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My Book(WARNING: Unedited, and it has no name.)

Iron_Works's Avatar Iron_Works6/17/19 5:22 pm history
7/29/2019 2:25 pm
JediJerboa's Avatar JediJerboa
Spoiler
CHAPTER ONE

James had once been The High Fire Wizard. He had aided
in the battle of darkness, however, He fell in battle to a warrior of darkness.
Humanity fell and was left plagued to perpetual darkness.

“Ugh, w-w-what happened.” James awoke upon the field he
battled on five years earlier. He studied the landscape. The air stood cold. There
was an atypical fog in the air. The fog was thick enough to block out the night
sky and even the grass beneath James’ feet.

He
subconsciously extended out his hand, giving way for a ball of fire to be born.
The air screeched as if it was a living thing. James was baffled as to why fire
appeared. He couldn’t recall the battle. He couldn’t remember much of anything.
Once more, he stretched out his hands.

An immense
blast of fire exploded from his hands comparable to a dragon raining
destruction from itsmouth. “AEIGH.”

The fog gave way. He could glimpse stars. However,
the darkness came back as soon as it had left. Yet again he danced his hands
around. A massive forcefield of fire stopped the darkness, but at once began to
fail.

A squall of wind plucked him off the ground.
He could see endless black. It appeared as if the emptiness of the night sky
was brought to the ground.

James caught
the sight of an island unaffected. There were torches and small huts. There was
a modest stone one constructed resembling a castle. He wished to go to that
island. He subconsciously slowed the wind. James landed softly upon the ground.
A circle appeared in the ground. The circle had an image in it showing the
streets of the island James wanted to go to. He put his finger on the image, it
went straight through. The image rippled like a stone thrown into water.



They remained
transfixed upon him. The civilians were speaking to him in a language he did
not understand. “Hello, I am James Jorkin, I come in
peace.” Once more the populace was speaking to him in a language that sounded
like turkeys warbling. James snapped his fingers and suddenly, they began to
make sense. “Who are you?” the people asked. “I am James jorkin high wizard of
the fire elementals and storm elementals,” James said, without even thinking. “We don’t like you because you
wear weird red robes.” “So just because I conjure magic you don’t like
me?” he again did not think about speaking, his memories controlled his mouth;
helping him to remember “You know magic?” the civilians asked him. James
focused his mind and extended his hands out towards the dark fog. Wind and rain
gushed from his hands.

The people applauded him and bowed. “We have one like
you. The land bows to her.”

“Do you know her
name?” “yes, she calls herself jenny.”

“Mm hmm I
understand.” Odd, James thought, the high wizardess of earth is here. “Do you worship her?”

“Yes, sir she
makes the dark stay away.” James yet again withdrew to his thoughts. These
people are crazy but then again, I was regifted life. Perhaps I can return the
islands to their previous form. With that thought, James found himself slipping
through an image to a dark isle.



CHAPTER TWO

In which sleeping dogs lie

Rotting bodies sat, not altogether whole, around James;
yet they would not rot completely in this strange fog. James gave birth to a ball of fire upon his hand. the air screeched once more,
leaving James utterly confused. “AAEEEIIGH.” A faint orange light was just a
few feet away.

He strode towards the light,
only to find that the fire was dying. Oil is what kept the fire alive. He was
beginning to become used to what he could do. He found the great saucer of
ancient oil and He lit the saucer on fire. “AAAAAEEEIIGH.” The air around James
dissipated in a minor way. Memories came back to him in flashes. He now knew
that only two saucers were left. James somehow sensed unlit torches on the
isle. He lit every single torch without getting near them.

Silvery tendrils of a peculiar light would
pass him every now and then. He came across the next saucer by accident. The heavens
made a tumultuous roar, as the sky visibly started cracking like a spiderweb. The
cracks let a multitude of magical drops fall. The drops rained into the saucer.
James rested his hands in the liquid. It caught into a blaze of fire. More
torches lit, and the sky became clearer. The night sky became slightly visible
through the muck of the fog. He saw the last saucer. It still had its magic
oil. He lit it. the air seemed to die. AAAAEEEEEEIIIGGHH. The air was clear. He
could see the stars. He was happy.

Until he noticed the ghosts.
He was dumbfounded, he never believed in ghosts. He believed that there was the
possibility of ghosts, but he didn’t think much abut it until now. “Oh thank
you James we really appreciate that. We can finally take form.” “Oh, here’s my
body. Hello old me.” James stared at his old apprentice. Oh, sorry that’s right
you’ve never seen a ghost before. James knew there was the possibility of ghosts,
but he never believed it. thanks for teaching us our magic but when we died
well I’m sure you remember the explosion of escaping magic when we die. James
didn’t remember but he tried hard to remember. He blacked out into memory





come on guys just let your
will go. Lose all your will and your magic will come, naturally. James was
fighting five dark wizards at once. Just don’t try, just don’t try. If you do
that the elemental magic will flow. One of them did as they were told and won
the battle instantaneously. The rest seeing that it would work did the same and
joined James in the battle against the other wizards. One of the shadow
elementals got a good shot at Nicholas and killed him. The corpse fell to the
ground skin becoming sunken and skin turning yellow. The dead elemental
exploded with pure magic energy. Red white blue and yellow light flew toward
his murderer. The murderer died. His body turned to ash and made the darkness
thicker.

James woke up wondering why he had that sudden
memory. Ah I see that your memory isn’t there master let me tell you the shadow
elementals won and killed themselves. That pure black fog is alive. As they
died they used the magic they never shared with us. When a shadow elemental is
born, a spell is cast upon them so that when they die their soul will tear in
two. One half will go on to the afterlife and the other will join the nearest
inanimate object. Technically we won but since the shadow elementals died, they
went into the dark fog they created. Their magic didn’t explode, and instead
their inner magic was cast into their darkness. That fog is full of shadow
magic. only light will part it and when you part it you will hear many screams,
finished the ghost. So how come when I died I didn’t die. Ah that was me I put
you into a sleep of death. When you died your soul still hadn’t left your body.
Me being a ghost I don’t have fire magic anymore. I have ghost magic woo hooray
for that anyways I made it to where you would not rot or die, instead you would
freeze. When you woke up did it feel cold around you? uhm yes. Did you feel staticky
like lightning struck you? yes. Ahh then my plan worked. I got a friendly storm
elemental to put a small hex on you, when you unfroze you were to be struck
with lightning. Go lay down in your body. Why should I, said a defiant
Nicholas. Do it or I will hex your spirit for eternal burning. Ok yes, my sensei.
Nicholas laid down in his body. James snapped his fingers. fire zoomed to
Nicholas’s dead body and remade him where there was nothing but bone. He
snapped his fingers once more and this time Nicholas’s dead body fiery-liquid-body
was struck by lightning. Nicholas the ghost started to become sucked into his
dead body. The body gasped. Hello Nicholas. Nicholas did not respond, instead
he stared at nothing with glassy eyes. James snapped his fingers once more
lightning struck him but this time on the liquid-fire bits of him. The liquid-fire
became electrically charged. He gasped again this time his eyes became less
glassy. Why did you do that James, said an agitated Nicholas. Well I thought it
would be nice to have added help when getting rid of the darkness. Nicholas
stared at him very angrily.



