You can't always get back up when you fall down.

It all happened that night, 9:27 as I remember. Since I'm going to be telling this story I might as well start from the beginning. 

"Veronica it's time to get up" screamed my dad as I was lying down in bed trying to take in every last minute of sleep that I could before I would have to go to the place that people call school. If I had my say I would call it prison for children ages 5-18. 

After I finally got up from my bed I decided that it was time that I got dressed. I'm not like your average teenage girl, I don't like to think of myself as the average teenage girl but to be honest I am. I wear makeup, want a boyfriend and work my butt off everyday just to make sure that everyone at school will think that I look nice, but I will never know what they really think of me. Someday I would love to know what others think of me, how they see me. I wonder if I am I different from the rest of all the teenage girls that go to my school, live in my country. Really Am I just another teenage girl that lives in this world or can I make a difference. 

"I'm coming dad" I said as I was running down the stairs as quick as I could. *BANG* Obviously I had to trip on one of the stairs and fall on my butt because that's just my luck. My dad came over worried as always asking me if I was okay and as always I said "Dad I'm fine I fall all the time doesn't mean I won't get back up again." He smiled said "Okay honey" and we headed out to the car. 

On my way to school I replayed my morning in my head as I always do thinking about everything that happened. The sleeping in late, brushing my hair, my teeth, etcetera but one thing kept coming back. It was this saying that my mom always used to tell when I was really little and scared to jump off the diving board at the pool or when I was nervous to present a speech. She used to say No matter what happens, you must always get up when you fall down. I always had a theory about my mom, that all the happiness she would bring others was taken from her own happiness if that makes any sense. My mom always made everyone happy but she was never happy herself, always tried to hide it but I guess it caught up to her one day. I've always wondered what would have happened if my mom hadn't killed herself. That maybe if she'd told us how unhappy she was, things would be better, but than again I could understand why she wouldn't. It's easier to keep hurt bottled up. All of sudden I felt a lump in my throat start to grow and my eyes start to well. I pushed the thoughts far away from my mind and wiped my eyes dry with the back of my hand.

We arrived at school just five minutes before the bell which would give me enough time to go get my binders and rush to homeroom. "Okay guys, now today were starting chapter six which is on algebraic equations. This is a little bit more advanced than last year in ninth grade but you should have covered the basic... As soon as Ms. Best started math I zoned out. My eyes were unfocused and I shoved an earphone I had hidden in my sleeve in my ear to block her out. I was tired, depressed and stressed no one understands the pain that I am going through right now. It feels like It feels as if I'm constantly being stabbed in the back by someone or another, but obviously not by boys like any of the other girls were. Every guy I know seems to think I'm too fat or too ugly or have too big of a nose or too small lips to even consider dating me. It's not just them either, everyone seems to find something wrong with me. Why am I always the target of this kind of stuff I mean what did I ever do to them.

Sometimes I think "What would they all think if I died. Would they like me better? Would they have regretted laughing at me that one time I embarrassed myself when I messed up my oral presentation? What if one of those boys finally gained the courage to ask me out but it was to late? What if one of them knew my story?" Everyone thinks they know you. They assume that your parents are together, they don't think that you might struggle with money. They don't think about the fact that this year for your birthday, you may not have had your mother 

When I was 8 my mom started giving me extra kisses before bed because even back then I knew why even though she never said. I could hear my dad getting rough with her, hitting her and she'd come in and kiss me goodnight as if to make up for it. Her mascara would be smeared and from crying and she'd wipe them away and smile in spite of herself and kiss my forehead. That's when I knew, somewhere inside me that she was done with her life and Every night I cry myself to sleep thinking about what I could have done, even at eight years old. I could have picked up the phone and dialed 911 and said that my father was abusing my own mother, that my life was a mess. I didn't. 

A lot of you may be wondering if I still live with my father and what happened to him. Well when I saw my mom on the floor crying her eyes out that night, she told me her last words, "no matter what happens, you must always get up and try again. That was when her pills or whatever they were kicked in. She died  but her last words were "Don't forget honey, you must always get back up when you fall down" she died when I was in her arms and I didn't leave for at least an hour afterwards. 

