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Tournament of Elements: Episode 1- Friends and Enemies

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Jaytience's Avatar Jaytience
Level 33 : Artisan Demolitionist
31
Hey guys, yes, before you ask, I have recently caught up with Ninjago and am making a series based off of it. This is also supported by Master G, much thanks to him, so let's get into this guys.

So me and my friend Master G were just walking along, not expecting much of the day. We were just two friends, walking around town, looking for something to do. That's when we found an invitation for ''The New Tournament of Elements!''
We weren't really expecting to see this. We had powers ourselves. I was the fastest in the town, and he was very good with whatever weapon he was equipped with. So we decided to enter the tournament.

I don't know what we were expecting. But what we got was way better than... whatever we expected. We met masters from all over the world, with so many different powers. We made friends with a few. I impressed them with my speed, and Master G impressed them with his weaponwork.
I made friends quickly with Jack (Master of Shadows), James (Master of Gravity), Enderelle (Master of the End) and Draco (Master of Dragons). As for Master G, he made friends with Icarus (Master of Poison), Bill (Master of Fine Ores) and Ethan (Master of Combat).

But when you make friends, you're sure to make enemies. And that is when ''the four'' saw us making friends with the stranger elemental masters. ''Ok, let me just say something to you two. Poison, that's cool. The End is a neat subtle element. Bones, gravity, shadows? Cool. But speed? Weapons? Man, you guys are mismatched here. 'Names Ralph, master of earth. These guys are Agni, Aviel and Kate. We're the masters of air, water, fire and, of course, earth. Me. The main man. See you losers soon.''

'' I wanna punch that guy in the face,'' Master G whispered into my ear. ''Well, if you can travel at lightspeed, they won't know what hit 'em.'' ''True. Good idea. You can sock 'em. Show them who they're talking to.''
So that's what I did. First I hit ''Main man'' Ralph. Then Agni and Aviel. I tried to hit Kate as well, but she had quick reactions and she hit me with about 10 gallons of water.

''That backfired. Maybe next time you'll get them all.'' ''Next time. I guess if I'm on a boat it really isn't the best idea to mess with the water ninja.
Then, the horn sounded. It was time to meet the master.
CreditMaster G
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1
11/02/2015 2:12 pm
Level 60 : High Grandmaster Meme
CroatiaTheMan
CroatiaTheMan's Avatar
Lol Epic :D
1
11/02/2015 2:14 pm
Level 33 : Artisan Demolitionist
Jaytience
Jaytience's Avatar
The suspense of meeting Master Che- I mean the master. It's not actually gonna be Chen it's gonna be someone a lot... nicer. XD
1
11/02/2015 2:15 pm
Level 60 : High Grandmaster Meme
CroatiaTheMan
CroatiaTheMan's Avatar
Its a great story but there are a few things I don't understand or you could improve :P
1
11/02/2015 2:29 pm
Level 33 : Artisan Demolitionist
Jaytience
Jaytience's Avatar
Do go on, please, I need to know what I can improve!
1
11/02/2015 2:34 pm
Level 60 : High Grandmaster Meme
CroatiaTheMan
CroatiaTheMan's Avatar
Ok well here are some tips

1.You should write in italics as it gives it more story effect.
2.Add more detail, instead of just getting to the point add more detail for example you wrote :We were just two friends, walking around town, looking for something to do. That's when we found an invitation for ''The New Tournament of Elements!''  It could've had more info like how they found it were in the city they where and where they found it.
3.Describe the Characters more, this is kinda like No.2 but for the characters.Also explain their personality and their history and backround.

I might come up with more tips soon ;)
1
11/02/2015 2:37 pm
Level 33 : Artisan Demolitionist
Jaytience
Jaytience's Avatar
'Kay, Thx for el tipperinos!
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