CHAPTER THREE

Wolves
in sheep’s clothing

Nicholas get up. No, I don’t
want to. You brought me back to life Nicholas the best I could do was do the
same for you. Nicholas’s water started
to turn yellowish. Really James you put electric water on me, so I can’t die.
Well once the living fog is dead I will let you die. We will also need help
from the storm elementals. Nicholas looked at him with hatred. Nicholas moved
his body around like he was doing tai chi. The floor turned black. YOU TURNED
ME INTO A SHADOW ELEMENTAL YOU JERK! Nicholas stared at James with pure loathing.
Now Nic you know that I didn’t mean to. I don’t want to hear it. in fact. Nic
ran towards one of the burning saucers that kept the living fog at bay and at
once unlit. He ran to the next one and again he used his magic and the fire
unlit. He ran towards the next one the fog closing in around the island. This
time he jumped into the oil. The fire sputtered. The water turned black with
shadow. The fire started to die. Nicholas was being mind controlled by the fog.
A hole opened beneath James. He was now standing in front of the dying fire. James
merely snapped his fingers, and the fire shot into the air like a volcano.
AAEEIGGH, the fog screeched. The fog had a small spot where it was turning
silver. A ghost erupted from the fog. James made the fire erupt into the sky
like a volcano again. This time the fire hit something. The fire made a massive
dome around the island. James snapped his fingers to make a small storm outside
the dome. The fog screeched. Wind was swirling around the dome of fire. J-J-J-James
help me Nicholas croaked from the empty saucer. Uh no, you tried to envelop the
island in the fog. I was brain washed. I hear so many screaming to take over,
he lied. They’re not as loud with the dome around us. James stared at nick You
have betrayed the wizard kind. You are to be removed of your elemental magic.
You will no longer be welcome on the elemental isles. We cannot break you of
your simple hexing and spells, good bye nick Ghost’s appeared around James.
Guys please don’t do this to me I-I-I’m your friend. The ghosts of the fire
elementals stared at Nicholas. Good bye. The ghosts and James did a weird hand
movement. A hole opened in the ground, it wasn’t a teleporting hole. Nicholas
was falling to the center of the earth, and the hole closed. H-hey guy’s how
you are doing. Well James we’re dead. We can finally go to the afterlife
because that man was casting a spell that kept us here. Well I’m sorry about getting
tricked. But could you help me remember the battle through and through. ah yes,
our old master I think we can do that, but I warn you once you go back into
memory it is hard to get out. I am fine with that just please I want my full me
back. Alrighty. well It was sun down in the winter. The shadow elementals had
not yet started the shadow war. You were going to visit the royal family to
warn them of the impending doom. At that last word James blacked out into
memory. His memories gave way to terror





Hello, George, said James. Hello James, I don’t think
you can visit today, said George the royal guard. Ah yes that’s the thing
though. You see I believe the shadow elementals are planning an attack on the
islands. And I would like to be able to protect the king. Ah well then in that
case. George stopped blocking the doorway with his spear. James walked into the
small castle. It had beautiful marble walls on the inside. Golden statues of
babies spewing water from their mouths, into little pools. Silk banisters of
blue and gold. He walked op the central stairs to the throne room.

Hello king Noah. James how are you, said the happy
king. particularly good, but the reason I have come is to warn you. I believe
the shadow elementals are going to wage war. The memory started to get fuzzy. I
would hope not I don’t think that would be particularly good. The memory was no
longer understandable and then the memory shifted. James was on the battle
field. Ahh hello James, it’s been so long since us shadows have talked to you,
said a man in armor made of pure shadow. Why did you attack us Buriticus? Ahh you
see the shadows were dying out, a rare breed if you might. I want to preserve
our legacy. James was studying light. He tried to summon a blast of light. a
blast of light and fire came out the end of James’s staff. You dare send light
at my armor. The memory became out of focus. The memory shifted again. James
was bleeding profusely. He was crawling to the royal castle. Please help me
George. JAMES, get in the castle. I’m hurt please help m-me. George let James in.
princess Vienna helped him to the hospital wing. Oh my gosh James are you okay.
Yea I-I just need a healing wizard. A hole opened in the ceiling and a nurse
fell through. he put his hands on James’s wounds. He muttered something and
then the wounds healed. James got up and did a weird movement. A hole opened,
and he was back on the battlefield. The memory faded. He was dying on the steps
of the castle. The shadow elementals had won. Most were dead. Some were moaning
in pain. Color was fading. Sound was fading. He lost his sense of touch. He
died

He gasped waking up from the memories. The ghosts
brought him to his bed. Everything was silent. He got up out of his bed.

His fire
dome was failing. The living fog was starting to disappear in the sunrise. All
he could see was ruins. He watched the last of the fog seep into the ground.
There were bodies everywhere. The houses of the commoners were in ruins. The
castle was in almost perfect condition. He opened a hole. He fell through it.
he landed in front of the castle. it was nearly the same as he had last seen
it. now some of the windows were cracked. The front gate was ashen but still
working. He went to open the front gate when he received something he wasn’t
quite expecting. The door turned to pure light. He took his fingers off and the
door was instantly normal door again. He needn’t worry though. He was a fire
elemental light didn’t harm fire elementals. He put his hands on the door and
again they turned to lava. He walked through the light. The inside was a wreck
and filled with protective elemental magic. Hello princess Vienna it is I James.
The air around him eased. I have come to let you know the fog has finally
lifted. A woman came down the central stairs. James said the woman. Her white
dress was torn and ashen. Her hair had streaks of gray. James is that really
you? it is, my princess. Vienna please put down that silly sword. The fog is
gone. James didn’t know this yet, but he was wrong. The fog would return every
night. James I cannot. I have been battered and beaten by the fog. It would
keep finding its way in. I have realized I am a light elemental. I believe that
you have… no, I know that you have returned from the dead. Ah yes Nicholas
asked a storm elemental to put a zapping hex on me. When I unfroze from an ice
elemental’s freeze. I was merely struck by lightning. Speaking of elementals
when did you find out when you were a light elemental. When father died. The
shadows surrounded me ready to kill for the murder of their master. My body
glowed with light and repelled the evil. Since then I have been putting light
around the castle just to stay safe. The only reason the stars are still there
are because of me. I have been wasting away from strain. James suddenly
realized the princess looked much older than she was. The princess should only
have been twenty two. It has been five long years James. Vienna’s voice sounded
frail as if she was in her eighties. Vienna come with me. We need to go to the
island of light.

CHAPTER three

The island of light

Vienna walked down the rest of the cracked
steps. James picked Vienna up like a newlywed wife. He made hand movements. He
fell through a hole and landed the next second on the island of light.

James, I forgot you could do
that. Yes Vienna. Now if the high wizard of the light elementals was smart he
should have cocooned himself in light. James put Vienna down. He took in the
marvelous beauty of the island.

There were two massive
statues at least the height of the great buni mountain on the royal’s massive
island. They had been crumbling in the never ending attack of the fog. They
were holding swords that fought the fog but failed. The statue to the left’s
sword had fallen onto a hut. the statue onto the right’s sword had broken in
half vertically.

James saw the three great
saucers of ancient magic oil. The dome of light was flickering on and off. Vienna’s
magical energy was activating the saucers of ancient magical oil. James knew
that only extremely powerful magical people can activate it by merely being
here. Vienna wasn’t powerful enough though because she had been under strain
and stress for years. James had a nagging feeling in the back of his thoughts.
Oh no James, look, the swords. They have lost their pure light. James’s nagging
feeling got worse. James led Vienna up towards the high wizards doku. He walked
into the doku in Vienna when he blacked out into memory.



Ah hello James. Hello henry.
I have come to warn you that the shadow elementals are planning an attack.
Would you help us. I believe that’s a no James. Fire creates enough light. henry
please rethink your decision. It is still a no. I am sorry, but we are the keepers
of peace the good and just. And the shadow are the keepers of war the bad and
unjust. We will not engage in war and stoop down to their level. but I will
tell you this James Vienna is an extremely powerful elemental. She might have
multiple different elemental magics in her. I believe her most powerful one
would be light though. I suggest bringing her to the elemental teachers of this
world. try everything. I do think she would be a good warrior for your cause.
As for us though, at the first sign of attack on any of these islands we will
activate our dome and stay protected. The memory was starting to end and turn
black and white. I do say though for you being bi element that you bring your
islands together and train for the war. The memory faded and ended.



