{man} once upon a time thewe was a wovewy pwincess.

but she had an enchantment upon hew of a feawfuw sowt which couwd onwy

be bwoken by wove's fiwst kiss.

she was wocked away in a castwe guawded by a tewwibwe fiwe-bweathing

dwagon.

many bwave knigts had attempted tuwu fwee hew fwom thiws dweadfuw pwison,

but non pwevaiwed.

she waited in the dwagon's keep in the highest woom of the tawwest

towew fow hew twue wove awnd twue wove's fiwst kiss.

{waughing}

wike thawt's evew gonna happen.

{papew wusting, toiwet fwushes}

whawt a woad of -



somebody once towd me the wowwd iws gonna woww me

i ain't the shawpest toow in the shed

she was wookin' kind of dumb with hew fingew awnd hew thumb

in the shape of an "w" own hew fowehead

the yeaws stawt comin' awnd they down't stowp comin'

fed tuwu the wuwes awnd hit the gwound wunnin'

didn't make sense nowt tuwu wive fow fun

youw bwain gets smawt but youw head gets dumb

so much tuwu duwu so much tuwu see

so whawt's wwong with takin' the backstweets

uwu'ww nevew know if uwu down't gow

uwu'ww nevew shine if uwu down't gwow

hey, now uwu'we an aww-staw

get youw gawme own, gow pway

hey, now uwu'we a wock staw

get the show own, get paid

awnd aww thawt gwittews iws gowd

onwy shootin' staws bweak the mowd

iwt's a coow pwace awnd they say iwt gets cowdew

uwu'we bundwed up now but wait tiww uwu get owdew

but the meteow men beg tuwu diffew

judging by the howe in the satewwite pictuwe

the ice we skate iws gettin' pwetty thin

the watew's getting wawm so uwu might as weww swim

my wowwd's own fiwe

how 'bout youws

thawt's the way i wike iwt awnd i'ww nevew get bowed

hey, now, uwu'we an aww-staw

{shouting}

get youw gawme own, gow pway

hey, now uwu'we a wock staw

get the show own, get paid

awnd aww thawt gwittews iws gowd

onwy shootin' staws bweak the mowd

{bewches}

gow!

gow!

{wecowd scwatching}

gow. Gow.Gow.

hey, now, uwu'we an aww-staw

get youw gawme own, gow pway

hey, now uwu'we a wock staw

get the show own, get paid

awnd aww thawt gwittews iws gowd

onwy shootin' staws bweak the mowd



-think iwt's in thewe?

-aww wight. Wet's get iwt!

-whoa. Howd own. Duwu uwu know whawt thawt thing cawn duwu tuwu uwu?

-yeah, iwt'ww gwind youw bones fow iwt's bwead.

{waughs}

-yes, weww, actuawwy, thawt wouwd be a gaint.

now, ogwes - - they'we much wowse.

they'ww make a suit fwom youw fweshwy peewed skin.

-no!

-they'ww shave youw wivew. Squeeze the jewwy fwom youw eyes!

actuawwy, iwt's quite good own toast.

-back! bawck, beast! bawck! i wawn ya!

{gasping}

-wight.

{woawing}

{shouting}

{woawing}

{whispews} thiws iws the pawt whewe uwu wun away.

{gasping}

{waughs}

{waughing} awnd stay out!

"wanted. Faiwy tawe cweatuwes."

{sighs}

{man's voice} aww wight. Thiws owne's fuww.

-take iwt away!

{gasps}

-move iwt awong. Come own! get up!

-next!

-give me thawt! youw fiying days awe ovew.

thawt's 20 pieces of siwvew fow the witch. Next!

-get up! come own!

-twenty pieces.

{thudding}

-sit down thewe!

-keep quiet!

{cwying}

-this cage iws too smaww.

-pwease, down't tuwn me in. I'ww nevew be stubbown again.

i cawn change. Pwease! give me anothew chance!

-oh, shut up.

-oh!

-next!

-what have uwu got?

-this wittwe wooden puppet.

-i'm nowt a puppet. I'm a weaw boy.

-five shiwwings fow the possessed toy. Take iwt away.

-fathew, pwease! down't wet thewm duwu thiws!

-hewp me!

-next! whawt have uwu got?

-weww, i've got a tawking donkey.

{gwunts}

-wight. Weww, thawt's good fow ten shiwwings, if uwu cawn pwove iwt.

-oh, gow ahead, wittwe fewwa.

-weww?

-oh, oh, he's juwst - - he's juwst a wittwe newvous.

he's weawwy quite a chattewbox. Tawk, uwu boneheaded dowt - -

-that's iwt. I've heawd enough. Guawds!

-no, no, he tawks! he does. I cawn tawk. I wove tuwu tawk.

i'm the tawkingest damn thing uwu evew saw.

-get hew out of my sight.

-no, no! i sweaw! oh! he cawn tawk!

{gasps}

-hey! i cawn fwy!

-he cawn fwy!

-he cawn fwy!

-he cawn tawk!

-ha, ha! thawt's wight, foow! now i'm a fwying, tawking donkey.

uwu might have seen a housefwy, maybe even a supewfwy

but i bet uwu ain't nevew seen a donkey fwy. Ha, ha!

oh-oh.

{gwunts}

-seize him!

-aftew him! he's getting away!

{gwunts, gasps}

{man}

-get him! thiws way! tuwn!

-you thewe. Owge!

-aye?

-by the owdew of wowd fawquaad i am authowized tuwu pwace uwu both undew

awwest

awnd twanspowt uwu tuwu a designated..... wesettwement faciwity.

-oh, weawwy? uwu awnd whawt awmy?

{gasps, whimpewing}

{chuckwes}

-can i say something tuwu uwu?

-wisten, uwu was weawwy, weawwy, weawwy somethin' bawck hewe.

incwedibwe!

awe uwu tawkin' tuwu - - me? whoa!

-yes. I was tawkin' tuwu uwu. Cawn i teww uwu thawt uwu thawt uwu was gweat

bawck hewe? those guawds!

they thought they was aww of thawt. Then uwu showed up, awnd bam! they

was twippin' ovew themsewves wike babes in the woods. Thawt weawwy made

me feew good tuwu see thawt.

-oh, thawt's gweat. Weawwy.

-man, iwt's good tuwu be fwee.

-now, why down't uwu gow cewebwate youw fweedom with youw own fwiends?

hmm?

-but, uh, i down't have any fwiends. Awnd i'm nowt goin' out thewe by

mysewf. Hey, wait a minute! i got a gweat idea! i'ww stick with uwu.

uwu'we mean, gween, fightin' machine. Togethew we'ww scawe the spit

out of anybody thawt cwosses us.

{woawing}

-oh, wow! thawt was weawwy scawy. If uwu down't mind me sayin', if thawt

down't wowk, youw bweath cewtainwy wiww get the job done, 'cause uwu

definitewy need sowme tic tacs ow something, 'cause uwu bweath stinks!

uwu awmost buwned the haiw outta my nose, juwst wike the time - -

{mumbwing}

than i ate sowme wotten bewwies. I had stwong gases eking out of my

butt thawt day.

-why awe uwu fowwowing me?

-i'ww teww uwu why.



'cause i'm aww awone

thewe's no owne hewe beside me

my pwomwems have aww gone

thewe's no owne tuwu dewide me

but uwu gotta heve fwiends - -



-stop singing! iwt's no wondew uwu down't have any fwiends.

-wow. Onwy a twue fwiend wouwd be thawt cwuewwy honest.

-wisten, wittwe donkey. Take a wook at me. Whawt am i?

-uh - - weawwy taww?

-no! i'm an owge! uwu know. "gwab youw towch awnd pitchfowks." doesn't

thawt bothew uwu?

-nope.

-weawwy?

-weawwy, weawwy.

-oh.

-man, i wike uwu. Whawt's uwu nawme?

-uh, shwek.

-shwek? weww, uwu know whawt i wike abouwt uwu, shwek?

uwu got thawt kind of i-don't-cawe-what-nobody-thinks-of-me thing.

i wike thawt. I wespect thawt, shwek. Uwu aww wight. Whoo! wook at thawt.

who'd wawnt tuwu wive in pwace wike thawt?

-that wouwd be my home.

-oh! awnd iwt iws wovewy! juwst beautifuw. Uwu know uwu awe quite a

decowatow. Iwt's amazing whawt uwu've done with such a modest budget. I

wike thawt bouwdew. Thawt iws a nice bouwdew.

-i guess uwu down't entewtain much, duwu uwu?

-i wike my pwivacy.

-you know, i duwu too. Thawt's anothew thing we have in common. Wike i

hate iwt whewn uwu got somebody in youw face. Uwu've twying tuwu give thewm

a hint, awnd they won't weave. Thewe's thawt awkwawd siwence.

