Old Insane Man (Apocalypse Contest) (Good Backstory) Minecraft Skin

PARTICIPANT IN A FINALISTS JAM
This Skin is an entry in the completed Apocalypse Skin Contest.

Minecraft Skins

Old Insane Man (Apocalypse Contest) (Good Backstory)

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En Dabuwya's Avatar En Dabuwya
Level 55 : Grandmaster Technomancer
83
The crippled figure staggers across the dusty field, a rusty dagger clutched by bony fingers and white knuckles. The figure walks up to the shattered mirror and looks at his many reflections, dancing around the reflective surface. What does he look like nowadays, the knowledge of himself nothing but a lost memory. The figure turns around to see a freshly cut lawn surrounded by a white picket fence. A little girl runs up to meet him and he twirls her around in the air, enjoying the look of pure thrill exploding on her face. The old man, worn out from acting on his delusions, collapses into the dirt, his rusty dagger still held tightly by his bony fingers. An hour passes, or maybe a day, he cannot be sure anymore.




The man gets up and returns to the skeletal structure he calls home. The wind chime is silent, it has nothing left to sing about. The man opens the door and turns around to close it from the inside. He turns around to a clean, polished wooden hallway. A woman walks down the hallway towards him and they embrace, happy and content with their lives. He closes his eyes while hugging her, opening them to a dried, fractured building with no roof. He walks up what remains of the stairs towards the room where he sleeps. There are stuffed toys scattered around the room, many of them torn and missing stuffing. Dagger still clasped strongly in hand, the old man collapses onto the small bed, content to let his legs hang over the end. As the man sleeps, nightmares haunt him, causing him to shiver in the dry heat.




Something stirs in their quiet neighbourhood, creating unease in the young man's home. His daughter cries out to him and he moves to comfort her. She's had a nightmare, and begins to explain it when a loud, irregular banging comes at the door. This frightens the young man's daughter but he is quick to assure her of her safety. He goes to the door and as he gets closer he can hear scratching and snarling amongst the banging. Assuming it to be a stray dog, he kicks the door to shoo it away. This only angers whatever is on the other side and the young man can hear small chunks of wood being pulled off the door. He calls his wife to bring him a knife from the kitchen, she does so. A chunk of wood falls away from the door and the young man can see the large dark-brown wolf slowly breaking its way through the door. It sees the man, turns and snarls. It leaps at the door, sending splinters flying. The man takes action and hurries his wife into his daughter's room, who comforts her amongst all the loud sounds.




The wolf doesn't relent in its onslaught on the door, and eventually creates a hole large enough for it to shatter its body through in one muscular bound, but the man is ready for it. He slashes forward and clips the wolf's ear, which falls away almost instantly. The wolf, seemingly not noticing its loss of appendage, slowly starts to circle the young man, enticing its prey to attack again, so that it may take him down. The man feints and the wolf pounces at him. The man spins the blade in his hand and severs the foor leg of the wolf, knocking it to the ground. The wolf seems to notice this difference in its altercation with this meat and decides to go after the weaker prey available her. It bounds up the staircase and smashes through the weaker bedroom door of the young man's daughter. The man stumbles up the stairs, the horror of his family's screams filling his ears.




The man stops half a metre away from the door, the screams having stopped. Complete despair fills the man's body followed by ultimate rage. The man rushes into the room, locates the wolf, and plunges the knife he holds into its head. He sits there and screams as he continues to pull the knife out of the wolf and sank it back in for what felt like an age. After around an hour, the man is still, his voice coming out as a crack and his arms tired and heavy. He begins to cry, coiling into a fetal position on the floor, the knife still clutched by his white-knuckled hand.




The old man rolls out of bed and out of the building into the arid wasteland, red dust reaching out as far as the eye can see in every direction. The day begins anew.




This is my entry for the Apocalypse Skin Contest, and I decided to put my meagre writing skills to use and create a backstory for it. I used my old Link Skin as a base, making an old Link, then making a tattered old Link, then of course creating the skin you see now. Turned the cap into a hood, rounded the ears, browned the clothes, changed the tunic into a shirt and pants, and made his eyes all weird (I can't remember the term for having two different eye colours). Once I upload all of them, I'll put links below for the different stages that it took to make this skin. As usual, made based on the sprites of The Legend of Zelda: Minish Cap, but in this case, tweaked massively. Check out my other stuff and subscribe for more.
CreditNintendo
GenderMale
ModelSteve
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1
05/21/2012 3:29 pm
Level 32 : Artisan Mage
danji_x
danji_x's Avatar
Your "meagre writing skills?" How dare you demean yourself in such a way! The story is absolutely brilliant, I love the interplay between delusion and real-life. And because I love it so much, I will make some extremely nitpicky suggestions for improvement of syntax. Feel free to ignore any or all of these, of course.


  • "...reflections, dancing around the reflective surface" --- repetition of "reflect", try replacing the second instance with a synonym (e.g. "shiny," "lustrous," "metallic")
  • "...enjoying the look of pure thrill exploding on her face" --- "pure thrill exploding" is a little bit awkward. Maybe "pure thrill lighting up her face"? Or "suddenly appearing"?
  • "The man opens the door and turns around to close it from the inside. He turns around to a clean, polished wooden hallway." --- Repetition of "turns around" - even cutting out one of the "around"s would add some variety, though a synonym would be even better.
  • "The wolf doesn't relent in its onslaught on the door, and eventually creates" --- Comma unnecessary, unless it is changed to "door, eventually creating"
  • "...enticing its prey to attack again, so that it may take him down" --- Ditto (comma unnecessary)
  • "The man feints and the wolf pounces at him. The man spins" -- Repetition of "the man" at the head of the sentence; maybe combine the two actions, vary the structure of one of them, or use "he" for the second?
  • "...severs the foor leg of the wolf" --- That should be "fore."
  • "...weaker prey available her." --- That should be "here."
  • "...knife out of the wolf and sank it back in for what felt like an age." --- Tense change; "sink."
Oh, and needless to say, diamond for you. The skin alone might not have warranted one, but there is no way I can walk away from a story like that. I, too, tried to write a detailed backstory for my entry, however mine is on a more "macro" and thus less personal scale. I would love a fellow writer's feedback on it, if you would like. :)
1
05/24/2012 2:48 am
Level 55 : Grandmaster Technomancer
En Dabuwya
En Dabuwya's Avatar
Thankyou very much, normally I would have been a bit more specific/nit-picky with my short story but I only spent about a half hour on it. Thankyou for all the feedback, I would be happy to take a look at your story. One last thing, why do you say that my skin wouldn't warrant a diamond?
1
05/24/2012 6:21 am
Level 32 : Artisan Mage
danji_x
danji_x's Avatar
Wow, that's a gem for a half hour of work!!
Well, I'm just not a fan of the "blocky" shading style (i.e. an outline of dark colour), that's all. I find that that particular style just doesn't look like a lot of effort was invested.
1
05/24/2012 4:36 pm
Level 55 : Grandmaster Technomancer
En Dabuwya
En Dabuwya's Avatar
Well, I didn't invest much time into my shading because I didn't feel I needed to. As you can see from my tags, I picked the Category as 'Cartoon', as I do for all the large majority of my skins, and this shading style adds a flavour of depth to the skin without compromising the 'cartoonish' style.
1
05/15/2012 4:57 pm
Level 28 : Expert Robot
JDMracer95
JDMracer95's Avatar
Cool story bro.
1
05/16/2012 5:47 pm
Level 55 : Grandmaster Technomancer
En Dabuwya
En Dabuwya's Avatar
why thank you
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