The bell snaps me out of my memory. Math is finished so I grab my binders and head on out without a single idea what we covered in the past hour. I guess I never really liked math anyway. As the day passed I thought more about parents. I guess my life just sort of sucks. I just wish I didn't have to have my mother die and my father put in jail for me to realize it. Oh I forgot to tell you all that my parents are not my biological parents, there my foster parents ya that's how great my life .Foster mom and dad are some sort of bitter joke. 

When I first had to go to a foster home I was so scared of not having a family and I know that they say that at a foster home there are people there that are your family but it doesn't feel that way, you have to live in a foster home to know whether u can trust any of those people do be your friend never mind your family. In foster care you're not even guaranteed a permanent spot. You're their temporary child and they're your temporary parents. It doesn't feel like a home it feels like your a guest and at the same time a resident. Trying not to get too comfortable but at the same time trying to live. Once 2:45 rolled around I started to walk to my locker. A girl and her boyfriend were blocking my path and she just looked so happy. 

When I think about it nothing worthy of happiness ever happened to me. Back in the good years of elementary school when people used to have parties I was never the lucky kid that got the 'lucky cup' or even the kid that had over 10 people come to a party when 40 people were invited. I guess that's just how life is for us unpopular people. When I got home I dropped my bag down by the door and slid off my shoes before I ran upstairs to go on the only thing that makes me happy, my laptop. Sometimes I feel like my only friend is my laptop. It never judges me for things I like or dislike, it doesn't tell me about how weird I am or how horrible I look, even though my laptop isn't a person it is the closest thing I have to one. Ever since I got diagnosed with depression three months ago my parents have been pitying me to much, they bought me a Mac Book Pro. I have to admit I love it very much, but they keep saying "You're already going through enough right now and we don't want you to be tempted by anything". As if that helps anything. What they don't know is that I had started cutting long before I started living with them. I started back in my first home, my real home. 

I heard my 'mom' knocking on the door but I didn't answer. I had about a minute before she'd barge into the room. I started to mess up my long hazel brown hair and took off my glasses, taking a quick glance in my mirror to make sure that I looked like I have been sleeping for a least two hours and dropped into my covers like I just got shot. I felt like I was falling to my cold hard death which I knew would happen one day. 

If I had to end my life, I wouldn't want to be shot but I wouldn't want to die a boring death. I'd want a much more dramatic death that people talk about for weeks and will always remember. They will always remember that you were that one person that took their own life that day and that maybe, if you tried, you could have done something. I'm sorry I was getting a little carried away. I always think about what I could have done or if there was something I could have done to prevent my mother's suicide from happening. My grandmother always tells me that it wasn't my fault, that it was my fathers, that he was the reason she was dead. He didn't even admit to it but thankfully he is gone to the place where he will rot for being the cause of suicide of another individual. In the year 2032 they decided that there would be a new law about suicide, if there was evidence that another individual caused a person to lose their life they could be sentenced up to twenty-five years in prison. To me this always sounded like a lot, if it was up to me I would say five years, but after what happened to my mom... Twenty five seems sufficient. 

I woke up the next morning not wanting to go to school as usual and my parents are always nice enough to let me stay home when I'm not up to going to school. For me school is a big waste of time. I have no friends, I'm never able to concentrate on the work I am supposed to be doing and teachers are always too strict or boring. For the rest of that day I stayed in my room on Netflix. Hours later, I was watching this old drama called 'Gossip Girl', when my mom came upstairs to tell me that her and my dad are going out drinking and that they would be back by 1 am at the latest. One came and past and they still didn't come home. I didn't sweat it too much, a lot of the time they end up crashing at a friends place and then the next morning they come home with pancakes from McDonald's and a big smile on there face hoping that I will forgive them. 