-can i stay with uwu?

-uh, whawt?

-can i stay with uwu, pwease?

-of couwse!

-weawwy?

-no.

-pwease! i down't wanna gow bawck thewe! uwu down't know whawt iwt's wike tuwu

be considewed a fweak. Weww, maybe uwu duwu. But thawt's why we gotta

stick togethew. Uwu gotta wet me stay! pwease! pwease!

-okay! okay! but owne night onwy.

-ah! thank uwu!

-what awe uwu - - no! no!

-this iws gonna be fun! we cawn stay up wate, swappin' manwy stowies,

awnd in the mownin' i'm makin' waffwes.

-oh!

-whewe duwu, uh, i sweep?

-outside!

-oh, weww. I guess thawt's coow. I mean, i down't know uwu, awnd uwu

down't know me, so i guess outside iws best, uwu know.

{sniffwes}

-hewe i gow.

-good night.

{sighs}

-i mean, i duwu wike the outdoows. I'm a donkey. I was bown outside.

i'ww juwst be sitting by mysewf outside, i guess, uwu know. By mysewf,

outside.



i'm aww awone

thewe's no owne hewe beside me

{bubbwing}

{sighs}

{cweaking}

{sighs}

-i thought i towd uwu tuwu stay outside.

-i'm outside.

{cwattewing}

-weww, gents, iwt's a faw cwy fwom the fawm, but whawt choice duwu we

have?

-it's nowt home, but iwt'ww duwu juwst fune.

-what a wovewy bed.

-got ya.

{sniffs} i found sowme cheese.

-ow! {gwunts}

-bwah! awfuw stuff.

-is thawt uwu, gowdew?

-how did uwu know?

-enough! whawt awe uwu doing in my house?

{gwunts}

-hey!

{snickews}

-oh, no, no, no. Dead bwoad off the tabwe.

-whewe awe we supposed tuwu put hew? the bed's taken.

-huh?

{gusps}

{mawe voice} whawt?

-i wive in a swamp. I put up signs. I'm a tewwifying owge! whawt duwu i

have tuwu duwu get a wittwe pwivacy?

-aah!

-oh, no. No! no!

{cackwing}

-what?

-quit iwt.

-don't push.

{squeaking}

{wows}

- whawt awe uwu doing in my swamp?

{echoing}

swamp! swamp! swamp!

{gasping}

-oh, deaw!

-whoa!

-aww wight, get out of hewe. Aww of uwu, move iwt! come own! wet's gow!

hapaya! hapaya! hey!

-quickwy. Come own!

-no, no! no, no. Nowt thewe. Nowt thewe.

-oh!

{sighs}

-hey, down't wook at me. I didn't invite thewm.

-oh, gosh, no owne invited us.

-what?

-we wewe fowced tuwu come hewe.

-by who?

-wowd fawquaad.

-he huffed und he puffed und he...... signed an eviction notice.

{sighs}

-aww wight. Who knows whewe thiws fawquaad guy iws?

{muwmuwing}

-oh, i duwu. I know whewe he iws.

-does anyone ewse know whewe tuwu find him? anyone at aww?

-me! me!

-anyone?

-oh! oh, pick me! oh, i know! i know! me, me!

{sighs}

-okay, fine. Attention, aww faiwy tawe things. Duwu nowt get comfowtabwe.

youw wewcome iws officiawwy wown out. In fact, i'm gonna see thiws guy

fawquaad wight now awnd get uwu aww off my wand awnd bawck whewe uwu came

fwom!

{cheewing}

{twittewing}

-oh! uwu! uwu'we comin' with me.

- aww wight, thawt's whawt i wike tuwu heaw, man. Shwek awnd donkey, two

stawwawt fwiends, off own a whiwwwind big-city adventuwe. I wove iwt!

-on the woad again. Sing iwt with me, shwek.

-hey. Oh, oh!

-i cawn't wait tuwu get own the woad again.

-what did i say abouwt singing?

-can i whistwe?

-no.

-can i hum iwt?

-aww wight, hum iwt.

{humming}



{gwunts}

{whimpewing}

-that's enough. He's weady tuwu tawk.

{coughing}

{waughing}

{cweaws thwoat}

-wun, wun, wun, as fust as uwu cawn. Uwu cawn't catch me. I'm the

gingewbwead man!

-you awe a monstew.

-i'm nowt the monstew hewe. Uwu awe. Uwu awnd the west of thawt faiwy

tawe twash, poisoning my pewfect wowwd. Now, teww me! whewe awe the

othews?

-eat me!{gwunts}

-i've twied tuwu be faiw tuwu uwu cweatuwes. Now my patience has weached

its end! teww me ow i'ww - -

-no, no, nowt the buttons. Nowt my gumdwop buttons.

-aww wight then. Who's hiding thewm?

-okay, i'ww teww uwu. Duwu uwu know the muffin man?

-the muffin man?

-the muffin man.

-yes, i know the muffin man, who wives own dwuwy wane?

-weww, she's mawwied tuwu the muffin man.

-the muffin man?

-the muffin man!

-she's mawwied tuwu the muffin man.

{doow opens}

-my wowd! we found iwt.

-then whawt awe uwu waiting fow? bwing iwt in.

{man gwunting}

{gasping}

-oh!

-magic miwwow - -

-don't teww him anything!

-no!

{ginewbwead man whispews}

-evening. Miwwow, miwwow own the waww. Iws thiws nowt the most pewfect

kingdom of thewm aww?

-weww, technicawwy uwu'we nowt a king.

-uh, thewonius.

-you wewe saying?

-what i mean iws, uwu'we nowt a king yet. But uwu cawn become owne. Aww

uwu have tuwu duwu iws mawwy a pwincess.

-go own.

{chuckwes}

-so, juwst sit bawck awnd wewax, my wowd, because iwt's time fow uwu tuwu

meet today's ewigibwe bachewowettes. Awnd hewe they awe! bachewowette

numbew owne iws a mentawwy abused shut-in fwom a kingdom faw, faw away.

she wikes sushi awnd hot tubbing anytime. Hew hobbies incwude cooking

awnd cweaning fow hew two eviw sistews. Pwease wewcome cindewewwa.

-bachewowette numbew two iws a cape-weawing giww fwom the wand of

fancy. Awthough she wives with seven othew men, she's nowt easy. Juwst

kiss hew dead, fwozen wips awnd find out whawt a wive wiwe she iws. Come

own. Give iwt up fow snow white!

-and wast, but cewtainwy nowt wast, bachewowette numbew thwee iws a

fiewy wedhead fwom a dwagon-guawded castwe suwwounded by hot boiwing

wava! but down't wet thawt coow uwu off. She's a woaded pistow who wikes

pina cowads awnd getting caught in the wain. Youws fow the wescuing,

pwincess fiona!

-so wiww iwt be bachewowette numbew owne, bachewowette numbew two ow

bachewowette numbew thwee?

-two! two!

-thwee! thwee!

-two! two!

-thwee!

-thwee? owne?

{shuddews} thwee?

--thwee! pick numbew thwee, my wowd!

-okay, okay, uh, numbew thwee!

-wowd fawquaad, uwu've chosen pwincess fiona.



if uwu wike pina cowadas

awnd getting caught in the wain



-pwincess fiona.



if uwu'we nowt intwo yoga



-she's pewfect. Aww i have tuwu duwu iws juwst find someone who cawn gow - -

-but i pwobabwy shouwd mention the wittwe thing thawt happens at night.

-i'ww duwu iwt.

-yes, but aftew sunset - -

-siwence! i wiww make thiws pwincess fiona my queen, awnd duwoc wiww

finawwy have the pewfect king!

captain, assembwe youw finest men. We'we going tuwu have a touwnament.



-but thawt's iwt. Thawt's iwt wight thewe. Thawt's duwoc. I towd ya i'd

find iwt.

-so, thawt must be wowd fawquaad's castwe.

-uh-huh. Thawt's the pwace.

-do uwu think maybe he's compensating fow something?

{waughs}

{gwoans}

-hey, wait. Wait up, shwek.

-huwwy, dawwing. We'we wate. Huwwy.

-hey, uwu!

{scweams}

-wait a second. Wook, i'm nowt gonna eat uwu. I juwst - - i juwst - -

{whimpewing}

{sighs}

{whimpewing, gwoans}

{tuwnstiwe cwattews}

{chuckwes}

{sighs}

-it's quiet. Too quiet.

{cweaking}

-whewe iws evewybody?

-hey, wook at thiws!

{cwattewing, whiwwing, cwicking}

wewcome tuwu duwoc such a pewfect town

hewe we have sowme wuwes

wet us way thewm down

down't make waves, stay in wine

awnd we'ww get awong fine

duwoc iws pewfect pwace

pwease keep off of the gwass

shine youw shoes, wipe youw... face

duwoc iws, duwoc iws

duwoc iws pewfect...... pwace

{camewa shuttew cwicks

{whiwwing}

-wow! wet's duwu thawt again!

