Wanna Hear a Pizza Joke?



Never Mind Its too CHEESEY

I GET IT!

What's worse than raining cats and dogs?


Hailing taxi cabs.

A man walks into a bar. He is sent to the hospital.

Smasher, it's already been done, mate.

to continue the stream of bar jokes, I'll also tell a bar joke

ok:
2 Irish men walk out of a bar

If I ever makes it to Heaven, God will say:
"Saint Peter, your FIRED!"

Irish people are not heavy drinkers, why do you guys think that..

Your momma is so fat, she has her own gravitational pull ( No offense ment )

Your momma is so dumb, she thought Sprint was a running club ( No offense ment )

yo mamma so fat she sees a school bus and yells someone catch that twinkie!yo mamma so poor she tries to use a food stamp card in a gumball machine.
yes
I know bad grammer I really don't care

Yo momma so fat that when they saw her a$$ they thought it was South America

Once, three friends died together in a car crash. When they went to heaven, God asked them, 'How many times have you cheated on your lover?' The first man said 'Two times.' He was allowed to pass and he was given a poor quality car to have in heaven. The second man said 'Only once.' He was allowed to pass and given a regular quality car. The third man said. 'Never.' He was allowed to pass and given a nice, fancy car. A day or two later, the three man drove by an intersection. Suddenly, the third man started crying. The other two mean asked why, because he had such a nice car, why should he cry? Then then the third man replied, 'We just passed my wife. She was on a skateboard.'

Wanna hear a construction joke?
I'm still working on it

Knock Knock

Who's There

THE DOOR OF COURSE! Unless it's the MAILMAN or the FedEx truck delivering you an Xbox360

Knock knock!
*who's there*
Doctor!
*Doctor who?*

What's white and can't climb trees? Bill O'Reilly.

three sailors wash up on an island and are captured by savages: one french, one british, and an american
the savages tell the sailors they're going to turn their skin into canoes but will let the sailors choose their death
the frenchman takes a vial of poison and drinks it, saying "viva la france" and dies
the british man takes his handgun and shoots himself "long live the queen"
the american, born and bred in new jersey...

pulls out a pocketknife, says "no screw your damn canoes" and stabs himself repeatedly in the stomach

Yo momma so stupid, she threw a rock at the ground and missed

OK,

Man #1 walks into a pub and sits down only to order a shot of whiskey. Man #2 walks in and sits next to Man #1 and say "I'll have the usual". Man #2 downs his drink in 1 gulp and flies out the window. Man #1 exclaims "Wow! I'll have what he just had!". Man #1 finishes the drink and jumps out the window only to fall to his death. Man #2 returns through the window and chuckles. The bartender says, "Jeez Superman, you're a dick when you're drunk!"

Hope you like it

I don't like being rude, but sometimes... Muahahaa...

You're so stupid you got hit by a parked car!
You're so stupid you climbed over a glass wall to see what was on the other side!

A child walks up to his mother and asks,
"Mom, why did you name me Raindrop?"
"Because a raindrop fell on your head when you were born!"
The child is satisfied, and walks back.
The child's brother walks up and asks his mother the same question.
"Because a leaf fell on your head when you were born!"
The child, content with his answer, walks back away.
The other children's sibling walks in, and says,
"Brsaghiacvnmceboo!"
"What's that, Anvil?"

Bump

What's green and has two wheels? GRASS. I lied about the wheels

BUMP

Buuump...

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom?

how do you kill a vegan vampire? A STAKE TO THE HEART!

Three gay guys are riding in a car, there's a red light and one said "It will turn green in 5 seconds" He was right. The next day they were in the same car again, they cam to a red light and the other said "It's gonna turn green in 10 seconds." He was right. The next day they were there again, and they got to a red light and the last one said "It's going to turn green in 15 seconds." He was right... When they got home they walked up to the door and pulled on that thing, do you know what that thing is that you twist and the door opens? "A doorknob." GAY GUYS NO EVERYTHING!!!

(Do not take offense if you are. I have no problem just a fun joke)

Yo mamma so fat when she was pregnant she lost 100 pounds

Why couldn't the Minecraft player cross the road?

Yo momma so fat, she uses the ocean as a kitty pool

There are 5 people in a plane.
The pilot, Britney Spears, an artist, a preacher, and a kid.

First the artist grabs a parachute, jumps out of the plane and says "I want to show the world about art!"

Next a preacher grabs a parachute, jumps out and says "I want to show the world about God!"

Next Britney Spears grabs a backpack, jumps out and says "I want to show the world about music!"

The pilot and the kid are then left on the plane.
The pilot asks the kid, "Why didn't you jump?"

"Britney Spears took my backpack," he said.

That one made me laugh

What do you call a cheap circumcision?

A RIP OFF.

When you walk into the bathroom, you're American. When you walk out of the bathroom, you're American. What are you in the bathroom?

Yo mamma so fat she has her own gravitational pull

Made that one up the other day. I used it on my sibling.

Yo momma so stupid i told her that her birthday was "Right around the corner"



So she went looking for it.

Yo mama so STuPID

That she bought tickets to -

XBOX LIVE


You mama so fat -

That when she turns around -

Its her birthday!

(So I hide behind her)

A cat died of Natural causes and went to Heaven. An angel asked, "What do you want in Heaven. The cat replied, "I lived with a poor family my whole life, and slept on a wood floor". The angel gave the cat a very comfy bed.

A couple days later 6 mice came into heaven, they said to the Angel, "Our whole lives we've been running away from cats and dogs". So, the Angel gave the mice Rollerksates so they didn't have to run.

A few days later the Angel went to check on the cat and asked, "How do you like your time in Heaven?" The cat replied, "I like it very much, especially those Meals-On-Wheels you've been sending be!"

-snip-