Austria: You moron! Why did you become allied with Italy?
Germany: Well... let's just say that there's a lot more to it than you think. It's better to have more people on our side, isn't it?
Austria: No! He's probably mass-producing white flags as we speak! I'll express how angry I am with this piano.
Germany: Alright, go for it.
[Austria proceeds to play a lengthy piece. Germany waits patiently]
Austria: Do you understand now?
Germany: So your anger is Chopin...?

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[Russia, America, England, France and China are roasting marshmellows around a fire as England sings a demonic song]
England: The fire flares up and burns it to a crisp./Enflames it from side to side and burns it to a crisp./It leaves not a trace...
America: [Hysterical] I feel like we're summoning a devil or something!

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Germany: [Germany is training Italy] Alright, beginning with instructions. Today concerns your interactions in the military with your inferiors!
Italy: [Salutes] Yes, sir! Germ - er, Captain!
Germany: Okay, first off. Before they're your inferiors, they're human beings. Thus, it's important to touch them gently.
Italy: [Pets the cat he is holding] Gentle? Stroke, stroke.
Germany: And sometimes, you must be strict!
Italy: Strict! Paw out!
[Repeatedly squeezes the cat's paw]
Italy: Squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish, squish!
[the cat licks Italy's face. He screams]
Italy: Captain! What's happening? This is mutiny! It's mutiny!
Germany: The hell are you doing, Italy!

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[England is attempting to curse Germany by summoning a demon through a magic ritual]
England: I summon thee, from faraway lands! Come forth!
[Russia's head emerges through the pentagram in the floor]
Russia: You called?

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England: Am I Catholic or Protestant...? God, I don't know...

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England: You don't know me! I'm the United bloody Kingdom and I can held my locker better then you any day!
America: Dude, calm down!
England: Shut up! I felt bad about how old frog-face was treating you so I saved your a**. I thought maybe we could be friends and bond over our mutual hatred for France. But uh-uh. You didn't want to be friends with me! You just wanted to tell me what to tell you what to do, and you didn't know what to do anyway! I think that's total b*llocks!

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England: Why won't the light just shut up...? I swear I'll never drink again... someone please kill me...

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Ask Britain Questions! http://and-reichenbach-fell.deviantart.com/art/HETALIA-Ask-Britain-255519922