This is a rant about Mann vs Machine, the somewhat new co-op mode for TF2. May contain volatile amounts of rage. Viewer discretion is advised but not expected.



While I found this update to be immensely fun, it seems like half the players are completely stupid and have no idea what the concept of co-op defense is. The following is a list of problems I've encountered with people who don't know how to do their job, as well as some true stories of what happens when said players encumber others with their ignorance and adversity to change.

Let's get this over with.

Scout

So many people exonerate the role of scout like it's a godsend and hallmark of a winning team. The likely reason for this is a video by niichts that said the class is good for picking up money. Other classes can pick up money just as well, especially when the scout dies, which happens often considering how front-lines they have to be. What sucks is that upwards of 75% of players don't even know how to play the class in MvM, or decide that a team needs multiples for whatever stupid reason they come up with.

Scout needs a marking weapon - either an upgraded Sandman or a Fan o' War. Marking enemies for death is a priceless support effort that is much more valuable than any other melee weapon.

Scout needs Mad Milk. Slowing enemies down and gaining health from damage dealt is more important than any sidearm.

Pyro

Don't use the damn Phlogistinator, you need airblast. Ninety percent of the time you attempt to activate your Mph, you'll get overwhelmed by more of the horde.

Engineer

DON'T USE THE F**KING GUNSLINGER. This game mode is all about defense. You don't need to build a weak, non-repairable, lowest tier turret in a few seconds when you can set up all your buildings instantly, be it before a wave or with an upgrade canteen.

On the subject, there's no such thing as a "battle engineer." Every class is battle oriented, be they support roles or not. Battle medics and battle snipers don't exist either. Learn your role and play your damn class right.

For other players, don't rush the engies. You can run to the front lines and ready up, but they have to erect their buildings, repair or move what they already have, and decide on the best places for sentries based on the path of the next wave.

Don't get in their way when they try to build, either. They often have specific places they need something to go in for maximum efficiency, and standing in front of them to make sure they see you while you impatiently spam "dued pres eff4" is only hindering their work.

Medic

Don't pocket heavies. Well, don't pocket any class, but they always go to heavies, so whatever. Other players need healing too, don't neglect them just because you think heavy+medic is unstoppable. I've seen medics literally standing around doing nothing after their heavy dies, waiting for their beloved partner to come back so they can continue being exclusively useful.

Also, pay attention to demomen. A pile of crit stickies can do tons of damage to a giants and tanks, but only works if you stray away from your precious heavy to give your team a boost before the round starts. Calm down, your meter charges in only a few seconds during the set up phase.

Sniper

If you use the SMG, kill yourself. Jarate is so necessary it isn't even funny. Max it out early and your support will be immense, slowing down enemies and granting minicrits for as long as you stay alive.

Remember that you are the best counter to robot snipers. When a tank comes, stay high and take out the marksmen before they get your teammates. Your rifle and knife won't do much damage against the tank anyway unless you max out your attack speed.

Spy

If there's an uberbot on the way, let a spy sap its medic before you go zap happy. Valuable time is wasted by making them pop their uber - with the medic gone from the get go you can take out a giant before they breach your vanguard.

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Other stuff

Your team doesn't need more than one sniper, medic, or scout. Just because you like playing a certain class doesn't mean you should use it as a safety net. My favorite class is engineer, but if we already have one I can find something more effective to do. Not that two engies is a bad thing, there are just usually more roles to cover.

Similarly, if your team needs a specific class, don't be afraid to drift outside your comfort zone and do it for the good of all. I don't like being a pyro or heavy, but if my team is lacking one, I'll take on that role.

True Story 1

Playing Coaltown with three Snipers. One had the Razorback and another had the SMG. Despite everyone telling them to switch or change their loadouts (including the third sniper, who knew what he was doing), they remained silent and uncooperative. After loosing a wave three times in a row, they both ragequit. Two players with much higher intelligence took their place, and we never lost a wave after that.

True Story 2

Coaltown, again. Our team consisted of THREE scouts, a sniper, a heavy, and myself as an engineer. None of the scouts had milk or a marker. The wave completely overwhelmed us, killing the heavy and the scouts almost immediately. The sniper fell back to the base while I was flanked by robot scouts spamming bats, and the bomb was deployed. When I pointed out that we lost because we only had two defensive, damage-dealing classes, one of the scouts quit and the other two started flaming, saying that scout is more useful than heavy or engie. One of them said, "were out ther pickin up monney 4 YOU to spend n u arent doin anything" [sic]. The other said, "L2 play engineer."

True Story 3

Mannworks. Our team is well rounded, plenty of defensive capabilities, effective loadouts, and no duplicates. Except for one - the engineer is using a Gunslinger. Upon seeing the mini sentry was his main gun, one guy with a mic started screaming at him, calling him an idiot and not knowing how to play his class. The rest of us joined in, albeit not quite as belligerently, and told him that isn't a very good way to play defensively. This went on through four waves, and his sentry died multiple times after getting a handful of kills. After 15 minutes of people telling him to change back to stock, he finally responded with a deep, insightful query regarding our suggestion and why we thought it would be a wise choice:

"y"



That's all for now. Might come back and add more, as there are always idiots whose parents shouldn't have bought macbooks. Just had to get this out of my system.