James. We need to go its sundown. James looked
at Vienna. Some of her age lines had faded. Her hair was losing the streaks of
gray. Vienna, I need to train you in the arts. Vienna stared at him with her
big green eyes, he stared at the beauty of her lustrous faint brown and red mix
hair. The sun had fallen beneath the horizon. Vienna28 I’m going to take you
back to the castle. since they’re only a few people left in this world I need
you to stay anonymous. The ground opened and in the next second found
themselves in front of the castle. the ground shook. A crack opened in the
fields. The black living fog came from it like steam rising from water. The
grass died and withered turning brown. The fog came faster. It was more alive now.
The fog from time to time would take a shape of a human. “Vienna I was wrong.” James
grabbed Vienna. They fell and the next second, they were on the island of crazy
people. James let go of Vienna. They needed to see the high earth wizardess.
They ran up to the small castle. James sent a blast of wind at the door and
knocked it down. They found the king in his bathing quarters. James did a
simple hex, so they could understand them. Hello king person. We need to speak
to the person that the earth and water bows to.” Aeigh I am bathing, go! she is
in the island of the gods.” James was shocked to hear that they believed they
were gods. “So, you would think I am a god if I could do this.” James did a
hand movement ending with a snapping of his fingers. His bath water turned to
steam which turned into a cloud above him pouring the water back in. “o
powerful great and holy, please spare my life. The island of the gods is up
above my castle. it is invisible to us insignificant people.” A hole opened
beneath James and Vienna. A few seconds later they were on an island in the sky
far away from the living fog. Some of the old high wizards were there. Some
just apprentices of the old masters. James saw Naudia. Ah hello Naudia. Naudia
looked incredibly old. She was in her fifties when he last saw her. Fifty eight
to be exact. Hello James. I see you have woken up from your slumber. A few
wisps of shadow washed over the land but did not stay. We have decided to be
gods here and end the wizarding race. We have found the secret of the shadow
elementals. Us high wizards are not fully human. We can share our soul with
anybody we choose. For example, if I wished to put into another body I would
choose a baby. We are almost immortal except we must choose another body. James
stared at Naudia with disgust. I cannot believe you people would do this. It is
horrid. The only reason I came is because of Vienna. She is a multi-elemental.
She might even have control over all the elements. I need her trained, so we
can get rid of that fog. The high elementals stared at him. Do you not want
peace back? We do not want the shadow elementals back. The high shadow poured
barely a drop of his soul into each of his students. So, when you kill them
your only giving back Buriticus his soul. He would return with even more power.
Even a multi elemental like Vienna. James realized they made sense. But before
he could stop her, Vienna had mastered the element of light. she shot a beam of
light at henry. It didn’t affect him of course. But he knew that he had a new
challenger.



CHAPTER FOUR

The hostage

Vienna enveloped
by a cocoon of light. it turned into armor. A sword of fire and light appeared
in her hand. henry was in in golden armor as well. He had a spear of fire and
light. I am only training you Vienna. You may have mastered light, but I am bi elemental.
In fact, I might not be who you thought I was. His armor turned black. His
spear turned to water and mud. I am still henry. I have just sadly never been a
master. Barry indeed put his soul in me when I wasn’t looking. I don’t want to
hurt you Vienna. Do you want to continue? Vienna didn’t respond. Instead she
charged henry. She cut his spear, leg, armor and shield in a second’s notice
and ended with her sword to his neck. I henry have trained myself, I am a
master. Step down as high elemental and I will not kill you. no, I will not. In
fact, I think I will take your “friend”, as hostage. Remember the war James.
How you fell in love with Vienna. How you destroyed yourself to save her. How
the war began. James resisted the urge to remember, but he couldn’t fight it.
The world around him was moving and spinning as if he was in a tornado. It
slowly melted away and he found himself in the fields of royalty, fighting for
freedom.



Nicholas, I
need you to fight that one. BUT sir you know I can’t, that one is powerful. And
fire only shields you from darkness for so long. I DON’T CARE. FIGHT FOR YOUR
KING. James took on three dark elementals at once. He shot a blast of electric
fire at one. He died instantly. The other two opened a hole beneath them and
teleported to someone they could handle. NO, VIENNA!” a comet of black was
hurtling towards Vienna. A shield of fire appeared before it. the darkness hit
the shield. James knew the shield would not hold for long. James got behind the
shield and tried to hold it. James was running out of will to keep up the shield.
Vienna had run out in fear. James let the shield go. He got blasted by the
darkness.

He was walking with Vienna. He was her guard when she
wanted to wander the island. Oh, James look there’s a jelly snail. They have
been recently discovered to be quite tasty. . . or just a superstition. Oh, you
must try it please. Vienna grabbed the snail. Vienna ran at James. Vienna
shoved a snail in James hands. Do I have to eat this? Yes, I command you to. James
had a in his mouth. he spat it out disgusted but happy. This was the first time
he ever had a feeling towards Vienna. He smiled. She smiled. They went closer
to each other. They were about to kiss. Oh, hey James. Oh, sorry I dint mean to
terrupt nothing. I’m just here to let yah know tha yur standin on meh
properteh. Ah yes sorry joe. James brought Vienna to a secluded cave. The
memory shifted. He was in the shadow elementals island. It looked like the
underworld. Everything was black. Everything was different from all the other
islands. It was like its own country. The shadow never accepted the royals as
their king. There were houses of black and courthouses. The shadow chose the head
of shadow their king. He put out his hand. a ball of fire appeared. He walked
with the fire until he reached the doku. Hello James, what do you want, said Buriticus
in his very snobby sounding voice. I have come to warn you that if you attack
anywhere, we will stand up to you. okay then. Big black chains appeared on James.
He was brought to the jail house. He was thrown in with an air enchanter. Hello
your greatness. I’m so sorry you have to see me like this. Please tell me your
name. I am donna. I am an air sorceress. Ahh so you are above a normal
elemental. Yes, I am. I would like your help your greatness. Is it simply
because I have total control of storms and fire. Yes sire. Would you help me
break the dark bars? James shot out plasma (“oh your greatness!”) at the bars.
The bars faded a little for a few seconds. I’m sorry donna but these have been
hexed. They stay there. I could try again. James shot a continuous stream of
plasma at the bars. They faded a lot. James took a chance and stuck his finger
on the darkness. He was flung back with a blast of air, lightning and fire. James
saw stars and got extremely dizzy. Well I have one last thing up my sleeve. You
see I’m bi elemental I can learn all of them, but I cannot become a high wizard
unless I was born with that element. James shot weak light at the bars. The
bars faded enough to where they were see-through. James did it again and this
time he was able to shoot out an intense light. the bars disappeared with a -hiss.
James opened a hole after they got out of the cell. James and donna fell for a
second and then found themselves on light island. HENRY. The wizard came out of
the doku. You need to teach me light. I was barely able to escape the shadow
jails. No. James stared at henry angrily. James snapped his fingers twice. For
a second the ancient oils in the three saucers were lit with fire. The next
they weren’t. fine you may study light. but you were not born with it you may
not be able to study this magic. You might not ever even pass your exams. The
best you will become in light is a junglo. The memory started to change. Hello James.
We are going to see if you are a fire elemental. Your parents said that you
play with fire is that true. Yes sir, said a teenager James. Then take a sip of
the ancient magic oil. If you are a fire elemental fire should shoot out of
your ears. James took a sip, it tasted like pickles dipped in sardine juice
baked with liver and lemons. He knew he had to swallow. He nearly gagged as it
went down. They waited a few minutes. Oh well kid, you have very lit-, fire
shot out of James nose. DAVID! The high fire elemental named David came running
down to James. Uh why am I meeting my master right now. Boy you’re more
powerful than your wildest dreams. David put his hands on teenager James. He
took a small flask of bright liquid. He poured a drop into the oil. The oil
became shiny. Boy take a sip now. He went back to the oil preparing himself for
the worst taste ever. It didn’t taste bad this time. It tasted like brownies.
He swallowed. His entire body started to hurt. He couldn’t see couldn’t hear.
Couldn’t feel. Couldn’t taste. He couldn’t smell. He could still think. I
wonder if I died. If I did it’s not too bad… ok its bad HELP ME SOMEONE! Nobody
can hear me. Suddenly a person made of light appeared in the empty blackness.
Kid, if you’re as powerful as I think you are, try to fight me. The man
disappeared. James still didn’t have his senses. He walked around in
nothingness. He just knew the person was over there. he swished his hand in the
nothingness, or at least what he thought was his hand as he couldn’t feel
anything. Suddenly all his senses came back. He had burnt his new master. You
are the next high wizard. You don’t even need to be taught elemental magic. The
most I can teach you is martial arts that go with it. I can also teach you the
spells that go to the sorcerers and high wizards and high mages. Uhm… thank
you. the teenage James suddenly aged. The world spun.

He was back
with Vienna she was fighting henry. James pretended to still be asleep. He
willed Vienna’s fire sword to become solid flame. Oh no Vienna DON’T, screamed
henry. Her sword went straight through henry’s armor. Searing a scar onto his
chest. Argh! henry belted. The ground beneath henry glowed.

