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Chapter 1
While I walk on down the streets many people gaze at me, they think I'm insane, they think I'm a killer, they think I did it, but I didn't, I didn't do it. I was put in the police car by force, and I heard yelling, it took me a few moments to realise it was me yelling. I yelled and yelled, what I yelled you ask? "I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I DIDN'T DO IT!" But everyone turned away, and the police shut the door. I tried to look out the window but everything was pitch black, I wondered where they were taking me, I wondered but I didn't find an answer. I waited, and waited, and waited until finally someone opened the door, the flash of light from finally getting out of the darkness took over me, and I couldn't see the building in front of me. But when my eyes adjusted, I saw it. A giant black tower with windows that were blocked by cement, there were statues of people frozen in place, they were screaming, I could hear the screaming of the statues in my head. They were yelling, they were telling me to run, but I couldn't, so I waited. After a few minutes a man in all black suit grabbed me, and lead me over to the tower. He opened the door, and threw me in. Right before he closed the door, he looked at me with an evil grin and said, "Welcome to Hell." And slammed the door.
While I walk on down the streets many people gaze at me, they think I'm insane, they think I'm a killer, they think I did it, but I didn't, I didn't do it. I was put in the police car by force, and I heard yelling, it took me a few moments to realise it was me yelling. I yelled and yelled, what I yelled you ask? "I didn't do it, I didn't do it, I DIDN'T DO IT!" But everyone turned away, and the police shut the door. I tried to look out the window but everything was pitch black, I wondered where they were taking me, I wondered but I didn't find an answer. I waited, and waited, and waited until finally someone opened the door, the flash of light from finally getting out of the darkness took over me, and I couldn't see the building in front of me. But when my eyes adjusted, I saw it. A giant black tower with windows that were blocked by cement, there were statues of people frozen in place, they were screaming, I could hear the screaming of the statues in my head. They were yelling, they were telling me to run, but I couldn't, so I waited. After a few minutes a man in all black suit grabbed me, and lead me over to the tower. He opened the door, and threw me in. Right before he closed the door, he looked at me with an evil grin and said, "Welcome to Hell." And slammed the door.
Chapter 2
I looked around to see where I was, there was no one in here, or anywhere. It was pitch black in this room and I couldn't see anything, but I could still smell different things, one smell was very strong, I started to follow the smell, I travelled down a long passageway for quite a while, until I started feeling sick. I then threw up without any notice, I started feeling weaker and weaker until I hit something, and a door opened to the side of me. I wanted to get away from this smell so I went through the door. Right when I went through the door, it closed with a click. I was locked in. All I could see was a small mattress sitting on the floor so I decided to go to sleep. I got on the mattress and quickly fell asleep. Once I fell asleep the nightmares started. I saw vividly the night which caused all of this, if that one kid didn't come to my door on Halloween, I would have been safe at home with my wife and children. But no, I'm here. A kid walked up to my doorstep, and rang the bell, almost asleep, the doorbell woke me up. I went to check out who was at the door. It was a kid dressed in a power-rangers costume he looked to be about 5, and was smiling happily. I opened the door and he yell quietly "Trick or Treat!" I looked at him and went to go find some candy for him, finally I found a snickers bar, I gave the kid the chocolate and he decided to eat it right then. When he opened the wrapper I saw glint in the bar, I looked closer and saw what it really was, I tried to stop him but it was too late, he took a bite and immediately screamed an ear-piercing scream, he then fell down and his throat was mutilated and blood was spread everywhere, someone heard the scream and came running, the woman saw me. She looked at me horrified and screamed at me. She then ran towards the child and cradled his head while screaming at me. She was crying and screaming, she then took out here phone and called nine-one-one. I just stood there, doing nothing. The last thing I can remember was the kid on the ground, dead.
This book is copyrighted to me Curiosty, and if you use this on any other site without my permission, you will be reported and maybe lawfully wrong.
Hey guys if you liked the first chapter then I will continue writing! Tell me what you thought of it please! :D
-Curiosty
Also this might be published once I finish it! :D
Chapter 3
Coming soon!
This book is copyrighted to me Curiosty, and if you use this on any other site without my permission, you will be reported and maybe lawfully wrong.
Hey guys if you liked the first chapter then I will continue writing! Tell me what you thought of it please! :D
-Curiosty
Also this might be published once I finish it! :D
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Update #1 : by Curiosty 11/02/2012 5:55:02 pmNov 2nd, 2012
Added chapter 2
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All the kid wanted was soem candyyy
1. There is way to many run-on sentences. Don't connect all your sentences with commas.
2. The first sentence is really important; it needs to grab the reader's attention. The first sentence doesn't really intrigue me. I'm not wondering, not wanting to no more about the current situation. It tells me people stare at him/her because they were "falsely" accused of a crime. If the sentence went like "I'm insane to them; their eyes like sticks constantly prodding me!" for example it makes you wonder why is he being stared at and where is he?
3. Remember to show not tell. Uses more description like when you mentioned the street at the beginning. Is the street wet, cracked, dirt, dark, and so on. Create a world for your reader. Don't tell the reader to much though, we tend to like making somethings up in our mind.
Some other random things I thought of. It may be more interesting starting with the guard welcoming the protagonist to "Hell" and flashback to how he got there later. That will cause the reader to wonder a bit why was he there. This also doesn't hurt the story as the reader doesn't need to know to much about how he got there immediately. Also be careful not to add too much non-crucial information. Some will help create and elaborate the world you've created. Too much will just clutter and obscure the important details.