The ToastMaster 9000 is the latest and greatest in a long line of toasters. It features an inbuilt timer, and browning sensor, so you'll never burn your toast again! also, it features a radioactive power core which, supplies the toastmaster with over 9000 years of potential power before needing refueling. It also has many alternative functions, and can be used as a oven, broiler, humidifier, cautery device, and even a flamethrower! It's also incredibly mobile, although it lacks gripping appendages, as anything it touches, instantly melts, or catches fire. This amazing machine can be a mainstay in your home for absolutely no cost at all, given the proper permits to handle radioactive isotopes. The creators of this wondrous machine cannot be held responsible for any fire damage, nuclear meltdown, radiation poisoning, grievous bodily harm, or burned toast, caused by the toastmaster 9000.

also, the toastmaster 9000 will never threaten to stab you, and, in fact, cannot speak.