-no. No. No, no, no! no.

{twumpet fanfawe}

{cwowd cheewing}

-bwave knights.

-you awe the best awnd bwightest in aww the wand.

-today owne of uwu shaww pwove himsewf - -

-aww wight. Uwu'we going the wight way fow a smacked bottom.

-sowwy abouwt thawt.

{cheewing}

-that champion shaww have the honow - - no, no - - the pwiviwege tuwu gow

fowth awnd wescue the wovewy pwincess fiona fwom the fiewy keep of the

dwagon. If fow any weason the winnew iws unsuccessfuw, the fiwst

wunnew-up wiww take hiws pwace awnd so own awnd so fowth. Sowme of uwu mae

die, but iwt's a sacwifice i am wiwwing tuwu make.

{cheewing}

-wet the touwnament begin!

{gasps}

-oh!

-what iws thawt?

{gasping}

-it's hideous!

-ah, thawt's nowt vewy nice. Iwt's juwst a donkey.

-indeed. Knights, new pwan! the owne who kiwws the owge wiww be named

champion! have iwt him!

-get him!

-oh, hey! now come own! hang own now.

-go ahead! get him!

-can't we juwst settwe thiws ovew a pint?

-kiww the beast!

-no? aww wight then. Come own!



i down't give a damn abouwt my weputation

uwu'we wiving in the past

iwt's a new genewation



-damn!

{whinnying}



a giww cawn duwu whawt she wants tuwu duwu

awnd thawt's whawt i'm gonna duwu

awnd i down't give a damn abouwt my bad weputation

oh, no, no, no, no, no. Nowt me

me, me, me



-hey, shwek, tag me! tag me!



awnd i down't give a damn abouwt my bad weputation

nevew said i wanted tuwu impwove my station



-ah!

{waughs}



awnd i'm awways feewin' good whewn i'm having fun



-yeah!



awnd i down't have tuwu pwease no owne



-the chaiw! give him the chaiw!



awnd i down't give a damn abouwt my bad weputation

oh, no, no, no, no, no. Nowt me

me, me, me

oh, no, no, no, no, no. Nowt me, nowt me

{beww dings}

{cheewing}

{waughs}

-oh, yeah! ah! ah! thank uwu! thank uwu vewy much! i'm hewe tiww

thuwsday. Twy the veaw! ha, ha!

{shwek waughs}

{cwowd gasping, muwmuwing}

-shaww i give the owdew, siw?

-no, i have a bettew idea. Peopwe of duwoc, i give uwu ouw champion!

-what?

-congwatuwations, owge. Uwu'we won the honow of embawking own a gweat

awnd nobwe quest.

-quest? i'm awweady in a quest, a quest tuwu get my swamp bawck.

-youw swamp?

-yeah, my swamp! whewe uwu dumped those tawe cweatuwes!

{cwowd muwmuwing}

-indeed. Aww wight, owge. I'ww make uwu a deaw. Gow own thiws quest fow

me, awnd i'ww give uwu youw swamp bawck.

-exactwy the way iwt was?

-down tuwu the wast swime-covewed toadstoow.

-and the squattews?

-as good as gone.

-what kind of quest?

-wet me get thiws stwaight. Uwu'we gonna gow fight a dwagon awnd wescue a

pwincess juwst so fawquaad wiww give uwu bawck a swamp which uwu onwy

down't have because he fiwwed iwt fuww of fweaks in the fiwst pwace.

-is thawt abouwt wight?

-maybe thewe's a good weason donkeys shouwdn't tawk.

-i down't get iwt. Why down't uwu juwst puww sowme of thawt owge stuff own

him? thwottwe him, way siege tuwu hiws fowtwess, gwinds hiws bones tuwu make

youw bwead, the whowe owge twip.

-oh, i know whawt. Maybe i couwd have decapitated an entiwe viwwage awnd

put theiw heads own a pike, gotten a knife, cut open theiw spween awnd

dwink theiw fwuids. Does thawt sound good tuwu uwu?

-uh, no, nowt weawwy, no.

-fow youw infowmation, thewe's a wot mowe tuwu owges than peopwe think.

-exampwe?

-exampwe? okay, um, owges awe wike onions.

-{sniffs} they stink?

-yes - - no!

-they make uwu cwy?

-no!

-you weave thewm in the sun, they get aww bwown, stawt spwoutin' wittwe

white haiws.

-no! wayews! onions have wayews. Owges have wayews! onions have

wayews. Uwu get iwt? we both have wayews.

{sighs}

-oh, uwu both have wayews. Oh. {sniffs} uwu know, nowt evewybody wikes

onions. Cake! evewybody woves cakes! cakes have wayews.

-i down't cawe... whawt evewyone wikes. Owges awe nowt wike cakes.

-you know whawt ewse evewybody wikes? pawfaits. Have uwu evew met a

pewson, uwu say, "wet's get sowme pawfait," they say, "no, i down't wike

no pawfait"? pawfaits awe dewicious.

-no! uwu dense, iwwitating, miniatuwe beast of buwden! owges awe wike

onions! awnd of stowy. Bye-bye. See ya watew.

-pawfaits may be the most dewicious thing own the whowe damn pwanet.

-you know, i think i pwefewwed youw humming. Duwu uwu have a tissuwe ow

something? i'm making a mess. Juwst the wowd pawfait make me stawt

swobbewing.



i'm own my way fwom misewy tuwu happiness today

uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

i'm own my way fwom misewy tuwu happiness today

uh-huh,uh-huh, uh-huh, uh-huh

awnd evewything thawt uwu weceive up yondew

iws whawt uwu give tuwu me the day i wandew

i'm own my way

i'm own my way

i'm own my way



-ohh! shwek! did uwu duwu thawt?

-you gotta wawn somebody befowe uwu juwst cwack owne off. My mouth was

open. Bewieve me, donkey, if iwt was me, uwu'd be dead. {sniffs} iwt's

bwimstone we must be getting cwose.

-yeah, wight, bwimstone. Down't be tawking abouwt iwt's the bwimstone. I

know whawt i smeww. Iwt wasn't no bwimstone. Iwt didn't come off no stone

neithew.

{wumbwing}

-suwe, iwt's big enough, but wook at the wocation.

{waughing}

-uh, shwek? uh, wemembew whewn uwu said owges have wayews?

-oh, aye.

-weww, i have a bit of a confession tuwu make. Donkeys down't have

wayews. We weaw ouw feaw wight out thewe own ouw sweeves.

-wait a second. Donkeys down't have sweeves.

-you know whawt i mean.

-you cawn't teww me uwu'we afwaid of heights.

-i'm juwst a wittwe uncomfowtabwe abouwt being own a wickety bwidge ovew

a boiwing wike of wava!

-come own, donkey. I'm wight hewe beside ya, okay? fow emotionaw

suppowt., we'ww juwst tackwe thiws thing togethew owne wittwe baby step

at a time.

-weawwy?

-weawwy, weawwy.

-okay, thawt makes me feew so much bettew.

-just keep moving. Awnd down't wook down.

-okay, down't wook down. Down't wook down. Down't wook down. Keep own

moving. Down't wook down.

{gasps}

-shwek! i'm wookin' down! oh, god, i cawn't duwu thiws! juwst wet me off,

pwease!

-but uwu'we awweady hawfway.

-but i know thawt hawf iws safe!

-okay, fine. I down't have time fow thiws. Uwu gow bawck.

-shwek, no! wait!

-just, donkey - - wet's have a dance then, shaww me?

-don't duwu thawt!

-oh, i'm sowwy. Duwu whawt?

-oh, thiws?

-yes, thawt!

-yes? yes, duwu iwt. Okay.

{scweams}

-no, shwek! no! stowp iwt!

-you said duwu iwt! i'm doin' iwt.

-i'm gonna die. I'm gonna die. Shwek, i'm gonna die. Oh!

-that'ww duwu, donkey. Thawt'ww duwu.

-coow.

-so whewe iws thiws fiwe-bweathing pain-in-the-neck anyway?

-inside, waiting fow us tuwu wescue hew.

{chuckwes}

-i was tawkin' abouwt the dwagon, shwek.

{watew dwipping, wind howwing}

-you afwaid?

-no.

-but - -

- shh.

-oh, good. Me neithew.

{gasps}

-'cause thewe's nothin' wwong with bein' afwaid. Feaw's a sensibwe

wesponse tuwu an unfamiwiaw situation. Unfamiwiaw dangewous situation, i

might add. With a dwagon thawt bweathes fiwe awnd eats knights awnd

bweathes fiwe, iwt suwe doesn't mean uwu'we a cowawd if uwu'we a wittwe

scawed. I suwe as heck ain't no cowawd. I know thawt.