The ground shook. Henry and Naudia glowed. They spoke
as one. YOU HAVE OFFENDED SIR BURITICUS. Naudia and henry started radiating the
living fog. The living fog started to envelop Naudia and henry. The fog was
moaning like a poltergeist in chains. The fog made mini domes on Naudia and
henry. You couldn’t see through the domes. Purple and red started to appear in
the domes. The red and purple blips were swirling extremely fast inside the domes.
The purple and red started to slow down in speed. the domes started to crack
with purple light as if it were solid. The domes broke. The fog was still
swirling around Naudia and henry like twin tornadoes. The fog was seeping back
into Naudia and henry. At the first sight of Naudia Vienna shrieked. They were
no longer human.



CHAPTER FIVE

The end

Naudia’s skin was a light purple. Her nails had grown
to an abnormal amount. Her hair was made of snakes. She had a red robe/cloak.
Her eyes had no pupil’s. pure red eyes full of hatred. Otherwise she looked the
same. Henry’s skin was no longer human. His stomach the belly of a snake.
Scales on his body tipped with poison. His scales were an iridescent blue. His
wrists had a claw on the outside. Henry’s eyes were yellow with slits for
pupils. He had short curved horns on his head. His fingernails were claws. His
body radiated pure magical energy. Suddenly Naudia spoke. Our master has
blessed us. Call me, Ekidna. I am not Ekidna nor shall I ever be, said henry in
his beastly form. I am well I do not know. I will be called Senhueta. We have
been blessed by Buriticus. I am deeply sorry to say that; the royal family has
died out. BURITICUS REIGNS. Not yet you haven’t. oh, so your awake James.
Welcome to the new reign of Buriticus. The fog that night started to surface.
The black fog took a form. The entire fog had made another monster. One just as
bad as Ekidna or senhueta, yet a human. IT IS I, BURITICUS BARRY VUJICIT. I AM
KING OF YOU. I AM THE MOST POWERFUL WIZARD IN ALL THE WORLD. I HAVE ALL THE
SOULS OF MY APPRENTICES IN ME. I AM THE GOD OF MANY FACES. I AM A GOD KING. James
was so horrifyingly angry he was able to shoot light with the same power as Vienna
would, when she is barely lifting a finger. It hit Buriticus. Thousands of men
screamed coming from Buriticus. Buriticus’s feet turned to fog. He sank into
the ground. The next second, he was standing in front of James. YOU DARE TRY
AND HURT ME. Yes, I do. Vienna shot a blast of light at Buriticus, except she
was trying. The light was so peaceful one could call it holy. The light kept
streaming from Vienna. Buriticus had a million screams coming from his mouth at
once. James tried with all his might to stream light at Buriticus. He couldn’t.
he could only keep shooting it at him in spurts. Buriticus fell towards the
ground on his knees. You have not beaten me, you have merely locked my power. Buriticus
started to fade into fog. He left a dead spot in the grass outlining his body. James
had never been so happy in his life. Vienna, I need to tell you something. I love
you a lot. I want to marry you. will you marry me. He made a ring of pure air.
He muttered something, and it would never turn back to normal air unless
broken. A jewel of solidified fire was on the top. Yes, James I will marry you.




Twenty one years later

June
fourth.

Noon

James never thought the day would come.

Until it did. James’s and Vienna’s baby was crying. Xavier
you need not cry. Vienna wanted to hold the baby. James acted as if he didn’t
hear her and put the Xavier in his crib. AAAEEEIIGH. James looked out the
window of the tower room. There was a big black smoke comet zooming around
shadow island. People were being sucked into the comet making it longer and
faster. It soared towards the island of fire. James snapped his fingers. The
island of fire’s dome activated. Vienna summoned a ball of golden light to trap
the black comet. even as powerful as Vienna was, the ball was cracking, and
purple light spewing form the cracks. James had been considered worthy of light,
so he tried to help Vienna. He put his hand on her shoulder. He could feel the
strain of keeping Buriticus restrained. James fingertips grew bright. His hand
melted to her skin. He could read her mind. He nearly had a heart attack when Vienna
shared the strain with him. The ball wasn’t cracking as fast. fifty different
holes opened a few feet off the ground in front if the castle. the light
elementals came to help. White light was streaming from the grounds onto a
single point on the ball. The light from the elementals were combined into a
stream of gold. The ball slowly started to uncrack. Buriticus screeched. A
light elemental suddenly dropped through a hole nobody made. He re appeared in
the sky falling towards the ground. A single elemental stopped what he was
doing. A comet of water hit the falling man. The man was caught by the water,
he was no longer falling but instead shooting towards the sea. The light
elemental stopped controlling the water. He returned to the restrain of Buriticus.
James unconnected his soul to Vienna. He fell through a hole and reappeared on
the battle field with the others. How long do we have until he is at full power?
We have a day at most sir. James was sorrowed. The world would be destroyed by
an element that is forever. James knew that if somehow if Buriticus was
destroyed he would reincarnate every couple thousand years. He would have
ultimate power, forever. James started to cry. He had a baby. Everyone was
going to die except for a select few that Buriticus chooses. Suddenly James had
a memory attack him. He blacked out into a memory many years ago.



A new island
had popped up that day. It was fall. It was cold and rainy. A man was standing
in the middle of the barren island. He wore a turban. His skin was the color of
mocha. He was emaciated. He was holding a staff. The staff had an orb on top
with the colors of the rainbow. James opened a hole below him. Hello your name
is? I am Arthur, the man said with an incredibly old sounding voice. Arthur
where did you come from? I am an incredibly old magic. The heads of my kind have been long gone. I am a personification
of prophecy. James had a vague memory of a time long gone. I am prophecy. I
come to warn of great danger. Arthur’s great green eyes lost their color.
Suddenly it was as if five different Arthur’s were speaking at once.

the once good go to bad, the once peace return to
chaos. A long evil will return. A hero will rise from air. From fire. From
light. from water. from earth. They will banish the shadow. The evil killed.
The magic forgotten. the world renewed.



Arthur returned to normal. I am no longer needed.
Arthur turned to fluids. Arthur faded from existence. James was starting to
regain consciousness. He was no longer bound to stay in this memory. The world
turned black. James lost all his senses. He could only think. He regained sight
first. he was lying in the dirt. He regained his other senses. He got up
wobbly. PEOPLE OF HIS WORLD. A PROPHECY HAS BEEN TOLD. James snapped his
fingers and big letters of fire appeared in the sky. It read, the once good go
to bad, the once peace return to chaos. A long evil will return. A hero will
rise from air. From fire. From light. from water. from earth. They will banish
the shadow. The evil killed. The magic forgotten. the world renewed



Some people gasped. I am the hero of fire. Vienna is
the hero of light. we need help finding the other heroes. the world rests upon
your hands. James opened a hole and found himself underwater in a big air
bubble. The kingdom of the sea wizards sits before him. Its castle walls made
of opal. The turrets made of ice. It was cold. The sun jiggling in the water.
He started to walk toward the castle. he walked into a magic forcefield of
solid water, but it wasn’t ice. He shot a blast of fire at it. it opened for a
second but closed as fast as it opened. He shot a continuous blast of fire at
it. he hopped through the doorway of steam. He walked onto grass. He saw skies
of blue and clouds of white. James was astounded by

