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Do you have a lack of real life friends and need a few online ones? Well friend, you have come to the right place! I'll help ya become the most popular kid on the server!
Step one: Find the right kind of people. You can usually tell who the good people are by how awesome their names are. Try and find someone with an original name like ShadowKiller or CraZyMinEr. Or even better, those with inappropriate names just love making friends with you!
Step two: Strike up a conversation. It's easy, just say something like "So how 'bout them creepers?" or "Want to come to my cave?" Also when conversing, make sure you use all the hip phrases minecrafters use these days like "%^&$ OFF" and "GO %^&* YOURSELF."
Step three: Show them your dirt house. Nothing makes other people feel better around you than knowing that they are superior in every way. So the worse your dirt house is, the more they will hang out with you so that they will feel like the superior minecrafter. No one likes to be friends with the amazing builder, it makes them look worse.
Step four: Don't be yourself. If you are reading this and need friends, you seriously need some sort of personality change.
Step five: Give away your diamonds. Nothing creates friendship like a good bribe. Make sure you keep mining though, because if you don't keep feeding their diamond addiction, they will eventually forget all about you.
Step six: Pretend you are a girl. There are more men than woman that play minecraft, so the women are noticed more. However, never admit you are a transvestite, even if things start to get uncomfortable with a lot of guys hitting shift around you. Once your cover is blown, you need to transfer to another server and start over.
Step seven: Hold parties. I don't know what it is, but for some reason minecrafters love being in the same room while jumping around.
Step eight: If all else fails, steal a popular kid's account. He's already made the friends for you, all you need to do is log on and enjoy!
That's all the tips I've got, so get out there and make some friends!
(This is a satirical blog and is in no way to be taken seriously)
Step one: Find the right kind of people. You can usually tell who the good people are by how awesome their names are. Try and find someone with an original name like ShadowKiller or CraZyMinEr. Or even better, those with inappropriate names just love making friends with you!
Step two: Strike up a conversation. It's easy, just say something like "So how 'bout them creepers?" or "Want to come to my cave?" Also when conversing, make sure you use all the hip phrases minecrafters use these days like "%^&$ OFF" and "GO %^&* YOURSELF."
Step three: Show them your dirt house. Nothing makes other people feel better around you than knowing that they are superior in every way. So the worse your dirt house is, the more they will hang out with you so that they will feel like the superior minecrafter. No one likes to be friends with the amazing builder, it makes them look worse.
Step four: Don't be yourself. If you are reading this and need friends, you seriously need some sort of personality change.
Step five: Give away your diamonds. Nothing creates friendship like a good bribe. Make sure you keep mining though, because if you don't keep feeding their diamond addiction, they will eventually forget all about you.
Step six: Pretend you are a girl. There are more men than woman that play minecraft, so the women are noticed more. However, never admit you are a transvestite, even if things start to get uncomfortable with a lot of guys hitting shift around you. Once your cover is blown, you need to transfer to another server and start over.
Step seven: Hold parties. I don't know what it is, but for some reason minecrafters love being in the same room while jumping around.
Step eight: If all else fails, steal a popular kid's account. He's already made the friends for you, all you need to do is log on and enjoy!
That's all the tips I've got, so get out there and make some friends!
(This is a satirical blog and is in no way to be taken seriously)
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