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Starting a dbz fan fiction is the start any good?

Goku_LSSJ's Avatar Goku_LSSJ4/21/14 4:54 pm
1 emeralds 333 6
4/24/2014 11:14 pm
Goku_LSSJ's Avatar Goku_LSSJ
Let me know if i can do anything to it

A flash of light soared through the sky over an abandoned forest. Animals gazed up with fear and curiosity not sure of this strange thing. *CrAsHHH* The ground shook as if an earthquake just struck. Flames erupted from a rocky gorge. As a mysterious Space Craft apprears out of the smoke.It was to futuristic to be human.The space craft was small and circular like a meteor. An eerie robotic voice emerged from the strange ship.
“Destination reached”
a hatch opened. A small child tumbled out,looking to be about 6 or 7.Crying the child being so young was still able to get to his feet a goose step out of the crater.The child’s face was emotionless. His hair was messy but spikey one of the spikes protruding nearly a foot out of his head.
”Child please come here”
a robotic voice emerged from the spacecraft. The child seemed to be hypnotized.He walked as if he was a zombie towards the ship.
”Hello Kakarot,are you ready for your mission.” The A.I spoke
“Yes” Kakarot responded in a high pitched tone.
“You must destroy all life on earth,but first you must become stronger train my boy,fight kill all humans.
“Yes” He repeated.
Kakarot ran away gracefully gliding through the beautiful greenish blue grass.Even with his small stature he was fast,really fast moving at speeds faster than a cheetah.Suddenly the boy came to a screeching stop.There was a strange beast in front of him it looked similar to a dinosaur.It was huge standing as tall as a small house.The hungry look in his eyes,and the drool dripping down his mouth explained his intentions.*ROARR* The beast screeched, leaping at the young child.
But the child was too quick jumping extremely high in the air dodging the creatures blow.The child quickly recovered and launched an attack on the creature landing a hard hitting blow on the head.Instantly killing the creature.Kakarot picked up the creature and carried him to a small hollow in the middle of the forest,next to a large cliff.And started to eat the beast, raw. Silently in the shadows a large predator watched the child eat. Waiting for the right moment to strike.
The animal flew out attacking the boy.Rolling in a tussle the two rolled off the cliff.Falling at incredible speeds. The child pulled away free falling by himself.The attacker hit the ground first splattering into pieces.The boy came next,landing on his back then bouncing to his head.He lay there motionlessly.This may be the end to this child.As he lie there motionless a puddle of blood begins to form at the base of his heads.The boys body twitched, and slowly began to rise from his bloody demise.He sat up dumbfounded and just sat there.Blood gushing though his forehead
Posted by Goku_LSSJ's Avatar
Goku_LSSJ
Level 20 : Expert Zombie
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6

1
04/24/2014 11:14 pm
Level 20 : Expert Zombie
Goku_LSSJ
Goku_LSSJ's Avatar
Thaks guys
1
04/24/2014 10:56 pm
Level 34 : Artisan Pixel Puncher
alan
alan's Avatar
pretty good
1
04/24/2014 8:49 pm
Level 39 : Artisan Unicorn
ElectricLlamaz
ElectricLlamaz's Avatar
This was pretty great
1
04/24/2014 8:37 pm
Level 26 : Expert Nerd
Amsarian
Amsarian's Avatar
Is that the opening few paragraphs? It's a good starter. I don't know anything about DBZ, but the story you've made is well written so far. However the structure of it could be made to be easier on the eyes, but maybe that's the PMC layout. Also, some of the sentences don't have a space between the period and first word.
1
04/24/2014 8:31 pm
Level 62 : High Grandmaster Pixel Puncher
PixelCrash_
PixelCrash_'s Avatar
Pretty good. Two thumbs up
1
04/24/2014 8:18 pm
Level 31 : Artisan Theorist
Theodor488
Theodor488's Avatar
Wow, you really wrote quite a bit. Good stuff.
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