It was getting really late so I figured I'd just go to bed and check it out in the morning. When I woke up again I was shocked to find it was Saturday night, I'd slept right through the day. I got up and stretched and checked out downstairs, but there was no sight of anyone , then cut out until I tried calling But this time they didn't come home, days past and they still didn't arrive back yet I tried calling but no one would pick up it always went straight to voice mail. I started to get worried about it so I decided to call the emergency numbers my mom left on the fridge, she says to call these numbers if they were ever gone for over a twenty-four hours. 

The first number was my moms friend Linda, Linda was like a 2nd mom to me she would always be there when I needed to talk and I could trust her with anything, she's the one who brought me to the doctors office when I got diagnosed with depression because my parents were too busy drinking. I dialed the number and Linda picked up, we chatted for a while and than I impatiently said "Linda, my parents have been missing for hours when they said the would have been back Friday night it's Saturday night now." There was a pause. Linda sounded very surprised but calm. She said to me "Okay, Veronica first things first do you think you can drive over here so we can figure this out together?" 

"I'm on my way" I said and then hung up the phone. I packed up a bag with clothes for a few days and than I was off. It was a 15 minute drive to Linda's and I wasn't planning on going to school until I found my parents or at least for a few days. All I could think about the whole ride over was where are my parents? Are they safe? Why didn't they call? 

Than I was jolted by a bright light and the thought that I was dead. It was only the light of the car the doctor later explained. He also said that I was lucky to be alive. "Veronica, you are the luckiest patient and person that I have ever seen. You were so close to dying and you got through it, you were born for a reason and this is the reason, you have a purpose" I just sat there trying to blink away the tears. I felt pain all over me and also this ancient song 'Say Something', was playing. Me and my mother always used to listen to it together, it's a pretty old song but I think that is what made it special for us. 

The car accident was pretty serious I broke both of my legs, an arm and I had a fractured neck. It all still didn't worry me, all I could think about was my parents. Linda was at the hospital the day I was allowed to get out, she came and told me something that could make or break me. 

She said, "V, I don't know how to say this to you but, they are in custody of the prison waiting for a trial." I sat there in shock with one headphone out of my ear and one in, I was listening to 'Say Something' to calm me down but I couldn't after this. I scream "WHAT, WHAT ARE THEY BEING ARRESTED FOR?" 

I felt like I was about to be sick. Linda waited for a few minutes and then broke the news to me, she said "International drug dealings. They were caught dealing hundreds of pounds of cocaine in Mexico." 

I sat there in shock, all I thought was how could they do this to me. I ran out of the room in frustration but ran back as soon as a realized that every doctor at the hospital was going to see my butt because I'm in a hospital gown thing, I ran back wondering if this could get any worse. Linda told me to calm down, and I did. She then said "Your parents are going on trial which means that they might not have to go to jail as long as they win the trial. The chances are slim, but their lawyer is going to do the best he can to make sure that they win this trial." 

I paused and though about everything for a second. Finally I just said, "Linda, I am so stressed out and I just want to leave this place. Wanna go get a bite to eat?" Linda said yes and we were on our way. I woke up on Linda's couch the next morning and I said in a mumbled voice "Linda, were we out drinking last night? Cause I feel hungover" 

Linda replied with a laugh. "No honey, you were just really tired last night and you fell asleep in the car so I carried you into the house. Now let's get you fixed up cause we have a plane to catch" 

"What?" All I said was "Where are we going? Is it to Mexico? Am I going to see my parents?" 

Linda replied "Yes we are going to Mexico, I don't know if we will get to see your parents and if we do please don't get mad at them. I know you have so many reasons to but they are in a hard place right now and they are probably so worried about you." Mexico was nothing like a planned for it to be like, it was so nice. There were tall buildings, sandy beaches, blue water. It was all so amazing, breathtaking even, especially for someone who hasn't been outside of Sacramento before. We stayed at the Melia Azul Resort which was absolutely beautiful, but my main focus wasn't the pool or the spa it was getting my parents out of jail. We had been at the resort for 3 days now and the court where the trial was going to take place finally called and said that there trial was going to be tomorrow and that we could go in for a visit today if we want, I decided to wait for a few hours just so I could think about whether I really wanted to do this or not. My parents abandoned me and this will be the only opportunity i will have to talk to them before they go on trial or before they go to jail. I wanted to know how they got a lawyer and who they were so I asked Linda who the lawyer was and how they found her/him. 