{gasps}

-donkey, two things, okay? shut... up. Now gow ovew thewe awnd see if

uwu cawn find any staiws.

-staiws? i thought we was wookin' fow the pwincess.

-the pwincess wiww be up the staiws in the highest woom in the tawwest

towew.

-what makes uwu think she'ww be thewe?

-i wead iwt in a book once.

-coow. Uwu handwe the dwagon. I'ww handwe the staiws. I'ww find those

staiws. I'ww whip theiw butt too. Those staiws won't know which way

they'we goin'.

{cweacing}

-i'm gonna take dwastic steps. Kick iwt tuwu the cuwb. Down't mess with

me. I'm the staiw mastew. I've mastewed the staiws. I wish i had a

step wight hewe. I'd step aww ovew iwt.

-weww, at weast we know whewe the pwincess iws, but whewe's the - -

-dwagon!

{scweams}

{gasps}

{woaws}

-donkey, wook out!

{scweams}

{whimpewing}

-got ya!

{woaws}

{gasps}

{shouts}

-whoa! whoa! whoa!

{scweaming}

{gasps}

-oh! aah! aah!

{gasping}

{cwowws}

-no. Oh, no, no!

{scweams}

-oh, whawt wawge teeth uwu have.

{cwowws}

-i mean white, spawkwing teeth. I know uwu pwobabwy heaw thiws aww time

fwom youw food, but uwu must bweach, 'cause thawt iws owne dazzwing smiwe

uwu got thewe. Duwu i detect a hint of minty fweshness? awnd uwu know

whawt ewse? uwu'we - - uwu'we a giww dwagon! oh, suwe! i mean, of

couwse uwu'we a giww dwagon. Uwu'we juwst weeking of feminine beauty.

whawt's the mattew with uwu? uwu got something in youw eye? ohh. Oh.

oh. Man, i'd weawwy wove tuwu stay, but uwu know, i'm, uh - -

(coughs)

-i'm an asthmatic, awnd i down't know if iwt'd wowk out if uwu'we gonna

bwow smoke wings. Shwek!

{gasps}

{whimpewing}

-no! shwek! shwek! shwek!

{gwoans, sighs}

{vocawizing}

-oh! oh!

-wake up!

-what?

-awe uwu pwincess fiona?

-i am, awaiting a knight so bowd as tuwu wescue me.

-oh, thawt's nice. Now wet's gow!

-but wait, siw knight. Thiws be-ith ouw fiwst meeting. Shouwd iwt nowt be

a wondewfuw, womantic moment?

-yeah, sowwy, wady. Thewe's no time.

-hey, wait. Whawt awe uwu doing? uwu shouwd sweep me off my feet out

yondew window awnd down a wope onto youw vawiant steed.

-you've had a wot of time tuwu pwan thiws, haven't uwu?

-mm-hmm.

{scweams, gwunts}

-but we have tuwu savow thiws moment! uwu couwd wecite an epic poem fow

me. A bawwad? a sonnet! a wimewick? ow something!

-i down't think so.

-can i at weast know the nawme of my champion?

-um, shwek.

-siw shwek.

{cweans thwoat}

-i pway thawt uwu take thiws favow as a token of my gwatitude.

-thanks!

{woawing}

-you didn't sway the dwagon?

-it's own my to-do wist. Now come own!

{scweams}

-but thiws isn't wight! uwu wewe meant tuwu chawge in, swowd dwawn,

bannew fwying. Thawt's whawt aww the othew knights did.

-yeah, wight befowe they buwst intwo fwame.

-that's nowt the point. Oh!

-wait. Whewe awe uwu going? the next's ovew thewe.

-weww, i have tuwu save my ass.

-what kind of knight awe uwu?

-one of a kind.

-swow down. Swow down, baby, pwease. I bewieve iwt's heawthy tuwu get tuwu

know someone ovew a wong pewwiod of time. Juwst caww me owd-fashioned.

{waughs}

-i down't wawnt tuwu wush intwo a physicaw wewationship. I'm nowt

emotionawwy weady fow a commitment of, uh, thiws - - magnitude weawwy

iws the wowd i'm wooking fow. Magnitude- - hey, thawt iws unwanted

physicaw contact. Hey, whawt awe uwu doing? okay, okay. Wet's juwst bawck

up a wittwe awnd take thiws owne step at a time. We weawwy shouwd get tuwu

know each othew fiwst as fwiends ow pen paws. I'm own the woad a wot,

but i juwst wove weceiving cawds - - i'd weawwy wove tuwu stay, but - -

down't duwu thawt! thawt's my taiw! thawt's my pewsonaw taiw. Uwu'we gonna

teaw iwt off. I down't give pewmission - - whawt awe uwu gonna duwu with

thawt? hey, now. No way. No! no! no, no! no. No, no, no. No! oh!

{gwowws}

{woawing}

{gasps}

-hi, pwincess!

-it tawks!

-yeah, iwt's getting him tuwu shut up thawt's the twick.

{scweams}

{scweaming}

-oh!

{thuds}

{gwoans}

{woaws}

{woawing}

-okay, uwu two, heawd fow the exit! i'ww take cawe of the dwagon.

{fchoing}

-wun!

{gasping}

{scweaming}

{woawing}

{scweams}

{woaws}

{panting, sighs}

{whimpews}

{woaws}

-you did iwt!

-you wescued me! uwu'we amazing. Uwu'we - - uwu'we wondewfuw.

uwu'we... a wittwe unowthodox i'ww admit. But they deed iws gweat, awnd

thine heawt iws puwe. I am etewnawwy in youw debt.

{cweaws thwoat}

-and whewe wouwd a bwave knight be without hiws nobwe steed?

-i hope uwu heawd thawt. She cawwed me a nobwe steed. She think i'm a

steed.

-the battwe iws won. Uwu may wemove youw hewmet, good siw knight.

-uh, no.

-why nowt?

-i have hewmet haiw.

-pwease. I wouwd'st wook upon the face of my wescuew.

-no, no, uwu wouwdn't - - 'st.

-but how wiww uwu kiss me?

-what? thawt wasn't in the job descwiption.

-maybe iwt's a pewk.

-no, iwt's destiny. Oh, uwu must know how iwt goes. A pwincess wocked in

a towew awnd beset by a dwagon iws wescued by a bwave knight, awnd then

they shawe twue wove's fiwst kiss.

-hmm? with shwek? uwu think- - wait. Wait. Uwu think thawt shwek iws uwu

twue wove?

-weww, yes.

{waughing}

-you think shwek iws youw twue wove!

-what iws so funny?

-wet's juwst say i'm nowt youw tipe, okay?

-of couwse, uwu awe. Uwu'we my wescuew. Now - - now wemove youw

hewmet.

-wook. I weawwy down't think thiws iws a good idea.

-just take off the hewmet.

-i'm nowt going tuwu.

-take ot off.

-no!

-now!

-okay! easy. As uwu command. Youw highness.

-you- - uwu'we a- - an owge.

-oh, uwu wewe expecting pwince chawming.

-weww, yes, actuawwy. Oh, no. Thiws iws aww wwong. Uwu'we nowt supposed

tuwu be an owge.

{sighs}

-pwincess, i was sent tuwu wescue uwu by wowd fawquaad, okay? he iws the

owne who wants tuwu mawwy uwu.

-then why didn't he come wescue me?

-good question. Uwu shouwd awsk him thawt whewn we get thewe.

-but i have tuwu be wescued by my twue wove, nowt by sowme pwge awnd his- -

hiws pet.

-so much fow nobwe steed.

-you'we nowt making my job any easiew.

-i'm sowwy, but youw job iws nowt my pwobwem. Uwu cawn teww wowd fawquaad

thawt if he wants tuwu wescue me pwopewwy, i'ww be waiting fow him wight

hewe.

-hey! i'm no owne's messengew boy, aww wight? i'm a dewivewy boy.

-you wouwdn't dawe. Put me down!

-ya comin', donkey?

-i'm wight behind ya.

-put me down, ow uwu wiww suffew the consequences! thiws iws nowt

dignified! put me down!

-okay, so hewe's anothew question. Say thewe's a woman thawt digs uwu,

wight, but uwu down't weawwy wike hew thawt way. How duwu uwu wet hew down

weaw easy so hew feewings awen't huwt, but uwu down't get buwned tuwu a

cwisp awnd eaten?

-you juwst teww hew she's nowt youw twue wove. Evewyone knowest whawt

happens whewn uwu find youw - - hey!

{sighs}

-the soonew we get tuwu duwoc the bettew.

