would be at some other point,” he continued. The crowds outside grew even louder, more claustrophobic.
“Perhaps you should start seeing someone to try and help you get over it,” Thor said inquisitively.
“No, I don’t want to,” Loki responded.
“Very well, I will find someone and set a visit for next week,” Thor smiled at her. “Oh, also! A new mutated ghoul came from Hel, according to the news they’ve been disrupting a lot of the native wildlife. Just thought you would find that interesting,” he finished, before leaving the room.
June
Loki sat on her bed, her small dagger in hand. It was taking all she had not to cut into her arm again. Her own mind was against her, it seemed. Voices from various objects had started talking to her, telling her to harm herself. The strongest one came from a stuffed animal on her short black bookshelf. It had suggested things like jumping out the window, or slitting her wrists. She flopped over in bed, crying. Today had been one of the worst days yet, and it felt like there was no one to turn to. The weekly meetings Thor had put her in seemed to help at times, yet other days were like this. She had left several online friend groups as Odin and Frigg felt they were unsafe, and she didn’t want to talk to him or Thor about anything as they thought she was getting better. As the week went on, more and more thoughts about dying went through her mind. All she seemed to have left was Fenrir, he was the only one she felt understood her.
July
“Thor! Loki! Would you two come down here please?” Odin called from downstairs. When they both arrived he motioned for them to sit on the couch.
“Fenrir is getting old and unwell. He is not who he was a couple years ago, I believe he has forgotten who we are as well. Frigg and I have decided we need to put him to sleep. We know this is heartbreaking news, so we are here if you have any questions,” he told them. Loki was unable to form words, he just stared sadly at Fenrir.
“Now to help with all this, we have invited Ryllae over. She hasn’t been doing well either, but she agreed to come over. She will be here shortly,” Frigg told everyone. They continued talking, Thor, Odin, and Frigg, but Loki heard none of it. All of their voices merged into background noise as she sat and pet Fenrir. He didn’t react to it how he used to, it seemed alien to him. Ryllae arrived at some point, but she was unsure when. Hours merged into minutes as she stayed by Fenrir’s side, giving him all the attention she could. All too soon the end of the day arrived, and as Ryllae comforted her, she hugged Fenrir for the last time. The next morning, he was no more.
August
Loki sat, watching the TV. It was a distraction from other thoughts, but there was nothing good to watch. Everyone had been rather silent the past few weeks, keeping to themselves and not saying much. Thor joined her on the velvet couch, still unaware of who she was. He beckoned for the remote, which he used to turn on the news. The reporter was caught mid-story about a disagreement between the fire giants and the ice giants. The ice giants were protesting against the fire giants for claims of unneeded violence.
“It sure seems like everything is going wrong this year,” Thor stated. Loki nodded sadly in agreement.
September
The palace, despite being large and comfortable, felt quite small after not leaving for months. It was worth it, though. With all the riots going on outside against masks and violence, it wasn’t safe to go anywhere. Since the loss of Fenrir, she hadn’t felt like living very much. She had thought many times of good ways to die, but on the up side, she was no longer cutting into her arm. Those weekly meetings had to have been good for something. She could hear Frigg downstairs, on the phone. Before long, she and Thor were being called again. Putting back on her disguise, she wandered back down the stairs.
“Now, boys, I have some more bad news,” Frigg opened up. “Ryllae, our friend who visited a couple months ago, has passed away. It’s been confirmed it was not the virus, but we aren’t sure what yet,” she continued. It ended the same way it did with Fenrir, her and Odin telling Loki and Thor they were there if they had any questions. Loki felt mad, mad at the world, but mostly herself. This year has gone so poorly. She was good friends with Ryllae, and with her gone she wasn’t sure what to do. After that news she went back upstairs, tears in her eyes. Grabbing her knife she cut into her arm out of anger and frustration. This year has been the cause of so many friends lost, it wasn’t fair. Rolmond and Gedul, Fenrir, and now Ryllae. She cried herself to sleep with that one thought on her mind, how it wasn’t fair.
October
It felt nice to appear how she felt. She was not a boy, despite what people expected of her. Looking in the mirror, Loki removed her disguise and changed shape into the person she felt she was supposed to be. Suddenly, Thor barged in.
“Brother! I saw the funniest thing, and I wanna- uh” he motioned at her with confusion.
“Yes?” she asked.
“What’s with… this?” He waved at her.
“This is me, much like you are you,” She stated firmly.
“Does Odin know?” He asked her.
“Not yet,” She shrugged. “I was going to mention something later. Don’t forget, you are the one who barged in here before I was prepared.”
“Fair enough, I support whoever you want to be, and so will Odin and Frigg I think,” Thor smiled kindly at her.
“What was it you were coming in here for?” She inquired, moving around the room to adjust some flowers.
“I forgot what it was, I am sure it will get back to me,” He said as he left the room.
November
“Hey, Odin, Frigg?” Loki called from upstairs.
“Yes, my child?” Frigg returned a holler.
“Can I meet you in the central room?” she asked.
“If you would like,” came the reply. Loki walked downstairs, where she found Frigg awaiting her.
“This is me now,” she stated as she waved at herself. Frigg glanced up, before smiling at her.
“If that is what you would like, it’s of no matter to Odin or I. You can be whoever you want,” she told her. Loki smiled at her, before sitting on the couch and giving her a large hug. With everything else going on this year, this was a nice acceptance. Just one good thing was enough for now, Loki thought as she smiled. Dark thoughts still plagued her mind, but this wasn’t one of them any longer.
Things that have happened this year that were mentioned in the story, not all in order:
- Australia on fire
- Loss of 7 good friends (represented by Rolmond and Gedul)
- I start experiencing depression
- I find out I am a transgender girl
- Covid19
- I start cutting myself
- Protests against various aspects of Covid19, from masks to not believing the virus exists
- murder hornets (represented by ghouls)
- I start feeling suicidal at times. Not always, only occasionally but that is still continuing
- Loss of my dog Blake (represented by Fenrir)
- Racial war (represented by giants)
- Loss of my neighbor and friend (represented by Ryllae)
- I get accidentally outed as transgender to my sibling
- I tell my parents about me being transgender
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