I like the story concept. It's a pretty unique one.
Though the story is not that well written, I must say. It seems a bit awkward at some times, the way some things are not explained, the way there are parts where it just jumps and your constant use of adjectives makes hard to take very seriously when reading. I would suggest brushing up on the writing itself, but the story is good.
Overall, good job. A few minor problems but it all seems to work pretty well.