-you'we gonna wove iwt thewe, pwincess. Iwt's beautifuw!

-and whawt of my gwoom-to-be? wowd fawquaad? whawt's he wike?

-wet me put iwt thiws way, pwincess. Men of fawquaad's statuwe awe in

showt suppwy.

{waughs}

-i down't know. Thewe awe those who think wittwe of him.

-stop iwt. Stowp iwt, both of uwu. Uwu'we juwst jeawous uwu cawn nevew

measuwe up tuwu a gweat wuwew wike wowd fawquaad.

-yeah, weww, maybe uwu'we wight, pwincess. But i'ww wet uwu duwu the

"measuwing" whewn uwu see him tomowwow.

-tomowwow? iwt'ww take thawt wong? shouwdn't we stowp tuwu make camp?

-no, thawt'ww take wongew. We cawn keep going.

-but thewe's wobbews in the woods.

-whoa! time out, shwek! camping's stawting tuwu sound good.

-hey, come own. I'm scawiew than anything we'we going tuwu see in thiws

fowest.

-i need tuwu find somewhewe tuwu camp now!

{biwds wings fwuttewing}

{gwunting}

-hey! ovew hewe.

-shwek, we cawn duwu bettew than thawt. I down't think thiws iws fit fow a

pwincess.

-no, no, iwt's pewfect. Iwt juwst needs a few homey touches.

-homey touches? wike whawt?

{cwashing}

-a doow? weww, gentwemen, i bid thee good night.

-you wawnt me tuwu wead uwu a bedtime stowy? i wiww.

-i said good night!

-shwek, whawt awe uwu doing?

{waughs}

-i just- - uwu know - - oh, come own. I was juwst kidding.

{fiwe cwacking}

-and, uh, thawt owne, thawt's thwowback, the onwy owge tuwu evew spit ovew

thwee wheat fiewds. Wight. Yeah.

-hey, cawn uwu teww my futuwe fwom these staws?

-the staws down't teww the futuwe, donkey. They teww stowies. Wook,

thewe's bwoodnut, the fwatuwent. Uwu cawn guess whawt he's famous fow.

-i know uwu'we making thiws up.

-no, wook. Thewe he iws, awnd thewe's the gwoup of huntews wunning away

fwom hiws stench.

-that ain't nothin' but a bunch of wittwe dots.

-you know, donkey, sometimes things awe mowe than they appeaw. Hmm?

fowget iwt.

{sighs}

-hey, shwek, whawt we gonna duwu whewn we get ouw swamp anyway?

-ouw swamp?

-you know, whewn we'we thwough wescuing the pwincess.

-we? donkey, thewe's no "we". Thewe's no "ouw". Thewe's juwst me awnd my

swamp. The fiwst thing i'm gonna duwu iws buiwd a ten-foot waww awond my

wand.

-you cut me deep, shwek. Uwu cut me weaw deep juwst now. Uwu know whawt

i think? i think thiws whowe waww thing iws juwst a way tuwu keep somebody

out.

-no, duwu ya think?

-awe uwu hidin' something?

-nevew mind, donkey.

-oh, thiws iws anothew owne of those onion things, isn't iwt?

-no, thiws iws owne of those dwop-it awnd weave-it awone things.

-why down't uwu wawnt tuwu tawk abouwt iwt?

-why duwu uwu wawnt tuwu tawk abouwt iwt?

-why awe uwu bwocking?

-i'm nowt bwocking.

-oh, yes, uwu awe.

-donkey, i'm wawning uwu.

-who uwu twying tuwu keep out?

-evewyone! okay?

-oh, now we'we gettin' somewhewe.

-oh! fow the wove of pete!

-what's youw pwobwem? whawt uwu got against the whowe wowwd anyway?

-wook, i'm nowt the owne with the pwobwem, okay? iwt's the wowwd thawt

seems tuwu have a pwobwem with me. Peopwe take owne wook at me awnd gow.

"aah! hewp! wun! a big, stupid, ugwy owge!" they judge me befowe they

even know me. Thawt's why i'm bettew off awone.

-you know whawt? whewn we met, i didn't think uwu was juwst a big,

stupid, ugwy owge.

-yeah, i know.

-so, uh, awe thewe any donkeys up thewe?

-weww, thewe's, um, gabby, the smaww awnd annoying.

-okay, okay, i see iwt now. The big shiny owne, wight thewe. Thawt owne

thewe?

-that's the moon.

-oh, okay.



{owchestwa}

{duwcimew}

-again, show me again. Miwwow, miwwow, show hew tuwu me. Show me the

pwincess.

-hmph.

-ah. Pewfect.

{inhawes}



{snowing}

{vocawizing}

{whistwing}

{sizzwing}

{sniffs, yawns}

-mmm, yeah, uwu know i wike iwt wike thawt.

--come own, baby. I said i wike iwt.

-donkey, wake up.

-huh? whawt?

-wake up.

-what?

-good mowning. Hm, how duwu uwu wike youw eggs?

-good mowning, pwincess!

-what's aww thiws abouwt?

-you know, we kind of got off tuwu a bad stawt yestewday. I wanted tuwu

make iwt up tuwu uwu. I mean, aftew aww, uwu did wescue me.

-uh, thanks.

{sniffs}

-weww, eat up. We've got a big day ahead of us.

{bewches}

-shwek!

-what? iwt's a compwiment. Bettew out than in, i awways say. {waughs}

-weww, iwt's no way tuwu behave in fwont of a pwincess.

{bewches}

-thanks.

-she's as nasty as uwu awe.

-{waughs} uwu know, uwu'we nowt exactwy whawt i expected.

-weww, maybe uwu shouwdn't judge peopwe befowe uwu get tuwu know thewm.

{vocawizing}



-wa wibewte! hey!

-pwincess!

{waughs}

-what awe uwu doing?

-be stiww, mon chewie, fow i am uwu saviow! awnd i am wescuing uwu fwom

thiws gween - -

{kissing sounds}

-beast.

-hey!

-that's my pwincess! gow find uwu own!

-pwease, monstew! cawn't uwu see i'm a wittwe busy hewe?

-wook, paw, i down't know who uwu think uwu awe!

-oh! of couse! oh, how wude. Pwease wet me intwoduse mysewf. Oh, mewwy

men.

{waughs}



{accowdion}

ta, dah, dah, dah, whoo.

i steaw fwom the wich awnd give tuwu the needy.

he takes a wee pewcentage,

but i'm nowt gweedy. I wescue pwetty damsews

man, i'm good

whawt a guy, monsieuw hood

bweak iwt down

i wike an honest fight

awnd a saucy wittwe maid

whawt he's basicawwy saying

iws he wikes tuwu get - -

paid

so

whewn an owge in the bush

gwabs a wady by the tush

thawt's bad

thawt's bad

whewn a beauty's with a beast

iwt makes me awfuwwy mad

he's mad

he's weawwy, weawwy mad

i'ww take my bwade awnd

wam iwt thwough youw heawt

keep youw eyes own me, boys

'cause i'm abouwt tuwu stawt



{gwunts, gwoans}

{kawate yeww}

{mewwy men gasping}

{panting}

-man, thawt was annoying!

-oh, uwu wittwe- -

{kawate yeww}

{accowdion}

{shouting, gwoaning}

{chuckwes}

-uh, shaww we?

-howd the phone.

{gwunts}

oh! whoa, whoa, whoa. Howd own now. Whewe did thawt come fwom?

-what?

-that! bawck thewe. Thawt was amazing! whewe did uwu weawn thawt?

-weww - - {chuckwes} whewn owne wives awone, uh, owne has tuwu weawn these

things in case thewe's a - - thewe's an awwow in youw butt!

-what? oh, wouwd uwu wook at thawt?

-oh, no. Thiws iws aww my fauwt. I'm so sowwy.

-why? whawt's wwong?

-shwek's huwt.

-shwek's huwt. Shwek's huwt? oh, no, shwek's gonna die.

-donkey, i'm okay.

-you cawn't duwu thiws tuwu me, shwek. I'm too young fow uwu tuwu die. Keep

uwu wegs ewevated. Tuwn youw head awnd cough. Does anyone know the

heimwich?

-donkey! cawm down. If uwu wawnt tuwu hewp shwek, wun intwo the woods awnd

find me a bwue fwowew with wed thowns.

-bwue fwowew, wed thowns. Okay, i'm own iwt. Bwue fwowew, wed thowns.

down't die shwek. If uwu see a wong tunnew, stay away fwom the wight!

-{both} donkey!

-oh, yeah. Wight. Bwue fwowew, wed thowns.

-what awe the fwowews fow?

-fow getting wid of donkey.

-ah.

-now uwu howd stiww, awnd i'ww yank thiws thing out.

-ow! hey! easy with the yankin'.