this magic. He saw the water wizards. Ah hello I don’t
know if you see the ball of light outside but Buriticus has returned. I need to
see the high water wizard. We do not have a high wizard. We have a half god. James
looked at the wizard oddly. James ran towards the castle. little balls of water
penetrated the forcefield every so often with a fish in it trying to get to the
other side. James got to the door of the castle. two guards stood on the sides
of the door. Name your reason for coming, the guards said. I need help I have
been reminded of a past prophecy. It is coming true. We need the hero of water.
You may come in, we know of this prophecy. Come and seek help with Neptune. James
walked to the doors. The doors had intricate swirls of silver and sapphire on
doors made of steel. James went to open the door. They opened from the inside
by the half god’s servants. Where would Neptune be? James asked a servant. He
would be in the throne room sir. James wondered why the man in blue robes had
bad language skills. He continued onwards to the throne room. He saw a set of
extremely intricate doors. These doors were made of a glowing coral like stone.
It had swirls of silver, gold and every jewel you could think of. He opened the
doors. The inside had tall windows on the sides filling the inside with light.
a woman in a blue and baby blue summer dress sat on a throne of coral and
sapphire. She had a crown of a mixture of silver and steel. What do you need?
Said the woman. I need your help madame Neptune. I am not Neptune, I am his
daughter, Melena. Of course, madame Melena forgive the arrogance. I need help.
A prophecy of old has been given. I need help finding a hero of water. Ahh I
knew this day would come. Let the courage days begin. Madame we do not have days.
Buriticus has returned. His power will break through the light in a day’s time.
Melena snapped her fingers and a hundred different servants came to her. Bring
me ten of the most powerful water wizards NOW. A few minutes later five men in
thick blue robes came. Each of you are to be tested. I the high wizard of fire
will test you. the one that is best able to block my attacks will be made hero
of water. James walked up to a man. James took of his sword belt and shield
belt. He took his hood and put it on. He was wearing blue robes. He muttered something,
and the robes changed to a blood red. His face was hidden in shadow. He shot a
blast of superheated fire at the man. The man barely was able to stop the fire
from hitting him. James felt so powerful. He picked up his sword, Yellowstone.
The stone blade turned yellow and hot. The water wizard summoned a blade of ice
and water. James knew that the water wizard stood no chance. They battled. James
blade hit the other sword of ice and water. James's sword hissed and sizzled.
The sword of ice was steam now. James sword was not damaged. You are not worthy
to be the hero of water. James got the next one to come up. The water wizard
brought a staff of silver and wood out of his robes. He pointed it at James’s
sword. James’s sword hissed and sizzled, it stopped glowing. You might be
worthy… James did an extremely quick move. He cut the wizards staff in half and
cut his robes to tatters. But the rest was blocked with the other half of the wizard’s
staff. James went to the next wizard. James’s sword sputtered and smoked. There
was a jagged cut in the sword. It looked as if a laser was shot at it. the
wizard brought out a thin piece of metal. James’s sword turned to steam. He
kept the sword in a steamy version. You are powerful boy. James’s steam sword
glowed an orange. James slashed at the boy wizards’ arm. The boys arm erupted
in burns and boils. James sword turned to ice. James dropped it in the sudden
weight. The sword hilt was massive but broke in half as it touched the ground. James
was amazed. James made the best go at it. the first won in seconds. James
picked up his icy sword. It wasn’t cold, he heated it up, but the ice didn’t
melt. “You fix my sword.” The hero of water came. “Just fix it, I don’t have
time for nonsense.” The wizard muttered something, and the ice fell off in
sheets. Thank you I needed a break from holding a block of ice. Come here boy,
said madame Melena. Melena’s finger glowed. She touched the wizard’s forehead. James
and the new water hero were teleported to nothingness.

James stood
before the hero. There was nothing but black. If we are to fight do note that
we will reach a stalemate, said the hero of water. We will not fight until you
tell me your name. I am Micheal. James made Micheal’s staff return to normal.
Hello there my little fighters. Welcome to my afterlife, said melena. You have
been brought here under half death. When king Neptune decides the winner you
two will be brought out.

James
summoned a sword of pure lava. James we needn’t fight, let’s make peace. James
just stared. James had studied multiple martial arts so if Buriticus returned
he would be ready. James did multiple movements without even thinking. He
chopped the staff in half and cut the robes covering the wizard’s privates and
ended with his sword to his neck. The wizard was stunned. The world around them
melted. They were in the past.



CHAPTER SEVEN

James and the hero of water were in the future. The
world was dull in color. They were standing on a small black and wet rock.
There was another much bigger black rock with the sea pelting it. the sky was
storming. The bigger black rock had a temple of marble on top of it. a hole
opened beneath them. They found themselves in a temple with statues of gold
standing atop marble busts. There was a throne of coral and every sea thing you
could imagine. There was a man sitting on it. James bowed at once. The man
ignored.

Hello Esra, said the man on the throne looking at James.
A man walked through James. The man had no pupils or whites in his eyes, just
pure red. My name is Ninurta you fool.” James heard nergal for some reason. James
suddenly realized they were in the future. Yes, sorry I forgot you have come
from the past, please say your business. I have come to tell you I have found
jorkin. Very well bring him forth. A tied up older James came floating through
the silver doors of the temple. The ropes tying the older James turned black
and evaporated into smoke. Nergal quickly had a sword point to James neck. I
suggest you not try to escape old friend. The old James’ planes and angles of
his face changed. He had high cheek bones and a pointy chin. As quickly as the
change came it went away. James stared at nergal in wonder. Nergal brought
older James to the man on the sea throne. You have been gifted reincarnation
from my daughter Melena before she passed. Neptune do not lie to yourself she
was murdered. Yes, you are right... James you are being made a half god. we
have seen how you have slew an immortal daemon. We bring the other hero’s help
as well. The world turned red.

The sea around
the palace boiled, walls shook and cracked. Gold statues denting. Nergal’s
planes and angles of his body shifted, mostly in his face. He looked more
attractive now. Hello Ares. Nergal had changed into Ares. Hello Poseidon. You
boy said Poseidon looking at the older James. But before Ares could do anything
the older James was gone. James wanted to let the gods know he as there. He
summoned a serpent of fire. Eek, said Poseidon. Ares didn’t even think but took
a blue sword and tried to chop off the head of the snake. The snake’s head was
severed. Do not hurt me. Ares stared at the freaky snake. James didn’t even see
Ares move. The snake was gone replaced by air. James summoned a new snake. Why
do you try to hurt me? It is James. You wanted to gift me godly gifts. Ares
stared at the snake. He pointed at the snake. You will fight with deadliness.
The snake looked the same. James suddenly realized what Ares was going to do.
Snake James dodged the lightning fast attack and tried to strike Ares. Ares
dodged the strike and ended with the snake’s head cut off. Thank you Ares I can
now fight Buriticus with ease. My god you cannot fight Buriticus. He is an
ancient evil more powerful than Gaea. The Egyptians knew him as set. The
Vikings knew him as Loki. The Greeks knew him as Tartarus and Erebos. The
Babylonians knew him as nergal. I thought you were being called nergal earlier.
No, I was being called Ninurta. The Hindu gods knew him as Shiva or kali, for
some reason they saw him as two different people even as a woman. The Chinese
saw him as Mara. The Irish knew him as the badb. The Hawaiian’s knew him as
kahoali. The Philippine’s knew him as dietanos. The Africans knew him as Eshu.
I think you get it now. James was stunned. Buriticus was not going to be
defeated. Help me then come to the past and help us. It’s not that easy. Buriticus
is as powerful as every single god from every mythology put together. We know
of the prophecy. The best I can do is get some of the gods to help you. but our
help will not defeat him. You need the heroes of prophecy. Take this sword.
Ares put a sword on the ground near the snake. This is a sword that will be
wielded by the hero of light. it is the single most powerful sword when in the
face of darkness. I cannot give it to you as it seems you were only brought
here by a half god. I will hide it in your castle. I hope you find it. the
world was gaining color. Friends go. The world was converting to the sea palace
of the deep. In the last fleeting moments before they were back to the present James
did something terrible. He farted so Poseidon’s ‘‘help’’ would be smelly. He
didn’t appreciate his help.





Melena was clapping. Good boys, she said.
Now I can help my king, Buriticus. James was shocked that Melena would do this.
A frail old man walked in. he had a cracked crown of baby blue metal. Melena.
Look what you have done to me, said the old man. Hello, said Melena. I guess
you can’t be king of the sea anymore father, Melena said ominously. Melena
snapped her fingers. Chains of sickly warm ice appeared chaining the old man.
Hero’s come here, said the old man. James and the hero of water came to the old
man. I king of the seas, god of water, gift you with divine knowledge. James
suddenly remembered time before time. I king of the seas, god of water, gift
the hero of water with full power over water. Begone hero’s, save the world
from tyrannical evil. A hole opened beneath the two. They were on the royal
fields watching Buriticus’ jail crack.



CHAPTER EIGHT Buriticus’
return

James
knew that the sword was inside the castle somewhere. A hole opened beneath James.
He was inside the castle. rrgrggrr. The muffled roar of Buriticus shook the
castle making dust fall from the ceiling.

James
needed to find the sword and fast. He ran the central stairs. He looked behind
the stairs. Nothing. He went to the lower dungeons and looked. Nothing. He
looked through all the rooms and never found it. he looked in the last room possible.