She replied to me saying "V, your parents were going to get a divorce." She paused and pursed her lips. "That's where they found their lawyer. Her name's Karen Wood, she is the 1# lawyer in Sacramento. Your parents are really worried about you V, I suggest we go and visit them just so you can get all the answers you need and so that in court tomorrow there won't be any surprises." 

We arrived at the jail and I got really nervous. All I could think of was all the people who have dealt drugs, taken innocent peoples lives and just have broken the law, it's really scary to think that my parents are in there with them. Linda ran over and hugged my mom and I just stood there looking at them. There was a vending machine in the visiting room so I got a snack and sat down on the bench while my mom, dad and Linda talked. When a guy my age sat down next to me. I got goosebumps all up and down my arms, my heart started to race and I could feel my palms sweat up. A boy has never talked to me or sat next to me unless they were forced by the teacher, he said "Hey, my name is Luke." 

He had his hand out waiting for me to shake it, so I quickly wiped my hands in my pants and shook his hand, I said in a quite mumbled voice "Hi, I'm Veronica" I felt like I couldn't breathe, just the thought of talking to a boy was weird. We were talking for a half hour, but it felt like a lifetime. We exchanged numbers and now we're texting. It's so great that I can finally talk to someone about my problems and not feel judged. 

I would have talked to him in person longer but Linda and my parents were done talking so I decided to go and talk to my parents but first Linda came over and explained to me the basic info I needed before I charged over there and demanded some answers. Linda explained to me that they went out drinking and that they only started dealing drugs so that they could pay for my college fund and so that I wouldn't been in debt by getting student loans. All I could think about was college now. If college had any looks at my recent grades, there was close to chance of getting admitted into any colleges next year. I talked to my parents but it wasn't really talking more sitting there in silence looking at each other for 30 minutes and then leaving because visiting hours were over so we went back to the hotel. I didn't sleep at all that night. 

The next day, was the trial and there was only going to be one court session so I was really nervous. They were innocent. My parents were innocent, I couldn't believe it. Then again I would prefer for my parents to stay in jail than go back to how things were before. They were such horrible parents sometimes but for some reason, I was still happy to have them back. We stayed in Mexico for a few more days and I have a horrible time because Luke and I got in a fight because I realized that he lied to me about everything his age, name and I don't think I could ever forgive him. It really sucks because he was perfect but enough about him, time to get back to my boring old life. 

We all flew back to Sacramento, I sat in the window seat Linda was right next to me in the middle and than my parents were in the next two seats. My parents always used to tell me about how things were back when they were kids in the 20th century, it all sounds so weird airplanes had 3 seats instead of 4, people had to write on paper with pencils in school, Back in the early years of the 20th century people had to go to the store and buy their movies instead of having Netflix. Life back then seems so confusing. 

I fell asleep and woke up with breakfast in bed but I wasn't at my house I was at Linda's and she explained to me that I wasn't allowed to stay with my parents for at least 30 days because it's a law and I was really happy yet so sad knowing that I won't get to see them for 30 days. 

So much has happened in the past 30 days but I'm just so happy that I get to go home and sleep in my own bed. I was driving away from Linda's house when I got a phone call from Luke, asking me to meet him at a bar so we could talk, I accepted the invitation and I was on my way. I arrived at the bar wearing a red dress it was very nice but I felt more like I was going to prom than a bar but I found Luke and sat down, we talked and drank and I got an explanation and apology so then we decide that we would talk so more tomorrow. I was really drunk when I went into my car it was around 8:00 at night and I was driving home when I received a call, I was so drunk that I didn't know what I was doing and I pulled into the other and stopped and that's when it happened I got into a car crash. 

The ambulance arrived at the scene around 8:44 and they got me to the hospital but 8:53. It was 9:27 when I didn't get back up when I fell down