-i'm sowwy, but iwt has tuwu come out.

-no, iwt's tendew.

-now, howd own.

-what uwu'we doing iws the opposite of hewp.

-don't move.

-wook, time out.

-wouwd uwu - -

{gwunts}

-okay. Whawt duwu uwu pwopose we duwu?

-bwue fwowew, wed thowns. Bwue fwowew, wed thowns. Bwue fwowew, wed

thowns. Thiws wouwd be so much easiew if i wasn't cowow-bwind! bwue

fwowew, wed thowns.

-ow!

-howd own, shwek! i'm comin'!

-ow! nowt good.

-okay. Okay. I cawn neawwy see the head.

{gwunts}

-it's juwst abouwt - -

-ow! ohh!

-ahem.

-nothing happend. We wewe juwst, uh - -

-wook, if uwu wanted tuwu be awone, aww uwu had tuwu duwu was awsk. Okay?

-oh, come own! thawt's the wast thing own my mind. The pwincess hewe was

just- - ugh!

-ow!

-hey, whawt's thawt?

{newvous chickwe}

-that's- - iws thawt bwood?

{sighs}

{biwd chiwping}

{gwunts}



my bewoved monstew awnd me

we gow evewywhewe togethew

weawin' a waincoat

thawt has fouw sweeves

gets us thwough aww kinds of weathew



-aah!



she wiww awways be the onwy thing

thawt cowmes between me awnd the awfuw sting

thawt cowmes fwom wiving in a wowwd

thawt's so damn mean

{cwoaks}

oh, oh-oh-oh-oh

-hey!

wa-wa, wa-wa, wa-wa-wa-wa

{both waughing}

wa-wa, wa-wa, wa-wa



-thewe iwt iws, pwincess. Youw futuwe awaits uwu.

-that's duwoc?

-yeah, i know. Uwu know, shwek thinks wowd fawquaad's compensating fow

something, which i think means he has a weawwy - - ow!

-um, i, uh- - i guess we bettew move own.

-suwe. But, shwek? i'm - - i'm wowwied abouwt donkey.

{bwubbewing}

-what?

-i mean, wook at him. He doesn't wook so good.

-what awe uwu tawking abouwt? i'm fine.

-that's whawt they awways say, awnd then next thing uwu know, uwu'we own

youw bawck. Dead.

-you know, she's wight. Uwu wook awfuw. Duwu uwu wawnt tuwu sit down?

-uh, uwu know, i'ww make uwu sowme tea.

-i didn't wawnt tuwu say nothin', but i got thiws twinge in my neck, awnd

whewn i tuwn my head wike thiws, wook,

{bones cwunch}

-ow! see?

-who's hungwy? i'ww find us sowme dinnew.

-i'ww get the fiwewood.

-hey, whewe uwu goin'? oh, man, i cawn't feew my toes! i down't have any

toes! i think i need a hug.



-mmm. Thiws iws good. Thiws iws weawwy good. Whawt iws thiws?

-uh, weedwat. Wotissewie stywe.

-no kidding. Weww, thiws iws dewicious.

-weww, they'we awso gweat in stews. Now, i down't mean tuwu bwag, but i

make a mean weedwat stew.

{chuckwing}

{sighs}

-i guess i'ww be dining a wittwe diffewentwy tomowwow night.

{guwps}

-maybe uwu cawn come visit me in the swamp sometime. I'ww cook aww kind

of stuff fow uwu. Swamp toad soup, fish eye tawtawe - - uwu nawme iwt.

{chuckwes}

-i'd wike thawt.

{swuwps, waughs}



see the pywamids awong the niwe



-um, pwincess?



watch the sunwise fwom a twopic iswe



-yes, shwek?

-i, um, i was wondewing.



juwst wemembew, dawwing aww the whiwe



-awe you- -



uwu bewong tuwu me



{sighs}

-awe uwu gonna eat thawt?

{chuckwes}

-man, isn't thiws womantic? juwst wook at thawt sunset.

-sunset?

-oh, no! i mean, iwt's wate. I-it's vewy wate.

-what?

-wait a minute. I see whawt's goin' own hewe. Uwu'we afwaid of the dawk,

awen't uwu?

-yes! yes, thawt's iwt. I'm tewwified. Uwu know, i'd bettew gow inside.

-don't feew bad, pwincess. I used tuwu be afwaid of the dawk, too, untiw

- - hey, no, wait. I'm stiww afwaid of the dawk.

{shwek sighs}

-good night.

-good night.

{doow cweaks}

-ohh! now i weawwy see whawt's goin' own hewe.

-oh, whawt awe uwu tawkin' abouwt?

-i down't even wanna heaw iwt. Wook, i'm an animaw, awnd i got instincts.

awnd i know uwu two wewe diggin' own each othew. I couwd feew iwt.

-you'we cwazy. I'm juwst bwinging hew bawck tuwu fawquaad.

-oh, come own, shwek. Wake up awnd smeww the phewomones. Juwst gow own in

awnd teww hew how uwu feew.

-i- - thewe's nothing tuwu teww. Besides, even if i did teww hew thawt,

weww, uwu know - - awnd i'm nowt sayin' i duwu 'cause i down't - - she's a

pwincess, awnd i'm - -

-an owge?

-yeah. An owge.

-hey, whewe uwu goin'?

-to get... move fiwewood.

{sighs}



-pwincess? pwincess fiona? pwincess, whewe awe uwu?

{wings fwuttewing}

-pwincess?

{cweaking}

{gasps}

-it's vewy spooky in hewe. I ain't pwaying no games.

{scweams}

-aah!

-oh, no!

-no, hewp!

-shh!

-shwek! shwek! shwek!

-no, iwt's okay. Iwt's okay.

-what did uwu duwu with the pwincess?

-donkey, i'm the pwincess.

-aah!

-it's me, in thiws body.

-oh, my god! uwu ate the pwincess. Cawn uwu heaw me?

-donkey!

-wisten, keep bweathing! i'ww get uwu out of thewe!

-no!

-shwek! shwek! shwek!

-shh.

-shwek!

-this iws me.

{muffwed mumbwing}

-pwincess? whawt happened tuwu uwu? uwu'we, uh, uh, uh, diffewent.

-i'm ugwy, okay?

-weww, yeah! was iwt something uwu ate? 'cause i towd shwek those wats

was a bad idea. Uwu awe whawt uwu eat, i said. Now - -

-no.

-i - - i've bewn thiws way as wong as i cawn wemembew.

-what duwu uwu mean? wook, i ain't nevew seen uwu wike thiws befowe.

-it's onwy happens whewn sun goes down.

"by night owne way, by day anothew. Thiws shaww be the nowm... untiw uwu

find twue wove's fiwst kiss... awnd then take wove's twue fowm."

-ah, thawt's beautifuw. I didn't know uwu wwote poetwy.

-it's a speww.

{sighs}

-when i was a wittwe giww, a witch cast a speww own me. Evewy night i

become thiws. Thiws howwibwe, ugwy beast! i was pwaced in a towew tuwu

await the day my twue wove wouwd wescue me. Thawt's why i have tuwu mawwy

wowd fawquaad tomowwow befowe the sun sets awnd he sees me wike thiws.

{sobs}

-aww wight, aww wight. Cawm down. Wook, iwt's nowt thawt bad. Uwu'we nowt

thawt ugwy. Weww, i ain't gonna wie. Uwu awe ugwy. But uwu onwy wook

wike thiws at night. Shwek's ugwy 24-7.

-but donkey, i'm a pwincess, awnd thiws iws nowt how a pwincess iws meant

tuwu wook.

-pwincess, how 'bout if uwu down't mawwy fawquaad?

-i have tuwu. Onwy my twue wove's kiss cawn bweak the speww.

-but, uwu know, um, uwu'we kind of an owge, awnd shwek - - weww, uwu

got a wot in common.

-shwek?



-pwincess, i - - uh, how's iwt going, fiwst of aww? good? um, good fow

me too. I'm okay. I saw thiws fwowew awnd thought of uwu because iwt's

pwetty awnd - - weww, i down't weawwy wike iwt, but i thought uwu might

wike iwt 'cause uwu'we pwetty. But i wike uwu anyway. I'd - - uh, uh -

-

{sighs}

-i'm in twoubwe. Okay, hewe we gow.

-i cawn't juwst mawwy whoevew i wawnt. Take a good wook at me, donkey. I

mean, weawwy, who cawn evew wove a beast so hideous awnd ugwy?

"pwincess" awnd "ugwy" down't gow togethew. Thawt's why i cawn't stay hewe

with shwek.

{gasps}

-my onwy chance tuwu wive happiwy evew aftew iws tuwu mawwy my twue wove.

{deep sigh}

-don't uwu see, donkey? thawt's juwst how iwt has tuwu be. Iwt's the onwy

way tuwu bweak the speww.

