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The Lonely Wolf!

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Jordanm38022727's Avatar Jordanm38022727
Level 8 : Apprentice Dragon
10
Then the Wolf cam out with a fright! Alex was scared but then noticed that it was just a sad lonely wolf. They went inside for a walk. Alex put a collar on the dog then by then it was night time. Alex went for a walk in the woods. Creepers, Skeletons, spiders and zombies everywhere Alex wasn't scared until a bunch of wolves came running at him! They jumped all over him biting him with there strong mighty teeth! Alex died! With the wolves howling at the top of their lungs they had food for the night.
When it was morning the dog got up went outside and didn't see Alex he was very sad but 1 year later he found a new owner could Alex. From that day he was still sad.

Thanks for reading! Don't forget to diamond. :) p.s. It's my first story ever. :)
CreditJordan
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1
01/15/2015 10:09 pm
Level 55 : Grandmaster Musician
Punkamoar
Punkamoar's Avatar
Unspectacular to a fault.  Too short, jumped right in where there should've been a prologue of sorts. Comma's are friends, expecially in something like this. Don't use numerals 1-9 in actual writing, instead use their word counterpart, i.e one.

Yeah, who is Alex? The model is typically stereotypicallized as female, not male, and saying that he is male makes me wonder who he is. Next time, maybe read up on grammar and spelling. Also, look into a thesaurus, and use one of those to play up your words, make them sound fancier.

Then the Wolf came out with a fright! Alex was scared, but then noticed that it was just a sad lonely wolf. They went off a walk back to Alex's house, where he put a collar on the dog. Alex went for a walk after dusk, in the woods. He meandered about, when creepers, skeletons, spiders and zombies everywhere began to attack him! Alex wasn't scared until a plethera of wolves came running at him! They jumped all over him biting him with there beasteous teeth! Alex died hearing the wolves howling at the top of their lungs they had food for the night. 
When it was morning the dog got up went outside, and after not seeing Alex he was rather downtrodden. But, one year later, he found a new owner who was also Alex. From that day he was still sad, and confused.
1
01/15/2015 10:25 pm
Level 55 : Grandmaster Musician
Punkamoar
Punkamoar's Avatar
Please don't think of me as being mean or rude, that's not my intention. I just want to invoke you to become better at writing, and I'd love to see what you can do
1
01/15/2015 9:36 pm
Level 1 : New Explorer
shitmcdick
shitmcdick's Avatar
like.. is there like.. a missing part to this story? 'cause like.. I don't even know who Alex is.. like we start at the middle of the story.. and then he dies.. like.. I don't.. I can't.. what?
1
01/14/2015 11:55 pm
Level 28 : Expert Unicorn
ChurbsPotato
ChurbsPotato's Avatar
swankiest swank i have ever swanked
gg
hamlet/10
1
01/11/2015 7:56 pm
Level 8 : Apprentice Dragon
Jordanm38022727
Jordanm38022727's Avatar
Thanks. :)
1
01/11/2015 6:07 pm
Level 5 : Apprentice Engineer
MatrixReloaded
MatrixReloaded's Avatar
Very nice story!
1
01/11/2015 4:50 pm
Level 8 : Apprentice Dragon
Jordanm38022727
Jordanm38022727's Avatar
Thanks for reading everyone! :)
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