Vienna
was blasting light at the orb. James noticed she looked as if she was aging. He
looked everywhere for the sword and never found it. suddenly a small nudge of
thought hit him. Under the stairs. He ran to the central stairs. He looked
behind them. Nothing. He felt for even a semblance of the sword. His hand felt
a knob. He pulled back the long carpet. A trapdoor was beneath. He opened it
and found the sword. Rrrgrr. He grabbed the sword and ran to Vienna.

He saw
the orb. It was cracking fast. Purple light spewing from the orb. He gave the
sword to Vienna. It was too late. BOOM. The orb broke. Buriticus had taken
shape inside the orb. He used it as a cocoon. He was stronger than ever. Hello
people of this world. it is I Buriticus. I have been kept in a prison for
twenty one years. I have finally escaped. I am truly angry. For those people
that kept me in this suffering shall be dead. Buriticus pointed at the light
elementals below. You tried to keep me at bay. For that I will punish. Purple
and black light spewed out of his finger. The size of the dark laser was as big
as the army that tried to keep him. The screams were deafening. He stopped the
laser.

The army was no longer human. Some looked vaguely like
they did before. Most didn’t. they were monsters. Their features were
indescribable. Most had ragged wings with black, ashen and torn feathers. Some
had been snake like. Others half scorpion half snake, half bird.

Buriticus had made his army. He was lying on his back
in the air. Now for the ones that tried to hold me prisoner. The castle turned
black for a split second. But was held back by the power of Vienna.

Hmm I guess I need to do something a little more
powerful. The castle was enveloped by a black and purple dome for ten seconds.

The castle was monstrous. Bricks black, castle turrets
deep purple. Skeleton’s stood guard outside the evil palace. Ahh much better. Buriticus
snapped his fingers and a moat of purple black and red surrounded the palace.

James was worried for his wife. A hole opened beneath
him and found himself beside Vienna. She was aging visibly but slowly in the
evil castle. she was holding the sword. It was glowing brightly. James opened a
hole beneath them and the hero of water. They were all standing on the island
of crazy people. Half of the population was gone since Buriticus’ return. The
three ran to the temple holding their gods. They got in and saw golden statues
of people. Some of them James recognized. Naudia and henry’s statue’s eyes were
starting to glow red. The statue’s groaned and creaked. The statues disappeared.
James knew what was happening. Buriticus was making them duplicate and be put
around on the island’s and be made great monuments. James saw the high air
wizard. It was holding a green sword. The ground shook and cracked. There was a
massive crack on the island. Seawater was rushing through the crack. The sea
level went down about a foot before the crack was finally filled. The sky
rumbled. A massive wall of zooming cloud enveloped the castle leaving the
castle in perfect weather surrounded by a cloud wall. It started to rain hard. James
knew what was happening. Buriticus had made a hurricane. James was the high
storm elemental, so he tried his best to stop the hurricane. The rain slowed.
The wind wasn’t howling anymore. The rain was still coming but not as fast and
not so much. The wind was slowed to half its original speed. so, it was as if
you were on the interstate with the windows down. Lightning flashed less often.
The seas were crashing at the islands. The seas started to boil. Buriticus had
absorbed a few elementals of each element. Buriticus was affirming his new reign.
Micheal please try to stop his assault. The ground was still shaking. The seas
calmed a bit. The seas were acting as if a storm was about to hit. James
finally understood what the prophecy meant. He had to get the other heroes to
help stop Buriticus’ total control over the elements.

James was scared. But one part of the prophecy didn’t
make sense to him. How was the world going to be renewed?

The air was starting to stink of death. ‘Micheal cover
your nose Buriticus has taken Fred under prisoner’. Buriticus had total control
of all magic.

James knew what Buriticus was doing. He was going to
destroy the main powers of the world and take it for himself. without realizing
what he was doing a sword of solidified fire so hot, James’ eyebrows disappeared.


He stuck the sword into the earth. The ground rumbled.
A rogue wind surrounded the island. It heated up and was hot enough to be lava.


James was astounded by his work. He remembered, I king
of the seas, god of water, gift you with divine knowledge.

The royal forest was burning with brown fire. A hole
opened beneath James and Micheal.

The hole opened in the sky above the forest. Buriticus
had a big control over the element of magic. James blasted a cold fire beneath
him to catch them.

They hit the fire. It was like slime. The cold fire
stuck to their clothes. The forest was humid and warm. There was a cold mist in
the air.

James knew it was a trap. James tried to blast the
mist out of his way but only a feeble little wind came. It rustled the leaves
on the ground a little. Heh looks like you fell to my trap. Every time you use
any magic I will absorb it. yet to get out you must use your magic. Have fun in
the forest of paranoia.

James thought he saw a shadow. He couldn’t let Buriticus
win. The world around James was losing color. He could no longer see sky. the
mist was getting thick. Buriticus had doomed them.



CHAPTER NINE

Vienna was running to the royal docks. She had to get
the earth elementals before Buriticus destroyed them all. Her sword was losing
its light, so she put it in its sheath.

The ships at the dock were starting to be affected by Buriticus’
attack. One of the ship’s wasn’t affected too bad yet.

Vienna nearly had a barf-attack when she saw a ship
made of what suspiciously looked like bones and flesh. She got on the least
affected ship. It was mostly wood but some of the planks were starting to turn
into solidified bone. She tried her best to lower the sail’s. she was just
barely able to lower them.

She untied the mooring ropes holding the ship to the
dock. She ran to the wooden steering wheel. The ship was starting to gain
movement. Vienna please don’t leave. . . I need you. . . you are my only, said Vienna’s
mind.

Vienna tied a rope to the wheel. It would not need steering
now. She knew she would arrive at the island of air first, but she needed
earth.

The air temperature was dropping. The water was
turning a steel gray. She touched the doorknob that went to the captain’s
quarters. “EEK.” The doorknob was bone-chillingly cold.

She took her shirt and opened it with that instead.
The inside was warmer than the outside but still cold. She got onto the bed and
under the wool blanket.

She couldn’t even begin to describe the cold. A mist
started to develop in the room. It took the shape of a body.

“Hello, Vienna. It’s so good to see you. I see you
have stolen one of my new ships. So, since you did that I will just, sink your ship.
I may not have full control over the elements. But I sure do over ice, so have
fun with an iceberg. Bye my little ignorant idiot.”

Vienna ran back outside just in time to see an iceberg
scrape against the hull. The ship at once began to list. Vienna was scared
because she only had a few elemental magic’s and water wasn’t one of them.

She went two decks below and was about to reach the
second to last deck before the bottom, when she saw water slowly but steadily
creeping up the stairs.

She snapped her fingers and the water started to
freeze, but it didn’t last long. a mist formed over the water and a smoky Buriticus
appeared.

“Ahh you unfortunate thing, you just don’t seem to
realize how powerful I really am. I am immortal, control most of the elements
-soon to be all the elements- and have impossible power. Please think again
bef- Vienna blasted powerful light at the mist. The smoky Buriticus melted away
but returned a few seconds later.

“you dare try and get rid of me.” The water hit Vienna’s
feet. “I will tell you for your sake that you cannot. Please just lower a life
boat and save yourself. You could be my queen. Vienna come and live with me. We
can be immortal gods and be worshipped.” Vienna snapped her fingers and a
little ball of light appeared. The smoky Buriticus was losing shape and color.
The mist disappeared.

She sent a blast of superheated light at the water.
The water hissed and sizzled. Then she sent a blast of supercooled light at the
water. The water froze to the spot.

The boat creaked. She didn’t know how long the boat
would last with this much ice in it. she went to the top decks. The bow was at
least seven feet from the water.

at least the ship isn’t sinking anymore, she thought.
She went to the crow’s nest and looked out the telescope. She saw the air
elementals island. She shot a blast of light into the sky.

it formed into a massive golden Vienna head. “I AM VIENNA,
I COME IN PEACE AND SAFETY. I NEED THE HERO OF AIR.”



CHAPTER TEN

James was walking around in the forest of paranoia
with Micheal when it happened. the mist vanished for a few seconds. It gave James
hope. He wondered how they were going to get out. He found a pathway of sorts. He
guessed that it was put there for the off chance Buriticus got lost in it. he
followed the path hoping to get out of the forest. The pathway opened a little
into a small clearing. The mist wasn’t in the clearing. There was a small
campfire in the middle. It was lit with brown flames. A head appeared in the
fire.

“welcome to my trial. To get out I need three things.
I need a silver death, a warm cold and you will need to solve my riddle, only
then will the trees open to give you the second trial.”