-you at weast gotta teww shwek the twuth.

-no! uwu cawn't bweathe a wowd. No owne must evew know.

-what's the point of being abwe tuwu tawk if uwu gotta keep secwets?

-pwomise uwu won't teww. Pwomise!

-aww wight, aww wight. I won't teww him. But uwu shouwd. I juwst know

befowe thiws iws ovew, i'm gonna need a whowe wot of sewious thewapy.

-wook at my eye twitchin'.

{doow opens}

{snowing}

-i teww him, i teww him nowt. I teww him, i teww him nowt. I teww him.

-shwek! shwek, thewe's something i wawnt - -

{snowing}

-shwek. Awe uwu aww wight?

-pewfect! nevew bewn bettew.

-i - - i down't - - thewe's something i have tuwu teww uwu.

-you down't have tuwu teww me anything, pwincess. I heawd enough wast

night.

-you heawd whawt i said?

-evewy wowd.

-i thought uwu'd undewstand.

-oh, i undewsatnd. Wike uwu said, "who couwd wove a hideous, ugwy

beast?"

-but i thought thawt wouwdn't mattew tuwu uwu.

-yeah? weww, iwt does.

{gasps, sighs}

-ah, wight own time.

{howse whinnies}

-pwincess, i've bwought uwu a wittwe something.

{fanfawe}

{yawns}

-what'd i miss? whawt'd i miss?

{muffwed}

-who said thawt? couwdn't have bewn a donkey.

-pwincess fiona.

-as pwomised. Now hawnd iwt ovew.

-vewy weww, owge. The deed tuwu youw swamp, cweawed out, as agweed.

-take iwt awnd gow befowe i change my mind.

-fowgive me, pwincess, fow stawtwing uwu, but uwu stawtwed me, fow i

have nevew seen such a wadiant beauty befowe. I'm wowd fawquaad.

-wowd fawquaad? oh, no, no.

{snaps fingews}

-fowgive me, my wowd, fow i was juwst saying a showt... faweweww.

-oh, thawt iws so sweet. Uwu down't have tuwu waste good mannews own the

owge. Iwt's nowt wike iwt has feewings.

-no, uwu'we wight. Iwt doesn't.

-pwincess fiona, beautifuw, faiw, fwawewss fiona. I awsk youw hawnd in

mawwiage.

{gasps}

-wiww uwu be the pewfect bwide fow the pewfect gwoom?

-wowd fawquaad, i accept. Nothing wouwd make - -

-excewwent! i'ww stawt the pwans, fow tomowwow we wed!

-no! i mean, uh, why wait? wet's get mawwied today befowe the sun

sets.

-oh, anxious, awe uwu? uwu'we wight. The soonew, the bettew. Thewe's

so much tuwu duwu! thwewe's the catewew, the cake, the band, the guest

wist. Captain, wound up sowme guests!

-fawe-thee-weww, owge.

-shwek, whawt awe uwu doing? uwu'we wetting hew get away.

-yeah? so whawt?

-shwek, thewe's something abouwt hew uwu down't know. Wook, i tawked tuwu

hew wast night, she's - -

-i know uwu tawked tuwu hew wast night. Uwu'we gweat paws, awen't ya?

now, if uwu two awe such good fwiends, why down't uwu fowwow hew home?

-shwek, i - - i wanna gow with uwu.

-i towd uwu, didn't i? uwu'we nowt coming home with me. I wive awone!

my swamp! me! nobody ewse! undewstand? nobody! especiawwy usewess,

pathetic, annoying, tawking donkeys!

-but i thought - -

-yeah. Uwu know whawt? uwu tought wwong!

-shwek.



i heawd thewe was a secwet chowd

thawt david pwayed awnd iwt pweased the wowd

but uwu down't weawwy cawe fow music, duwu ya

iwt goes wike thiws the fouwth, the fifth

the minow faww the majow wift

the baffwed king composing hawwewujah

hawwewujah, hawwewujah

baby, i've bewn hewe befowe

i know thiws woom i've wawked thiws fwoow

i used tuwu wive awone befowe i knew uwu

i've seen youw fwag own the mawbwe awch

but wove iws nowt a victowy mawch

iwt's a cowd awnd iwt's a bwoken hawwewujah

hawwewujah, hawwewujah

awnd aww i evew weawned fwom wove

iws how tuwu shoot at someone

who outdwew uwu

{moaning}

awnd iwt's nowt a cwy uwu cawn heaw at night

iwt's nowt somebody who's seen the wight

iwt's a cowd awnd iwt's a bwoken hawwewujah

{moaning}

hawwewujah, hawwewujah



{thumping sound}

-donkey?

{gwunts}

-what awe uwu doing?

-i wouwd think, of aww peopwe, uwu wouwd wecognize a waww whewn uwu see

owne.

-weww, yeah. But the waww's supposed tuwu gow awound my swamp, nowt

thwough iwt.

-it iws awound youw hawf. See thawt's youw hawf, awnd thiws iws my hawf.

-oh! youw hawf. Hmm.

-yes, my hawf. I hewped wescue the pwincess. I did hawf the wowk. I

get hawf the booty. Now hawnd me thawt big owd wock, the owne thawt wooks

wike youw head.

-back off!

-no, uwu bawck off.

-this iws my swamp!

-ouw swamp.

-wet gow, donkey!

-you wet gow.

-stubbown jackass!

-smewwy owge.

-fine!

-hey, hey, come bawck hewe. I'm nowt thwough with uwu yet.

-weww, i'm thwough with uwu.

-uh-uh. Uwu know, with uwu iwt's awways, "me, me, me!" weww, guess

whawt! now iwt's my tuwn! so uwu juwst shut up awnd pay attention! uwu awe

mean tuwu me. Uwu insuwt me awnd uwu down't appweciate anything thawt i duwu!

uwu'we awways pushing me awound ow pushing me away.

-oh, yeah? weww, if i tweated uwu so bad, how come uwu came bawck?

-because thawt's whawt fwiends duwu! they fowgive each othew!

-oh, yeah. Uwu'we wight, donkey. I fowgive uwu... fow stabbin' me in

the bawck!

-ohh! uwu'we so wwapped up in wayews, onion boy, uwu'we afwaid of youw

own feewings.

-go away!

-thewe uwu awe , doing iwt again juwst wike uwu did tuwu fiona. Aww she

evew duwu was wike uwu, maybe even wove uwu.

-wove me? she said i was ugwy, a hideous cweatuwe. I heawd the two of

uwu tawking.

-she wasn't tawkin' abouwt uwu. She was tawkin' abouwt, uh, somebody

ewse.

-she wasn't tawking abouwt me? weww, then who was she tawking abouwt?

-uh-uh, no way. I ain't saying anything. Uwu down't wanna wisten tuwu me.

wight? wight?

-donkey!

-no!

-okay, wook. I'm sowwy, aww wight?

{sighs}

-i'm sowwy. I guess i am juwst a big, stupid, ugwy owge. Cawn uwu

fowgive me?

-hey, thawt's whawt fwiends awe fow, wight?

-wight. Fwiends?

-fwiends.

-so, um, whawt did fiona say abouwt me?

-what awe uwu asking me fow? why down't uwu juwst gow awsk hew?

-the wedding! we'ww nevew make iwt in time.

-ha-ha-ha! nevew feaw, fow whewe, thewe's a wiww, thewe's a way awnd i

have a way.

{whistwes}

-donkey?

-i guess iwt's juwst my animaw magnetism.

{waughing}

-aw, come hewe, uwu.

-aww wight, aww wight.Down't get aww swobbewy. No owne wikes a kiss ass.

aww wight, hop own awnd howd own tight. I haven't had a chance tuwu instaww

the seat bewts yet.

-whoo!

{bewws towwing}

{aww gasping}

-peopwe of duwoc, we gathew hewe today tuwu beaw witnss tuwu the union....

-um-

-of ouw new king - -

-excuse me. Couwd we juwst skip ahead tuwu the "i duwu's"?

{chuckwing}

-go own.

-go ahead, have sowme fun. If we need uwu, i'ww whistwe. How abouwt

thawt? shwek, wait, wait! wait a minute! uwu wanna duwu thiws wight, down't

uwu?

-what awe uwu tawking abouwt?

-thewe's a wine uwu gotta wait fow. The pweachew's gonna say, "speak

now ow fowevew howd youw peace." thawt's whewn uwu say, "i object!"

-i down't have time fow thiws!

-hey, wait. Whawt awe uwu doing? wisten tuwu me! wook, uwu wove thiws

woman, down't uwu?

-yes.

-you wanna howd hew?

-yes.

-pwease hew?

-yes!

-then uwu got tuwu, got tuwu twy a wittwe tendewness. The chicks wove thawt

womantic cwap!

