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You do not have permission to copy or ''take inspiration'' (of/from) this story. You may be motivated or partially inspired... please ask me for more detail if confused or curious. Thank you so much!
A few changes were made in comparison to the original (published on my Skindex account).
CONSTRUCTIVE feedback/criticism is welcome & appreciated...Keep in mind, everyone has their own UNIQUE style of writing and explaining/describing, thank you. :)
Prologue
Rahthea strode down the paths twisting through fields of wheat and barley, her mother's voice ringing in her head, "My dear girl, there's no need to worry. War is ceasing our country and putting our capital to ruin, but our little home is far from close to the capital. In fact, Thea, we live at the northwestern border of Stenthios, we're quite safe here...-"
"Rahthea, what are you doing out at this hour?" A voice broke her out of thought, Rahthea looked over, "Oh, it's just you, Ara," she said with a sigh of relief.
"You should be with mother and father right about now," Ara said.
Rahthea crossed her arms over her chest, "so explain to me why you're here at this hour, then. Hm?"
"I'm tending to the fields! And gathering wheat and barley for mother, she said we needed some more."
"So that's your excuse to being out this late? Hmph, I'm sure father won't be happy - His son being out after dark...you're not even 16 yet!"
"Well, neither are you, Rathie!"
Silence. The two let out a sigh, and soon after began their way home. Rahthea gazed up at the night sky, small glittery white lights and a beautiful, big moon - it was magical. Ara looked up, too, the light of the full moon shining on his face.
They arrived home, Rahthea shutting the door behind her and Ara. "We're home, mother, father!" she said, "Ara brought home the wheat and barley you asked for."
"Wonderful, thank you!" her mother yelled, "I'll be sure to tell your father to bake us some fresh bread, and maybe even pie!" she said, walking into the room both Rahthea and Ara were in. "I'm glad you both got home safely, but it's getting late. Go get some sleep, you two."
"Alright, mother," Ara said, heading to his room. Rathea followed, stopping before her door, "very well, mother," she said before entering and shutting the door behind her.
"Rahthea, what are you doing out at this hour?" A voice broke her out of thought, Rahthea looked over, "Oh, it's just you, Ara," she said with a sigh of relief.
"You should be with mother and father right about now," Ara said.
Rahthea crossed her arms over her chest, "so explain to me why you're here at this hour, then. Hm?"
"I'm tending to the fields! And gathering wheat and barley for mother, she said we needed some more."
"So that's your excuse to being out this late? Hmph, I'm sure father won't be happy - His son being out after dark...you're not even 16 yet!"
"Well, neither are you, Rathie!"
Silence. The two let out a sigh, and soon after began their way home. Rahthea gazed up at the night sky, small glittery white lights and a beautiful, big moon - it was magical. Ara looked up, too, the light of the full moon shining on his face.
They arrived home, Rahthea shutting the door behind her and Ara. "We're home, mother, father!" she said, "Ara brought home the wheat and barley you asked for."
"Wonderful, thank you!" her mother yelled, "I'll be sure to tell your father to bake us some fresh bread, and maybe even pie!" she said, walking into the room both Rahthea and Ara were in. "I'm glad you both got home safely, but it's getting late. Go get some sleep, you two."
"Alright, mother," Ara said, heading to his room. Rathea followed, stopping before her door, "very well, mother," she said before entering and shutting the door behind her.
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2 Update Logs
Update #2 : by FireBellFairy 01/23/2020 11:27:29 amJan 23rd, 2020
Added sentence.
"CONSTRUCTIVE feedback/criticism is welcome & appreciated...Keep in mind, everyone has their own UNIQUE style of writing and explaining/describing, thank you. :)"
"CONSTRUCTIVE feedback/criticism is welcome & appreciated...Keep in mind, everyone has their own UNIQUE style of writing and explaining/describing, thank you. :)"
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The dialogue is a bit unnatural though. When we talk, we generally aren't trying to make it look good on paper, we're just trying to convey an idea. The grammar doesn't have to be perfect.
For example:
"Rahthea, what are you doing out at this hour?" A voice broke her out of thought, Rahthea looked over, "Oh, it's just you, Ara," she said with a sigh of relief.
Could be phrased more along the lines of:
"Rathea!" She jumped when she heard her name. "What are you doing here? It's almost dark out."
"Oh, it's you. I was just gathering some barley, mother said she needed more for dinner tonight. What's your excuse Ara?"
Just a suggestion. :)
In case you're interested, there's this YouTube channel I watch called Ellen Brock. She has a lot of really helpful advice for writers.
Also you should let the gender of a character be known when they're first introduced, doing something simple as, "Ara said, as he rolled his eyes."
I wasn't aware that Ara was male till it said 'to his room' hah. Otherwise it's great!!
(Also be sure to study books you read and note the way the authors write and lay things down)
Another mention was here: 'Ara looked up, too, the light of the full moon shining on his face.'
I've proof read quite a few times, along with checked over grammar correcting websites + Grammarly ^^
I have my own unique 'style' of writing, I prefer not to take 'inspiration' from others while doing so... I've read many books in the past, too, and recently (along with reading plenty of articles on writing & how to dialogue & explain/describe properly... I'm planning on publishing a few of my stories to libraries, soon). :)
Thank you for the feedback!