The head disappeared. “James what do you think it
means? I…I…I really don’t know. It’s as if the knowledge I was gifted with has
vanished, said James. Well if you don’t know let try and work it out together.”


“Micheal I think I know what the warm cold is.
Remember when Melena chained her father in a warm ice? James, I think you are
on to something. I think he wants something that is ice but warm.” James
brought a sliver of mist from the rest of the forest. “Micheal I need you to
freeze it. uhm, yes sure.” The mist froze.

James touched the frozen mist. It was warm.

“Very good you have completed one of the tasks. I
still need my silver death.”

James had no idea what this meant. “I am sorry, but I
do not know what it is.” The head reappeared. “Good answer. I have made a
series of tests for you. the answer for that question was a blade. Now go, the
world needs you.”

The head vanished, and the brown fire died. The trees
opened to reveal another path. James and Micheal went through it.

It was as if the pair stepped through a portal. The
trees started becoming deader and scarier looking with each step they took. The
path opened again.

There was yet again a small campfire in the middle.

“I am forever, yet I am not alive. I am good, and I am
bad. People judge me. People discover me. What am I?”

James had no idea. “You are history,” answered Micheal.


Correct. I am history. You may pass through to the
last and hardest trial.

The trees opened to another pathway. They walked
through it. the sky was turning red and terrifying. The mist was coming back
but it was low lying. The trees black and fragile. The forest opened once more
to reveal a much bigger clearing than the last one. Ruins of what looked like a
castle were sitting in it.

Towers were left abandoned and left to the elements.
Walls crumbling. There was an archway with a gate in it but no walls to go with
it.

Welcome to the last trial. To know if you are worthy I
will test your strength. Go to the throne room. A powerful creation awaits you...

James’ divine knowledge returned. He knew what they
were going to face. Buriticus had made a monster out of his own soul. James
knew they stood no chance.

They had to face an enemy worse than echidna or
senhueta, something powerful enough to be a son of Buriticus.



CHAPTER ELEVEN

The gates

Vienna’s ship was starting to sink again. The air
island was so close, but her ship was listing terribly. She could see the
shores. The ship groaned. It lost a ton of speed in the last few seconds. The crow’s
nest snapped and fell over.

One of the mast’s that held the sails cracked but did
not break. KABOOM. The entire ship cracked. The next thing Vienna saw was
getting hit in the face by a wheel.





“mam…mam….” “W-w-what, who are you.” it’s alright mam,
your ship kind of well… broke in half and sent you flying in the air, after
getting hit in the face by a wheel, with you falling back down to the water
booty first only to have a piece of wood hit you in the head in the
explosion..”

It made
more sense for Vienna now, so that’s why my butt hurts. “thank you, I., I need
to see the high sorcerer.” Mam I don’t think that is possible. The king of
darkness sent a wave of magic after he ate the island of magic. Anyone who was detected
with a high power in magic was sucked of their magic”

“My royal toilet.” Vienna didn’t know how they were to
find the hero of air and earth now. “I need help finding the hero or heroine of
air.” “Mm. I understand. I will direct you to the doku, but please beware, the magicians
and wizards have made a gang of sorts. They brainwash their victims and make
them magical slaves.”

Vienna
didn’t listen to the man. She just got up and walked to the first gate of air.



“Hello
there madame how ya doing?” “Very well. I need to see Helga.” “I don’t think
that’s possible, she’s trying to recover.” “Ah but you see I am Vienna, queen
of vlornoko.” “I’m so sorry your highness but still I cannot allow you in.”

“Very
well then.” She shot a blast of light at the gate. It hit the gate and was
redirected upward. Vienna suddenly realized the sky was red and clouds black.
The sky around the big blast of light turned blue. But the color quickly disappeared.

“I can
return your island to normalcy let me please.” “Fine you may come through.”

Vienna
walked through the gate. The sky was less red through the first gate. She
walked upon the cobbled road that led to the second gate. There was a dome of
air surrounding the gate and the back end of the doku. She reached the second
gate.

“How in
the world did you get through the first gate. Never mind that I must not let
you through.” the guard jumped down. He took out the sword. “Choose your death”
Vienna remained silent. “choose your death” he said in her mind. “I choose to
die by breathing too much” she had outsmarted him. “Fine then be stubborn. I
will just fight you.” he took a sword from a sheath. Vienna took her sword from
its sheath. “good god you were the light I saw. Well… I still must kill you”
her sword was glowing faintly but growing brighter. “please don’t make me do this,
said Vienna, I want to kill Buriticus.” He sheathed his sword and opened the
gate. “thank you, she said.”

She investigated
the sky once more it was purple now. She could see the final gate, but it was guarded
by a tall man in robes of white. She could not see his face. You have done well
to get to me. Prepare for ascension. I am air itself. Suddenly Vienna was in
the sky. she was standing on a black cloud. If you can bring light I will let
you pass, if not…

She pointed her now glowing sword down at the ground.
A ball of solid light appeared at the sword point. She started to cry because she
knew what would happen. She pointed her sword at the royal forest. The ball grew
and brightness. The ball shot to the forest. It hit the treetops and exploded
in a massive expanding golden circle. Gray fog was shooting out of the forest.
The halo came inwards quickly and made a tinier ball shooting a laser of light
downwards. She could hear the scream from miles away.



CHAPTER TWELVE

The castle shimmered and vanished. Flickering in and
out of existence. A circle of golden light span overhead.

A creature was visible through the castle that was
fading in and out of existence. It was black purple and slimy looking. its eyes
were slits, but they looked like they were leaning on an invisible wall.

It had great wings that had black scalic. It had a
claw at the end of each wing. It had four legs with bulging muscles in them. It
had paws but with claws like a cat. It had a tail that was slimy but look
Posted by Iron_Works's Avatar
Iron_Works
Level 13 : Journeyman Blacksmith
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1
07/29/2019 2:25 pm
Level 36 : Artisan Pokemon
JediJerboa
JediJerboa's Avatar
Just thought I’d check back here to see if anything was updated. I’m glad to see you’ve started to break up your dialogue with quotations into nice coherent chunks. Keep up the good work!
5
07/09/2019 6:57 amhistory
Level 22 : Expert Blockhead
raidarr
raidarr's Avatar
"I do not like negative feedback". Horrible attitude. Yes, that was negative feedback. Sue me.
4
07/03/2019 4:00 pm
Level 54 : Grandmaster Cowboy
Indraft
Indraft's Avatar
stuck it in a spoiler because it looked like a spam thread from a glance
4
07/03/2019 4:02 pm
Level 36 : Artisan Pokemon
JediJerboa
JediJerboa's Avatar
Didn't even know mods could do that.
5
07/03/2019 3:46 pmhistory
Level 36 : Artisan Pokemon
JediJerboa
JediJerboa's Avatar
Hey there! I decided to read through some of your writing, however it was a bit hard with the awkward spacing (Remember to indent your paragraphs!). Anyway, I do have a few critiques here and there.

Let's start off with probably the biggest issue. There is a lot of what I like to call "gaps in logic." Gaps in logic occur when you do not define certain things about your characters or talk about their surroundings. Introducing names and giving character descriptions really helps make characters seem alive and relatable. You also want to look the appearance of a character. James didn't seem to get a good description of his physical traits, making it hard to define who he really is.

Another thing you may want to do is define who is speaking in dialogue. By not separating who is speaking and not using quotation marks, it's hard to tell what is going on and can also lead to gaps in logic. Make sure to also use another speaking verb when another person comes into the dialogue. Also, when a character is thinking something to themselves, be sure to use italics to show it is not being said aloud.
I also found that you might be writing more than you need to. You seem to repeat yourself often, slowing down the story and reducing the action. For example, this group of fragments:
"It had great wings that had black scalic. It had a claw at the end of each wing. It had four legs with bulging muscles in them. It had paws but with claws like a cat. It had a tail that was slimy but look"

If I were to rewrite this, I would put, "The creature's great wings were covered in coal black scales, each ending in a sharp claw. Its four legs bulged with muscle of untold power. It had the dainty paws of a cat, yet bore the long claws of a lion. Its tail was slimy, looking like the beast had dipped it into a cesspool."

This way, you form a more clear image, making this beast more magnificent and imposing. I also want you to look at my word choice, sentence structure, and use of literary devices, which brings me to my next point.