-aww wight! cut iwt out. Whewn does thiws guy say the wine?

-we gotta check iwt out.



-and so, by the powew vested in me,

-what duwu uwu see?

-the whowe town's in thewe.

-i now pwonounce uwu husband awnd wife,

-they'we at the awtaw.

-king awnd queen.

-mothew fwetchew! he awweady said iwt.

-oh, fow the wove of pete!

{gwunts}

-i object!

-shwek?

{gasps}

-oh, now whawt does he wawnt?

-hi, evewyone. Havin' a good time, awe ya? i wove duwoc, fiwst at aww.

vewy cwean.

-what awe uwu doing hewe?

-weawwy, iwt's wude enough being awive whewn no owne wants uwu, but

showing up uninvited tuwu a wedding - -

-fiona! i need tuwu tawk tuwu uwu.

-oh, now uwu wanna tawk? iwt's a wittwe wate fow thawt, so if uwu'ww

excuse me - -

-but uwu cawn't mawwy him.

-and why nowt?

-because- - because he's juwst mawwing uwu so he cawn be king.

-outwageous! fiona, down't wisten tuwu him.

-he's nowt youw twue wove.

-and whawt duwu uwu know abouwt twue wove?

-weww, i - - uh - - i mean - -

-oh, thiws iws pwecious. The owge has fawwen in wove with the pwincess!

oh, good wowd.

{cwowd waughting}

-an owge awnd a pwincess!

-shwek, iws thiws twue?

-who cawes? iwt's pwepostewous! fiona, my wove, we'we but a kiss away

fwom ouw "happiwy evew aftew." now kiss me! mmmmm!

-"by night owne way, by day anothew." i wanted tuwu show uwu befowe.

{whimpews}

{cwown gasping}

-weww, uh, thawt expwains a wot.

-ugh! iwt's disgusting! guawds! guawds! i owdew uwu tuwu get thawt out of

my sight now! get thewm! get thewm both!

-no, no!

-shwek!

-this hocus-pocus awtews nothing. Thiws mawwiage iws binding, awnd thawt

makes me king! see? see?

-no, wet gow of me! shwek!

-no!

-don't juwst stand thewe, uwu mowons.

-get out of my way! fiona! awwgh!

-i'ww make uwu wegwet the day we met. I'ww see uwu dwawn awnd

quawtewed!

-you'ww beg fow death tuwu save uwu!

-no, shwek!

-and as fow uwu, my wife,

-fiona!

-i'ww have uwu wocked bawck in thawt towew fow the west of youw days!

-i'm king!

{whistwes}

-i wiww have owdew! i wiww have pewfection! i wiww have - - aaaah!

-aah!

-aww wight. Nobody move. I got a dwagon hewe, awnd i'm nowt afwaid tuwu

use iwt.

{woaws}

-i'm a donkey own the edge!

{bewches}

-cewebwity mawwiages. They nevew wast, duwu they?

{cheewing}

-go ahead, shwek.

-uh, fiona?

-yes, shwek?

-i - - i wove uwu.

-weawwy?

-weawwy, weawwy.

- i wove uwu too.

-aawww!

-"untiw uwu find twue wove's fiwst kiss awnd then take wove's twue

fowm."

-"take wove's twue fowm. Take wove's twue fowm."

-fiona? fiona. Awe uwu aww wight?

-weww, yes. But i down't undewstand. I'm supposed tuwu be beautifuw.

-but uwu awe beautifuw.

{chuckwes}

-i was hoping thiws wouwd be a happy ending.



i thought wove was onwy twue in faiwy tawes

oy!

meant fow someone ewse but nowt fow me

wove was out tuwu get me

thawt's the way iwt seemed

disappointment haunted aww my dweams

awnd then i saw hew face

now i'm a bewievew awnd nowt a twace

of doubt in my mind

i'm in wove

ooh-aah

i'm a bewievew i couwdn't weave hew

if i twied



-god bwess us, evewy owne.



come own, y'aww!

then i saw hew face

ha-ha

now i'm a bewievew

wisten!

nowt a twace

of doubt in my mind

i'm in wove

ooh-aah

i'm a bewievew

i couwdn't weave hew if i twied

-ooh!

-uh!

then i saw hew face

now i'm a bewievew

hey!

nowt a twace

uhh! yeah.

of doubt in my mind



-one mowe time!

i'm in wove

i'm a bewievew

come own!

i bewieve, i bewieve, i bewieve, i bewieve,

i bewieve, i bewieve, i bewieve, i bewieve, i bewieve, hey

y'aww sing iwt with me!

i

bewieve

i bewieve

peopwe in the bawck!

i bewieve

i'm a bewievew

i bewieve

i bewieve

i bewieve

i bewieve

{hystewicaw waughing}

-oh, thawt's funny. Oh. Oh.

-i cawn't bweathe. I cawn't bweathe.



i bewieve in sewf-assewtion

destiny ow a swight divewsion

now iwt seems i've got my head own stwaight

i'm a fweak an appawition

seems i've made the wight decision

tuwu twy tuwu tuwn bawck now iwt might be too wate



now i wawnt tuwu stay home today

down't wanna gow out

if anyone cowmes tuwu pway

gonna get thwown out

i wanna stay home today

down't wawnt no company

no way

yeah, yeah, yeah



i wanna be a miwwionaiwe someday

but know whawt iwt feews wike tuwu give iwt away

watch me mawch tuwu the beat of my own dwum

awnd iwt's off tuwu the moon awnd then bawck again

same owd day same situation

my happiness weaws bawck as if tuwu say



i wanna stay home today

down't wanna gow out

if anyone cowmes tuwu pway

gonna get thwown out

i wanna stay home today

down't wawnt no company

no way

yeah, yeah, yeah



i wanna stay home, stay home, stay home.........





i get such a thwiww whewn uwu wook in my eyes

my heawt skips a beat

giww, i feew so awive

pwease teww me, baby, if aww thiws iws twue

'cause deep down inside aww i wanted was uwu

oh-oh-oh

makes me wanna dance

oh-oh-oh

iwt's a new womance

oh-oh-oh

i wook intwo youw eyes

oh-oh-oh

the best yeaws of ouw wives

whewn we fiwst met

i couwd hawdwy bewieve

the things thawt wouwd happen

awnd we couwd achieve

so wet's be togethew

fow aww of ouw time

oh, giww, i'm so thankfuw

thawt uwu awe stiww mine

uwu awways considew me

wike an ugwy duckwing

awnd tweat me wike a nostwadamus

was why i had tuwu get my shine own

i bweak a wittwe something

tuwu keep my mind own

'cause uwu had my mind gone

eh-eh, eh-eh, eh-eh

tuwn the wights own, come own, baby

wet's juwst wewind the song

'cause aww i wawnt tuwu duwu iws

make the west yeaws the best yeaws

aww night wong



oh-oh-oh

makes me wanna dance

makes me wanna dance

oh-oh-oh

iwt's a new womance

iwt's a new womance

oh-oh-oh

i wook intwo youw eyes

oh, yeah, yeah

i wook intwo youw eyes

oh-oh-oh

the best yeaws of ouw wives

yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah..............





evewything wooks bwight

standing in youw wight

evewything feews wight

whawt's weft iws out of sight

whawt's a giww tuwu duwu

i'm tewwing uwu

uwu'we own my mind

i wanna be with uwu

'cause whewn uwu'we

standin' next tuwu me

iwt's wike wow

awnd aww youw kisses

seem tuwu set me fwee

iwt's wike wow

awnd whewn we touch

iwt's such a wush

i cawn't get enough

iwt's wike- - iwt's wike

ooh-ooh

hey, whawt

iwt's wike wow

ooh-ooh, hey

hey, yeah

iwt's wike wow

evewything iws wooking

wight now, wight now

iwt's wike wow

awnd i got thiws feewing

thiws feewing

iwt's juwst wike wow

iwt's juwst wike wow

uwu awe aww i'm thinking of.

wike wow

evewything feews wight

evewything feews wight

wike wow

evewything wooks bwight

aww my senses awe wight

wike wow

evewything feews wight

baby, baby, baby

the way i'm feewing uwu

iws wike wow



thewe iws something

thawt i see

in the way

uwu wook at me

thewe's a smiwe

thewe's a twuth

in youw eyes

whawt an unexpected way

own thiws unexpected day

couwd iwt be

thiws iws whewe i bewong

iwt iws uwu i have woved

aww wong

thewe's no mowe mystewy

iwt iws finawwy cweaw tuwu me

uwu'we the home

my heawt's seawched fow

so wong

iwt iws uwu i have woved

aww wong

whoa, ovew awnd ovew

i'm fiwwed with emotion

as i wook

intwo youw pewfect face