Your use of descriptive words and use of literary devices is a bit lacking, often resulting in an unclear image. In helping with your word choice, the thesaurus is your best friend. My best example is getting different words to replace red: scarlet, crimson, blood-red, and carmine. Using synonyms in speech is also extremely important, as you cannot use 'said' over and over since it takes away the emotion. If someone is angry, use words like snarl (this is especially good when describing an enraged beast). If someone is happy, use words like grin. I can go on and on about this, but that's another thing you need to watch out for: syntax.

Syntax refers to sentence structure. Like I said before, your sentences were a bit choppy and needed to be merged together. However, short sentences aren't always a bad thing. Short sentences coupled with one word sentences can make for tense and fast action. Here's an example:

I called out to her. Nothing. I screamed her name. Still no response.

Shortening your sentences can help make action move quickly. On the opposite end of the spectrum, longer sentences slow down the movement, allowing for more detail. I tend to use this when showing a character's emotions during a fight. You can also do this when a character is staring at something, describing what they are looking at. I'll give you another example:

I gazed over the fields, watching as the serfs they toiled their lives away. They harvested every head of grain that they saw like automated machines, desperately hoping that their lord would be generous and spare them some extra food for the coming winter.

I believe I glazed over literary devices, so let us go over that. Literary devices like metaphor and simile are very important in world building. You need to give your audience a reference point in order to better grasp what they are looking at. Imagery is also part of this category, which you need in order to make a very detailed picture. You need to appeal to the senses to make the world seem real. Make sure to at least use all five just for variety. Onomatopoeia also seems to be prevalent in your story with the word "AEIGH." When using onomatopoeia, it is important that you italicize it and use an exclamation point. I also have something to say about this word.

This word is causing a logic gap since I don''t know what it means. It also seems to be used in every spell James casts. Preferably, there should be a bit more variety in the spells he knows if he is indeed a high wizard. Anyway, onto my final bit.

There is of course the obligatory grammar, spelling, and punctuation mistakes. I already talked about distinguishing who is speaking and using proper quotations, but I have spotted a few more mistakes. You sometimes do not use question marks when questions are being asked. There are also a few capitalization errors, with the beginning of sentences and characters' names not being capitalized. There are some spacing issues along with incorrect spelling. I believe I even spotted some random numbers in it somewhere.

I want to leave you with one final message: Do not be afraid to go back and edit. Many of the best writers go through multiple revisions before they are satisfied with their final project. I actually did something similar recently, as my latest story blog here is a complete rework of a blog I did 3 years ago. It actually made me feel proud of both blogs.

I'm sure you do not want to read through all of this so if you have any questions, feel free to PM me for help!
3
07/09/2019 6:56 am
Level 22 : Expert Blockhead
raidarr
raidarr's Avatar
Please note that the spacing is actually the platform's fault, as PMC very badly handles copy + paste from other word processors. It would be extremely tedious to fix it line by line, though it would certainly help.
2
07/09/2019 10:02 amhistory
Level 36 : Artisan Pokemon
JediJerboa
JediJerboa's Avatar
What I would have done was put it in a Google Doc and set it to only view when sharing it. That way you avoid the spacing issue. Besides, running the sci-fi thread for over 3 years shows that copy-paste is fine if you take it bit by bit.

Still, was any of my advice helpful to you? It’s not just for Iron_Works.
3
07/09/2019 10:49 am
Level 22 : Expert Blockhead
raidarr
raidarr's Avatar
That is very true; a bit of effort makes what I write no true excuse, though I believe it was not an intentional error in the sense of what he wrote before pasting it here.

To be frank, I didn't gain very much, but that is because I have a background in both casual writing and more extensively in paragraph play by post roleplaying, where those elements are, if not always followed, at least in awareness. I consider worldbuilding to be the field I can actively put up a good showing in, but really, all of those elements are linked. Regardless, your points are all useful tidbits that every elementary writer should be exposed to, and good reminders even for more seasoned ones. At the end of the day you are portraying a vision, and it is imperative to express it clearly, with enough details to allow the reader to imagine it, without being overly specific and 'killing' that vision with detail. Ironic considering my style of posting, but I digress.

It leaves me all the more disappointed when the attitude is "I don't like negative feedback", a #1 killer of prospective writers.
1
07/09/2019 12:36 pm
Level 36 : Artisan Pokemon
JediJerboa
JediJerboa's Avatar
Indeed. I’m thinking about creating more in-depth guides on other worldbuilding areas that many people struggle with. I’ve seen a lot of people struggle with creature creation.

As for the length... Yeah. I pretty much spewed back too much info, making it hard to digest. I can probably consult my old notes and make it a bit easier.

As for the Google Docs, it’s good reference for the future and keeps things more organized. I swear I almost cried when I was finally able to get all my sci-fi writing organized after the removal of the search function.

Anyway, thanks for advice! I shall definitely make changes for the future!
2
07/09/2019 8:06 pm
Level 22 : Expert Blockhead
raidarr
raidarr's Avatar
By length I was more commenting on my own writing, though making your content more efficient while still retaining the point is always helpful. Feel free to put guides together, I can critique them, discuss them, or whatever else as desired should you want an alternative look. Docs is indeed quite useful for writing of various sorts, and is a responsive enough platform.
3
06/18/2019 10:45 am
Level 39 : Artisan Fish
CHorse
CHorse's Avatar
Dear bacon lord, do this on a blog!

But just to note, off the bat you start off relatively bad,. The idea with a beginning is not to lore dump, but to make it so the reader wants to read more. Needless to say, I read 3 paragraphs and immediately dropped it because so far it's just cliche unimaginative storytelling with the typical 'dark vs light' struggle and 'wizzersss' story line. What you probably want to do is one of 3 things, and hopefully a lot of em:

-establish tone
-establish motivations/character
-create intrigue

I would focus on the last piece there, because right now this story just told me there's a fire wizard who has amnesia which would be great sorta if you hadn't already dumped exposition that clarified this. Amnesia will just get in the way and become repetitive. And find a way to make your story stand out from the countless others, and leave the expo dump til later.
1
06/18/2019 10:51 am
Level 13 : Journeyman Blacksmith
Iron_Works
Iron_Works's Avatar
honestly, the amnesia doesn't stay throughout the entire story. expo dump is for a reason, reason being if I didn't, it would be too confusing. Thirdly the story isn't all dark vs light as you put it and if you would've read more you would see that. Fourthly, this story is from an omniscient point of view, so... expo dump is kind of expected. lastly, I do not like negative feedback, especially when you have no idea what your talking about.

thank you, come again.
3
07/03/2019 8:50 pm
Level 49 : Master Necromancer
GoggleD0GG
GoggleD0GG's Avatar
“I do not like negative feedback”

b r u h then why you asking for feedback. no one likes hearing negative feedback but constructive criticism is important to improving.
3
07/03/2019 3:55 pm
Level 36 : Artisan Pokemon
JediJerboa
JediJerboa's Avatar
I mean, I have to agree that this would be better suited to a blog and it does get confusing at times. Since amnesia is present, it would be a lot better to slowly build up the lore with his flashbacks.

I also want to mention you have two chapters labeled three.
3
06/18/2019 12:42 pm
Level 39 : Artisan Fish
CHorse
CHorse's Avatar
Expo dumps should be made more gradual, alright cool if it's that, it's no excuse to just dump it unexpertisedly onto unsuspecting readers. and yeah I do have an idea of what I'm talking about; if you manage to deter me in just 3 paragraphs thennn we need fixin:

and also I read the first chapter and my opinion's not changed :L actually if you want I can create a blog to critique it a bit so you can improve.
1
06/17/2019 5:50 pm
Level 18 : Journeyman Button Pusher
TentorIV
TentorIV's Avatar
Honestly, you have a creative mind. I enjoyed it. I understand it's unedited, but some speech in the second chapter is missing speechmarks, just confused me a little bit haha. All in all, it was great. Good work!
1
06/18/2019 9:52 am
Level 13 : Journeyman Blacksmith
Iron_Works
Iron_Works's Avatar
thanks! I love getting positive feedback, I just realized that it did not paste in the entire book. check back later and it should be much larger. to give an example on just how large the book is... the document on word for it is over 160 pages long. it took months and months of work. thank you again for your positive feedback! :3
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